Bittersweet Memories
by Zavocado
Summary: Blaine lost his best friend to popularity and social status his freshmen year of high school. After everything that's happened he can't forget what Kurt meant to him. And despite losing what meant the world to him, Kurt can't let go of their memories. AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, here's a new story I've had running around for a while now. It's not my next "big one", but it'll definitely be one of my longer ones. The format of this story is a little different than anything else I've written, but each chapter is going to have the same structure. It's sort of like I'm telling the present story while breaking it up with the past that's led up to how things are between them now.

Also, I've started some of the prologue for my next major project, so that may be up in another month or so. If I get Long Overdue completed, or close to it by then. We'll see.

Until then, enjoy this new story!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 1

Blaine adjusted his glasses once more as he combed through the books stacked at the bottom of his locker. As soon as he tilted his face to read the titles, his glasses slipped down his nose again. Frustrated he took them off, bit down on the thick temple tip so he didn't have to put his notebooks or backpack on the ground, and started trading out his textbooks.

A warm cheek pressed against the soft fabric where his sweater was stretched tightly over his shoulder. He shoved his glasses back onto his face as someone tugged at his curly locks.

"Hey, Tina," Blaine greeted cheerfully. He traded out his last few books for the ones he needed for his morning classes. "No Mike this morning?"

"He's sick," Tina informed him sadly. "Flu's been going around the football team."

Blaine nodded, remembering the previous week when both Karofsky and Azimio had caught it and been absent for four days straight. It had been a rare treat for him and his fellow Glee clubbers, not having to keep vigil for the two hulking jocks and their slushies. A short reprieve from the almost daily assault they all silently endured. "Damn, why couldn't it have just stayed with Karofsky and kept him out of here forever?"

"Because we don't have that kind of luck," Tina replied, giving his side a tight squeeze as he closed his locker so that they could head off to class. As soon as his locker shut and revealed the hallway beyond, Tina's face fell and she took a step back. "Uh oh, here they come."

Blaine squared his shoulders at the sight of the three Cheerios heading their direction, each armed with a large cup of flavored ice. It was the usual crew this week, Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez flanking _him_. He clenched his jaw a little tighter and prepared himself for what was a typical Friday morning ritual.

"See you in class," Blaine said casually, flipping his shoulder bag's flap up and stuffing his things inside of it quickly. His clothes could be washed or replaced, but if his textbooks got ruined he wouldn't be able to read them, and then the school would fine him for destruction of property. If that happened he'd have to explain what was going on to his parents. His dad in particular would give him _that_ look. The one that told Blaine he was a disappointment for more reasons than either of them could put into words.

"Blaine," Tina said sternly, directing an urgent look over her shoulder as the cheerleader trio grew closer. "He made his choice. Why do you do this to yourself every week?"

"To remind him of it," Blaine confessed, nudging Tina behind him and in the direction of their first block class. They had a similar conversation ever week, but he wasn't going to change his mind. Nothing was going to prevent the bitterness that crept into his heart every time this happened, regardless of whether he stayed there for it or not. The intention would still be there even if he wasn't.

"Blaine– "

"Tell Patrelli I'll be late, will you?" Blaine said, eyeing the three slushies now that they were closer. Two green and a blue raspberry. The green ones must be a holiday themed idea. Hopefully they wouldn't be as difficult to get out as the orange ones had been for Halloween, but he doubted it. Briefly he wondered what they did to people's insides once they drank them since they tended to dye his skin and sometimes his hair horrid colors. It probably wasn't anything pleasant.

With a final glance at the Cheerios now less than ten feet away and an exasperated huff, Tina turned on her heel and fled down the hall, taking the long way to their class only two doors in front of Blaine. He'd made this decision nearly two years ago. The same day _it_ had happened. Blaine would stand his ground every Friday morning when a trio of Cheerios came his way with their slushies, milkshakes, or whatever beverage was currently popular with the elite at McKinley. Every Friday he would remind one of McKinley's finest cheerleaders that they'd once been his best friend.

The frozen ice slapped him in the face a moment later. Blaine barely even flinched anymore as the nerves in his face started to tingle and go numb. It was almost as if they were used to it by now, or maybe the nerves were so overused and worn from the constant assault that they didn't work properly anymore. The second and third followed in quick succession, some of it managing to get into his left eye even with his glasses as a shield.

"Merry Christmas, nerd!" One of the girls – Quinn, he was pretty sure – crowed, laughing that high-pitched bubbly laugh that made Blaine's skin crawl. Or that might just be from the ice dribbling down into his jeans. Good thing he always made sure to keep an extra change of clothes in his bag and another in his gym locker.

Blaine grimaced, taking off his glasses and turning to watch out of his right eye as they continue down the hall. As usual, right before they turned the corner the other boy's head twisted just enough to catch his eye. The look was the same as it was every week – completely indecipherable. If he'd been closer Blaine might have been able to pick it apart, been able to see the contempt, anger, arrogance, pity, or regret. It might have been a mixture of a lot of things, but Blaine tried not to think about it anymore than he had to. Thinking about what he hoped might be in those eyes only made his chest ache, because despite everything that had happened he couldn't forget the sweet boy he'd grown up with. Blaine would never be able to forget that underneath the red and white uniform, the perfectly coiffed hair, and the arrogant little smirk the boy he'd once been in love with was hidden away.

The Kurt Hummel that roamed McKinley's halls now was the opposite of everything Blaine had once adored, and every Friday morning he kept reminding himself of it.

* * *

><p><em>The playground at Blaine's new elementary school was a lot smaller than the one in Columbus. There wasn't as much room to run around, or a kickball field for him to play on, but the jungle gym was bigger and more intricate. Blaine immediately headed for the big spider web-like jungle gym at the back of the lot and started climbing up it. He was halfway up when he noticed another little boy, dressed up in a sharp looking suit and bow tie, sitting on the bench about ten feet away.<em>

_Blaine slid his legs into one of the triangle shaped openings, swinging them around from where he was perched and watched the boy. He had never seen a boy like him before, with extremely pale skin and shoes shined to perfection. Before he could call out to him or climb down, a small group of boys from his new fifth grade class came running over. It was the loud, overly large boys that kept shooting spitballs at everyone when Ms. Bradley wasn't looking. Blaine's skin crawled at the sight._

_"Hey, girly boy!" One of the bigger boys shouted as they came to a stop in front of the bench. The pale boy pulled his knees up to his chest and kept his eyes fixed firmly on the ground._

_"Go away," he snapped, tugging on his shoelaces. "I don't want to play."_

_"Why would we want to play with _you_?" A different boy sneered. The other two murmured in agreement. _

_"I bet mud would go with those shiny shoes," the third boy suggested. As fast as it took Blaine to blink, the other two had grabbed the small boy by the arms while the third scooped up a handful of mud._

_"No! Get off of me!" the boy shouted, trying to pull out of their hold._

_Blaine couldn't sit up there and watch any longer. As he dropped down through the triangle he'd been sitting in he remembered what his brother always told him. Have courage, be brave. He squared his shoulders, and tried to act like Cooper did whenever someone was mean to him. Maybe this other boy didn't have a big brother to tell him to be brave. He'd have to show him how it was done._

_"Leave him alone!" Blaine hollered, stepping towards the edge of the web where they were gathered. _

_The two boys holding the smallest boy down let go immediately and turned to look at him. Once they got a good look at Blaine they shoved the pale boy to the ground, laughing loudly._

_"What are you gonna do, shrimp? Bite our ankles?"_

_Blaine crawled through one of the triangles to escape the web and stopped in front of the biggest boy. He was a foot taller than Blaine, with a big, thick neck and wide jaw. He thought his name was David, but he wasn't sure._

_Blaine took a big breath and glared up at him. "I told you to leave him alone. He hasn't done anything to you."_

_The boy leered at him and shoved him backwards. Blaine stumbled a bit, but the jungle gym caught him and kept him upright. A cry of pain reached his ears a moment later. Terrified that it was the boy he was trying to help, Blaine looked up. He was shocked to find the bigger boy was on his knees, his hands holding his crotch. The boy in the fancy suit was on his feet, his fists clenched at his sides, his face flushed with anger._

_"Come on," he said quickly, grabbing Blaine's hand and tugging him away before the other boys could stop them. As he was dragged along towards the trees lining the left side of the lot Blaine saw the two boys drop down to check on their friend, who was now curled into a ball._

_They stopped just at the edge of the park, where the wood chips turned into springy grass and the thick foliage blocked out the bright sunlight. The pale boy turned to him abruptly, his bright eyes shining._

_"You stood up for me," the boy remarked. His voice was surprised and uncertain, but Blaine nodded silently, glancing down at their linked hands._

_"My big brother always tells me to have courage," Blaine said importantly. "I don't like it when people aren't nice."_

_"Oh," the other boy said simply. He was staring down at their linked hands, too. Blaine clutched the little pale hand tighter._

_"Are you okay?" Blaine asked softly._

_The boy nodded. "I... yeah, I'm used to it." He tilted his chin up, a stray sunbeam trickling through the trees and catching his face, as a superior look took over his features. It was the first real glimpse Blaine had had of the other boy's face, and the bright sparkle in his eyes made his chest feel funny. Like there was a overexcited bunny hopping around underneath his ribcage. "Boys around here don't appreciate fashion. That's all."_

_"Well I think your bow tie is pretty neat," Blaine told him, reaching over and straightening the little blue piece of fabric. _

_"Really?" _

_"Uh huh," Blaine replied, smiling shyly as his chest gave another funny jolt. He glanced down at their linked hands once more. "My name's Blaine."_

_The boy smiled brightly in return. "Kurt."_

* * *

><p>Blaine shook himself from the memory as the water pouring from the tap finally warmed up. Thinking about how his best friend had turned into as much of a bully as the young Karofsky had been made him more numb than the icy slushy melting against his skin and hair. He kicked his bag further under the sink he was leaning over, and pulled his glasses off, folding them up and placing them on the counter behind the tap.<p>

He would never admit it to any of his friends, but he thought about that day a lot. About the first friend he'd made when his family had uprooted and moved to Lima halfway through his final year of elementary school. Blaine could clearly remember that year, how happy and relieved Cooper had been when he'd come to pick him up that afternoon and found him and Kurt sitting on the curb out front, giggling and smiling. They'd hit it off instantly even though they were in different classes, but recess had been their time. Under the trees or on the spider web jungle gym, they'd had a blast together. He'd told Kurt things he'd never even mentioned to Cooper.

But that had changed once high school hit. Kurt was a Cheerio now, and there was no going back from that. Once someone joined the high-ranks of the high school hierarchy they didn't climb back into the heap with the rest of the student body.

Blaine wet his hands under the stream of water and started running them though his hair, pulling out clumps of ice and untangling spots where the dye had dried his curls together. Once he was satisfied that his hair was clean enough, he lowered his head, tilting it so that he could flush out his left eye that was still stinging painfully. He took his time, knowing he was already beyond late for his first class and would probably miss the entire lecture at this rate.

After about five minutes he cut the water off, and moved onto his clothes, peeling off his stained sweater and then the button up shirt beneath it. He grabbed a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and starting drying his chest and neck of, then ducked under the sink to retrieve the clean clothes stuffed away in his bag. He pulled on an old worn polo shirt, surprised to find that it was nearly too small for him now. Considering he hadn't grown half an inch since freshmen year it seemed strange to have the once too large shirt stretch tightly across his chest and arms.

He turned the water on once more, grabbed another handful of paper towels and started to wash his glasses off and then dry them. Just as he shut the water off and set the rectangular frames back on his face the door was pushed open and a flash of red and white caught his eye.

Blaine stiffened, watching the figure move behind him towards the urinals. Kurt froze mid-step behind him, obviously feeling Blaine's eyes on him. Their eyes met in the mirror. Kurt's expression was cool and haughtily as usual, and Blaine felt his lips curl in anger and disgust.

Blaine wished he could hate Kurt in that moment. The same way he wished the same thing countless times before. He wanted to hate everything from his clean and pressed uniform to his always perfect hair. He wanted to look back on their past together and hate that Kurt had turned his back on him when they'd been so close. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

No matter how furious or heart-broken he'd been over the years he couldn't hate the other boy. It wasn't in him to hate the first boy he'd ever loved.

Seeing Kurt as he was now only filled him with a strange, hollow feeling of regret. He couldn't change what had happened. Not now after all this time, but in some ways he felt as those he'd turned his back on Kurt, too.

Blaine scooped up his bag, a terrible sensation filling his stomach as he headed to the door without a backward glance. He couldn't bring himself to hate Kurt, but he could definitely not like him until he was old and hunched over. Even if he had to take a slushy in the face every week for the rest of his high school years, he would do it if it made Kurt remember, even for only a brief moment, what they'd meant to each other.

The door slammed closed behind him. Blaine missed the small flicker of guilt and pain that crossed Kurt's face.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's chapter two! Hopefully the website's working right now. I know it was giving a lot of people problems when I posted the first chapter of this.

Anyway, this one's Kurt POV. I think for the most part it's going to go back and forth between Blaine and Kurt. Right now I'm just hoping I don't run out of backstory memories before it's all over. xD

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 2

Kurt patted down his hair a few times as he exited the showers in the boys' locker room. With his other hand he hitched up the towel around his waist and draped the second around his neck, turning down the far row of lockers to where his clothes were set out.

Practice had been particularly brutal this afternoon, resulting in a dozen girls leaving the field in hysterics and two sprained ankles. Needless to say Coach Sylvester had immediately cut the injured girls, but Kurt wasn't worried. There were a dozen more willing to take their places at any cost. Half of them would probably sell their families for a chance to get on the squad.

He stopped in front of his locker, glad that the football team hadn't yet finished their own practice. It was rare when he managed to have this kind of privacy in the locker room, but he took advantage of it every chance he got. Even if it was only for twenty minutes, it was nice to be able to relax and feel more like himself.

As Kurt set down his facial treatment kit on the bench, and pulled on his underwear and jeans he heard the door creak open around the corner. Two high pitched voices greeted his ears. He hung both of his towels over the door of his locker, and pulled out his shirt, glad that it was the weekend and he got to wear his own clothes for a few days. Kurt loved his Cheerios uniform and the power it gave him while he was at school, but he did miss his old wardrobe most days. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone at school. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to think he didn't want to be on top. The last thing he needed was to fall to the bottom of the heap with Bl–

Kurt shook himself roughly as he did up his shirt and nodded at Santana and Quinn, both now dressed in their street clothes.

"Hey, stud," Quinn greeted, pecking him on the cheek.

"No sweaty boys to catch your eye today, huh?" Santana added, dropping down onto the bench in front of them.

"Santana," Quinn scolded, glancing around quickly. "Don't say things like that. People could hear you, then they'll think Kurt's... that he's... "

"Gay?" Kurt supplied, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. A brief flicker of panic passed through him at the word. His father might know the truth, even Carole, Finn, and Santana, but he wasn't out and proud. He wasn't stupid enough to make that mistake. The less people who knew until he went off to college the better.

Santana shot him a knowing smile, and Quinn blanched and stiffened. Santana had known the moment she'd met him. He wasn't sure how she'd figured it out, but she'd blackmailed him into a corner his freshmen year. Things had certainly changed since then. She was one of his closest friends now, and the same way she'd kept his sexuality a secret, he'd kept hers quiet as well.

"Look, just because Kurt's voice is kind of... high-pitched," Quinn decided with another awkward glance at him, "that doesn't mean he's gay."

"Just an uncooperative voice box at fault there," Kurt said simply, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

Another trickled of guilt crept into him. His father would understand his silence on the matter. That's what he kept telling himself at least. He wouldn't be disappointed that Kurt was hiding himself behind all of this. His real love life could wait until he was safe and sound at college in a few years. Until then he could keep "dating" Brittany. With Brittany at his side everyone assumed he was straight, which gave Santana and Brittany the perfect cover as well. Nobody needed to know anything beyond that.

"Of course," Quinn said with finality, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder. "There's only one gay guy at this school, and that little dweeb got it good with those slushies this morning."

Blaine. The one boy he'd always been honest with. The first person he'd trusted completely and shared himself with.

"– make it five next week," Santana said thoughtfully. "Give him what he wants. He's always so eager to get a facial. Must remind him of all those gang bangs when he's used as a come rag."

"Sounds good," Kurt agreed, even though his stomach churned a little at the thought. "Britt and Sarah won't mind joining us."

Quinn clapped happily and pecked him on the cheek once more. "See you Monday, Kurt!"

She hugged Santana and then left. Santana turned to him. "Britt and you are fucking at your place tonight if anyone asks," she told him.

"Uh huh, sure we are," Kurt said bitterly. He hated when he got asked for details about his supposed "sex life" with Brittany, and thanks to Santana it was apparently raging hot. One of these days he was going to have to find himself a guy, and force him and Santana to be each other's beards. Then he could spread all sorts of dirty rumors about their "relationship".

"You could always bend that nerdy hobbit over something," Santana suggested slyly, nudging him with her elbow.

Kurt glared at her, because she'd just broken a strict rule of their friendship: don't talk about Blaine unless it's slushy related. He didn't want to think about Blaine, it just made him feel guilty. Even two years later the feeling crashed down on him like a tidal wave. He'd let Blaine down, left him and turned his back on him. Blaine _hated_ him now, and maybe... maybe he wanted it that way. If Blaine hated him then he didn't feel so bad about the way he continued to torment him. Maybe if he caught the smallest flash of hatred in those hazel eyes before he turned the corner he could justify everything he'd done since freshmen year.

Kurt never saw it, but he hoped he would. Once Blaine truly hated him he could shut the door on that part of his life for good. Maybe then he would stop missing his best friend every day.

Kurt shook himself roughly as he closed his locker and grabbed his bag. The sound of the football team entering the back room echoed up to them as Santana pulled him towards the hall. He had to stop thinking about Blaine. He couldn't afford to think about him anymore.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt bit his lip, sucking on it roughly as he tried to focus on his homework. Blaine was draped across the bed next to him, tapping his pen against the glossy page of his world history textbook. His chin was resting on the edge of the page he was supposed to be reading, but his eyes were fixed on the door of his room.<em>

_Kurt knew Blaine was thinking about the same thing he was. The make out session they'd just walked in on downstairs. Blaine's older brother, Cooper, seemed to have a new girl around the house every week these days, and never bothered to confine their relationship to his room. Normally they never walked in on more than a little peck on the mouth, but today... Today had been different. Clothes had been on the floor instead of bodies, and two pairs of hands had been places Kurt could barely imagine putting his own._

_"Do you ever think about it?" Blaine asked suddenly, his pen falling onto his book as he looked over to Kurt's side of the bed._

_"Think about what?" Kurt replied evasively, feeling his cheeks heat up because he knew exactly what Blaine was referring to. The thought of kissing someone – a handsome, charming, adorably shy boy – made his body tingle in an unfamiliar, but thrilling way._

_"Don't play dumb," Blaine retorted, sliding up off his stomach and onto his knees. He kept his gaze fixed on the bedspread. "You know... kissing someone like _that_."_

_"I– not really, I guess," Kurt mumbled, his face burning as he stared down at his own textbook. Suddenly conjugating verbs for his French class was extremely interesting._

_"Well,I d- do," Blaine stammered in embarrassment. "Only it's... it's different than _them_." _

_Kurt looked over in time to see Blaine jerk his head towards the door that kept Cooper and – Amanda? he thought that was the new girl's name – hidden from them . At the same time his heart sank a little. Blaine thought about making out with _girls_. His best friend was straight, which meant as soon as Kurt told him about his own fantasies Blaine would hate him. He'd turn his back on him because he liked boys the way Blaine liked–_

_The second sentence Blaine had said suddenly registered in his head. "What do you mean... different?" Kurt asked, trying to sound slightly confused and a little intrigued instead of hopeful._

_He'd never really been sure about Blaine's sexuality. Most days Blaine wanted to horse around with his brother, watch football, and play video games. But he was always up for a fashion lesson from Kurt, loved to wear all of Kurt's fancy ties, and mentioned how attractive some of the men were in the magazines they read together. It confused Kurt constantly, because he'd known for a long time that he wasn't into girls, but Blaine could go either way in his mind, and that scared him._

_"I mean," Blaine paused and took a deep breath. His arms curled around his chest as he slid closer to Kurt until their knees were pressed together. Kurt reached out for his friend's hands on instinct. They always sat like this when they were sharing secrets or their deepest fears. Legs crossed, knees pressed together and hands joined in their laps. It felt safer there than anything else Kurt could imagine, except maybe his father's arms. But even that didn't feel as safe as it used to. Burt Hummel was a kind, understanding man, but Kurt honestly didn't know how he would react once his only son came out as gay._

_"I mean," Blaine started again. "When I think about it... I'm kissing– kissing a- another boy. I like boys, Kurt."_

_Kurt stared at Blaine, his breath caught in his throat. Blaine was giving him that look he always gave him when he was uncomfortable. His head was tilted down slightly, and he was staring up at Kurt through his thick eyelashes. He'd never seen Blaine look more terrified of admitting something, but somehow hearing Blaine say it, knowing he had that unyielding trust made it okay for him to share himself, too._

_"So do I," Kurt said softly, squeezing Blaine's hands tightly. _

_"You– really?"_

_"Yes," Kurt whispered, looking up and into Blaine's eyes for the first time since Blaine had spoken. "I'm... I'm gay, Blaine."_

_His voice cracked on the last word, and Blaine leaned in and pulled him into his arms. "It's okay, Kurt. We can be gay together," Blaine murmured as Kurt hugged him tight. "I bet Cooper will try to take us to a gay bar."_

_"We're in eighth grade. That isn't legal," Kurt hiccupped, pressing his nose against Blaine's neck and breathing in his comforting scent._

_"Like that matters to Cooper," Blaine laughed. Blaine's arms squeezed him tighter, and for once Kurt was glad that Blaine was growing so much faster than him. It made it that much easier for Blaine's warmth to surround him when they hugged like this. Right here was one of the best places in the world._

_"You're my best friend, Blaine," Kurt breathed quietly. "I'd be lost without you."_

_"I'd be nothing without you, Kurt," Blaine replied sincerely._

_The door banged open behind them a few moments later and Cooper charged in, looking manic. _

_"Blainers, come here, little brother!"_

_"What– no– put me _down_, Cooper!" Blaine shrieked as he was hoisted off the bed and thrown over Cooper's shoulder. Blaine might be bigger than him, but Cooper still had a good seven inches on his younger brother._

_Kurt hiccupped through his laughter as Blaine was carried from the room, still yelling and cursing loudly at Cooper's antics._

* * *

><p>Kurt and Santana said their goodbyes on the steps outside the school, Santana heading to her car while Kurt kept an eye out for his father's truck. It was Friday which meant the four of them – himself, Burt, Finn, and Carole – were going out for their weekly family dinner. After a few moments of scanning the lot he spotted his father, in his Mustang today instead of his truck, waving at him.<p>

"Hey, Kurt! Over here, bud!"

Normally Kurt flinched at his father's voice ringing out across the lot, but it was mostly empty today. Besides, in that car it wouldn't matter who was driving since it was gorgeous. The bright red sports car more than made up for any inadequacies his classmates could label his father with. Kurt hurried over, putting his bag into the trunk that was cracked open, shutting it, and then climbing into the passenger seat.

"Good practice?" Burt greeted.

"We lost two girls," Kurt answered offhandedly. "Coach will replace them by Monday, though. She's probably already got a dozen girls begging for each spot."

Burt eyed him for a moment, looking concerned at his words. "They're not keeping up with the routines?"

"Injuries," Kurt said simply. "Finn's gonna be a little while. They were just coming in when I left."

"We've still got an hour until Carole gets off her shift at the hospital, anyway. No rush," Burt replied, leaning back and rolling down his window.

Kurt shivered at the blast of cold air and turned to look out the window where his father was staring. A dozen or so students were filing out into the parking lot, mostly girls from the squad, but there were a few randoms in the mass of teenagers. Even at a distance Kurt caught sight of the dark head of curls and the red polo. His stomach squirmed uncomfortably, especially when he remembered why Blaine was now wearing that shirt.

"Say, isn't that Blaine?" Burt questioned, shielding his eyes against the sun.

"Could you close the window?" Kurt asked, turning his gaze away from the other boy across the lot."It's _freezing_."

Burt glanced over at him, ignoring him request. "How come I never see Blaine around anymore? You two used to be inseparable."

"Close the window," Kurt snapped, curling his arms around his chest and trying to keep warm. A moment later he heard the window roll up and without looking he knew his father was watching him.

"Don't snap at me, Kurt. That uniform may allow you some slack at school, but it doesn't with me," Burt reminded him.

Kurt looked up guiltily, and instead caught sight of Blaine a few cars away. A terrible longing filled him as he took in the wild curls and the thick, rectangular glasses. In some ways Blaine hadn't changed at all, but in others – the sharper angles of his faces, the light scruff that appeared along his jaw every few days – he was nothing like the young boy Kurt remembered.

"Why don't you go hang out with him until Finn shows up?" Burt encouraged, nudging him towards the passenger side door. "Have him over this weekend or something. I miss having him around."

"Dad, it's not that simple," Kurt sighed. He stopped himself from adding anything else, from informing Burt of their different social standings or the devastating blowout they'd had two years ago. Even now Burt didn't know anything about that, only that Blaine's and his own schedule had started to conflict a lot their freshmen year.

"Why not? You two are best friends–"

"No, we aren't," Kurt mumbled sulkily. He glanced over to the old station wagon backing up out of its space. He tried to forget their friendship had ever happened, even if he missed it more than anything. He couldn't risk befriending Blaine again after he'd climbed so high. It would only drop him back to the bottom and then he'd have nothing. Blaine wouldn't forgive him, anyway. That's what he kept forcing himself to believe. The day their friendship had fallen apart the kind, sweet boy he'd cherished had been destroyed as well.

Burt was staring at him in shock. "What– "

"People drift apart, Dad," Kurt informed him, trying to sound disinterested. "It's not like you still talk to your middle school friends. You probably can't even _name_ them."

When his father didn't argue Kurt looked out of the window again. A horde of lettermen jackets were pouring out of the doors now. He could just pick out Finn, towering over the rest of the guys.

"You and Blaine had something special, though," Burt insisted earnestly. "I'd hate for you to lose that."

He'd already lost that, though, hadn't he? Kurt had put himself first at Blaine's expense that Friday morning. In a single moment he'd destroyed the last desperate hope Blaine had clung to that somehow, despite the odds, they could make things work. That together they could defy the logic of high school and still be best friends when one of them was in a uniform and the other wasn't. "I became a Cheerio and Blaine stuck with his music. We drifted apart. Simple as that."

But he didn't look his father in the eye while he spoke, and Kurt knew Burt would realize he wasn't being wholly honest with him. It was too painful to be honest about the biggest mistake of his life. There was no changing what had happened now. He'd made his choice, as misguided as it had been, and now he had to live with it. Instead Burt eyed him thoughtfully for a few moments. Finn's face appeared next to Burt's window with a bright smile and a cheerful wave.

Burt reached down and pulled the little handle to open the car's trunk once more. "Drifted apart or fell apart?" he asked quietly.

As Finn climbed into the back Kurt remained silent. He didn't need to speak for his father to figure out the real answer. The truth had been weighing him down for too long for him to not acknowledge it. Even if it was only to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oop, here's chapter three. Forgive any incoherency in this note. I'm half asleep and kind of out of it. Chapter 4 will probably be up by... Thursday or so. I'm going to try and update once a week since the chapters are fairly short. Hopefully they stay that short or time between updates will get longer. Mhmm.

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 3

By Monday Mike was back at school, and Blaine was glad for it. He was one of the few people at McKinley that Blaine dared to call a friend. On top of that Mike was on the football team, so it lessened Blaine's chances of getting slushied by any jocks if Mike was by his side.

For whatever reason the fact that Mike floated back and forth between the top and bottom of the social hierarchy seemed to go unnoticed ninety percent of the time. Secretly Blaine thought it had something to do with Tina and the Asian Club they were part of that let them get away with something nobody else at McKinley could. According to Mike they didn't pester them because he'd convinced the other football players that all Asian parents arranged their child's marriage to another Asian child while they were still in high school. Since Tina was the only girl at McKinley that fit the bill, she was their choice. Blaine had laughed himself silly when they'd told him, but he couldn't blame them either. The lie made both of their lives easier. Mike wasn't forced to choose between Glee and football, and Tina didn't get slushied by the team.

A small fleet of paper airplanes fluttered down onto Blaine's desk as Mrs. Wilkins droned on about derivatives at the front of the room. Calculus and Chemistry were the only two classes he shared with Mike, but it was nice to have a friend around for a few hours. A few desks to his right Mike snickered, and glanced over at him, eyes twinkling. Despite how bored he was, Blaine smiled slightly and unfolded the closest plane that was marked with a one.

"_Is it just me" _Blaine read silently. He unfolded the second one and read it. "_Or does Wilkins's new hair-do"_ he tugged the third one apart to finish the sentence, "_make her look like medusa?"_

Blaine snorted loudly, attracting a few funny looks from the people sitting around him, but then the bell rang and he was quickly forgotten. Mrs. Wilkins, her tangle of auburn braids swaying alarmingly, called out the page for their assignment as students started to hurry out the door. Mike and him circled around the rows of desks to the door, laughing at just how accurate the note had been.

"Blaine? Mike? A word before you go."

They froze in the doorway, exchanging a nervous glance, positive they'd been caught, but not sure what had given them away. Mrs. Wilkins was seated at her desk when they turned around.

"I've got a geometry student who is looking for a tutor," she said without preamble. "You two are the brightest math students I have, and I was wondering if either of you would be interested in helping him out."

Blaine stiffened at her words. Typically any student who needed help, especially if they searched out the teacher for it, was a jock. At least in Blaine's experience they were, because he'd tutored other students before and it had been nothing short of a disaster. Last year he'd helped one of the football guys, Azimio, with his biology class, and had ended up being ignored for the hour they spent together in the library. The moment four o'clock had hit the other boy had vanished, and Blaine had been cornered by him and a dozen other slushy-wielding jocks on the front steps of the school ten minutes later.

Needless to say he wasn't a fan of tutoring, even if he did like to teach and help others. When the others he was helping were his chief tormentors it never meant anything good for him.

Mrs. Wilkins was staring up at them hopefully as a few students started to wander in for fourth block.

"I don't think I can," Mike decided, looking slightly guilty because, like Blaine, he always did what he could to help. Blaine was pretty sure part of Mike's guilt was directed at him, too. Mike was very aware of how most tutoring sessions ended for him. "I've got football Mondays and Wednesdays. Games on Friday, conditioning over the weekend and Glee Club on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I just don't have the time right now. I'm sorry."

Sometimes it amazed Blaine that Mike could do so much in a week's time. He did plenty, too, between Glee, all of his AP classes, practicing all of his various instruments and boxing outside of school, but he still felt lazy when he compared his schedule to Mike's.

"Would you be interested Blaine?" Mrs. Wilkins asked as Mike waved and left the room.

His first instinct was to scream no, but he forced it down quickly. He couldn't believe he was about to agree to this again, but maybe it was his guilt over the private joke he and Mike had just shared that was sealing his fate. Mrs. Wilkins was one of the nicest teachers at McKinley, and even in private he felt bad if he made fun of her in any way.

"Sure, Mrs. Wilkins. I've got Glee Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I'm free the rest of the week," Blaine answered, resigning himself to another disastrous tutoring stint with one of McKinley's jocks.

"That's fine, Blaine. Thank you so much for doing this, and as usual you'll get extra credit for your time. He should be here in a few minutes," Mrs. Wilkins babbled, sounding relieved. "He came to me last week desperate to find someone to help him. Last year he nearly failed before he tried to find someone to help him, but this year he's being proactive since he knows math isn't his strong suit."

Blaine nodded disinterestedly as more students filed inside. Thirty seconds before the bell rang a trio of jocks strolled in and Blaine's stomach plummeted. Noah Puckerman, David Karofsky, and Finn Hudson. Great. Two of his biggest tormentors, outside of the Cheerios, and the star quarterback. If this was how his Monday was starting, then this was going to be a bad week.

"Finn?" Mrs. Wilkins called as the bell rang. She waved him over and while Blaine was relieved it was him instead of Karofsky or Puckerman, he was also struck by how huge the other boy was. It wouldn't even take one of Finn's arms to crush him to dust. His eyes were just level with the Leatherman jacket draped over Finn's shoulders. "This is Blaine Anderson. He's agreed to tutor you a few afternoons a week."

"Sweet, dude," Finn said, actually looking thrilled at the prospect. "When are you free to get started? I uh... I've got a lot of questions."

Blaine gazed at him, at the earnest, almost eager smile on his face. This had to be some sort of trap. There was no way Finn Hudson, star quarterback and Quinn Fabray's trophy boyfriend, was being nice to him. "I'm free after school today," Blaine offered quietly.

"Yeah? I've got practice until five, but we can meet at my place after," Finn proposed. "Here, I'll give you the address." Finn swung his backpack around, nearly smacking Blaine in the face in the process. After a few moments of digging around, Finn pulled out a chewed up pencil and a notebook. He scribbled down his address, tore it out, and handed the page to Blaine. "Is six good for you?"

Blaine nodded as he took the offered paper. At least Finn was one of the nicer jocks, though most of that seemed to stem from his inherent cluelessness. Mike spoke highly of him most days, so maybe he'd lucked out for once. They wouldn't be on school grounds either, so the need to intimidate him wouldn't be as strong, and there wouldn't be any slushies on hand.

As Finn shuffled off to his seat and Mrs. Wilkins wrote Blaine a note for his next teacher, he glanced down to see where he'd be heading tonight.

His breath caught in his throat as he read the address. This had to be a mistake. Finn had had one of his incredibly stupid moments and written down someone else's address. But as Mrs. Wilkins handed him his excuse note, he remembered one thing he'd forgotten about Finn Hudson.

His mother, Carole, the nice woman Blaine remembered from Cub Scouts, was married to Burt Hummel. The address clutched in his fist was Kurt's. For the first time in over two years he was going to the place he had once considered his home.

* * *

><p><em>"– and then we'll have Broadway karaoke before we bring out the cake," Kurt finished, a happy flush high on his cheeks. "It's going to be great!"<em>

_Blaine nodded dazedly, his eyes following the way Kurt's hands clapped together in excitement. He relaxed back into the couch as the Ohio State game continued to play on the screen, but his eyes remained fixed on Kurt's smile. His stomach squirmed oddly. _

_Burt was sitting in the armchair next to them, eyes fixed on the game. Normally Blaine would be just as focused, but Kurt was talking to him right now. A month ago that wouldn't have made a difference, but something weird had been happening to him lately that made Kurt extremely fascinating. Something that thought all the simple little things Kurt did were worthy of making his stomach give a pleasant swoop._

_Kurt smiled brightly and grabbed his hand. A warmth spread through Blaine at the contact, and he smiled, too, despite how stupid he felt for not being able to tear his eyes away from his friend. His _best_ friend, nothing more, he had to remind himself. "I'm going to go get my scrapbook for everything!"_

_With a final squeeze of Blaine's hand Kurt rushed off to his room, and Blaine was left staring after him. The crowd roared loudly on the television and then it cut to commercial. When Blaine finally looked away from the basement bedroom's door, he found Burt staring at him thoughtfully. Blaine gulped loudly at the look. The fact that he might be in love with his best friend wasn't something that Burt should know. Not yet at least. Even Cooper didn't know, but that was only because Cooper was away at college._

_Blaine turned away quickly, trying to mask his nervousness. He tugged his legs up onto the couch, hugging them to his chest as the commercials continued to roll across the screen. He was being stupid about all of this. There was no way he was... that he had _feelings_ for Kurt. He was fourteen and had just come to terms with being gay. So what if Kurt made the most adorable face when he fixed his hair in his locker mirror. Or if his fingers squeezed Blaine's palm just perfectly while his thumb tangled around Blaine's and made his stomach flop around. That didn't have to mean anything. He'd probably just eaten something still alive at lunch... every day for a month. Right._

_"He sure is excited about planning this party for Cooper," Burt acknowledged._

_Blaine nodded, his skin crawling uncomfortably as he caught a glimpse of Burt still watching him thoughtfully. "We're both really excited for his graduation."_

_"You'll both be starting high school soon, too," Burt remarked, and Blaine thought it was an odd way to change topics. He talked with Burt all the time while they were watching football. It was a typical Friday night of them. Blaine spent the night and joined in on their Friday night family dinner, but this seemed odd still. Perhaps Burt had realized what Blaine was slowly beginning to understand._

_The very thought made Blaine cringe. Burt didn't even know Kurt was gay, let alone that he was. This was one secret he was going to have to keep to himself._

_"You're always welcome here, you know that, right, Blaine?"_

_Blaine startled at the sincerity behind those words, and looked up from where he'd been plucking at the end of his pajama pants. "I– thanks, sir," Blaine stammered. At least Burt liked him. That made things simpler for... "eventually". Not that he was planning on say anything to Kurt anytime soon. The very thought made him feel nauseous. What if Kurt didn't like him back? Then four years of friendship would go down the drain._

_"Hey, none of that 'sir' crap," Burt grumbled, sitting up straighter and turning towards him. "Since when do you call me 'sir' anyway? Most days I'm lucky if I get more than a 'dude' out of you."_

_Blaine immediately tried to laugh it off, even though his cheeks were burning. "Just a habit, I guess," he mumbled. "From being around my dad a lot, you know."_

_Burt nodded a little, still watching him closely. "You're a good kid," Burt remarked. "So is Kurt. You're both real great."_

_Not sure where this conversation was going, Blaine just stared over at Burt. He never got to talk like this with his own father. Hell, his father didn't have the slightest clue that he was gay, and tended to get on his case for everything, no matter how great he did. Cooper knew, but Cooper was a different story. He'd wanted to throw a party as soon as Blaine had told him._

_"Kurt can be kind of... " Burt paused, searching for the right word, "oblivious sometimes. Especially like now when he's got his mind wrapped around that party planning stuff."_

_"He likes to overkill it a bit," Blaine agreed quietly as the game returned on the screen._

_"He remembers what's important before the end," Burt continued, giving Blaine a pointed look. "It might take him a while, but he gets there eventually."_

_Blaine mouthed wordlessly at him, because he knew he'd been caught. Burt had figured it out, and he didn't even seem mad or particularly surprised. It almost felt like he was encouraging Blaine to tell Kurt, but Burt didn't even know they were gay._

_The soft clomp of footfalls echoed up the stairs and then Kurt appeared through the doorway, a large scrapbook, with papers and brightly colored streams pouring out of the sides, in hand._

_Without even realizing it, his face had morphed into an enormous grin. Blaine glanced at Burt, catching his eyes once more before the older man turned back to the television. Maybe being in love with Kurt wouldn't be so scary after all._

* * *

><p>At precisely six o'clock Blaine knocked on the Hummel's front door. He assumed they were just "The Hummels" now, except for Finn of course. He hadn't gone to the wedding last month, hadn't even been given an invitation to the event. From what he understood Kurt had planned the entire thing out himself so he hadn't really expected one. An acknowledge of his existent on Kurt's part, beyond a weekly slushy, was preposterous.<p>

The heavy thump of Finn's feet clomped closer to the door, and Blaine could imagine the larger boy running from the little kitchen down the hall up to the front door. He'd done the same thing countless times back in middle school, had tripped coming around the corner once and earned himself a black eye when he'd tumbled into the frame of the bathroom door.

As the door was flung open Blaine hitched his bag up a little higher, and tried to smile despite the nostalgia he was feeling. Finn grinned down at him and ushered him inside, patting him roughly on the shoulder.

"Hey, dude! I ordered us a pizza, too," Finn greeted. "Hope you like pepperoni and sausage."

Surprised by the gesture, Blaine stumbled after Finn, down the hall that was exactly as he reminded it. The same little table pushed against the wall next to the door; the same little glass dish where everyone put their keys, much fuller now than it had been two years ago. A coat rack nailed to the wall, and farther down a line of picture frames hung on the wall.

"Sounds good to me," Blaine finally answered as Finn disappeared around the entry way into the kitchen. He lingered back in the hall for a moment, staring up at the four pictures. Kurt's mother was still there in the middle right, looking down at him with a kind smile. To her right was the same picture of Burt and Kurt from about ten years ago. On the left were two new pictures. One of Kurt's latest school picture, so different from the eighth grade one that had last hung there during Blaine's last visit. Kurt was in his Cheerio's uniform, looking arrogant and haughty. The second one was of their new family, all in wedding attire. It hurt to see that one, to see just a brief glimpse of Kurt as he remembered him. Because Kurt was _Kurt_ in that frozen moment. His smile open, carefree, and just as gorgeous as Blaine remembered.

"Hey, we're in here," Finn called, poking his head out into the hallway from the kitchen.

With a final glance at the photographs Blaine headed into the kitchen. As soon as he stepped into the room he took in the immediate differences. A new kitchen table, a small extension out into the backyard that had created enough room for an island counter. Finn's bag and books were already scattered on the table.

"Do you want something to drink?" Finn asked him as Blaine started to pull out a notebook and his calculator.

"Water's fine," Blaine answered.

Finn ended up giving him water and a can of root beer, then he dropped down and flipped his geometry book open. "So how do these angle things work exactly?"

Blaine took a swig of root beer, surprised that Finn actually really wanted help. He'd assumed he'd have to force the other boy to pay attention, but Finn seemed to be eager to learn. It was definitely a first. That and the hospitality that he was being shown by a jock who wasn't Mike.

"First thing to know about triangle is that the three interior angles will always add up to one-eighty," Blaine began, dragging his chair around the table to start guiding Finn through the chapter.

They were an hour in, eating pizza and making a lot of progress, when the front door opened. Blaine flinched a little, because odds were it was Burt or Kurt. While he knew he didn't want to see Kurt, he wasn't sure about Burt. He'd loved the man as if he was a second father, but he had no idea what Kurt had told his father once he had stopped appearing at their house multiple times a week.

"You home Finn?" Burt's voice called out as the front door snapped shut.

"In the kitchen," Finn hollered back. He turned to Blaine. "That's Burt, my stepdad. Is it cool if we take a break?"

Blaine gave a jerky nod, and Finn scrambled out of his seat and grabbed another slice of pizza. From the hall Blaine heard the sounds of Burt taking off his coat, dropping his keys into the glass dish, and then clomping down the hall to the kitchen. He fidgeted in his seat nervously as Finn dropped down next to him.

"Any idea what we're doing for din– "

Burt stopped mid word as he stepped into view and caught sight of Blaine. Terrified by the reaction he might get – at the potential rejection or anger – Blaine flinched and started to curl in on himself. At least until a joyous roar echoed around the kitchen and Burt yanked him from his chair and crushed him against his chest.

"It's so great to see you, kiddo!" Burt shouted happily as he nearly hauled Blaine off his feet. Barely able to draw breath because of how tightly Burt was hugging him, Blaine spluttered helplessly. "Oh, sorry!"

A second later Blaine was set back on his feet, and Burt was grinning down at him. "H- hi," Blaine choked out, gasping for air.

"I didn't know you knew Burt," Finn said, pouting slightly.

"I didn't know you two knew each other," Burt replied, glancing back and forth between them.

Blaine rubbed his chest soothingly a few times and said, "I'm his math tutor."

Burt looked back and forth between them again and then settled into one of the island's barstools. He grabbed a slice of pizza and then spun around to face them. Blaine dropped back into his chair, trying to ignore the way Burt was looking him over.

"You're certainly grown up," Burt acknowledged quietly after a few moments. "How's Cooper?"

"Off in Hollywood," Blaine told him. "He's got some gig in a commercial right now."

"That's great, really great," Burt replied. He glanced at the clock. "Kurt should be home soon if you want to– "

"I should go," Blaine blurted, snapping his notebook shut and sliding the cover onto his calculator. "I promised my mother I'd help her with... um, something."

"You wanna meet again on Wednesday?" Finn asked as Blaine stuffed his things into his bag and stood up. Burt and Finn stood up as well.

"Sure," Blaine nodded, taking a few steps backwards towards the hall. At the last second he caught a glimpse of Burt's face and he registered one thing as he turned around to the hall – disappointment. For some reason it felt so much worse coming from Burt than his own father.

Finn was trailing after him, thanking him profusely as they headed to the door. But as Blaine reached out for the doorknob the one thing he'd been dreading happened. Seemingly of its own accord the knob jingled as someone unlocked it from the other side. Blaine froze, his stomach twisting up, and sweat breaking out over his neck.

A moment later the door was pushed open and Blaine bit his lip, fighting between the urge to hide behind Finn and spit angrily in the Cheerio's face. Kurt stepped over the threshold, looking pristine in his uniform, phone pressed against his ear as he kicked snow of his shoes.

" – yeah, sure, Britt. I'll call you lat– "

Kurt looked up and met his eyes. For the first time in two years Blaine found himself staring into the galaxy-like eyes that had been his entire world. Even now something tightened in his chest as Kurt's mouth fell open in surprise. Despite the distance of time, social standing, and his own anger at the other boy one thing definitely hadn't changed if the sensation swooping through his stomach was any indication. Try as he might to hate Kurt Hummel, he couldn't even stop himself from loving him. Maybe he didn't even want to.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here, have an angsty chapter four before I run off to work!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 4

"Blaine," Kurt croaked, shocking coursing through him because of Blaine's presence in his house. The boy he'd been trying to forget was standing right in front of him. There was no slushy to divert their attention away from each other, and even if there had been Burt was heading down the hall to them as Kurt's mind tried to process everything.

Blaine didn't look shocked the same way he was, if anything he looked like he was in pain. It was like a blow to Kurt's stomach to know he'd caused that –kept causing it – week after week in the hopes that Blaine would just _hate_ him. That he could finally achieve that monumental point and let go of his own guilt, but it still hadn't happened no matter what he did. As long as Blaine still cared he couldn't let go either. The guilt just kept snowballing until Kurt was certain he'd start growing a beer gut to hold all of it in.

The typical contemptuous glare took over Blaine's face as Burt stopped behind him.

"Why don't you hang around for a little bit, Blaine?" Burt encouraged, giving his shoulder a squeeze. But Blaine jerked away from his grasp and spun around. Kurt thought he'd meant to move towards the door, but he didn't seem to want to be any nearer to Kurt than he had to be.

"I n- need to get home," Blaine stammered, back pedaling towards the table by the door. "My dad will... I just need to leave now."

Kurt's chest clinched uncomfortably at Blaine's words. He doubted much had changed between Mr. Anderson and his youngest son since their freshmen year. Blaine's father was the main reason they'd spent ninety percent of their time outside of school at his house.

"Are you s– " Finn started.

"Yes," Blaine snapped, looking disheveled by all the attention, but trying to reserve his glare for Kurt alone. "I'm only good for target practice, anyway, right?" he spat, shouldering past Kurt and pulling the door open.

Burt's face fell at his words, and Kurt stared hard at the floor. His father might not entirely understand what Blaine had said, but he was aware of the slushy problem at McKinley. It wouldn't take him long to piece it together.

Kurt's insides squirmed guilty as the door snapped shut behind Blaine. Somehow he felt even worse now than he had two years ago. The aftermath of their fight had been made him numb, but seeing the hurt look in Blaine's eyes, the anger all directed at him... it hurt now more than ever. And while he knew he deserved it, knew he'd wanted that anger at him to turn into hatred, he'd never wanted to see it up close. Just knowing it had happened would be enough, but having it look him in the face like that, after years of tormenting the other boy, was more painful than digging a knife into his chest.

"Kurt," his father's voice said sternly, breaking him from his thoughts. "I think it's time you and I had a talk."

Palms sweaty, and knees trembling slightly, Kurt allowed his father to steer him into the family room.

"Sit," Burt commanded, and Kurt dropped down onto the couch at once. He knew when he was in trouble, and right now his father's voice was clipped and intense. In another five minutes it would be furious, and that fury would be directed right at him. _If _he told the whole truth that was. The thought of lying to his father made his insides turn cold, but what choice did he have? If Burt found out all the details of what had happened he'd probably take him off the squad. He'd be disappointed in ways Kurt couldn't bear to think about. Kurt realized what he'd done two years ago was wrong, but owning up to it was something he couldn't face.

"We're going to sit here until you tell me what exactly happened with you and him," Burt told him. "That boy was your best friend for years. Hell, he was practically a son to me half the time."

His father's words made him flinch slightly. He'd known Blaine had looked up to Burt, especially with how his own father was, but to hear it from Burt was different. To know he'd taken away Blaine's best friend and his substitute father made his chest throb like an open wound.

"I... after I joined the Cheerios things got... difficult," Kurt began quietly. He had no idea how he was going to explain this without giving away all the details. "The um, the other Cheerios didn't like him because he's in Glee. We had a bad fight and it was just easier to not talk after that."

"And now you throw those slushy drinks at him?" Burt demanded, sounding angry. "The same thing that happened to both of you your first day there?"

Kurt opened his mouth to respond, but found his voice didn't want to work. Instead he nodded slowly, keeping his gaze fixed on his red polyester pants.

"I can't believe– I am... "As Burt trailed off Kurt looked up. His father's eyes were shut and he was shaking his head in defeat. Shame clawed at his insides. "Why would you do that to him, Kurt? After all you two meant to each other, I am so disappointed in you for throwing his friendship away like that."

"He didn't try to make amends either," Kurt argued, trying to defend his actions in some way, but the fact that he'd left out the biggest details made his voice sound weak.

"I thought I taught you better than that," Burt said sharply. "I might not know the details of what happened back then, but if what you do now is any indication, then I'm guessing most of the fault lies with you." When Kurt didn't try to refute him, Burt continued. "Blaine is the kind of friend you would have had for life, and you're just giving that up for a few years of popularity that won't mean anything two years from now. I just don't understand why you would– "

"Because I want him to hate me," Kurt whispered brokenly. He could feel the tears building in his eyes at his own words, but he kept them in check. He'd sworn he was done crying over this when he'd decided not to try to mend their friendship.

Burt was looking at him in a way Kurt couldn't quite pick apart. There was surprise and sadness, but there was something else, something that he couldn't name that made his chest ache.

"You're fighting a losing battle there, kid," Burt said with such certainty that Kurt bit down the argument forming on his lips.

They were both silent for several minutes, Kurt trying to reign in his emotions while Burt stared out the window. He didn't understand what his father had meant until he spoke once more.

"He doesn't look at you the same way anymore," Burt said quietly. "You broke his heart, whether or not you realize it."

"I– _what_? Blaine never– "

"Oh, yeah, he did. You might have been too oblivious to notice, but I saw it," Burt continued gently. "He used to have this look in his eyes like you were the greatest thing in the world, for a long time I think you _were_ his entire world. I only wish he'd been the same for you."

What his father was saying wouldn't process in his brain. Burt made it sound like Blaine had been in love with him or something. He'd known Blaine had loved him, but this was different. They'd both told the other they loved each other, but that had been as friends. Friends were allowed to love each other, but this...

"Dad– "

"That boy was so head over heels in love with you it made _my_ head spin sometimes," Burt cut in, giving him a searching look. "You never really caught on to that, though."

Kurt sat there, staring over at his father in amazement. Was Burt right? Had Blaine been in love with him? It would certainly explain why he'd stuck around even after all the crap he got that first week Kurt had joined the squad. He tried to think back to that summer before high school, the summer Cooper had graduated and they'd had a blast with Blaine's older brother while they still could. Had something changed then? He'd never really thought about it before.

It would explain why he'd never managed to get Blaine to hate him, even though the other boy should by this point. But Blaine didn't look at him like that anymore according to his father. Blaine didn't love him anymore, not as a friend or something more. How could he after all the torment Kurt had put him through?

"I'm going to go eat something," Burt said. He turned back in the doorway. "You might think it's too late to make amends, but from my experience it's never too late to try, Kurt. Don't throw away the best friend you've ever have."

Feeling numb, Kurt watched him disappear into the hall. The one boy he'd trusted completely might have been in love with him and he'd crushed him, had dosed him in frozen ice and not even stopped long enough to acknowledge him with a contemptuous laugh. Because someone of Blaine's social status hadn't been worth that much attention. And all for a few years of popularity instead of what might have been his first love.

No, Blaine wasn't in love with him, anymore. He was certain of that.

* * *

><p><em>"You call that a cart wheel?" Coach Sylvester bellowed into her megaphone. "My fallopian tubes could support more weight than those pencils you call arms!"<em>

_Kurt flinched and shifted closer to Blaine as they watched the others in their gym class. It was the beginning of the year, their first year in high school, and the first unit they were doing in their freshmen gym class was gymnastics._

_"She's not very nice, is she?" Blaine whispered, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it reassuringly. _

_"She made Rachel cry," Kurt remarked, watching the next girl head up to the mat. "She's good for something at least."_

_Blaine laughed a little, but tried to look stern. "Rachel isn't _that_ bad... most of the time."_

_"She's a mutant," Kurt retorted sharply."I hope me and my husband's daughter is never like that."_

_"Kurt Hummel, get your lazy, skinny butt up here!"_

_The rumble of Coach Sylvester's voice made Blaine snap his mouth shut. Kurt's hand was squeezed once more and then Blaine's warmth was gone and Kurt was on his feet. A few Cheerios on the other side of the circle of students snickered at him as he stepped onto the mat. He held his head a little higher and gave them a superior look. So what if they ruled the school? That didn't make them any better than him, no matter how much power they had._

_With that thought in mind he started in on the different gymnastics moves they were supposed to demonstrate right now. He was sweaty and flushed by the end of it, but the Cheerio girls weren't laughing anymore. They looked surprised. Behind him Blaine clapped and cheered a little as Coach Sylvester stepped up to him._

_"Not too shabby, Porcelain. Even if Boobs McGee's ponytail has better posture than you." One of the Cheerio girls sneered, and Kurt assumed the name was in reference to her. "Tryouts after school today. Three o'clock, Porcelain."_

_Amazed at the offer, and also slightly offended by the nickname and the thought of becoming one of _them_, Kurt stumbled back to his spot beside Blaine. Before he could say a word to Blaine, the other boy was called up and given a much ruder reception._

_"Is that a tumble weed on your head, Anderson?"_

_It wasn't until after class was over and they were heading back into the main gym to the boys locker room that Kurt spoke._

_"I'm not doing it," he said flatly, slowing down to let the other boys go running ahead of them._

_Blaine looked surprised by his refusal. "What? Why not?"_

_Kurt stopped outside the door to the locker room, and Blaine stilled next to him. "Because there's no way I'll ever make it, and if I go and don't make it then _everyone_ will think I'm gay, Blaine. And I'm not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that."_

_Blaine gave him a sympathetic look. Neither of them had come out to their parents yet, even though Blaine kept encouraging Kurt to do so. Kurt didn't really understand where the sudden insistence had come from, but his friend almost never shut up about him telling Burt. The thought of Blaine telling his own father always silenced the other boy, though. Of their fathers Mr. Anderson would definitely be the least receptive to the idea."I think you should do it. Coach Sylvester wouldn't say that to just anyone, Kurt."_

_Kurt opened his mouth to refute that statement but then changed his mind. Blaine did have a point. She hadn't said that to anyone else after all. And the two Cheerio girls had seemed slightly stunned by him. Maybe he did stand a shot. The vivid image of himself, taller and more muscular with hair perfectly styled up off his forehead and a neatly pressed Cheerios uniform filled his head for a brief moment. That could be him, couldn't it? _

_"And just think, when you do make it nobody will slushy you anymore," Blaine said brightly. "You'll be on top then and you won't have to bring all of those extra clothes every day."_

_"I could protect you from them, too," Kurt added, trying not to get his hopes up. "They won't pick on you if I say they can't."_

_Even though Blaine's smile shifted some, he still looked happy as he pulled the locker room door open. "So does that mean yes then?"_

_Kurt rolled his eyes as the stench of teenage boys engulfed him. He crinkled his nose as Blaine pulled him down to the far row of lockers. "All right, fine. I'll... I'll give it a shot."_

_"Awesome," Blaine replied, but there was a nervousness in Blaine's voice that Kurt almost missed. Like he thought he'd get left behind if things changed."Never hurts to try, right? Maybe I'll give soccer or something a go."_

* * *

><p>Shame clawed at Kurt's insides for the rest of the week. He kept his eyes fixed on random points on the wall when he went to and from his classes, and made sure to always skip the hall where Blaine's locker was. He couldn't fully explain what he was feeling to himself, but he knew his father's words and disappointment in him had caused it.<p>

Before, he'd realized what he was doing was wrong. Trying to get Blaine to hate him was the opposite of what he should be doing, but now that Burt knew he just felt worse. Even Finn had some inkling of what had happened between them years ago. When Kurt had gotten home very late Wednesday evening he'd been bombarded with questions about him and Blaine, and then lectured by _Finn_ about how cool Blaine was. It was all very bizarre, but the thing that made him feel nauseous what the fact that after everything he'd told his father and all the guilt eating him alive he was still planning another slushy attack.

At this point it was something of a habit for him, and since it was the last one before Winter break it was a really big deal to all the Cheerios. Santana had rallied nine other girls besides their normal trio and had even convinced a few of the football guys to help out.

For the first time in his memory he felt the urge to warn Blaine prickling under his skin as the final bell approached on Thursday afternoon. But he didn't. He couldn't be seen talking to Blaine here, and even if he did warn him Blaine wouldn't believe him. Kurt wouldn't even believe himself at this point. The fact that he was thinking about it, and even feeling remorseful made his head spin.

Friday morning his father dropped him and Finn off at school. Santana, Brittany, and Quinn were already waiting for them and they were immediately bombarded, Quinn pecking the jock on the cheek and Santana and Brittany twisting their arms around each of Kurt's.

"That is such a gorgeous car," Quinn remarked as they headed up the steps into the school.

Kurt nodded, his stomach plummeting as he spotted Blaine getting out of his car. A small part of him had been hoping that Blaine wouldn't show up today. That somehow he'd gotten word or had come down with the flu that had been going around. "Me, my Dad, and B– I mean, me and my Dad built it back in middle school."

"You should work at the shop this summer, Finn," Quinn informed the jock. "I'd love to have a greasy mechanic boyfriend like Brittany."

"Huh? Yeah, sure," Finn said, nodding slightly and still smiling dazedly.

Kurt and Santana exchanged a thankful look as Quinn and Finn said goodbye at the first hallway. It was simply luck that even though Finn knew Kurt was gay he didn't seem to understand what that entailed. Otherwise he might find it suspicious that Kurt was dating Brittany.

"I'll see you at lunch," Quinn said, kissing Finn chastely on the mouth.

"Hurry up, Fabray," Santana snapped as the other Cheerio girls gathered around. They were all already armed with slushies. Two were handed to Santana and one to Kurt. "We've got a dweeb to slushy to celebrate break."

That sentence caught Finn's attention. He eyed the assembled group, warily. "That's a lot of slushies. Who are you getti– "

As Kurt shifted uncomfortably Finn trailed off and stared at him. "Even _after_ what Burt said?" he demanded loudly.

"Finn, stop it! You'll make a scene!" Quinn ordered, flipping her ponytail.

"Why shouldn't I?" Finn argued back. "Blaine's _nice_. He's been helping me so I don't fail geometry aga– "

"What? Are you _friends_ with him now, Hudson? Gonna get boy fabulous on us?" Santana quipped.

"Just leave it, Finn," Kurt added, fighting down the guilt threatening to eat him alive. "It's none of your business what we do. You aren't a Cheerio."

"But you are my brother," Finn snapped as Puck and Karofsky showed up and joined the group. "I can't believe you."

"Oh, got your panties in a twist, Hudson?" Karofsky crowed. He and Puck high fived and laughed loudly as they took their own slushies from the girls.

"I– fine, whatever," Finn grumbled, turning and disappearing into the crowd.

"Let's get going," Puck said loudly, looking thoroughly excited by the large group armed with slushies.

Feeling unbearably miserable Kurt let the crowd shepard him off down the halls towards where he knew Blaine would be standing his ground. The same way he had every week for over two years. Kurt's hand was trembling slightly when they turned the last corner and Blaine and Tina came into view. As soon as Tina caught sight of them she exchanged a few urgent words with Blaine. But no matter how much of his will Kurt put towards trying to silently communicate for him to leave, Blaine stayed where he was as Tina ran off.

The students in front of them parted quickly to let them pass. Most of them were familiar with Kurt and the Cheerios's usual target and turned to watch Blaine, clearly hoping the boy would take off running from the large group. But he didn't. He tucked his bag into his locker and closed it slowly, turning just in time to square his shoulders.

Puck and Karofsky were saying something rude to Blaine, but Kurt couldn't hear it. His father's words from the beginning of the week were playing over in his head.

_Blaine is the kind of friend you would have had for life._

The two jocks slammed Blaine back against the row of lockers behind the smaller boy, each taking hold of him by his upper arms and hoisting him up against them. Despite Blaine's furious struggles he couldn't get his feet back onto the ground for any sort of leverage. Up and down the hallway loud laughter echoed as the watching students pointed and chortled.

For the briefest moment their eyes met, and immediately Kurt could see that something had changed, some dark fury had shifted into place. He took a step back as the others surged forward, quailing under the scalding look Blaine was giving him.

_He used to have this look in his eyes like you were the greatest thing in the world._

As the first slushy slapped Blaine across the face, the look burning in his hazel eyes finally registered in Kurt's brain. Hatred. The rest of the girls, laughing and giddy, threw their own slushies in Blaine's face, over his chest, his legs, even one down his pants.

He'd finally succeeded then, and it only made him feel worse, not better or freer like he'd hoped.

The jocks let Blaine go a moment later. Blaine fell to the ground, slipped in the huge puddle and landed on his ass, spluttering and breathing heavily and obviously trying not to make any sort of pained noises.

"Let's go, girls," Quinn called loudly. "Winter break's officially begun."

Karofsky kicked Blaine in the leg as the smaller boy struggled to get back up. As the group continued to laugh along with all of the students watching the scene, Kurt remained mixed in the middle, slushy still in hand. Puck and Karofsky cleared out along with most of the girls as the warning bell rang overhead. The students in the hall quickly hurried off, but Kurt stayed where he was, the melting slushy finally slipping from his grasp.

As the cup hit the ground and splattered everywhere, Blaine's head jerked up in alarm. Their eyes met again, and Kurt stepped back farther, his stomach twisting up tightly, painfully.

"You missed," Blaine snarled, eyes squeezing shut again as he braced a hand against the wall and clambered to his feet.

"I– I– " Kurt stammered helplessly. He didn't know what he wanted to say or do, but everything about this suddenly felt so _wrong_.

"You _what?_" Blaine snapped angrily. "You'll have better luck next time? Maybe there won't _be _ a next time. Maybe I'm finally fucking sick of getting shit on every week so that maybe you'll care for one damn second."

Blaine pushed off from the wall and stumbled half-blind down the hall and then around the corner.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered miserably as the bell rang once more.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Welp, here's chapter five! Lots of blangst this time around, which is saying a lot since the whole story has been pretty blangsty so far, yeah?

Anyway, a few other little notes. There probably won't be another update for about two weeks. It's the end of the semester for me so I've got finals, and projects and all that fun stuff to focus on. And work since they've been scheduling me about 5 days a week. So the next one might be a while.

Also, for anyone reading Long Overdue, I've got part of chapter sic done, but that story has just been giving me all kinds of trouble lately. It'll probably be a while on that. I honestly can't even give a time frame for it, because it's just such a struggle to try and write anymore. :( Not a great feeling especially when I want to finish it. We'll see how that goes.

I've got another idea for a little Blaine and Burt series as well that would take place next season and become their own little Friday night dinner tradition or something. I'll probably hash out the first one as a one shot and see how that goes.

On to the story! Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 5

Blaine pushed the bathroom door open and stumbled inside, palms pressed against his eyes. Tears were pouring down his cheeks from the dye irritating his eyes as he crashed headlong into the wall next to the sink. Instead of trying to keep his balance he slumped down miserably and pulled his knees up to his chest, wincing as his back twinged sharply from where the locker vents had dug into his skin.

He'd have to change into his gym uniform or find a way to sneak out of the school, because his clothes were soaked. Blaine brought a clean shirt with him every day, but not pants or underwear. Even his socks were drenched in the freezing mess. It made him feel as numb on the outside as he did inside. It was normal for him to get slushied two or three times a week, and then to be slushied by a trio of Cheerios every Friday morning, but that had been a new experience. And Kurt had instigated the whole thing. No matter what Blaine did the other boy wasn't going to care about him again. His jaw clenched tightly at the thought and fury surged through him.

Before Blaine realized what he'd done his fist slammed back against the wall and the cheap tiles cracked from the impact.

"Wow, dude. You're like some sort of cold, red Hulk," a voice by the door said in awe.

Blaine's head shot up in surprise. Finn was standing in the doorway, bathroom pass in hand, watching him with a mixture of amazement and... concern? The thought that Finn Hudson might actually be _worried_ about him made Blaine snort loudly. The slushies must have frozen some part of his brain because this was _ridiculous_.

"Do you... do you want some help washing that off?" Finn volunteered awkwardly, stuffing the little pass on the shelf by the door.

" 'm fine," Blaine muttered, gripping the sink tightly and using it to pull himself up.

"Here," Finn said, hurrying over and slipping an arm around his waist to help Blaine up. Blaine was so surprised by the gesture he let it happen, let Finn hoist him up and set his right in front of the sink. A hiss of pain slipped out of his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut again and heard the squeak of the faucet being turned on.

"T- thanks," Blaine stammered shakily. His body was trembling as he gripped the sink's edge again and bent down to start flushing his eyes out.

"I tried to stop him," Finn said quietly as Blaine started splashing water into his eyes.

At Finn's words he swallowed a cherry flavored mouthful and started coughing. "You _what_? Why?"

Through his blurry, still streaming eyes, Blaine saw the outline of Finn's towering figure shrug and lean back against the wall next to him. "I dunno. You're, like, cool. You're helping me out even though you don't have to, so I wanted to help you, too," Finn told him.

"I don't need your help," Blaine grumbled. "I'm getting extra credit for tutoring you. Let's just call that even."

"But that's not the same, dude!" Finn argued. He was quiet for a moment and then said more quietly. "Burt said you and Kurt used to be... yanno, friends. Really great friends. It's not right what's hap– "

"It is what it is," Blaine cut in, drying his eyes on his sleeve. They were still burning, but the pain was starting to dull now that the dye was out. "He's not worth it anymore. Maybe he never was."

When Finn didn't answer him, Blaine started pulling chunks of ice from his hair and dropping them into the sink. He wished Finn would just leave. All he did was remind him of Kurt for more reasons than one.

Sure, Finn seemed like a nice guy in comparison to the other jocks, but he'd also played a part in the end of his friendship with Kurt, whether he realized it or not. Blaine couldn't be mad or angry at the other boy for it since he was still oblivious to Kurt's old crush, but he didn't like having the reminder around anymore than he had to. Even agreeing to tutor him was too much for Blaine's liking, and to make matters worse he actually got along with Finn – could actually see them being friends if things were different or if time jumped forward a few years.

"I've got an extra shirt in my locker if you want it," Finn offered as Blaine shut off the water.

"I – no, thanks," Blaine decided, still wary of the kindness Finn kept showing him. "I'm soaked through, so I'm just going to head home."

"I'll help you sneak out," Finn persisted eagerly.

Blaine stared up at Finn for several minutes, still amazed at the kindness he was being shown. Part of him also couldn't help but think this was another layer to the trick. That Kurt had put his stepbrother up to all of this to absolutely humiliate him again. But Finn's smile looked so genuine and eager, Blaine decided to trust him this once. Things couldn't get much worse could they?

Two years of letting himself be tormented and made a fool of had amounted to nothing. The slushy in Kurt's own hand might have missed, but his plan with his friends had more than made up for that. He was done with trying to bring the real Kurt back to life. Maybe when he got home he'd tell his father he'd reconsidered following in his footsteps and going to Dalton.

There was nothing real left for him here. Not anymore.

* * *

><p><em>As the lunch bell rang Blaine slung his bag over his shoulder and quickly headed downstairs to Kurt's locker to meet him. All day he'd been working out the conversation he was preparing for. It had to be perfect, absolutely perfect. He had to be clear if Kurt was going to understand what he meant today.<em>

_Taking a deep breath, Blaine paused at the end of the hallway and straightened his bow tie. He ran a careful hand through his curls and fixed his glasses. Today was the day he finally found the courage to tell Kurt he liked him. In a few minutes he'd be down the hall by his best friend's side and pouring his heart out._

_A flash of tight white pants and a turquoise sweater swept through the crowd towards the locker bay. With another deep breath, Blaine started down the hall towards Kurt. As he walked he replayed the phone conversation he'd shared with Cooper the previous night. Well, parts of it. He was resolutely ignoring the advice to be loud, intense, or to bellow his feelings from the bleachers. But not all of Cooper's advice had been horrendous. Some of it had been really good in Blaine's opinion. He only hoped he could manage to pull it off._

_"Hey, Kurt," Blaine greeted, his voice cracking loudly as he stopped next to Kurt's open locker._

_Kurt startled a bit, his eyes focused on some point down the hallway. "Wh– oh, hi, Blaine," Kurt said distractedly._

_"Are... are you ready to go to lunch?" Blaine asked, trying to see around Kurt to figure out what was so fascinating. Some of his gusto evaporated when he saw two jocks in their grade talking at another row of lockers down the hall. He knew the one – the new varsity quarterback – by sight. Finn Hudson. A gangly, incredibly tall freshmen._

_"Oh, yes. Yes, of course," Kurt said dreamily, eyes still fixed on the other boy._

_Blaine watched Kurt's face careful, taking in the dazed look in his eyes and the dreamy expression. "There's um, there's something I want"– Finn and the other jock started to move towards them down the hall and Kurt's face flushed as he fixed his hair– "... something I wanted to tell you."_

_"What?" Kurt asked breathlessly, eyes shining brightly as Finn passed them without a glance._

_Blaine felt like someone had pierced his chest with a needle and burst the bubble of courage and happiness that had been welling up inside of him all day. How was he supposed to compete with that? What was so great about Finn anyway? The other boy hadn't even spared Kurt a glance._

_Blaine stared after his tall frame as Finn turned the corner, suddenly feeling even smaller than Kurt. "I... there's something I wanted to tell you."_

_"Oh, okay," Kurt mumbled, still staring transfixed down the hall where Finn and the other boy had disappeared. Without another word Kurt started down the hall, practically skipping on their way to the lunch room._

_Chest tight, Blaine followed after him. Was Finn the kind of guy Kurt wanted? What if he wasn't good enough? Maybe Kurt liked the big, muscular sports guys. As Kurt disappeared into the lunch room, Blaine flexed one of his arms and squeezed his muscles with his other hand. He wasn't football material, but he was still pretty strong for a fourteen year old, even if he wasn't the tallest guy around. There had to be something else he was missing, something that made Finn so much more appealing than him._

_Still, as he went through the line, grabbed his lunch, and then settled down across from Kurt at their usual table he started to reassemble his courage. Burt had said Kurt was sort of oblivious, and Blaine knew from experience how true that could be. Maybe if he put himself out there, let Kurt see him in that way, Kurt might stare down the hall at _him_ the way he had just looked at Finn._

_"So what did you want to tell me?" Kurt asked as they started to eat._

_Blaine felt his face heat up, and his palms got so sweaty his fork slipped from his grasp. "I... um, I li– "_

_"Oh, here they come," Kurt whispered excitedly, his voice high and breathy again._

_With a quick glance over his shoulder Blaine spotted Finn and the other jock again and his heart sank. He turned back to Kurt and took a deep breath. "Kurt, I... I like you."_

_"Huh? Oh, I like you, too, Blaine. Of course I do. That's why we're friends."_

_Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the ache settling in his chest, but he couldn't close off his ears. He heard the dreamy sigh that slipped past Kurt's lips, and the tone of longing in his voice. "He's so _handsome_, Blaine. But he'll never notice me."_

_"I...um, he might once you're a Cheerio," Blaine offered miserably._

_"You think so?" Kurt asked, perking up some at the thought._

_"Sure," Blaine grumbled, stabbing his chicken viciously. "You're amazing, Kurt. What's there not to like about you?"_

_Kurt brow furrowed slightly as he glanced back at Blaine. "You think I'm amazing?"_

_"I think you're perfect," Blaine replied immediately, heart starting to pound hopefully once more._

_With a wistful sigh, Kurt glanced at the boys across the cafeteria. "I'll never be perfect enough for him."_

_As Kurt's attention turned once more to the other boys, Blaine mumbled quietly so that only he could hear. "You'll always be perfect to me."_

* * *

><p>When Blaine could no longer stand sitting in his car shivering to death from how cold he was, he circled back around the block to his house and pulled into the driveway. It was almost eleven o'clock, but his father's car was still in the driveway. He knew his parents were attending some gala or something out of town this weekend, and Blaine had hoped by the time he got home they would be gone. Unfortunately his luck just kept getting worse today.<p>

Trembling and shaking from the icy crust forming on his clothes he got out and crunched through the snow up to the front door. A few quick explanations for his presence flashed through his head as he tried to unlock the door. It took several minutes of focusing on his trembling hand before he managed to get the door open. Immediately he grabbed for one of his other jackets on the coat hook and zipped it up, covering the disaster that had been a great outfit two hours ago.

"Did you find the right toothpaste?" his father's voice hollered from the kitchen.

Still shivering and hugging himself tightly, Blaine hooked his bag back over his shoulder and started for the kitchen. There'd be no avoiding his father now. Not when he thought Blaine was his mother coming back from the store. With a last glance at his appearance, Blaine walked towards the kitchen. Most of the stains were covered up, only his jeans hinted at something being wrong and they were so dark the wet patches were difficult to see. Not something his father or mother would notice at any rate. His face and hair on the other hand, he'd just have to make something up for that, too.

"I- i- it's m- me, Dad," Blaine stuttered, his cheeks and jaw numb and shaky.

"Blaine," his father's voice suddenly became stern as they met in the doorway to the kitchen. "It's not even noon. You're supposed to be in school."

"Short day to s- s- start break," Blaine managed to get out, quailing slightly under his father's gaze.

His father made a noise of disgust. "Public schools waste so much time. You should be _learning_. Even on half days _you_ should stay after and work in the library," his father said sharply. "Or join a sports team like Cooper did."

"Sorry," Blaine said quickly, staring at his father's shoulder instead of his face. "The library is closing early and it'll be quieter here."

Down the hall the front door creaked open, and his mother's voice trilled out. "James, I found everything. Have you packed up the car yet?"

"It's already done, dear," he called back, eyes still fixed on Blaine. His expression remained stern as he looked over Blaine, at his soaked hair and the way he was trembling. "Decided to waste more time with a snowball fight or whatever you kids do these days, huh?"

"I, um... "

"Your time would be better spent disciplining yourself with a sports activity," James informed him. "A _school_ sports activity and not that silly boxing league you like so much. Even that girly boy you used to hang out with is part of the athletics department. Why can't you do something, too?"

Blaine bowed his head, feeling humiliated once more. Tears were building behind his eyes at his father's words, both at the mention of Kurt and the underlying message that who he was wasn't good enough. His morning had been mortifying enough and now he was getting the usual ridicule that made him feel worthless.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'll do better," Blaine acknowledged quietly. As his father gave him a sharp nod, Blaine decided to add, "Maybe I could go to Dalton next year. They have more sports and academic options."

James's surprise registered on his face as Blaine's mother came into view down the hall. "You– really? You want to go to Dalton?"

"Hello, darling," his mother greeted, pecking Blaine on the cheek softly. "I didn't realize you had a half day today."

But Blaine was too busy staring at his father's hopeful expression. It was a look he hadn't had directed at him in years. Not since he'd scored the most goals out of all the boys on his soccer team back in Columbus. "I think I'd like it there. I could join their fencing team, or soccer like Cooper did."

James nodded, looking ecstatic in a way Blaine could never recall before. At least not when it had concerned him. "That'd be fantastic, Blaine. You could do with being more like your brother. More... manly."

Blaine flinched slightly at the meaning behind his father's words. More straight, more confident and masculine. Not gay.

"Oh, Dalton would be wonderful for you," his mother gushed. "You'll get to sneak out with the other boys to visit the girls at their sister school like your father and his friends used to do."

"Same reason Cooper almost got expelled," his father boasted proudly. "He's quite the lady's man."

Heart sinking for the second time today, Blaine nodded. Maybe Dalton wasn't such a good idea. What if he fell for one of the boys there and got taunted because of it? Or worse, what if it was his roommate that caught his interest?

"You'll be able to join the Warblers, too," his father added. "They're much better than that Glee Club you keep wasting your time with."

The grandfather clock down the hall chimed to signal that it was half past eleven. His mother jolted into action, grabbing the last bag from the hall and kissing him on the cheek once more. "We're going to miss our flight if we don't leave now. Have a good week, Blaine."

"Week?" Blaine echoed as his parents started down the hall to the door. "I thought you were coming back Monday."

"The gala's extended since it's Christmas week," his father informed him, pulling on his jacket and hat. "We'll be back a few days after Christmas, but Cooper should be coming into town tomorrow evening as always." His father held the door open for his mother. "I expect the house to be in one piece when I return, and no girls," his father finished with a small wink, ignoring the grimace that took over Blaine's features. "I'll contact Dalton while we're away. With any luck we could get you transferred by the time term starts in January."

Blaine nodded mutely as they dashed out of the house and to his father's car. He waited until they had disappeared down the road before closing the front door and locking it. In some ways he loved getting the house to himself so much, but it was also very lonely. Especially over the holidays when everyone he knew would be busy with their families.

Still shivering from his soaked clothes, Blaine made his way upstairs and into his bedroom, stripping off his bag and coats before grabbing some clean clothes and heading to the bathroom. He plugged the drain in the tub and turned the hot water on full blast as he started to peel off his ruined clothes. After examining each article of clothing and deciding that they were all, in fact, ruined beyond repair, he grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around himself, trying to warm himself up some before submerging himself in the hot bath water.

After a long time soaking in the tub, and a lot of vigorous scrubbing Blaine climbed out and dried off. He paused to examine himself in the mirror, taking in the different areas of his scalp that were dyed red or blue and the hand-shaped marks on his arms where Puckerman and Karofsky had held him in place. With a little twisting he managed to see the bruises on his shoulder blades from the locker vents, but a little ice would numb that up so that he could sleep.

A quick trip back downstairs to the kitchen for an ice pack and a snack, and then he holed up in his room. It took a little arranging for him to get comfortable on his stomach, but finally he had the pillow squashed beneath his chest as he shifted the ice pack into place. From his bag on the big chair across the room his phone started to ring loudly. The first few notes of _Rio_ blared around the room, and Blaine sighed, but got up and retrieved the device.

Right now he really needed to talk to his older brother.

"Hey, Coop," Blaine greeted, dropping back down onto the bed and curling up on his stomach. He placed the ice pack back on the bruises as Cooper's voice sang out his own greeting.

"Blaineeey, about time you answered. I left you six voicemails, all trying out different versions of my commercial's new jingle."

"Oh, I'll listen to them later," Blaine told him, pressing his cheek into the pillow. "I guess you're calling to tell me when your flight comes in?"

"Actually, I'm not going to make it out this year, squirt," Cooper said, sounding regretful. "We're getting ready to launch the new commercial and we've still got to film it. I tried calling Dad but his phone was off."

"They're on their way to St. Louis for some gala or something," Blaine mumbled miserably. "I– " Blaine paused and fought down the tight ball forming in his throat. "Are you sure you can't make it out?"

"They've got me booked all week, and then I've got an audition on Tuesday," Cooper said excitedly. Before Blaine could get another word in his brother was going off on a long tangent about his latest work and all the auditions and things he was doing. Blaine listened in silence, barely hearing the words his brother was saying because of the misery swallowing him up.

Maybe he'd just been in denial for the past two years about Kurt, maybe that's why this all hurt so much. And now on top of finally realizing that his best friend really didn't exist anymore he was going to be alone for the majority of his winter holidays. Tina, Mike, and Rachel were all going out of town. Besides, he'd probably want to slap himself if he decided to hang out with Rachel for an extended period of time.

"– and then I'll get a two week hiatus in April, so I'll definitely come out for a visit then," Cooper finished. "Might even make it for Easter."

"Oh, yeah, that's... that's great," Blaine choked out, fisting his free hand into his pillow and trying to force his tears down for a few minutes longer. "I s- should go. Hanging out with... with friends tonight."

"Oh, okay," Cooper said. "Have fun, Blaine! Throw a big house party in my honor since I won't be around."

Before Blaine could say goodbye the phone line clicked and went dead. He let his phone drop to the floor as he curled himself around his pillow, his sobs finally breaking free as he buried his face in soft fabric. For the first time ever he wished he'd never met Kurt, that they'd never moved to Lima, and that he'd never fallen in love. He hated everything Kurt had done to him and kept doing, but mostly he hated himself. Blaine hated that even now he kept wishing his best friend was curled up behind him, kissing his hair and holding him close while he told Blaine everything was going to be all right.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Huzzah, here's an update! A little earlier than I planned, but take it anyway.

And now for some background information for this verse since things are vastly different: Blaine and Kurt are juniors. Quinn and Puck never had Beth or slept together. Finn never joined the Glee Club because with Blaine there Mr. Schue wasn't looking for a male lead that could keep up with Rachel. The Glee Club hasn't made it past Regionals and they aren't even on Sue's radar because they suck so much since they can't even keep up enough members to compete half the time. The club is basically Rachel, Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Blaine, and Artie from the cast right now. They tend to force the band guys to perform with them during competitions just so they have enough to compete. Sam was around for a week because Mike tried to get him to join, but after the slushies started coming his way he quit. Finn and Rachel never got together – they've never even spoken. Tina and Mike getting together is the only thing really close to canon. They met at Asian camp over the summer same as in canon, and she got him to join Glee so they could spend more time together.

I think that's about it. If you've guys have any questions about something I didn't mention, hit me up with a question on tumblr. If it's not plot related I'll answer it.

Anyway, enjoy and look for an update sometime next weekend probably!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 6

Kurt spent the rest of the day lost in his own head. Even though Santana, Quinn, and a few other Cheerios chattering around him throughout the day he couldn't recall any of the conversations. He'd faked a stomach ache when Santana had started ribbing him during third block, but the lie only made him feel worse. The look of betrayal on Blaine's face was permanently etched into his mind. The way the melting ice had run down his cheeks, the large stains that were splattered over his clothes, but more than anything he remembered the emptiness in the other boy's eyes – the brokenness.

There had been a hollowness in Blaine's gaze that he'd never seen before – one that he'd put there. Not only did it make him feel guilty, but it also scared him. Even if he'd only tormented Blaine over the past two years he'd still known him for five years before that. He'd never seen Blaine look like that – like he'd given up and stopped caring. That wasn't what Blaine did. Even when Kurt had turned his back on him two years ago and Blaine had been devastated, he hadn't looked like that.

When the final bell rang Kurt let Santana and Quinn shuffle him off towards the parking lot, and without a word he wandered over to his car. If either of the girls called him on his abrupt departure he didn't hear it.

He couldn't stand himself right now, couldn't stop replaying that morning and all of the previous Fridays when they'd done the same. It was only when he pulled into his driveway that he realized something. He'd been wrong when he'd thought Blaine had hated him that morning. Perhaps it had been there for a second, but it had disappeared when their eyes had met afterwards. Kurt hadn't succeeded in making Blaine hate him. He'd made him stop caring completely.

As soon as the door creaked open Finn's furious face was in front of him.

"How could you do that to him?" Finn bellowed. "Do you _know_ how long it took him to wash that shit out of his eyes?"

Kurt knew exactly what his step-brother was talking about, and Finn's anger did something nothing else had all day. It jolted him out of his stupor and made the world around him feel like it was moving once more.

"Since when do you care about what happens to him?" Kurt snarled back. "You didn't care last week. Or two years ago when that used to happen to him _and_ me."

"Guys!" Burt hollered, and Kurt suddenly became aware of his father and Carole standing behind his outraged step-brother. "Calm down _now_. Finn, you've barely even explained to us what happened."

"They– he and– "Finn spluttered in rage, pointing at Kurt. He took a deep breath that made him swell like a bull frog. "They cornered Blaine and slushied him. A ton of them. He probably froze to death on his way home."

"Stop being dramatic. I didn't... "Kurt began, but Burt's face morphed into a look of pure fury and Kurt's words died in his throat.

"Even after what I said to you, you still continued to- to– " Burt said, his voice hard and controlled. Kurt could see the anger in his eyes, and the disappointment. He felt something inside his chest start to break at the look. Blaine's expression had been unbearable enough that morning, but he couldn't handle his father on top of that. Carole stepped in.

"Burt, let Kurt say his side at least," Carole insisted. "Maybe he– "

"Maybe he what?" Burt bellowed, and all three of them jumped. "Maybe he stopped being the sweet, kind, compassionate young man I thought I raised?"

"Dad, I didn't– "

"Didn't what, Kurt?" Burt demanded. "Slushy that poor boy today? But you did last week, and however many weeks before that. After all the kid has done for you, you treat him like shit. When does it stop?"

"I– Dad, I'm–"

"We're going over to Blaine's house," Burt said suddenly, firmly. "Right now. I was going to let you do this on your own, but obviously I can't trust you to be a decent person anymore. You're going to apologize to him and make this right."

"But just saying it won't make a difference, "Kurt started to argue, but his father's words filled him with dread. He couldn't face Blaine like that. All he kept doing was digging himself into a deeper hole and hoping it would swallow him up or that this mess would just disappear. Confronting Blaine face to face would be agonizing, and Blaine's new indifference and possible anger made him want to curl up under the house and never come out. "Words won't make him– "

"Then you're going to prove it to him," Burt told him. "I don't care what it takes, Kurt. I am not sitting by and watching you destroy yourself like this. I am not going to watch you destroy _Blaine_."

"I am _not_ going over there!" Kurt hollered back, panic and guilt bursting to life in his chest. He couldn't face it– him. Not after everything he'd done. Kurt just wanted Blaine to hate him, wanted him to get out of his head and his heart and his life so he could stop feeling like such a monster.

"You're going," Burt ordered, grabbing Kurt roughly by the arm. "You'll spend all of your Winter break with him and beyond that if that's what it takes. You won't see those Cheerios or any friends from school, and if you don't try to make this right I will personally go into school with you your first day back and sit down with Coach Sylvester and Principal Figgins."

"But Dad– "

"You'll be off the Cheerios for good until you understand what you're doing to Blaine– to yourself."

"I– but– you _can't_– "

"Don't tell me what I can't do, Kurt Elizabeth," Burt snapped, tugging him towards the front door. "Come on."

Feeling like he was being dragged to his own execution, Kurt let Finn and Burt force him out of the house and back down the driveway. Carole trailed behind them silently, but even the normally sympathetic woman looked disappointed and upset.

Kurt's chest ached terribly at the thought. He'd been a bastard, and he'd started to realize maybe all of this was the wrong solution, but he'd already set his course. It was too late to change all of this now. It was too late to even hope that some part of Blaine might still offer him forgiveness. No matter what his father said he couldn't rewrite all of this or fix it – he couldn't get back what he'd lost.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt twisted impatiently in his seat, eyeing the clock on the far wall. At the desk next to him, Blaine was staring just as fixedly at him. Today was the day. As soon as the final bell rang the new roster for the Cheerios would go up and Kurt's whole world might change. He wasn't sure what he hoped was on that piece of paper in eight minutes, but he hoped whatever happened that it turned out good for both of them. <em>

_Since the first day of school four weeks ago he and Blaine had been mocked, slushied, shoved into lockers, and, in Blaine's case, given several swirlies by the football team. The only reason Kurt hadn't had the same was because he had taken to using the girl's bathroom with Mercedes and Tina. Their fellow Glee Clubbers stuck with them, which was nice, but he didn't know how they'd react if he joined the Cheerios._

_"Relax," Blaine muttered from his side. "Just a few more minutes a– "_

_The chime that started the afternoon announcement began over the loud speaker, and Kurt started swallowing huge mouthfuls of air. His hands were shaking, and his mind was buzzing. It was insane how much this tryout had come to mean to him, but it gave him some sort of hope. Maybe things could get better for them if he nailed this. Maybe they wouldn't have to suffer everyday just because they existed._

_As soon as the announcements ended the dismissal bell rang and Kurt vaulted for his chair and beat the rest of the class out the door. It was only when he was leaping down the stairs that he realized his bag wasn't smacking against his hip. Blaine would surely grab it for him, though. Blaine was always there to help hold him together._

_A large crowd of girls were gathered around the notice board when he turned the corner. Even from a distance he could tell most of them were crying over the huge red and white list. A strong hand closed over his boney shoulder and squeezed._

_"It's going to be fine," Blaine assured him. Kurt looked over at him, trembling and breathing shallowly. A closed lipped smile greeted him, but there was a steady, calm glow in Blaine's eyes that finally made him stop shaking like a leaf. "Come on," Blaine encouraged, using his grip on Kurt's shoulder to steer him down the hall. "Let's go take a look."_

_Kurt stumbled along at Blaine's side as the other boy cleared a path through the girls until they could see the list. He was shocked when a few of the girls reading it turned around and glared fiercely at him, but Blaine smiled good-naturedly at them and they moved along. As they moved he found himself right in front of the list. After a deep steadying breath and another shoulder squeeze from Blaine he started to read._

_Listed in order of who sucked the _least_:_

_Quinn Fabray_

_Brittany Pierce_

_Santana Lopez _

_Kurt Hummel_

_An obnoxiously high-pitched squeal escaped from Kurt's mouth, but he didn't care. He threw himself into Blaine's waiting arms. "I made it! I made it!"_

_For a moment he thought Blaine was going to twirl him around, but the other boy's grip loosen as he stepped back. Kurt barely even registered what he'd just thought or why. Blaine was beaming at him as they left the crowd of girls in the hallway._

_"I can't believe it," Kurt gushed as they stepped out into the bright sunlight. "I'm going to– I _am_ a Cheerio. Nobody will slushy me once I'm in that uniform."_

_"Yeah," Blaine agreed quietly. "It's... it's gonna be great."_

_Even through the happy haze clouding Kurt's head he detected the difference in the other boy's tone. He glanced over at Blaine as they started their usual trek down the street to his house. The proud smile had faded from Blaine's face to be replaced by a look Kurt was more than familiar with. It was the same look Blaine wore whenever his father scolded or ridiculed him – dejected, anxious, hopeless._

_"Hey," Kurt said, pausing on the sidewalk and grabbing for Blaine's hand. "What... what's wrong? This is a _good_ thing."_

_"A good thing f- for you," Blaine corrected, keeping his eyes downcast. "What if... just because they won't go after you anymore doesn't mean they won't go after me."_

_"They won't if I say they can't," Kurt said firmly. "I'll have power, Blaine. _Real_ power and people to back me up– "_

_"The Cheerios won't defend me," Blaine cut in miserably. "No matter how much you want them to, they won't."_

_"I– we'll..." Kurt trailed away as Blaine started to walk down the sidewalk again. Quickly he followed after him, latching back onto the other boy's hand tightly. "We'll figure something out, okay? I'm in now, maybe if I can establish myself within the group I can get them to follow me and stop doing all the mean things they do in general."_

_"Maybe," Blaine mumbled sullenly as they stopped at the corner to wait for the light to change._

_"Blaine, this doesn't– you're still my best friend no matter what," Kurt assured him softly. "Nothing is going to change that. I thought you were still going to try out for one of the sports teams."_

_"My um, my dad wouldn't sign the form for the tryouts," Blaine muttered. "Said I'm too little and I'd just get hurt."_

_"You're bigger than me," Kurt cut in angrily._

_"I'm not Cooper," Blaine whispered quietly, and there were tears glistening in his eyes. _

_Without another word Kurt knew Blaine and his father had had another argument. They'd been having more and more lately, and Kurt thought a lot of it stemmed from the fact that Blaine kept brushing his father off whenever he wanted to talk about girls. James Anderson wasn't a stupid man, and Kurt realized he'd more than figured out where Blaine's romantic interests lied. Blaine's father didn't like it at all, and every time Kurt had visited their house within the past month there'd always been little comments about how Blaine needed to be more like his older brother._

_"No, you're not," Kurt agreed. "You're Blaine and you're amazing, okay? We're going to figure this out. I'm sure there's some team you can join. Soccer or something."_

_Blaine looked over at him as Kurt squeezed his hand tighter. The tears were still shining in his eyes, but he was smiling a little bit._

_"What about football?"_

_"And have all that nasty helmet hair?" Kurt crinkled his nose at the thought as they started across the street."I absolutely forbid it."_

_"You don't mind it on _Finn_," Blaine reminded him. There was sharp sullenness to his voice as he spoke, and a distance flicker in his gaze that Kurt didn't understand. When Blaine hadn't shown much interest in prattling on about Kurt's crush he'd taken to keeping his thoughts to himself. But every now and then Blaine brought him up with a random little comment, and it bugged Kurt because he didn't understand why Blaine did it._

_"Well, Finn's... he's nice to look at," Kurt mumbled defensively, his face heating up._

_Blaine was silent for a moment as they continued to walk. "I've never been much of a football player, anyway. Cooper was teaching me how to box. Maybe I'll talk to my dad about doing that outside of school. If he sees I can handle that then maybe he'll let me join something in the spring."_

_Kurt smiled encouragingly at the temporary solution, but on the inside he was worried. What if he couldn't protect Blaine from the girls he was supposed to call his teammates? What if he had to pick a side before spring ever got here?_

* * *

><p>Kurt leaned against the banister on Blaine's front porch, listening to his father knock for the tenth time and trying to ignore the pounding of his heart. Blaine's car was parked in the driveway, but they'd been standing on the porch for fifteen minutes and despite his father's calls and knocks nobody was answering.<p>

"His dad's car isn't here," Kurt mentioned hopefully. "They're probably gone for the holidays."

Burt paused in his pounding and glanced over at the driveway. His gaze traveled to Kurt's disinterested expression, to Finn's look of boredom, and then Carole shivering between the boys. Much to Kurt's chagrin he looked more determined than ever.

"I'm sure someone has to be home," Burt insisted. "School _just_ let out half an hour ago. There's no way they left already if he was at school today."

"But he left early," Finn told him, his anger flaring up again. "He left because he was soaked and had nothing to wear."

Kurt glared over at his stepbrother as his stomach clenched. For the past twenty minutes he'd been repeating the same mantra over and over in his head. _Don't think about it. Don't think about him._

Unfortunately it wasn't working at all. Memories of summer afternoons spent curled up in the porch swing with Blaine while they read magazines and books, or out on the lawn playing in the sprinkler, or even having water gun fights with Cooper were chasing each other around in his head. They were moments he hadn't thought about in a long time, and while it hurt him in some ways it also made him want to smile.

"_Someone_ is home," Burt repeated, turning back to the door. He ran his hand over the top of the door ledge, but pulled back empty-handed. "And if Blaine won't let us in himself, we're going in to him."

Kurt's eyes widen in disbelief as his father picked up the doormat as he continued his search for a spare key. Fortunately Carole seemed to finally be seeing his side of all of this. Now maybe he'd get out of here before the memories started choking him.

"Burt," Carole said gently. "Maybe we should just go home and call them later. Set something up or– "

"No," Burt cut in angrily. "We're doing this today. I'm not letting this continue anymore." He turned back to Kurt, and Kurt cowered away from his father's fury. "You used to come here all the time. I'm sure you know where the spare key is."

Despite himself, Kurt looked up and his eyes flickered briefly to the wooden porch swing for a split second. It was all his father needed in order to go over to it and start running his hands over the underside. A few seconds later a triumphant noise greeted his ears and his father returned with the little copper key in hand.

"Burt, really, I'm pretty sure this is considered breaking and entering," Carole persisted anxiously as Burt stuck the key into the lock.

"Don't worry about that," Burt muttered as he pushed the door open. "Blaine? Are you here, kiddo?"

Silence greeted his words and Kurt finally snapped and huffed loudly. "See? Nobody's home. _Now_ can we go? I've got an episode of– "

"Oh, no," Burt said sharply. "You're not watching television or doing anything until you settle this."

"But– "

"_No,_" Burt told him firmly. He stared into the quiet entry way for a few moments before stepping over the threshold. "Come on. Maybe he's ignoring us."

"_I_ would if I was him," Finn agreed, glaring pointedly at Kurt.

"Oh, shut up," Kurt snapped. "You can't even remember what a right angle is."

"I can, too!" Finn said furiously. "_Blaine_ taught me that."

"Boys," Carole scolded, following them into the entry way as Burt disappeared down the hall, calling for Blaine.

Burt returned from the other side of the hall a few minutes later, looking annoyed. He sighed loudly as he stopped in front of them. "Nobody's down here."

"Right, now let's go– "

From upstairs something creaked loudly, and then something heavy and solid dropped onto the floor. They all glanced up at the ceiling as something – bed springs, Kurt thought – creaked once more.

"He must be asleep," Burt said, starting up the stairs. "Come on."

Kurt remained where he was as Carole nervously followed after him. It was only Finn's strong shove that forced Kurt towards the stairs, and then Finn's large, solid body blocking him from turning around and heading back outside that made him follow his father and Carole.

From down the hall he saw Burt knock softly on a door – Blaine's door. He'd never forget the layout of the Anderson house, not after all the nights he'd spent here with his best friend. Another sharp pang ripped through his chest. God, he'd really fucked up, hadn't he? Blaine still didn't hate him, and regardless of what happened now he would continue to hate himself. He couldn't change that, and even if he'd hoped to replace his own self-hatred with Blaine's eventual hatred of him to justify everything to himself he didn't think that was going to work anymore.

At the end of the day he wasn't going to gain his own forgiveness by trying to force Blaine to hate him. The thought that he'd been wrong to even try made his legs feel weak as he followed Carole into Blaine's room.

Kurt was slightly surprised to find that Blaine's room hadn't changed much. There were a few more awards and trophies on the dresser, a new flat screen television to replace the old bulky one, but otherwise the room was just as he remembered it. The sight of the familiar room was in sharp contrast to the young man he saw on the bed, sound asleep and curled up on his stomach with a melted ice pack on his back.

Blaine had definitely changed in the two years since they'd been friends, both physically and in other ways. The Blaine he remembered wouldn't have let Kurt continue to slushy him – that Blaine was the same one who had snapped back just as viciously as Kurt had back then. The same Blaine that had prepared an angry song for Glee that afternoon that had ended with Kurt fleeing the room and never returning.

Maybe that was part of the reason Kurt kept at it, besides wanting Blaine to hate him. Perhaps he just wanted Blaine to snap back – to _fight_ back the way he once had. But for reasons he couldn't understand Blaine didn't do that anymore. He stood his ground and made sure Kurt had a target, but he never pushed back.

A flash of guilt passed through him as Burt lifted the ice pack up to reveal one large, darkening bruise across Blaine's back. Immediately he knew it was from the locker vents Blaine had been slammed, and then held, against. There were hand-shaped marks on Blaine's upper arms as well that made Kurt squirm uncomfortably. _He'd_ caused that, and nobody in this room was going to let him forget it.

"Oh, you poor thing," Carole gushed as soon as she laid eyes on him. She bustled over quickly and stood next to Burt, too tentative to touch the sleeping boy, but her eyes were moving swiftly over his back and Kurt knew she was falling into nurse mode.

Burt dropped the lukewarm ice pack onto the bedside table and then bent to retrieve the alarm clock Blaine had knocked off in his sleep. That explained the noise they'd heard at least. His father shook his head briefly, shot Kurt a disappointed glance, and gently shook Blaine.

"Blaine, wake up. It's Burt," his father said softly. Blaine groaned faintly and wrapped his arms tighter around the pillow beneath him. "Come on, kiddo. You'll be up half the night if you don't wake up."

Burt shook Blaine a little more roughly, and finally Blaine's head rose a few inches off the pillow. "Hmm?"

"Up and at 'em," Burt encouraged, brushing Blaine's curls back. "We've got things to sort out."

"Burt?" Blaine mumbled in confusion, pushing himself up and then wincing. He reached around and gingerly ran a finger over the bruise. "Where's m' i' pack?"

"We'll get you another one," Burt informed him, helping Blaine to sit up. "That one's melted."

"Oh," Blaine said quietly. As he sat up and pushed the blankets off of himself, he caught sight of Kurt in the doorway. Kurt flinched as Blaine's expression morphed instantly into anger. "What's going on?"

Burt followed Blaine's line of sight, and Kurt crossed his arms tightly over his chest. He should just run out now, just leave and refuse to do any of this. But Finn was standing behind him in the doorway. There'd be no getting past him without a real fight.

"Kurt came over to apologize," Burt answered.

"You mean you forced him to," Blaine growled. "Just... just go away. I don't care." Blaine jerked his head in Kurt's direction. "Neither does he. Things aren't going back to how they were, so, _please,_ just stop trying."

"That doesn't mean you can't make something better," Burt argued. "Or at least make peace so you both aren't so miserable."

"Dad, I'm not miserable," Kurt snapped. "I've got everything I've ever wanted– "

"Nice to know hogging the closet is still something you want then," Blaine cut in waspishly. "I guess once my growth spurt hit there really wasn't enough room for the two of us, right?"

Kurt trained his gaze on the floor and didn't answer. There was nothing remotely redeeming he could say to that, because he had outted Blaine. He'd outted Blaine in order to save himself and that was something he'd never be able to take back. Everything he'd been doing couldn't be taken back, which was why he just kept pushing forward with it. Time was linear for him, and once he chose a path there was no changing it. He'd picked this course and now he had to see it through, because there were no take backs. There was nothing he could do to make this up to Blaine, and he was still trying to learn to live with that.

"You _what_?" Burt demanded.

"Burt– "

"No, Carole. Can't you see why this can't go on?"

"Please," Blaine cut in. "Just go home. Leave me alone. I don't– "

"No," Burt told him. The desperation in his father's voice, the note of pleading made it feel like Kurt's heart had shattered in his chest. He'd known Blaine and him had both suffered from their fallout, but he'd never realized the truth would hurt his father so much. The fact that Blaine seemed to mean so much to Burt made his eyes burn with unshed tears. "Come on, you two _can_ work this out."

"There's _nothing_ to work out," Blaine insisted, glaring up at Kurt. "There's nothing left of the Blaine and Kurt you cared about, all right?"

Nothing left of them, Kurt repeated to himself. As he looked over Blaine's strong torso, at the chiseled definition of his cheeks and jaw and the dull, sad light in his eyes he knew Blaine was right. They weren't the same skinny fourteen year olds anymore.

Burt sighed loudly and looked between them again. "I'm not giving up on this. Just because you two did doesn't mean I will. I'll get your parents in on it if I have t– "

Blaine snorted loudly and rolled his eyes. Even Kurt was shocked at the action, because Blaine never acted that way towards an adult, especially Burt. "Like they care. Didn't care if they left me alone for Christmas and they won't care if we're friends or hate each other. Just let me go back to sleep."

A heavy silence followed Blaine's words as Blaine slumped back down onto the bed and buried his face into his pillow.

"Y- you're alone for Christmas?" Carole whispered sadly.

A muffled noise answered her, and Finn stepped up from behind Kurt eagerly. "You can stay with us!"

"What?" Kurt gasped in horror. "No!"

"Actually," Burt cut in, looking thoughtful. "I think that's a great idea."

Blaine pulled the pillow away from his mouth enough to disagree, but Burt stopped him quickly.

"No. That's ten days and you're only sixteen– "

"Seventeen," Blaine corrected miserably.

"You're not allowed to be home by yourself for that long," Burt continued sternly. "Come on, you'll stay with us. It'll be like old times."

"I– "

Blaine stopped talking, but Kurt could see his shoulders visibly slump, could see the defeat in his posture and the exhaustion on him face. There was no doubt in his mind that Blaine the prospect of being alone for that long was making Blaine feel even worse.

Burt added the final words that would make Blaine's decision for him, because even now Kurt realized that the last thing Blaine wanted was his parents' involvement in anything that made him look less than perfect like they thought Cooper was. That was something he'd figured out years ago and had once been hoping to make right. Now it was just going to end up with both of them stuck in the same house.

"I'll call them both and let them know Cooper won't be out this year and tell them it's against the law for you to stay alone for that long," Burt informed him. "You might as well just come with us now, since I'll offer to let you stay with us anyway."

"I– _fine_," Blaine grumbled, yawning and looking completely defeated.

As Finn and Burt started to gather a few things from around the room and the bathroom Kurt watched on, keeping his eyes fixed on any point in the room that wasn't Blaine. He should have known his father would work all of this to his advantage when he'd said he was going to make Kurt spend the whole week proving that he was sorry.

Now Kurt just had to figure out if he could really bring himself to admit it.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Meant to post this last night, but here it is! Right on time, surprise, surprise! Look for eight sometime next weekend, and Happy Mother's Day!

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 7

Blaine could barely keep up with what was going on around him as he was ushered into the house by Carole and Finn. Kurt and Burt were lingering behind them, and just the thought of his old friend sent a spike of anger and regret through Blaine. He just wanted the pain to stop, for Kurt to just disappear from his life, but on another level he didn't want to say goodbye even now. Each day he kept telling himself things couldn't get any worse, and yet somehow today he'd eaten his own words.

He was exhausted, miserable, and wanted to fall asleep somewhere cold and lonely and never wake up from this nightmare. For years he'd come face to face with the fact that Kurt wasn't the boy he'd loved, or if he was he hid it from the world, but this morning had broken him like nothing else could. It made it abundantly clear that he'd only been fooling himself into believing any decent part of Kurt still existed, and yet here he was accepting their offer for a place to have some company over the holidays. He wasn't sure when he'd become such a masochist, but he was positive that was the only way to describe himself now. Why else would he torture himself by so easily agreeing to come here?

Of course, when Burt had presented the offer he'd been too worn down to bother putting up much of an argument. Even now as he was ushered into the living room with Finn prattling away at his side he couldn't manage more than a few nods and mumbled replies.

Much to his surprise Kurt hung back in the entry way to the room instead of disappearing down to his room as Burt dragged Finn off to find the old cot they had buried in the garage. Carole sat down next to Blaine and placed her hand against his forehead as Kurt looked on.

"You feel a little warm, sweetheart," Carole told him. "I'll get you some Tylenol for the pain. If you're getting sick from being so cold it'll help with that, too."

"I– okay," Blaine mumbled in surprise. He barely even remembered this woman, and he was positive she didn't remember him at all from those distant cub scout meetings, but she was already being so gentle and caring with him. "Thank you."

"It's no problem," Carole assured him as she stood up. She glanced over at Kurt. "How does beef stew sound for dinner, boys?" She looked back to Blaine. "It'll warm you up."

"But I can't eat anything heavy– "

"Oh, Kurt, please. You're a sixteen year old boy. You'll be hungry again before you go to bed."

"I– _fine_," Kurt relented, crossing his arms tightly and taking a few steps into the room. "But if Coach Sylvester gets on me about my weight– "

"I'll make sure to come into the school and personally put her in her place about it," Carole finished, smiling softly as she patted Blaine on the shoulder and shuffled off to the kitchen.

It hit Blaine suddenly that he and Kurt were now alone. For the first time in years they were alone and there was nowhere for Blaine to run off to. There was nothing for Kurt to throw in his face or any Cheerios to encourage him to say cruel things. Despite how hopeless Blaine was feeling when it came to Kurt, he stared over at the other boy. There had to be some small part of his Kurt left, even if he didn't let it show. Part of him hoped for a glimpse, and the other half of him didn't. If he caught sight of him he'd never really be able to let this go. He'd keep standing his ground and crying himself to sleep and hoping desperately, despite all the odds and things in their way, that Kurt would come back to himself.

Kurt bit his lip as he inched further into the room. It was a nervous habit Blaine was familiar with, and it surprised him. Did Kurt think he was going to start hitting him or something? He certainly deserved it, but right now Blaine could barely keep his eyes open.

"Do you want to um, watch something?" Kurt asked, sounding timid.

It struck Blaine hard that those words were the nicest thing Kurt had said to him in two years. Blaine shrugged noncommittally, and watched Kurt shuffled from foot to foot nervously. It was certainly a nice change from how things had been for so long. It made Blaine feel powerful for once, but he wouldn't use his supposed power the same way Kurt did. He wouldn't turn against the other boy with it. No matter what he wouldn't become who Kurt had.

From down the hall came the sound of grunting and scraping as Burt and Finn carried the small cot into the house from the garage. As they passed by, Kurt and Blaine watched them. It took them a few minutes to fit the little cot through the basement door, but then they were gone and Kurt and Blaine were alone again.

"Look," Kurt said suddenly, briskly. "Let's just act buddy-buddy so my Dad stops this nonsense. Then we can go back to– "

"To what?" Blaine asked in disbelief. "Back to how things where? You mean like how they were this morning? Or maybe last week or two years ago? Maybe I don't _want_ to go back to any of that. Maybe I just want to forget you were ever a part of my life."

"I– you... you can't mean th– "

"Why the hell can't I?" Blaine said loudly, and Kurt turned his face away, looking uncharacteristically hurt. The vindictive part of Blaine took a sick satisfaction in the look. "You built me up and made me the happiest I can ever remember being, and then you knocked my feet out from under me. I'd rather just forget all of that, because knowing who you were – how much you meant to _me _– makes it hurt that much more."

Kurt opened his mouth to reply, but then snapped it closed. He glanced away again, and Blaine had a feeling that there was a lot more Kurt wanted to say right then, but for whatever reason he couldn't or wouldn't. That brief flash of regret, of something more that reminded Blaine of the boy he'd once trusted with everything, gave him hope. It also made him feel weak and sick, because his mind kept shouting that this wasn't how things were supposed to be – that even if Kurt was still tucked away from the world, these past two years couldn't be undone.

"Just– whatever," Blaine said in frustration. "It won't matter in a few weeks anyway if Dalton will take me."

"If– you're transferring?" Kurt said in amazement.

"If you got slushied and taunted and ridiculed every damn day by the person you once called your best friend, wouldn't _you_ transfer?" Blaine demanded waspishly.

"I- I guess so," Kurt murmured softly, dropping his gaze and staring at the floor. There was a long silence before Kurt spoke again. "Look, I... I really _am_ sorry, okay?"

"I don't care if you're sorry," Blaine told him, even though his stomach clenched painfully at Kurt's words. God, this was all too much after this morning – after the past two years. To know that there might still be someone worth fighting for inside Kurt hurt too much to think about. "I just want this to be over, and I want to stop hurting. I want my best _friend_ back, but that's never going to happen. You can't give me back what we lost."

"No, you're right," Kurt replied. "We can't go back to how things were after... after all of this."

_We can't seem to move forward or do anything else either_, Blaine thought sadly.

Carole bustled back into the room a moment later with a cup of water and a few pills.

"Here you go, Blaine," she said, handing them off to him. "I'm going to go start dinner. Kurt, will you go make sure they haven't put any holes in the wall carrying that cot downstairs?"

With an almost regretful look at Blaine that pierced right through Blaine's chest, Kurt spun around and disappeared down to the basement.

"He'll open up to you again," Carole said from his side. Startled, Blaine turned to eye her curiously. "There's a lot for him to work through to be as open about himself as you are, but I know Kurt. He's still in there if he'll let you find him."

Blaine cast his gaze over to the basement door way as he turned her words over in his head. The conversation they'd just had had been rough, and nothing like their old ones, but as much as he tried to force it down, his hope was returning. But he didn't want it to. It would only get him hurt again and make it that much harder to finally turn tail and run away to Dalton.

"I thought I knew him, too," Blaine said firmly instead of agreeing with her. "Look where that got me."

Carole didn't argue with him as she rose from the couch and returned to the kitchen.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine couldn't believe how drastically Kurt's life changed the first day he came to school in his uniform. Sure, it was a little big on Kurt since he was about three inches shorter than Blaine, but it looked good, and like the other Cheerios it instantly made him stand out. At first all the looks had scared Kurt, and Blaine had been at his side, clutching his hand reassuringly until the student body adjusted to this new addition to their elite. He didn't think any of them had really noticed his presence at Kurt's side as Kurt slowly built up his confidence, but the other Cheerios certainly did.<em>

_By the end of the day Kurt was holding his head high, and looking pleased at going a whole day without being slushied. Blaine was glad for the change. It made his heart feel lighter to see Kurt beaming as he walked down the halls, except when Finn had taken notice of Kurt. That moment in the hall definitely hadn't made Blaine feel better, but overall he was happy for Kurt. Even if he couldn't get out from under the heap of students to shine, at least Kurt would._

_As long as Kurt was happy then so was he. Which was why the end of the school day made Blaine feel so horrible. They met at his locker like always and made to head outside to go to Kurt's for their usual Friday night, but a trio of Cheerio girls stopped them at the door. Blaine eyed the slushies in their hands warily, hoping desperately that they were for him instead of Kurt._

_"H- hello, girls," Kurt greeted, trying out his new haughty voice._

_The girl in the middle gave him a condescending smile. She was a little taller than Kurt, with tannish skin, and dark straight hair. He thought her name was Satan or something. He hoped he was wrong._

_"Hello, lady balls," she replied, voice dripping with venom. "Is this little bow tied tree monkey bothering you?"_

_Blaine fixed his glare on the tiled floor and said nothing. He knew what was about to happen. In the Cheerios eyes Kurt was one of them now, and Blaine wasn't. For their own reputations they couldn't let Kurt be seen with the likes of him._

_"What? Blaine, isn't– "_

_A cup of frozen slushy slapped Blaine in the face. Kurt gasped loudly beside him and knocked the second one out of the third girl's hands. "How dare y– "_

_"Okay, let me tell you have this is gonna work, lady balls," the middle girl continued sharply. "You're in that uniform, you're on top. So you either start stepping on this little hobbit's head or I'm gonna ends you. Got it?"_

_Before either of them could respond the three girls turned on their heels and exited the building. Blaine reached up and wiped the red slushy from his cheeks and made to pull his glasses off. Kurt's hand batted his away, and a second later he felt his glasses slide off his face._

_"Oh, god, Blaine. I'm so _sorry_," Kurt whispered, sounding slightly hysterical. "This is all my fau–"_

_"No, it's not. Let's just get out of here, okay?" Blaine cut in, trying to sound like he wasn't bothered by what had just happened. _

_Originally he'd thought they'd slushy Kurt as punishment for hanging out with him, but he'd forgotten what Kurt had told him about the agreement all the Cheerios had to sign about their uniforms. Coach Sylvester would have killed those girls if she'd found out they'd been responsible for the stains. Instead they'd targeted him. They were going to try to turn Kurt's friendship with him against them by convincing Kurt that he could save Blaine from their slushies by not being in his presence at school. Blaine had been preparing himself for the beginning of their assault for the past week but it didn't make it any easier._

_Kurt's arm stayed wrapped tightly around his shoulders as they walked the four blocks over to the Hummel house. As usual Burt wasn't home yet, and normally wouldn't be until five or six. Most Fridays the older man came home with a few pizzas or burgers for them as dinner, but right now Blaine couldn't even stomach the thought of food. He was so terrified of what was going to happen within the next few weeks. He didn't want Kurt to lose something that could make his life so much better, but he didn't want to have to pretend they weren't friends either._

_With Kurt's help he washed the slushy out of his hair and off his neck and face. Blaine changed into the pajamas he kept at the Hummels house for their impromptu sleepovers that happened throughout the week and accepted Kurt's comforting embrace as they dropped down onto the bed._

_"I'm sorry," Kurt mumbled again, rubbing his hand over Blaine's curls._

_Despite how worried he was the gesture always made Blaine relax. They'd held each other like this before when things had been bad, but he never got over how content it made him feel. As Kurt continued to whisper his apologies, Blaine felt tears starting to build behind his eyes._

_"I'll just turn in my uniform on Monday, okay? Then they'll forget we exist again and– "_

_"No," Blaine cut in hoarsely, pulling himself out of Kurt's arms and sitting up. "I– you can't give this up, Kurt. It's going to be so good for you."_

_"Yeah, for _me_, not _us,_" Kurt informed him, sitting up as well._

_"No, you– I pushed you to do this, remember? I _wanted_ you to get this so you could get out of _this_" Blaine gestured to his damp hair and the red stains he knew were still on his forehead and cheeks. "I know how much you hate the slushies, and how expensive and important your clothes are to you. I just... I just wanted you to be happier."_

_"But I want _you_ to be happy, too, Blaine. You're my best friend."_

_Blaine nearly flinched at the reminder, and the fact that he almost did made his chest hurt. He should love that Kurt considered him his best friend, and he did really, but he wanted so much more. If Kurt only thought of him as a friend he'd never stand a chance. Especially with _Finn_ wandering around._

_"I know," Blaine replied quietly. "Please, don't give it up for me, okay? You're so good at it, and maybe these next few months are going to suck, but if you can really get them to look up to you then things could get better."_

_"I– "_

_Kurt looked so uncertain in that moment that Blaine almost changed his mind and took back what he'd just said. But the selfless part of him couldn't do it. He'd rather throw himself into the stampede of slushy wielding Cheerios than let Kurt suffer anymore. He'd already been through enough between all the crap he got from the other boys and losing his mother so young. If doing this meant Kurt didn't have to suffer through any more pain or humiliation then Blaine would see it through. _

_"O- okay, I'll keep with it," Kurt finally agreed, and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief as Kurt tugged him back into his arms._

_Tomorrow he'd call Cooper when he got home. Surely his older brother would have some advice for the situation they were walking into, but for now Blaine shut his eyes and let Kurt hold him against his chest as they fell asleep._

* * *

><p>It was still dark when Blaine woke up. For a moment he couldn't remember where he was or why he was on a small, lumpy bed in a room that wasn't his. Then it all started to come back as he rolled over and caught sight of Kurt's room – well, half of what used to be Kurt's room. There was a lot that had changed down here since their freshmen year, but he'd only caught a few glimpses of it last night.<p>

Even in the dark he could see the outlines of all the different furniture and the shadows on the walls for all the different posters and decorative pieces. Kurt's outward physical appearance had definitely changed and toned down a lot, but his room was just as Kurt and flamboyant as Blaine remembered. Briefly he wondered if any of Kurt's Cheerio friends had ever seen his room, and if so, what they'd thought of it.

Blaine sat up slowly, wincing slightly as his back throbbed. He slid his legs off the bed and took in the drastically smaller room. He thought he remembered Carole mentioning something about splitting up the basement into two rooms for Finn and Kurt last year, but he wasn't sure. Most of what had happened after dinner last night was just a blur for him. Carole leading him down here and showing him the little cot they'd set up for him in Kurt's room, the sound of Kurt and Burt arguing about the arrangement and then deafening silence as Carole had left and shut the door.

He'd fallen asleep almost instantly, only to be awoken by the slam of the door what had felt like a few minutes later. It had probably been several hours, but it didn't really matter. The fact that Kurt had been so furious about his presence was more than enough reason for Blaine to make the decision to leave now. If he stayed he'd just be a burden to them, and make Kurt angry. An angry Kurt would just mean more problems for him when they returned to school in January. _If_ he had to return to McKinley. Part of him hoped he didn't, while the other half of him would miss Glee and his few friends terribly.

Swiftly and quietly Blaine dug his bag out from under the little cot and changed in the dark. He toed on his shoes and slung the bag Finn and Burt had packed up over his shoulder. As soon as he started the motion he realized it was a bad idea, but he wasn't quick enough to stop it. The strap dug painfully into the bruise across his upper back and the heavy weight smacked against it.

A loud hiss of pain echoed around the room and the lump on Kurt's bed twisted around. Several seconds later the bedside lamp flickered on and Blaine found himself staring at a sleep rumpled Kurt, who was rubbing his eyes and patting down his messy hair.

" 'eally? It's, like, five in the mo- o- orning," Kurt yawned, casting his bleary eyes up to Blaine's face.

"I'm going back to my house," Blaine answered quietly, moving towards the door. "Nobody wants me here, anyway."

Kurt groaned and sat up the rest of the way. "Because that's really going to convince my dad that everything's okay again. He'll just drag us all back over to your house to bring you back or whatever."

Blaine grit his teeth and tried to control his temper. They'd only been talking for a few minutes and he already wanted to throttle Kurt. He wasn't sure what was setting him off. Maybe it was just all of the pent up anger he'd been holding onto for the past two years, but he was ready to explode if Kurt started in on him.

"Just tell him I called my parents and I'm going out to stay with Cooper or something," Blaine suggested as he tugged the door open.

"I'm not _lying_ to my dad," Kurt retorted, and those words made Blaine's temper snap.

"Right, because you've never done _that_ before," he replied scathingly.

"Shut up," Kurt snapped, climbing out of his bed. Blaine felt his face flush as he caught sight of Kurt's bare chest. Great, just what he needed right now. "You don't know a– I'm not doing that anymore, all right?" Kurt crossed his arms and looked away from him. "I've hurt him enough because of all of this."

Some of Blaine's anger deflated at Kurt's words, because even now he knew how important Kurt's father was to him. Kurt cherished that relationship in a way he hadn't cherished anything else in his life. Burt was all Kurt had had to hold on to right after his mother's death. At least until he'd met Blaine. A wave of bitterness washed over him. He'd thought he was important to Kurt in the same way, but Kurt seemed to be fine with making him feel much worse than he'd made Burt feel.

"How much more do you have to hurt me for it to be enough?"

The question slipped past Blaine's lips before he'd even thought about it, but he saw, actually _saw_, the flash of pain and regret that took over Kurt's features. In the dim light Blaine saw Kurt's eyes flicker, and he almost swore he saw tears in them.

"I'm just going to– tell your dad I appreciate all of this," Blaine mumbled brokenly as he stepped through the doorway.

"Blaine, I– please, stay," Kurt requested suddenly. "Don't– I just... nobody should spend the holidays alone. "

As Blaine turned around he found himself almost face to face with the other boy. For a brief moment he thought his mind had flashed back to the past and his vision was presenting the face of his old friend to him. Kurt looked so miserable and sad – as broken and terrible as Blaine felt most days. The hopefulness that had almost disappeared yesterday was trickling through him now, because this was _his_ Kurt.

"I really meant what I said," Kurt murmured quietly. "I really _am_ sorry, and I get that you don't believe me, but I just... we can't go back anymore and I... "

Kurt's voice broke and he stopped talking, staring down at the floor. Something tightened painfully in Blaine's chest at his words, because he knew at this moment those words were sincere. If anyone else had been around he doubted they would have ever left Kurt's head, but hearing the words and knowing the thoughts existed made his vision swim unexpectedly.

"That doesn't mean we can't move forward," Blaine told him, but Kurt was already reassembling himself right before Blaine's eyes. Whether or not those words reached him was anyone's guess.

"I'm going to go make breakfast," Kurt said briskly as his usual cool exterior returned. He slid past Blaine and stepped up onto the landing. "I'll set an extra spot for you."

Blaine watched Kurt disappear up the staircase. He wanted nothing more than to believe Kurt's words, but everything that kept happening between them just convinced him of the opposite. Every time Kurt's exterior crackled he cut himself right back off, and Blaine thought he might have an idea of why now. Kurt was scared – had always been scared – of what everyone else would think of the real him. There were two sides of Kurt that existed – the one that he tucked away and protected, and the shield he placed around himself that was vicious and cruel so the same things wouldn't be directed at him.

Blaine only hoped the one that he remembered and had just glimpsed was still the real one.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Ha, I almost made it on time. A few hours off, but it's a lot closer than I thought it would be considering I spent so much time getting the sixth chapter of Long Overdue out. Which brings me to my next point.

Updates aren't going to be as frequent. At least for a little while. Now that the block I had with Long Overdue is gone (hopefully permanently) I'm going to be working on both, with that as my priority. There's only about four chapters left, but I just really want to get it finished and done since it's been taking so long. If I can keep on the schedule I've set for myself, then this will _hopefully_ update the middle of next week. The 30th or 31st most likely. Basically if I update LO then I'll be working on the next one for this, so if you see an update for that then consider that a good sign!

One more note: there's a song in this chapter. It goes with the first section of the chapter. None vocal, piano music I found on youtube. It's called "The Journey" by Michael Ortega (and yes, I did just type sad piano music into youtube. Shhh!) Add this to the usual youtube url: /watch?v=IJfMf5Surck&feature=related

Annnd I think that's it for notices/PSAs/etc.

Enjoy the update!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 8

Once Kurt was in the kitchen he braced his hands on the island counter and shut his eyes. Every inch of him felt like it was made of melting wax. For reasons he didn't quite understand he'd convinced Blaine to stay after spending half an hour the previous night arguing with his father about the other boy's presence in their house. All of the conflicting thoughts he was having were making him dizzy. He _knew_ he was wrong to treat Blaine the way he did, and he _knew_ he was sorry for it, but actually saying it to Blaine made him feel so uncertain. Making an effort to rebuild their bond didn't seem to have much of a point, not after so long or while their social statuses at school remained as they were.

So what if he apologized to Blaine? Things couldn't go back to how they had been – a simple sorry couldn't change or make up for that. He couldn't be seen with Blaine at school or out in public because it would bring all of the jocks and Cheerios back down on Blaine. He'd done everything he could to prevent that in their freshmen year, and it still hadn't been enough because Blaine hadn't cared enough about himself to hide. Blaine had faced them head on and refused to let their friendship be pushed into the dark. At least until Kurt had shoved it down and stomped the life out of it.

Kurt couldn't imagine losing his status at school either. There was no way he wanted to go back to being tormented and shoved into lockers, but was it really fair or right to do it to others just so it didn't happen to him? Was it fair to Blaine to make him feel as humiliated and worthless as it had made Kurt feel?

Kurt dug his elbows into the counter and buried his face in his hands. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He couldn't go back to that. He could barely face Blaine knowing how terribly he'd crushed him, regardless of whether or not Blaine _had_ been in love with him like Burt had said. It was probably foolish for him to think it wasn't true, because the more he thought about it the more he saw the looks and the smiles in his memories – the glances of adoration and just how bright Blaine's eyes could shine when Kurt had smiled at him.

Kurt shook himself and stood up straight. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he couldn't have everything. He'd learned that the hard way when he was fourteen. All the memories of him and Blaine, of the good and bad times made his heart ache and made his limbs feel weak. Now that Blaine was a more solid, purposeful presence in his life again, even if it was by force and not very heartwarming, he felt... strange. More complete or full or himself. There was no reason to hide the real him from Blaine, not when the other boy knew the best and worst he was capable of.

With a great effort Kurt shoved the thoughts aside and started grabbing ingredients for breakfast. He'd have all of winter break to figure this out, and maybe even if he and Blaine couldn't be friends again he could find a way to stop hating himself. A way that meant Blaine didn't have to hate him either.

He startled a bit at the thought and splashed milk onto the counter. For the better part of two years he'd thought the only way forward was to replace his self-hatred with Blaine's. It had never really occurred to him that there might be another way to start liking himself again without hatred being involved from either of them. With a quick shake he went back to pouring skim milk into the measuring cup.

A soft, clear note chimed for the family room. It made Kurt pause again, because someone was sitting at the piano that hadn't been touched in over a year. He went back to stirring as silence filled the room again, but then a short melody began. It was one that jogged Kurt's memory back to his middle school days. Briefly he remembered Blaine trying to teach him the piece the other boy had started writing, but Kurt had never really managed it. He could hold a tune on a piano if he really had to, but Blaine was the one with the inherent gift when it came to musical instruments. There wasn't an instrument Blaine could touch and not pull at least a few notes from, but at the keys of a piano Blaine had always been remarkable.

Kurt let the soft, sad tones wash over him, not realizing his hands had stopped stirring as he listened. He couldn't see Blaine, see the pain, sorrow, or regret on his face, but he could feel it. The whole room seemed to be filling up with it as the music poured from Blaine's fingertips and out into the air. It was almost suffocating to hear, and the brief images in his mind of all the happy moments he remembered with the other boy made the spoon in his hand shake so badly it splashed down into the liquid in the bowl. He was just hoping to re-gain control of himself as the piece neared what had once been the end, but the tones didn't stop.

The chords seared right though him as a new part picked up where Blaine had normally left off. The thought that Blaine had finished his song – one of countless songs he'd been working at – without him, maybe even because of how Kurt had treated him, made tears spring to his eyes.

As the new addition to it finished and the first melody began again, Kurt slid down to the ground between the island and the main counter, drawing his knees up to his chest as his father's rumbling voice carried in from the family room and the piano stopped. An unbearable hollowness had settled in his chest, and as tears started pouring down his cheeks he wondered if this was how Blaine had felt the day he'd lost his best friend. He wondered why it had taken him so long to realized he'd lost the same thing.

* * *

><p><em>Tired and exhausted, Kurt stumbled into the empty boys' locker room after practice. He might be flexible and athletic enough to make the squad, but keeping up with Coach Sylvester's vigorous routines wore him out, and today was only his first official practice. His entire uniform was soaked through with sweat and he didn't even want to <em>think_ about the state of his hair._

_The first thing he did was grab the huge water bottle out of his locker and drop down onto the bench to drink. Kurt downed a third of it in one giant swig and set it aside, stretching his aching arms over his head as something buzzed loudly from inside his locker._

_A bright smile took over his features despite his exhaustion. There one only one person who would be texting him right after Cheerios practice was set to end. He fumbled through his bag and pulled out his phone to see the message._

_Just like he'd thought it was from Blaine. Seeing the short message asking if he was still alive after the beat down made his chest flood with warmth. Blaine, even in text messages, always made him feel happy, content, even safe. It was something nobody else had ever really managed. Especially none of the Cheerio girls. The majority of them side-eyed him in annoyance because he'd been at the top of Coach Sylvester's list, while the girls ahead of him –Quinn, Santana, and Brittany – were trying to pull him into their little gang._

_The only thing the whole squad seemed to have in common was their mutual dislike of his friendship with Blaine. But Kurt wasn't going to let them break them apart. They weren't going to take away the best part of his life, not after he'd agreed to all of this in order to make Blaine's life better at school. _

_The door to the hallway clattered open as he was grabbing his things to shower and he stopped abruptly, feeling uneasy. There were any number of people he didn't want to come through that door, and unfortunately all of them were guys so they could walk right in. He still hadn't been able to gage the jocks' reactions to his social advancement, but he didn't think they'd like him any better when he was parading around in a cheerleading uniform._

_But instead of a hulking jock, or even Blaine, one of the three girls he'd just been thinking about stepped around the row of lockers. Santana's nose was crinkled at the smell, but somehow she still looked as venomous as ever._

_"Hey, lady balls," she greeted. "Me and you need to have a nice little chat."_

_Kurt started to ask what she wanted to talk about, but the girl barreled on. It was trait he was starting to grow accustom to, because when Santana started talking she rarely stopped until she had made her point. _

_"So I get that you and afro like to get handsy and pull each other's dicks or whatever you wanna call it, but you've got something better to hold up to now. Either you ditch Frodo McHeart Eyes and stick with us, or I'll let everyone know just how much you're dying to be bent over something– "_

_"I'm not g– " Kurt started to vehemently refute, but Santana held up a hand and gave him a bitchy look._

_"You're as gay as a flamingo painting unicorns while shrieking about how much you need a mani, okay, Hummel?" Santana snapped, poking him in the chest. "Anyone with eyes can see it, and the only reason this entire school hasn't blown your balls to the Netherlands is because you're in that uniform now."_

_The thought that Santana had figured out his biggest secret terrified him. He wasn't ready. It was only last year that he'd finally admitted it to Blaine, but telling the rest of the world that he wasn't afraid of himself when he still was, was something else entirely. _

_Kurt glared angrily at her for several moments, hating the smug smirk on her face. "What do you want?" he said finally. "What difference does it make to you if I stay or not?"_

_"Okay, look. I don't like you, and I couldn't care less if you spread 'em for Hobbit Boy or some closet case jock," Santana paused and crossed her arms. The corner of her mouth turned down in annoyance. "But you're good. _Really_ good, and we need a strong male presence – or as close as you can give us to one – " Kurt scowled at her "on the team. So you're staying, and that means I'm teaching you the ropes or I'm outting you to all of Lima. Get it?"_

_Kurt opened his mouth to reply, but fear was screaming through his limbs. He couldn't even handle thinking about coming out to everyone, let alone being outted. His father's disappointed face flashed through his mind, and his stomach churned. There was no way he could let it happen._

_"I– just leave Blaine out of this," Kurt demanded, though even he could detect the plea in his voice. He couldn't do that to Blaine, not after everything Blaine had done for him._

_"I'll leave him out of it as soon as _you_ do," Santana retorted sharply. "Ditch him, and I mean _really_ ditch him. Not some half-assed pretend stunt, cause I'll know. In fact, if you tell him _any_ of what I just said this whole deal is off."_

_She started back towards the door, and Kurt was so scared and worried his shampoo bottle fell out of his hands. "But this isn't a deal– "_

_"It is if you want to make it through high school with that uniform," Santana cut in, eyeing him up and down before disappearing around the locker row. _

_A few seconds later Kurt heard the door slam closed as he slumped down onto the bench. He'd sworn to protect Blaine, to find a way to make the torment they both suffered stop. If he stayed Blaine's friend he'd just bring even more of an avalanche down on him, and if he quit the Cheerios Santana would probably still out him and then he'd bring that same attention to Blaine. No matter what way he looked at it things were only going to get worse for Blaine._

_What was he going to do?_

* * *

><p>Several days passed without much incident. Kurt spent a lot of time holed up in his room while Blaine hung out with Finn and avoided coming into the room until he had to sleep. Both of them had separately tried to convince Burt to let Blaine stay in Finn's room, but Burt wouldn't hear of it, especially when he saw how much they avoided each other.<p>

Without his phone, computer, and television Kurt was miserable. He'd read through several of his favorite books and magazines, but he hated being cut off from the world he'd created for himself at McKinley. By Christmas Eve Burt was forcing him out of his room and upstairs to the family room to help decorate the tree and bake cookies.

It was both familiar and awkward to have Blaine present, and every time Kurt looked at him anymore his stomach squirmed. Some small, randomly pointless memory would go off in his mind from just a little glance and it made him feel sick. Sick because of how much wrong he'd done even though he'd told himself he'd isolated and pushed Blaine away to keep him safe. Now he could finally admit the truth of his reasoning: he'd done it to protect himself. Sure, he'd still wanted to keep Blaine safe when Santana had first confronted him, but the following Friday in the hallway had been all about him. Kurt's fears, and Kurt's self-preservation. None of it had been for Blaine's benefit. He'd directed all the negativity at Blaine to keep himself hidden.

"Finn, stop eating all of the popcorn," Carole scolded, smacking her son's wandering hands. "That's for the tree."

"But I'm hungry," Finn whined. "Can't I eat just a little bit?"

"No," Kurt snapped angrily, smacking Finn's hand before Carole had a chance to the second time. "_Stop_. You can eat whatever's left _after_ it's strung up."

"If I don't beat you to it, that is," Blaine chimed in, appearing from behind the tree where he'd been hanging the ornament Carole had passed him. Carole handed him another, a tiny hand shaped one that Kurt had never seen before. There were a lot of ornaments this year that he wasn't familiar with. He supposed that's what happened when two families became one.

"Gee whiz, I can't believe your hand was this small, Finn," Blaine said in amazement. He held it up to his own, and laughed. It was barely as long as his fingers.

At the sound Kurt's stomach gave a funny jump. Confused by the feeling, Kurt stared after him for a moment as Blaine returned to the tree to hang the little hand.

"Didn't you used to have one like that?" Kurt found himself asking as Blaine returned again, smiling pleasantly and seeming at ease. It was strange for Kurt considering how awkward and unnerving the first night and morning had been. Even when they were getting ready to sleep at night, things between them dissolved back into tense silence, but around Kurt's family Blaine was a gentlemen. He fell easily back into place at Kurt's house as long as they ignored each other, and he seemed more at ease than Kurt could recall him ever being at his own house.

It had always been that simple for Blaine at Kurt's house, Kurt had to remind himself. Even the first time Kurt had brought him over after school in fifth grade Blaine had bounced around, laughed loudly and been charming. Blaine always fit in when he was here, or better yet, didn't feel like he needed to fit like he did at his own home. Here he was just Blaine, just himself, and the thought made Kurt shut his eyes and block out the room where Finn and Blaine were laughing at another ornament, this time of Finn's baby foot.

Everything Kurt had just thought about had been taken away from Blaine by him. Through his own actions and need to stay hidden. The only thing trying to stay closeted had done was make him even more terrified of coming out. Now he was so far in he was starting to think he wouldn't find his way out even when he graduated and went to New York.

The timer went off in the kitchen and Kurt stood up quickly, despite Carole's protests, and followed her into the kitchen to take out the last batch of cookies. A pair of strong hands forced him into the seat at the island counter, and Kurt sunk down into it as Carole shuffled over to the oven, turned it off, and pulled the cookies out.

"Blaine sure gets along well with them," Carole commented as she set the cookies on the little rack on the island.

Kurt glowered down at the little gingerbread men, particularly the four with bow ties that Blaine had decorated, and shrugged. He wasn't _mad_ at Blaine for fitting in here so easily, he just hated how everything Blaine did reminded him of what an asshole he'd been and still was to the other boy. How was he supposed to make amends of any kind when just seeing Blaine's face filled him with pangs of regret?

"Him and Dad always got along," Kurt offered as Carole fanned her oven mitt over the tray.

"Hmm," Carole replied.

There was a knowing, annoying little tone to the simple noise that made Kurt snap.

"Hmm, what?" he demanded, and she had the nerve to laugh at him. "Stop laughing at me!"

"Kurt, just... " Carole shook her head, and let out a few more giggles. "Sweetheart, you can't keep pretending like you don't miss him. I've seen all of those old pictures of you two. I know being a Cheerio means a lot to you, but doesn't having Blaine as a friend mean more?"

"I– I'm not pre– we _can't_ go back to how things were," Kurt said forcefully. "There's just no way."

"Don't be so dramatic. Yes, a lot has happened, but who says he _wants_ to go back? Maybe instead of focusing so much on what _has_ happened, you should focus on right _now_."

At Carole's words Kurt's mind jumped back to Friday night, and then Saturday morning. Blaine had said he wanted to forget all of it, everything they'd shared, and Kurt had taken that to mean the good moments as well. He'd also said there was no reason they couldn't move forward. Even though Kurt had tried to block it out and pretend he'd stopped caring again, he'd still heard Blaine's words, the slight, unbearable note of hope in his voice.

"But, I– _how_? How am I supposed to do that when every time I see him I just think about... about all the horrible things I– " Kurt rambled, his voice cracking as he stopped talking.

Carole circled around the counter and cradled his head against her. "Shh, it's not going to be easy, Kurt. You've just got to remember there's good things you two have shared as well. There's even better memories just waiting for you two to create them. Just give yourself a chance to be _you_ again."

Be himself. What a joke. The last time Kurt had really been himself had been the day he'd come out to his father. That had been the weekend after he'd turned against Blaine, and when his father had found him curled up in his bed crying he'd told him exactly who he was.

Since then he'd just built up a fortress around him, posting Cheerio guards and a haughty comeback at every entrance. All the while he'd left his real self to wander the echoing halls until he was so lost he couldn't even find a crevasse to crawl out of.

Carole squeezed him tightly again and went back to the cookies. He watched her pick them off and set them on a plate as he tried to remember if there'd been any point in the last two years that he'd really felt like Kurt. He didn't think there was.

"Carole," Kurt began slowly, "what if– what if I don't know who me _is_ anymore?"

As Carole scooped the last cookie onto the plate, she looked up and gave him a sad, but certain smile. "Blaine does. You let him back into your heart and I promise he'll show you just who Kurt Hummel really is under that uniform."

"But– "

"You once trusted him with everything from what I've gathered," Carole cut in smoothly. "He hasn't let you down yet, even after all of this. Give him a chance."

Kurt stared after her as she carried the plate of cookies out into the living room. Her words hit him hard, a lot harder than he'd expected because he'd been so focused on his own mistakes and choices that he'd never stopped to think that Blaine still hadn't betrayed his trust. Even when he'd tormented, taunted, and made Blaine look like a fool the other boy had always kept his promises even if their friendship had no longer remained. He'd never returned fire and outted Kurt.

Kurt didn't believe that he deserved a second chance of his own, but Blaine did. His old friend deserved a lot more than that.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Here's chapter nine for ya! Sorry, it's a few days later than planned. I've been messing with Long Overdue a lot more. I think I'm gonna to put this on a short hiatus until I finish LO. There's probably only going to be two chapters of that left, and the one is already partially written.

So, yeah. At least 10 days for an update. It might be sooner, but I'm not gonna rush myself and muck up my writing and such.

Until then, enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 9

When Carole and Kurt returned with several plates of cookies, Blaine was surprised to find that the other boy headed straight over to him. The plate was offered, along with an arched eyebrow.

"Yours turned out nice," Kurt said as Blaine looked down at the gingerbread men with red and green bow ties around their necks.

"I– thanks," Blaine mumbled, taking one and biting off his arm. Kurt turned away after that, but the moment hung in Blaine's mind for the rest of the evening. The shift had been subtle, but it was there when it hadn't been before Kurt had gone into the kitchen. He didn't know what Carole might have said, but he thought he was probably gratefully. As much as he didn't want to be around Kurt, he loved being around Burt and Finn. It was nice to feel like he had a few friends to spend what could have been a very lonely week with.

Burt insisted that Blaine play a few Christmas carols on the piano for old time's sake, and tried to get all of them to sing along. It was a huge surprise for all of them when Finn dropped down next to him and started singing along. He sounded quite good, too. If McKinley wouldn't rip him a new one for joining the Glee Club, Blaine would have tried to get him to come to their next meeting.

After another handful of songs they all headed their separate ways to bed. Finn ran off ahead of Blaine and Kurt, which left them alone for another awkward trip downstairs. As usual silence hung heavily around them when they were alone together, but it didn't feel quite as awkward as it usually did. Blaine thought it might be because of the lingering notes that were still playing in his head, but being reminded of how they'd once sang those same songs together made everything less tense. They stepped into Kurt's room and Kurt went over to his dresser and starting pulling out his pajamas.

"You can use the bathroom first if you want," Kurt offered.

Surprised by the invitation, Blaine accepted and shuffled off with his bag. There really wasn't much that he did before bed unlike Kurt so he was done and back in the bedroom after five minutes. Kurt went in immediately after and Blaine settled down on his cot quietly, staring up at the ceiling and wondering about the tiny change he'd noted in Kurt so suddenly.

Half an hour later Kurt crawled into his own bed and flicked the light off. Blaine wanted to say something, anything really, to figure out if maybe Kurt was going to give this a chance, that maybe they could rebuild something of what they'd lost. Or at the very least he could help Blaine forgive him for all of this. He couldn't find the words, though, and instead stayed quiet.

"I keep thinking we need to stake out the living room like we did in fifth grade," Kurt remarked suddenly, and despite himself Blaine laughed.

"If only your dad had been a bit more theatrical and bought a costume then we probably still would," Blaine replied, smiling slightly at the memory. The thought of the past still made his chest ache some, but with Kurt stifling his own laugh, the pain didn't feel as deep or heavy.

"I doubt he would have been able to pull it off even with a Santa suit," Kurt decided after a moment. "He's not much of an actor."

"Who knows? He might have surprised us," Blaine replied simply. "I think the shock of actually thinking we were seeing Santa might have given him a decent chance."

"Until he opened his mouth," Kurt retorted.

They both laughed again, together this time, and as soon as they realized it the sound died off. An almost unbearable sense of nostalgia had dropped down into the pit of Blaine's stomach. At one point in their lives, laying in Kurt's room giggling until the wee hours of the morning had been a constant. They'd tell stories and laugh and try to sneak back upstairs for snacks or to watch late-night television. Burt had usually caught them, but it had still been fun all the same. Some of those nights had been the happiest moments Blaine could recall, because before he'd met Kurt there hadn't been much in his life. Then once Kurt had shoved him away there'd only been a lot of misery despite having the Glee Club at his side.

"I would have forgiven you, you know," Blaine said abruptly. "Back then, if you'd come to me to try to apologize or whatever... it would have taken some time, but I would have."

The room was silent for a minute, and Blaine almost thought Kurt had slunk back into his aloofness or maybe even fallen asleep, but then he spoke.

"I know," Kurt whispered. There was a certain heartbreak in his voice, a voice that had come out so timid and soft that Blaine had to strain his ears to hear it. But he did hear it. Kurt sounded so defeated and overwhelmed in those two simple words, and Blaine just didn't understand it. Didn't understand any of this, and why Kurt hadn't done just that if he'd known they could have worked it out. He didn't understand why the other boy sounded so upset at the fact when he'd clearly done nothing but make Blaine miserable for two years after the fact. If he'd cared enough to want to – if Blaine had actually meant something to him – then why had he chosen the Cheerios over that?

Blaine turned his head to try to look at Kurt, but it was too dark and even though his eyes had adjusted some he could barely see the outline of Kurt's profile.

"Then why do you– I just don't... I don't _get_ it," Blaine fumbled in exasperation. "Did you– _do_ you," Blaine corrected, "just want me to hate you?"

Silence followed his question, and Blaine turned his gaze back up to the ceiling. He blinked back the tears already threatening to fall, because Kurt didn't seem to want to answer that question, which probably meant it was true. All Blaine wanted was to understand why. They'd been best friends and Kurt had thrown it all away even though he'd known he could have gotten it back. None of it made any sense to Blaine.

"Yes," Kurt's voice said suddenly, lifelessly. "Maybe if you'd hated me... maybe then I could stop h- hating myself. But you didn't."

Kurt's last three words were almost accusatory, but Blaine was too stunned by the admission he'd just heard to even fathom a reply. The bed sheets rustled as Kurt rolled over and faced away from him.

"Goodnight, Blaine," Kurt mumbled, his voice shaky and not at all like it's usual confident self.

A heavy thud echoed over from Finn's room, but Blaine stayed quiet. He didn't know how to respond to that. Two years ago he might have, but not now. If he'd confronted Kurt outside of school on his own back then, then maybe he would have found the right words or the right response to Kurt's self-hatred –maybe they could have cut this fallout off before they'd smacked the ground. Now all he had was the idea that, if either of them had bothered to take that step that weekend, things would have turned out very different.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt's huge grin greeted Blaine when he pulled his front door open. The other boy was once again in his uniform and it took Blaine a moment to shake off the bizarre feeling he got at the sight. It was only the third day of Kurt's new position, but it was still hard for Blaine to adjust to not speculating on Kurt's outfit every morning. Even in the plain cheerleading outfit Kurt still looked stunning, and Blaine's heart squirmed as he looked him over. He turned away swiftly as something else twitched, his face flooding with color he hoped Kurt wouldn't noticed.<em>

_"Hey, are you ready?" Kurt asked, stepping in as Blaine turned towards the hall and stuffed one of his hands into his pocket._

_"I, um. Just a minute. G- gotta get my bag and tell my mom," Blaine stammered, willing his body back into submission._

_His mother shuffled in from the kitchen, his bag in hand. _

_"I thought I heard a knock," she said cheerfully, pecking Kurt on the cheek. "How are you, dear? I see you've made the squad."_

_"I'm great," Kurt replied happily. _

_Blaine took his bag from her, still blushing and took his time putting it on._

_"Are you okay, sweetheart? You look a little flushed," his mom asked in concern. She pressed her palm against his forehead and Blaine squirmed away in embarrassment._

_"I'm fine, Mama. _Really_," Blaine insisted as Kurt laughed._

_"Hmm," she hummed, looking him over once. "Well, have a good day, boys. Are you coming back here after school?"_

_"No, we've got Glee Club," Blaine mumbled, trying to keep his voice down in case his father heard those words. "Maybe for dinner."_

_"All right, Blaine," she brushed his curls off his forehead, kissed his forehead and then straightened his glasses. "I'll see you tonight."_

_Blaine nodded and quickly rushed out the door, tugging Kurt with him. Kurt was still giggling at his side when they crossed the street. _

_"It's not _funny_," Blaine snapped, trying to fix his hair until it felt right again. Kurt just smiled brightly and slid his arm around Blaine's waist, dropping his cheek onto Blaine's shoulder._

_"I think it's cute," Kurt told him, pinching his cheek roughly. Blaine's heart leapt at Kurt's words, but part of him also hated them. Cute wasn't going to make him catch Kurt's eyes. Being six foot and a football player would. "She's really great, you know. You're lucky to have her."_

_Blaine's steps faltered for a second as he took in the wistfulness in Kurt's tone. God, he always forgot, always regretted complaining about his mother in any way around Kurt. It only came back to punch him in the gut because Kurt's mother was dead, and even now, almost eight years later, Kurt still missed her terribly._

_"Yeah, I– sorry. She's... I only complain because I love her," Blaine tried to explain sheepishly._

_"Hey, don't worry about it. It's not like I don't complain about my dad or anything," Kurt shrugged, head still on Blaine's shoulder. A month ago it never would have worked, especially while they were walking, but Kurt seemed to being shooting up the same way Blaine had over the summer._

_As they crossed the final crosswalk and turned the corner the school came into view. Kurt tensed at his side and suddenly stood up straight, letting go of Blaine's side and straightening his bag. Blaine slumped down a little at the loss, eyeing Kurt as the other boy pulled out a hand-mirror and made sure his hair was perfect. It wasn't anything new to Blaine, really, because Kurt had always cared a lot about his appearance, even if nobody else at McKinley noticed or appreciated it. But things were subtly changing in this little morning routine._

_Last week Kurt had casually pulled his mirror out, not even bothering to let go of Blaine and given himself a once over, or a little fix here or there. Yesterday, he'd pulled away to fix his uniform and make sure everything was perfect, much like he just had. He'd given Blaine's hand a little squeeze after, and then kept a small distance between them. _

_Today, when Kurt had finished his primping he gave Blaine a little smile and nod towards the school. Blaine swallowed thickly and fell into step beside his best friend. Because that was all he was ever going to be wasn't it? If he was even that in a few weeks. Kurt might not have noticed how he was changing in these past few days, but Blaine did. He was distancing himself from Blaine physically, and while Blaine had certainly anticipated a lot of it because of the new part of Kurt's life, he wasn't sure if he could handle it._

_Maybe all of this had been a bad idea. A stupid idea he'd thought could work but would just end in disaster for them. But he couldn't say that to Kurt, not when the other boy was so happy and slushy free because of his idea. He couldn't take that away from him, even if it meant they drifted apart._

* * *

><p>It was still early when Finn came charging into Kurt's room and nearly upset Blaine's cot. Squawking loudly, Blaine gripped the little mattress on the bed and tried to hold himself steady as Finn bounced on his knees by his feet.<p>

"Guys! _Guys, _it's Christmas! Wake up!" Finn bellowed.

From Kurt's bed Blaine heard the unmistakable sound of an annoyed groan and then a pillow was flung across the room at them. Finn batted it away, spending it straight into a bookcase. Blaine sat up and watched the avalanche of books and magazines crash to the floor as Kurt slowly untangled himself and sat up as well.

"You've got two seconds to get out of here, Finn," Kurt growled, looking fierce and outraged, "before I rip you a new– "

"Let's go, Blaine," Finn yelled, twisting around while he grabbed Blaine's arm and hoisted him onto his back. "Before he starts shrieking."

"Put me d- d- d- "Blaine tried to order, but Finn had started running up the stairs and the force of his chest hitting the other boy's back made it too difficult for him to finish his sentence. They barreled through the door and up onto the main level. A light flickered on from upstairs and Blaine swung his free hand around and smacked Finn in the face.

"Ow, dude!"

"Put me down!"

Finn's grip loosened and Blaine slid off his back, feeling relieved and grateful when his feet were flat on the floor again. At one point in his life he'd wanted to be that tall, or at least an inch taller than his older brother, but now he was glad he was average, or even a little below that. At least he never had trouble finding clothes that fit, and he didn't scalp himself walking through doorways.

"Boys, what in the world is going on?" Burt rumbled from the stairs.

Carole stepped down until she caught sight of them, looking concerned.

"Guys, it's Christmas!" Finn said excitedly. "Come on, let's open presents!"

Carole shook her head, and motioned for Burt to follow her down. Burt laughed in exasperation.

"You'd think you were still five," he commented as Finn dragged Blaine into the living room. "Where's Kurt?"

"Picking up his books," Blaine answered, dropping down onto the couch as Finn skidded across the floor on his knees, diving into the presents and starting to make piles. Blaine eyed the stack in surprise, because it was definitely bigger than it had been last night. He glanced over at Carole and Burt as they settling down onto the other end of the couch. He seriously hoped they hadn't done what he thought they had.

"Finn knock'em over again?" Burt asked, sounding resigned.

Blaine nodded as Kurt finally appeared in the entry way. He looked furious, and exasperated.

"How many times, Finn? _How many times?_"

"But it's _Christmas,_ Kurt!" Finn explained, looking pitiful. "I'll buy you an extra present later."

"Ugh, just– get this over with," Kurt snapped, dropping into the arm chair and trying to look bored.

Blaine watched him closely, starkly reminded of the Kurt he remembered even though he could see parts of the Cheerio Kurt as well. That was one nice thing about being around here for the week or however long he stayed. It made Kurt feel more human the longer he stayed around, more like himself, even though they barely spoke beyond a few words. It made Blaine wish he had a chance – a longer chance – to spend this time together, to draw Kurt out completely so that they could really talk like they'd come close to last night. But his parents would be back in two days, and then he'd be gone again. Possibly forever removed from Kurt's life.

While he certainly hadn't forgiven the other boy, he'd been given a reason to hope for something.

Finn tore through all of his presents quickly, uncovering countless new drum and football items. Carole ended up with half a wardrobe between her three guys, and Blaine could tell just by the designs and cuts that Kurt had definitely picked all of them out, regardless of the name on the gift tag. Burt had some new clothes as well, and Finn and Kurt had gotten him season tickets for the Indians. Kurt had some different exercising and stretching tapes, a ton of moisturizing bottles, clothes that would never be worn since he spent so much time in his Cheerios uniform, and a new iPod.

Blaine was a little unnerved by the little pile left, but he wasn't surprised. He'd dreaded the thought that the Hummels had spent any amount of money on him after they'd been so gracious and let him stay for the week.

"Blaine, this is for y– "

"You shouldn't have," Blaine said automatically as Carole forced the package into his hands. "Really, you've both done enough."

"Oh, sweetheart, it's no problem. You've been so sweet and helpful all week," Carole insisted as Finn picked up the other two on the floor and handed them over to Blaine. "Go ahead and open them."

"I– all right."

Blaine eyed each for a moment before deciding which to open first. He settled on the biggest one, sloppily wrapped in Christmas tree paper. The tag said it was from Finn. Warily he ripped the paper and was surprised to find what looked like a plastic Captain America shield underneath.

"I thought you could bring it to school to block the slushies," Finn said brightly. "And throw it at anyone who actually does get you."

Blaine laughed at the sentiment, and pulled the last of the wrappings off. Beside him Burt and Carole exchanged a sad look, but Blaine didn't let it bother him. They might not like what happened to him on an almost daily basis, but Blaine was accustom to it. Talking about it didn't bother him anymore, regardless of whether or not it should.

"Thanks, Finn," Blaine said, sliding his arms through the straps on the backside and holding it up. Finn punched it playfully and they both laughed again.

In the armchair Kurt shifted uncomfortably, and Blaine glanced over. The other boy was biting his lip and staring at the shield, looking guilty. Blaine was briefly satisfied by the look, because Kurt _should_ feel guilty that Finn thought his protection had to come to that. But he didn't say it aloud. Kurt may project a different person to the rest of the world, but he was still partially the boy Blaine had known. Letting the guilt and rejection work its way into Kurt on its own would eventually draw him back out – would bring everything up to boiling point and make it explode. Blaine only hoped he had enough time and ideas to do it.

Blaine turned back to the remaining two gifts for him, and opened the one from Carole and Burt. He was amazed to find a Buckeyes jersey waiting for him inside.

"Oh, wow!" Blaine said loudly, holding it up in excitement. "This is– I can't believe you– thanks!"

Burt patted him on the shoulder and Carole leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. His chest flooded with warmth at the gestures, and even though he was reminded of his own family and how much he missed them it was still nice to feel that he'd regained the one place he'd always felt at home.

It took him a few minutes to careful fold the jersey up and neatly drop it back in its box. Then he was just left with one package. His first thought was that Carole and Burt had gotten him something else on top of that expensive jersey, but the handwriting on the tag wasn't the same as the last one. For a moment Blaine had to think about who's it was, and why it was so familiar, but then it clicked. Kurt. This was Kurt's handwriting, and Kurt's present for him.

Flabbergasted, but also overwhelmed at the thought, Blaine made no comment and instead focused on unwrapping the present. Kurt kept shifting in his chair, but finally Blaine pulled out the small velvet box. It was as big as his hand, but rather flat. Blaine looked up and over at Kurt, but the other boy was staring at his knees.

Blaine flipped the box open, and a rush of surprise sped through him. It was a pocket watch almost exactly like his grandfather's had been. He remembered the day that one had broken back in middle school and how devastated he'd been. It was the one thing his grandfather's will had passed on to him and he'd cherished it for a long time. This one looked a little less worn, and the metal was a little brighter, but it was almost an exact replica.

"How– "

"I found it at a pawn shop the summer before high school," Kurt muttered awkwardly. "Spent a few months fixing it up, and I... I was going to give it to you for Christmas that year, but then... "

"It's beautiful," Blaine breathed, gently tugging it from its case and testing the weight of it in his hand. "I can't believe you found one just like his."

Everyone was staring over at Kurt, who shrugged uncomfortably. Blaine had to bite his lip to stop himself from asking Kurt why he'd given it to him now, but he was glad for it. It had to mean something that Kurt was willing to do this instead of nothing at all. Maybe it was only to get rid of the watch, but somehow, Blaine didn't think so. The Kurt he remembered would have done this for him.

"Thank you," Blaine said softly, staring over at Kurt earnestly. "It's... perfect."

"Yeah, well, "Kurt cleared his throat loudly. "I figured you'd have more use for it than my cabinet would."

Blaine could feel the pressure building behind his eyes, but he refused to let the tears fall this time. Not right now when Kurt couldn't even look at him. The other boy knew _exactly_ how much this pocket watch meant to him, even if he didn't know all of the reasons. It also made Blaine certain that Kurt was willing to try, and was sorry for what he'd done. He still couldn't bring himself to forgive Kurt, but he was more than ready to find a way to make it work. Somehow he'd figure something out that would give them a chance, even if it only resulted in them both being about to let go of all of this built of tension and loathing. He'd find a way to make Kurt realize how much better the real Kurt was than the person the other thought he should be.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hoy, hoy, hoy! This story is back up and running! Long Overdue is done (finally) so this is my main, and only posted WIP, priority for right now. I've got a lot of little GYOW drabble ideas I want to mess with, a hogwarts!Klaine idea that's of questionable length, and then another major idea that's probably coming up after this one is either done or close to it. Lots and lots of ideas.

Thanks for your patience while I finished the other one up, and I'm hoping to update this again before the week is out. I didn't really edit or anything... yeah. My apologies.

Oh, and you all should probably prepare yourselves for lots of Adele songs because there's like three that I'm going to use. One's a cover, but it's her cover... and yeah. I've got like five songs I'm going to use in this story. Just a warning.

Enjoy for now!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 10

The rest of Christmas day was awkward for Kurt. Everyone else, even _Finn_, kept casting him odd looks. From Burt he was pretty sure it was a pleased, almost proud little glitch in his eyes – the one that he'd been accustomed to in his childhood. Carole's were brighter and accompanying by a dazzling smile. The looks from Finn were mostly confused, and usually followed him finding someone else watching Kurt. The majority of it went over Finn's head obviously, but the first time he caught Blaine gazing over at Kurt, with a soft, hopeful look he'd grinned over at Kurt.

It was Blaine's looks that caught him up the most. They made his stomach swoop and his heart jump into his throat. At least that's what it felt like was going on inside of him. Kurt didn't understand it, and why it felt both good and nerve-wracking. Nothing of what was swirling around in his chest made much sense to him, because they weren't things he'd ever felt before.

By the next morning Kurt couldn't even look Blaine in the eyes. He figured it was the guilt he was still feeling, combined with whatever these new sensations were, but he said nothing. Kurt watched Blaine packed up his bag in silence, taking particular care to hook the chain on his pocket-watch to his belt loop before sliding it into his pocket.

Kurt watched the little device disappear, heart thumping painfully. Even now he could still remember quite clearly the day he'd discovered it tucked away in that little pawn shop. His father had been looking for some baseball card or something and he'd dragged Kurt with him. He'd wandered around through the cluttered shop while Burt had riffled through cards, and found it dangling from a wind chime in the back.

"I think that's everything," Blaine decided, tucking a last pair of striped socks into his bag.

Kurt nodded mutely, trying to swallow past the hard lump forming in his throat. It was bizarre to walk upstairs with Blaine, not talking or laughing that they used to, but in silence. All of this seemed so... wrong. They'd never had to say goodbye like this before. Last time they'd fought, but they'd still seen each other at school, even if they'd been furious with the other.

They joined Burt, Carole, and a yawning Finn in the kitchen for breakfast.

"W- w- why've you gotta leave so early, man?" Finn grumbled, his eyelids drooping as he groggily shoveled cereal into his mouth.

"You really could stay for the rest of the day," Carole persisted, taking up her argument from the previous night. "It's not a problem at all. We love having you."

Kurt stared down at his empty plate and bit his lip, fighting down all the words trying to claw their way out of him. _Don't go_. _Please stay. Maybe I just want my best friend back, too._ But he didn't say any of those things. He wasn't sure he knew how to anymore.

"No, I should get back before they get home tomorrow," Blaine said firmly. "Straighten up, get my homework done."

"If you're sure... "Carole said sadly.

"I am," Blaine replied, starting to pile his plate up with food. "I'm probably going to have a lot of packing to do, anyway."

"Packing?" Burt echoed, looking worried.

"I um, I asked my dad about transferring to Dalton before they left," Blaine shrugged, poking his fork at his eggs. "Figured it'd be easier on them and me if I wasn't in Lima anymore."

"That's not true," Kurt said quietly.

Everyone else fell silent at his words, both from shock at Blaine's admission and the fact that Kurt had actually spoken up. He was the reason Blaine thought so little of himself wasn't he? At least partially, Kurt decided. Blaine had always had a tendency to think that way because of the way Cooper was favored, and the distance his parents liked to keep from his personal life. Nothing he'd done since freshmen year had helped Blaine's self-esteem improve. If anything Kurt's bullying had only made it worse.

"Either way, I'll get away from everything at McKinley, right?" Blaine told them, shrugging as though it wasn't a big deal – like he was trying to belittle everything he was put through day after day. "Maybe I'll actually like school then. Their Glee Club is supposed to be pretty great, too."

"That'll... " Burt paused, looking torn. "It'll be great for you to get away and really shine."

Blaine gave him a tight lipped smile, and nodded. "It's got to be better than slushies," he added.

Kurt could tell Burt and Carole both had a lot they wanted to say to that, that his father had a lot of issues he wanted to force to light and to get worked out, but he didn't say anything. Nobody did. Breakfast continued on in silence, and Kurt was fairly sure at least three of the table's other occupants were thinking what he was.

Blaine shouldn't have to transfer just to feel accepted and safe or anything else. He shouldn't have to run off to some private, boarding school just to feel like he was wanted around in his home. Insides twisting up, Kurt helped Carole wash up the dishes as Burt and Blaine started to pull on their boots and coats.

He was so focused on them Carole ended up taking the drying cloth from his grasp and swatting him away. Apparently she'd been trying to hand him the same cup for several minutes, because she bumped him out of her way with her hip, and nodded towards the hall.

"You should go with them," she insisted. There was a pause while Kurt stared towards the entry way uncertainly. "This might be the last time you ever see him."

At Carole's words Kurt jolted into action and made a quick dash through the kitchen and down the hall. He stopped right next to his father just in time to hear Finn say–

"Maybe I'll join Glee when we get back! Well, if you're still around. It was fun to sing with you."

Kurt rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, even as Blaine laughed at the suggestion. Ignoring the way the sound affected him, Kurt nudged his way between Burt and Finn.

"Oh, please," he said snottily. "Quinn would _never_ allow it. It's social suicide."

"But you used to– "

"_I'm_ not dating the head cheerleader," Kurt argued. "She'd kill you. Actually, she'd force me to _help_ kill you."

"But– "

"Hey," Blaine cut in, still smiling slightly in a way that made Kurt flush. "Look, it doesn't matter, right? I'm most likely going to Dalton, so Quinn has nothing to worry about."

Finn drooped slightly at his words, and Kurt kept his gaze fixed on the floor. Now that the idea was in Finn's head he wouldn't be surprised if he pursued it regardless of whether or not Blaine was around.

"Who's going to tutor me now?" Finn asked miserably. "Mike knows it all, but he's so busy and– "

"I'll still do it," Blaine assured him. "We can Skype or something a few nights a week."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I said I'd help you and I meant it," Blaine said, patting the taller boy on his shoulder.

Suddenly Finn rushed him and scooped him up in a bear hug.

"You really should stay, man," Finn insisted as Burt stepped in and forced him to set Blaine down.

"I'll... I'll think about it, all right?" Blaine replied, tugging his shirt back down and straightening it.

"Well, come on," Burt said, pulling the door open. "Let's get you home before it starts snowing again."

"Sounds go– "

"Wait," Kurt nearly shouted, making a dive for Blaine's arm and catching his hand. "Just... let me take him home, Dad."

Burt looked amazed at his words, but seemed almost eager to step back and hand him is keys. Blaine was staring down at their linked hands, and Kurt followed his gaze something warm and pleasant bubbling to life in his chest. It was weird, and made him feel like his insides had forgotten that gravity was supposed to have an effect on them. If his stomach started floating up his throat and then out of his mouth he wouldn't be surprised.

"Um,... that is if it's okay with you," Kurt grumbled, hating how nervous he suddenly was to suggest it. Where had all of his confidence gone? All his arrogance and poise?

"Okay," Blaine agreed softly.

Why did he think he was falling apart, but feel like he was finally free all at once?

* * *

><p><em>Kurt strolled down the hallway towards the lunch room. He was supposed to meet Blaine outside the doors today instead of at his locker. <em>

_It was Monday, officially one week since Kurt had joined the Cheerios, and he felt great. Instead of being shoved and shouldered down the hall with his classmates, people had started to move out of his way. His father had taken him and Blaine out to celebrate his new spot on the squad over the weekend, and even though Burt seemed a little uncertain about the team he'd joined he'd been ecstatic that Kurt was taking an interesting in something he was more familiar with._

_Kurt turned the corner and spotted Blaine, hugging himself around the middle and tucked away from the crowd rushing into the cafeteria. It was the only sight in the school that could make Kurt's steps falter anymore. Every day since Kurt's new gain of power Blaine had looked more and more skittish, even miserable. As confident and happy as Kurt was now he could see how hard things still were for Blaine. He wished there was something he could do, but he'd be lucky if he could hang out with Blaine without getting slushied or cornered._

_Still he'd do what he could to make Blaine happy, and eventually he'd find a way to make him as happy as Kurt was thanks to Blaine's idea._

_"Hey," Kurt greeted, slipping through a group of jocks and stopping at Blaine's side. _

_A pleased, little smile tugged up Blaine's lips as Kurt grabbed his hand and headed towards the line. Kurt didn't really get why holding hands always made Blaine grin like that, but he was glad he could make Blaine look so happy._

_"Lasagna today," Blaine remarked, glancing over Kurt's head to the trays._

_"I'll just have a– "_

_"Salad," Blaine finished, nudging him teasingly. "I know. Coach Sylvester will have your hid if you try anything else."_

_Kurt nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed by the diet he had to keep. They queued through the line, grabbing their respective lunches, paying and then heading to their usual table in the back corner. As they took their seats Blaine began to tell him about a new boy in his Algebra II/Trigonometry class named Mike. He was a transfer apparently, and a jock, which surprised Kurt. None of the other jocks gave Blaine the time of day unless they wanted to torment him. They hardly acknowledged Kurt even now, but this guy seemed... different. It made Kurt nervous, and a hot boiling sensation filled his stomach as Blaine continued to tell Kurt about him._

_"Is... is he gay?" Kurt asked, cutting Blaine off mid-sentence. He wasn't sure why he needed to know the answer to that, because maybe this guy and Kurt could somehow team up and make things better for Blaine and the rest of the student body._

_"Mike? I doubt it," Blaine shrugged. "He's not my type, anyway." Blaine's face flooded with color. "I like brunettes."_

_"Oh," Kurt said, feeling relieved. He wasn't sure why it should matter to him, but for some reason it did. Blaine was his best friend after all, it was only natural that he'd want to protect him, especially if he started dating some guy._

_"How's your dad been?" Blaine questioned, carefully cutting off another piece of lasagna. "He seemed a little... suspicious about the whole Cheerio thing this weekend."_

_Kurt pushed a piece of lettuce around his plate for a moment, trying to decide how best to put it. "He's been... different. Not, like, a bad different, just... he keeps trying to have these deep meaningful conversations, yanno?"_

_"He wants you to come out to him," Blaine said smartly and before Kurt could refute that statement Blaine continued. "If either of our dads are going to be okay with having a gay son it's yours. You're everything to him, Kurt, and I'm pretty sure he already knows, anyway. He just wants you to trust him enough with it to tell him yourself that he's right."_

_"I– I've been thinking about telling him this weekend maybe," Kurt said, eating another forkful of greens. "I'm not as scared as I was before. As long as I've got you around it won't matter if he has a problem with it."_

_Even as he spoke Kurt's stomach flopped around and made him feel a little queasy. His confidence was certainly getting stronger, and it was true that he wasn't as scared of the idea, but he still wasn't sure how his father would take the news, despite Blaine's words._

_"You should," Blaine encouraged. "You might not see it, but he _knows_. Trust me."_

_"I do," Kurt replied immediately, smiling and reaching across the table to squeeze Blaine's hand. "Do you think you'll ever tell your dad?"_

_Blaine set his fork and knife down carefully, and stared long and hard at the table before he spoke. "Honestly, I don't know. He's... I think Mama knows, and she's hinted to him to ease him into the idea maybe, but... he just keeps pushing to do all this macho stuff that he _hates _and I just... it's like he thinks it'll turn me straight or something."_

_Kurt frowned at Blaine's words. He'd known James Anderson for almost five years and the man had always been much more aloof than Burt. There were no hugs or jokes, just a lot of sternness and gruff shoulder slaps. Kurt had always assumed he'd pick up those habits from raising Cooper, who was much rougher than Blaine, but James didn't seem to get that the same methods weren't working with his younger son._

_"Maybe if you tell him and get it out in the open he can, like, learn to adjust and accept it better?" Kurt offered. "He won't hate you, Blaine," he assured his friend, giving him a small smile. "I know he's not the easiest to talk to or get along with, but he does love you. Besides, your Mama would skin him alive if he didn't try."_

_Blaine nodded solemnly. "I just don't want things to be more awkward. His parents are... well, they'd disown me if they found out. I don't want to put him in that position... "_

_"Well, _I'm_ going to tell my dad," Kurt decided. "If he's okay with it then he is, and if he's not then that's his problem."_

_Kurt turned his nose up and stared out across the cafeteria at all the students, completely missing the misery that took over Blaine's face once more._

* * *

><p>Kurt could barely keep his focus on the road as he drove towards Blaine's house. With Blaine just a few feet to his right he was finding it incredibly difficult to pay attention, and the fact that he was and he didn't know why was only distracting him more. Perhaps it was because this was the last time he might ever see the other boy. There really was no hope of turning any of this around if it all ended here. But he deserved that, didn't he? Blaine deserved to go off and find some place better, happier, while he spent the rest of his life regretting all of this.<p>

As Kurt pulled to a stop at the net stoplight, he turned to look Blaine over, to try to memorize him for when he wasn't around anymore. It was ridiculous how much Blaine could still mean to him even now. Blaine was gazing out the passenger side window, oblivious to his stare for the moment, and Kurt was glad for it. He couldn't even explain to himself why he wanted to look and look and never stop, or why it was hurting him so much to think of this as a real goodbye.

Blaine turned to him suddenly, looking confused. "Kurt, it uh, doesn't get any greener," Blaine commented, gesturing towards the windshield.

"What– _oh_," Kurt gasped as the car behind them blew it's horn.

Blaine laughed quietly next to him as Kurt started down the road again. A unbearable warmth was spreading up Kurt's neck and cheeks. Now Blaine would ask him why he'd been staring and he really didn't have an answer, because he didn't feel right just saying "because I want to". That was too... weird, especially since he knew it was true but couldn't explain why.

"So," Kurt began before Blaine could ask any questions, "when will you know about Dalton? That's where your dad went, isn't it?"

Blaine nodded. "Cooper, too, but he didn't leave on campus since he only had a few months left. I probably will. It's out in Westerville. My dad's supposed to know if they'll let me transfer when he gets back tomorrow. They should since it's his alma mater and he still donates to them. He wanted me to go there originally."

"Oh, right, I'd forgotten he went there," Kurt said. It had been a long time since he'd seen Blaine's older brother. "How is Cooper anyway? Didn't he go out to California?"

"Yeah, he's got some commercial he's getting ready to launch," Blaine informed him. "You know Cooper, one commercial and he thinks he's a big shot Hollywood star."

Kurt smiled a little at the fond teasing note in Blaine's voice. "He's always been a bit full of himself."

Silence fell again, but then something Blaine had just said in passing replayed in Kurt's head. _He wanted me to go there originally_. But that didn't make any sense to Kurt. Blaine would have mentioned something like that and talked it over with him. They both might have decided to go to Dalton and escaped from the hell McKinley was for them in the beginning.

"Why didn't you ever say he wanted you to go there?" Kurt asked, turning down the street to Blaine's neighborhood. "If he wanted you to I mean, we both could have– "

"Tuition was too steep," Blaine explained softly, which only confused Kurt more.

Blaine's parents weren't rich, but they were definitely very well off. They had afforded Cooper's tuition and could easily do the same of Blaine's, so why– _oh_.

"Your dad never could have afforded it," Blaine added. "I didn't want to lose you... or leave you alone at a place like McKinley."

Kurt felt numb at Blaine's words. There seemed to be so much that Blaine had done for him – to help him – and he felt like he'd done nothing in return, even back then. No, he'd done worse than nothing, and the realization made him feel sick as he pulled to a stop outside Blaine's house.

Blaine was already fumbling with his seatbelt, but Kurt's head was buzzing like radio static. All he'd gone was take from Blaine repeatedly. He never did anything worthwhile in return to make Blaine feel as good as he helped make Kurt feel.

"We might still be friends if you had gone to Dalton," Kurt stated, a tight pain gripping his chest.

Without Blaine he wouldn't have joined the Cheerios. If he'd just stayed in Glee Club he'd have Mercedes and Tina and Blaine at Dalton. He'd have real friends he could talk to, not only Santana to whisper his truths to. If he'd just dropped the squad when she'd blackmailed him, or stood up and been proud of who he was or–

No. No, he couldn't do this right now. All of these what-ifs weren't going to change anything or make any difference to how things were in reality. Carole was right. If he was ever going to find a way to make this right he had to start focusing on what he could change and effect. The present, the future, what he did here and now could heal the things he couldn't stop focusing on.

"Yeah," Blaine agreed softly, pausing as his seatbelt retracted. "We probably would be."

"You'll be so much happier there," Kurt said earnestly, looking over for the first time since he'd parked. Blaine was gazing at him oddly, looking a little unnerved and surprised.

"If I go."

"Why wouldn't you?" Kurt almost demanded. "After- after all that's... "

Kurt trailed off as Blaine shifted in his seat to face him.

"I'd live in a dorm and _really_ never see my parents. The guys there might be just as homophobic as the ones at McKinley. New Directions needs my voice. Artie's the only other guy that can sing, but he struggles a lot to keep up with the dance routines because Rachel always wants to twirl."

"Maybe Finn _will_ actually join," Kurt supplied, trying to be teasing, but his voice was too thick from all of the emotions swirling through him.

"Can you seriously picture him dancing? Especially with Rachel? She already looks tiny enough on stage."

Kurt laughed in agreement, both of them momentarily dissolving into giggles at the thought. The passenger door was cracked open and Kurt's laughter caught in his throat. This was it. After two years of wishing he'd at least had a chance to say a real goodbye to Blaine or at least end things on slightly better terms, they were here. Blaine would go to Dalton and then some big important university for music. He'd never see him again, and the thought made his goodbye stick to the back of his throat.

Blaine seemed to be lingering in his seat for the same reason, because even though he'd turned towards the door and cracked it open he couldn't seem to force himself out of the vehicle.

"I really do want us to be friends again, Blaine," Kurt blurted, putting himself out there and hoping that Blaine would agree and have a way for that to happen.

Blaine's head whipped up at his words, his surprise clear on his face. "S- so do I. I just... I don't know how were supposed to do that anymore."

"Finn will probably still have you over," Kurt offered.

Blaine laughed contemptuously. "Why? So I can hang out with the guys? They'd want to kick my ass." Blaine shook his head a little and straightened his glasses. "It's going to be too far to drive all the time anyway."

The passenger door creaked open.

"Thanks for the ride home," Blaine said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Bye."

Blaine moved to swing his feet out of the car, but Kurt lurched forward suddenly, tugging Blaine back. Heart pounding in his throat, Kurt leaned across the gear shift and wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulders. As he pulled him in for a hug, Kurt felt Blaine stiffen momentarily. Just the slight tension made Kurt's eyes tear up. Blaine had always warmly accepted his embraces. He'd never been scared or uncertain of them before, and he was now because of all Kurt had done.

Then Blaine's arms tentatively circled him and he relaxed a little. As soon as he did, Kurt nearly slumped down into Blaine's warmth. The weight of all his lies and masks seemed to disappear for a moment, as though Blaine's presence so close to him had pushed it up and away, leaving it suspended a few inches above them until he was forced back into the person he'd created himself as.

As Blaine's moved back it took all of Kurt's strength to keep himself upright and not tumble forward into the other boy. Blaine was staring at him in wonder, his eyes huge and amazed. A wave of melancholy crashed over Kurt at the sight. A brief hug from him shouldn't have that powerful of an effect when they'd once known each other so well as to snuggle together at sleepovers. Physical touches between them shouldn't make Blaine look so awed, and they shouldn't make Kurt feel like a barbell had plummeted into his stomach while he simultaneously seemed to be floating inside himself.

Blaine moved back a few inches, ready to grab his bag and run when Kurt did something he didn't even think about. He leaned in again quickly, his lips brushing Blaine's cheek fleetingly. As soon as he realized it and caught himself he pulled back abruptly, but the gesture was already done.

If Blaine had looked amazed before it was nothing compared to now.

"H- have fun at Dalton, okay?" Kurt squeaked out, voice high and slightly terrified at his own move. "Be safe."

Blaine swallowed loudly, jaw trembling enough for Kurt to notice as he nodded. He stepped out of the car. "Goodbye, Kurt."

The door shut with a snap as Kurt tried to figure out when he'd lost complete control of his actions. Or maybe that's what he'd wanted to do all along only he didn't know himself well enough anymore to realize it.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Surprise, surprise! Another update. Yup, I actually finished this late last night, but I wanted a chance to read it over first. The next update will **_not_ **be this fast.

Enjoy the second in two days, though! Back to watching EuroCup -implodes-

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 11

The door clattered closed behind Blaine as he tripped over the threshold. Kurt had just– and he was– but they weren't... He didn't know what to think. His once best friend, the boy he would have done anything and given anything for, had just kissed him on the cheek. It had been fleeting, no more than a brush of soft lips over his cheek and a slightly painful bump of a jaw against his, but it had happened. Kurt still cared, in one way or another, and all that did was confuse Blaine more.

Even right after he'd suggested transferring to Dalton he'd been hesitant of the idea. Sure, Cooper had loved it there and always talked it up to him, but what if he was just as much of a loser there as he was at McKinley? What if things were even worse? Now he was adding Kurt into his pros and cons list. If he left then he might never know if his Kurt could exist again. There was no way he could know which decision he might regret more.

Head still spinning from what had just happened in the car, Blaine shuffled off to his room to put his things away. He spent the rest of the day attempting to do homework while really thinking about what Kurt had meant with that little cheek kiss. A long time ago Kurt had pecked him on the cheek every now and then as a friendly gesture, but they weren't friends anymore. None of it made sense to him, and while he wanted to dial the Hummel's house number and demand an answer he couldn't bring himself to do it. The answer he got might be worse than any he could think up, and even if Kurt meant anything romantic by it Blaine shouldn't care. He couldn't let Kurt in like that again. He didn't have another heart to let Kurt break.

After a restless night, and a late breakfast Blaine still had no answers, but thankfully he was distracted by the arrival of his parents around noon.

"Blaine! Cooper! We're home!"

Blaine perked up immediately at the sound of his mother's excited voice. He was still going to have to explain Cooper's absence, but that wouldn't be too difficult. He headed downstairs swiftly, finding his parents in the hall, helping each other take off their scarves and coats.

"Sweetheart," his mother greeted at once, rushing over and squeezing him tightly. "Oh, I've missed you. Did you and Cooper have a good holiday together? He's not still sleeping, is he?"

"No, he's not here," Blaine told her, letting her fawn over his appearance as his father stepped over. Her face fell instantly at his words, though, and he quickly rushed on before she got too upset. "He had to head back to L.A. to work on his commercial. Duty calls, right?"

"Oh, of course, that boy thinks being on television is everything," she huffed, rolling her eyes and brushing another curl off Blaine's forehead. "At least one of you is modest."

Blaine smiled slightly at her words, and let her pass by with her bag. He and his father watched her disappear upstairs before James turned to his son.

"He never came out to visit," Blaine's father stated simply.

"I– "

"I know when you're lying, Blaine," his father said sternly. He frowned at Blaine. "Why didn't you call? We could have come back early or found someone for you to stay with."

"I did that myself," Blaine snapped, and immediately he regretted his tone. His father never took kindly to being disrespected. "I stayed with the Hummels."

"You... I didn't think you and Kurt hung around each other anymore," his father said carefully. "Lyra said she hasn't seen him around in a long time."

"We... don't. Aren't. It's... complicated," Blaine decided, turning his gaze away from his dad and scratching the back of his neck. He couldn't freely admit to once being in love with his best friend only to have his heart shattered and then stomped on by a parade of slushie-wielding Kurt's for two years. James would think he was even weaker than he already thought, and he'd only be more disappointed in Blaine.

"Huh," was all his father said in response. Blaine tried to hide his grimace at how awkward this was, had always been really. Ever since he'd come out and destroyed his father's last hope that Blaine was straight there'd been even more of a rift between them. "I spoke with Dalton while we were away."

"G- good news?" Blaine asked, trying to sound hopefully and ecstatic. He could tell by his father's expression that he hadn't pulled off the winning smile, but for some reason James let it pass.

"They'll accept you as a transfer, although there are no single rooms available, which might be an... issue," James said delicately.

Internally Blaine fumed at his father's words. An issue because he might hit on his roommate and scare him with all of his "gayness". He wasn't a disease or a problem because he liked boys instead of girls. Why couldn't his father just see it that way?

"Why don't we go talk things over in my office?" James offered, nodding towards the little hallway next to the staircase. "There's... there's a lot we really need to talk about."

A sense of dread filled Blaine at his words. He could easily deduce what that meant. A discussion about his sexuality, and he assumed it had everything to do with hiding himself from the other Dalton boys. As he followed his father to his office he was reminded of the last time this had happened. That had been the day he'd come out to his father. He only hoped everything ended on a much more pleasant note.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine barely paid attention to where he was going after school that day. He kept thinking over what he and Kurt had talked about at lunch. As glad as he was for Kurt's new confidence and his decision to come out to Burt, the idea of Blaine telling his own father was daunting. It filled him with terror, and even though he wasn't afraid of himself and was accepting who he was, telling his father wouldn't end well. Both of his paternal grandparents had already shown homophobic tendencies – his father's dad had spent most of Blaine's childhood calling him a "little nancy boy".<em>

_He was on his own for his walk home today. Kurt had Cheerios practice after school now, and since it was Monday there was no Glee Club. Twenty minutes later Blaine unlocked his front door and looked around. His mother already knew even though he hadn't said anything. Her assumption had come out while they'd been watching American Idol a few months ago. Instead of asking Blaine which girl he thought was pretty she'd asked him about the boys. It hadn't been a big deal or even a matter of him officially saying it out loud. _

_But his father was a different story and he knew the decision for when he was told was up to Blaine. If Kurt could be brave and finally tell Burt, there was no reason he couldn't do the same. At least then he would know and everything would be out in the open. There would be no need to hide himself as much as he did. At least that's what he hoped._

_In the kitchen he found his mother pulling a tray of fresh cupcakes from the oven._

_"Hi, mom," Blaine greeted, feeling uncharacteristically nervous because of his thoughts. "I- is dad still working?"_

_"He's eating lunch in his office," she answered, taking his bag and smiling kindly at him. "Do you want a snack or anything before dinner?" She waved the tray of cupcakes at him. "How about a few of these once they're iced?"_

_"Uh, sure," Blaine agreed, distracted by her answer. If Kurt could do this then so could he. He was the one always saying to have courage and to not be afraid. Now Kurt had found his and it was his turn to make good on his own words. "I've got to talk to him," he added quietly. "A- about being gay."_

_Lyra set the tray of muffins down on the counter and continued to smile, softer and more reserved now, but still full of her usual warmth. She stepped in close and pulled him into a tight hug that Blaine flung himself into._

_"It's going to be fine," she assured him. "He might need some time, but James loves you more than anything, Blaine."_

_"More than Cooper?" Blaine mumbled against her shoulder._

_She laughed loudly at his question and swatted him playfully on the arm. "Oh, stop. He loves you both the same," she insisted. Then she lower her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "But _I_ love you more, so if you want to hold that over Cooper's head... "_

_Blaine grinned a little. "Thanks, Mama. I'm just gonna go... go talk to him."_

_"Okay, I'll set a few cupcakes aside for you."_

_Slowly Blaine made his way into the entryway and then down the little hall beside the staircase. The door to his father's office was slightly ajar, and he could hear the clink of silverware and the clicking of a keyboard in use._

_Blaine took a moment to steady himself, and he almost turned tail and ran. He stopped himself, though, because Cooper wouldn't approve of the choice. His older brother had always taught him to be brave and strong, and he'd tried to show Kurt the same thing. He couldn't back out and not live by his own words._

_He rapped his knuckles against the wood loudly._

_"Lyra, what? I said I'm busy– "_

_Blaine poked his head through the doorway. "Dad, it's me."_

_"Oh, Blaine, good," his father said, looking up from his lunch and computer. "I needed to talk to you anyway. Come on it, shut the door."_

_Blaine nodded, feeling his legs shaking slightly as he closed the door behind himself and shuffled over to the other chair in the little room. He sat on the edge of the chair while his father ate a few more bites of his meal and clicked at his computer again._

_"So my boss is having another gala," James began and Blaine slumped down instantly at his words. A gala meant Blaine had to be Melanie's, his father's boss's daughter, escort, which meant an evening of hiding anywhere and everywhere. "He asked me if you would like to escort her again."_

_"Dad– " Blaine started, "I– "_

_"Now, I know she's kind of annoying– "_

_"Yes, but– "_

_"But nobody else has a son her age and– "_

_"Dad, no, that's not... " Blaine trailed away, panic flooding through his body. God, he must be insane to think this was a good idea. There was no way his father would ever be okay with this or even understand it. He opened his mouth again to try to explain himself, and to lead the conversation towards his real intent, but his father was still persisting with being Melanie's escorts and his next words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them._

_"Please, do this for me, Blaine– "_

_"I'm gay!"_

_James froze at his desk, shock taking over his features. Fear tore through Blaine's insides as the next dew seconds passed in silence. This was not how he'd wanted this to go. His father hadn't moved an inch since his outburst and Blaine's heart pounded on, harder and louder until he thought it was punch straight through his ribcage._

_He tried again, to speak more calmly and try to make this move forward another step._

_"Dad, I... I'm gay," Blaine said more quietly, less certainly as James continued to remain unmoved by his words. "D- dad?"_

_Blaine prepared himself for his father to move or speak, but most especially to question his words. For over a year he'd slowly talked himself through how this conversation may or may not go, and all the possible questions his father might throw his way._

_"Why?" his father's voice rang out, not firm or authoritative, but hollow, almost scared to Blaine's ears. _

_Of all the questions Blaine had thought up and prepared himself for, why hadn't been one of them. Not when that tone accompanied it, not when there was pain and maybe even heartbreak on his father's face. Blaine clamped his mouth closed, the shaking in his legs progressing up his body until he was trembling._

_He didn't have an answer for that, and his father didn't seem to want one. If he did Blaine didn't want to stand there and find out any longer. He bolted from the room before anymore of his father's disappointment could be directed at him._

* * *

><p>As Blaine settled down into the second chair in his dad's office he recalled that afternoon. Two and a half years since he'd stepped into this room. For the most part he pretended this part of the house didn't even exist because of the painful memory to brought with it. His father sat on the edge of his desk instead of his chair, and he looked more uncertain than Blaine could ever recall seeing him.<p>

"They were very impressed with your academics," James began evenly. "They have quite an a capella group this year as well. It's the room situation that concerns me."

Blaine flinched at his father's words, but said nothing. He hated that his father thought this way, but at the same time he was concerned about it as well. The boys at Dalton, while from all over Ohio, even the country, could still be homophobic and potentially hostile in a rooming situation.

"Now, there's an anti-discrimination and bullying policy in affect at Dalton that would prevent any... issues, but I'm still concerned– "

"That I might flirt with my roommate?" Blaine snapped before he had even realized he was speaking. Now that he'd said it, and caught his father's attention he found he couldn't stop. "Or what? Hold him down and- and _force_ myself on him?" Blaine crossed his arms angrily, and glared across the room at his father. "I'm gay, Dad, not a rapist."

"What? Blaine, no, that's not– "

"Really? Cause it feels like that's what you're saying," Blaine argued, heat flaring across his face. He couldn't fully explain why he was so defensive. Maybe it was being in this room talking about _this_ once again that was causing it, but he couldn't stand to face his father's views on his sexuality.

"It's _not_!" James insisted, getting angry himself. "You are my son. I would never– "

"You just insinuated it!" Blaine shouted, jumping to his feet.

"I'm trying to protect you!" James hollered, his voice cracking in the same way Blaine's did. "You think I give a _damn_ about protecting some other kid over _you? _I'm not going to let you room with some kid who might– who could– "

Blaine was stunned by his father's words, because given the one and only time before now that they'd discussed his sexuality he'd figured his father had seen it as a problem, something potentially volatile to those Blaine was around. The idea that his father wasn't even thinking along those lines was incredible to him.

"You... I don't– you've never... "Blaine trailed away, a mixture of shock and sadness making it too difficult for him to speak. Had he been wrong all this time? Maybe he didn't understand his father as well as he thought.

"Blaine, son," James sighed loudly and sat down on his desk. "I know when you first told me I... well, I didn't react great. You know how my parents can be, and that's the world, the idea, I grew up with. The only thing I knew about homosexuals was that the one I went to high school with got the shit knocked out of him half a dozen times for it."

Blaine fell back down into his chair as his father continued to talk. It was probably the most his father had said to him since he'd turned fourteen, and not only that he'd used profanity, which was something Blaine had never heard him do.

"I don't want – I _never_ want that to happen to you," James said earnestly. "I've... I've looked into things... researched since you told me. It's just difficult, because I still remember that and how helpless I felt when you told me. I thought that was going to be your life.

"It is to a certain extent," James continued. "I can see it, you know. You don't say anything, so I don't, but I know they get you a lot of trouble at school even if it's not for that. I want to protect you from that, from all of it, and I can't and I don't know how and I just do _nothing_."

James hung his head, covering his eyes with his hand. Blaine watched him, the regret and pain over the silence they'd both kept for so long filling the room.

"You still love me," Blaine reminded him quietly. "That's not nothing."

"Of course I still do. You're my little boy," James murmured, dragging a hand through his hair. "I don't want you to go from one bad situation to another, but I don't want you to do this because it's what you think _I_ want. This choice is yours, and that's why we let you stay at McKinley."

Blaine hugged himself tightly and tentatively met his father's eyes. "I don't know where I want to go," Blaine admitted quietly. "There's so many great things about Dalton, but all of my friends are at McKinley."

"He's why you stayed to begin with," James deduced. He watched Blaine carefully for a moment. "He's always meant a lot to you."

"He used to," Blaine said. "Now we're... " Blaine shrugged. "I don't know anymore."

"You liked him," James commented.

"Of course I did, he was my– "

"No, I mean, you," James cleared his throat awkwardly, "_liked_ him."

"Oh," Blaine's face flushed. "I um, yeah, maybe."

His father bent down before him and gripped his shoulder tightly until Blaine looked up and met his eyes. "This is your decision to make, and no matter what choice you decide on I'll support you. I've already missed too many years by making you think I do the opposite.

"Kurt used to mean the world to you, even I saw that and I didn't want to admit it," James concluded wisely. "If you think it's worth it to stay then you should. You can always transfer in the fall if you change your mind."

Blaine's vision blurred at his father's words, at the acceptance he'd been waiting so long to find with this man. Instead of giving an answer or thanking him, Blaine flung himself into his father's arms. James pulled him in tight, and kissed his forehead.

"You're one of the greatest sons a man could ever ask for. Being gay or bullied isn't going to change how much I love you, Blaine."

Tears were silently coursing down Blaine's face and onto his father's shirt as he clutched him tighter. "I love you, too, Dad."

They stayed like that for a long time, and even when they pulled away and went to find Lyra to go out for lunch, Blaine still felt relief coursing through him. He had a few days to make his final decision, to figure out what was better for him, and if the one thing, the one person, he'd wanted to have around forever was still enough of that boy to give another chance to.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Welp, it's about time, yes? Summer classes just started last week for me, and the power's been out for a few days because of storms so things have been hectic. I'm not sure when the next one will be up. Definitely going to try for something faster than this one was. Some time this weekend perhaps? Sunday if I can manage it.

Anyway, enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 12

It took the entirety of Kurt's last week of winter break for him to figure out why he kept feeling worse with every day that passed. He missed Blaine. The sound of the other boy's laughter filtering through his wall from Finn's room, the bright smiles Blaine gave Carole whenever she squeezed his shoulders, and the bond Kurt had seen that still existed between his father and Blaine. But more importantly he missed the feeling – the sensation – he'd barely been aware of until Blaine was gone.

His stomach didn't swoop from a tiny glance in his direction. There was no sudden lightness in his chest when Blaine spoke to him as though nothing had ever gone wrong between them. For eight days there was simply nothing that felt right or certain. There was never a meant where he actually felt good about himself, something he hadn't realized had been missing until Blaine had re-entered his life as more than a target.

As the first day back to school loomed, Kurt dreaded it more than ever. He felt more miserable than he could ever recall at the prospect of never seeing his former best friend again. Even though he'd spent the majority of the past two years gaining his own kicks from Blaine's misery he couldn't imagine the place without Blaine's presence. He couldn't begin to imagine his _life_ without the other boy, in one way or another.

Thursday morning Kurt pulled on his Cheerios uniform slowly, taking time he hadn't given himself since his first day in it. As he smoothed out the creases over his thighs, and carefully adjusted his shirt hem he wondered for the first time why this fabric meant so much to him. It was a generic uniform, after all. Nothing like the rich fabrics he'd once worn, and still cherished and looked at online. Had he really left Blaine behind for this? These clothes wouldn't even matter in two years; nothing about high school would. Was he really fine with being the person who pushed his best friend aside for a few years of being on top of the high school hierarchy?

Santana and Brittany appeared at his side the moment he turned down the main hall. From Brittany he got the customary peck on the cheek and a strong arm looped through his. Santana nodded just slightly in approval. They had to keep up their ruse after all – all three of them depended on it.

"Good to know you've still got things _straight_," Santana remarked. "I almost invaded your house when I got home yesterday. You ignored me all break."

Kurt winced as Brittany agreed with her girlfriend. "Yeah, Kurt. Why didn't you ever come help me find Lord Tubbington's cigarettes stash?"

"Grounded," Kurt grumbled, tracing his hand over the outfit of his newly returned phone in his pocket. "My uh, dad was pretty upset."

"Oh, did you finally find a three-legged friend to get busy with?" Santana asked in hushed tones, pulling them both over to a little alcove between a locker bay and the corner of the hall. "It's about time you _really_ lost that V-card."

Kurt glared at her. "No, I didn't," he snapped. "And I'll lose it whenever I damn well please, Miss Half-The-School-Has-Tapped-This."

Santana's lips curled in a sneer as Brittany said dreamily, "Nobody's tapped it the way I have."

Santana paused to shoot Brittany a sidelong look, before directing her gaze to Kurt once more. "If you weren't getting your mack on, then why did he ground you? Your dad thinks you're a saint."

A twinge of guilt shot through Kurt at her words. Maybe he had before the break, but he certainly didn't anymore. Now he knew the cruelty Kurt was capable of, he had realized his strong boy he'd tried to raise had tossed all of those teachings aside in order to cower behind a façade.

After casting a look around them to make sure nobody was close enough to hear them over the other students, Kurt murmured, "He... he found out what happened with me and Blaine b- back then."

For a moment Santana almost looked sympathetic, but then her expression went back to its usual aloofness.

"What does he care for?" Santana wondered. "What's it to him if you're friends with hobbit or us? I mean, it's not like the crowds too different. Me and Britt are... inclined in your direction."

"He treated Blaine like he was his own kid," Kurt replied carefully. "He... they both meant a lot to each other. Blaine's dad was never really... " Kurt trailed off and shook his head roughly. What did it matter anymore? Blaine was gone. Off to Dalton to have the life he deserved.

"Yeah, well, it's either him heading for the gay noose," Santana reminded him before dropping her voice, "or us. He'll get over it."

"He made Blaine stay with us through Christmas," Kurt told her suddenly.

He knew Santana understood to some extent his guilt over what had happened with Blaine. While at first she'd been more of an enemy than a friend, they'd managed to bond over their hidden sexualities, and when Kurt had told her that Blaine still kept his secret she'd been impressed by his loyal. It hadn't stopped her from insisting on using the curly haired boy for their biggest target, but in some ways she'd understood that Blaine was a difficult topic, a part of his life he wanted to remember and forget because of his own guilt.

"He– but he said no, right? _Right_?"

"His parents left him and his brother decided not to come out to visit," Kurt informed her, trying to keep the sadness from his tone. "My dad forced me to go over there after Finn blabbed and when he found out he forced him to stay with us. Blaine wasn't too keen on it either."

"You're not wussing out, though, right?" Santana demanded. "I don't care if you two got all buddy-buddy or jacked each other off or whatever. We stick to how things are or it's our heads on the cutting block. So don't– "

A sudden hush had fallen around them. For one heart stopping moment Kurt thought everyone had been listening in on their conversation, but as he looked around he realized everyone was staring down the hallway towards the main entrance.

"Can everyone else see the unicorn now, too?" Brittany asked hopefully.

Kurt and Santana ignored her, gazing down the hall to where they could see Finn's head moving towards them through the crowd. He didn't understand what his step-brother could be doing to gain so much attention, especially the hushed, uncertain type, but a moment later he didn't have to wonder.

As the crowd parted for Finn to pass by Kurt saw the last person he'd expected to see in the halls of McKinley. Blaine was at Finn's side, looking nervous because of the stares but grateful for the steadying hand on his shoulder.

Mouth hanging open in amazement, Kurt watched the two boys pass, catching a few exchanges words about when Glee Club rehearsals were. Quinn appeared from the same direct a few moments later, pausing at their spot and looking furious.

"What the hell is your step-brother _doing_, Kurt?" she demanded angrily. "Everyone's going to think he's _gay_ now. Do you know what that makes me? His big, gay, b– "

"Shove it, Fabray," Santana snapped, still staring down the hall to where Finn and Blaine had disappeared. "You said your dad forced him to stay over, huh?" she asked, directing her words to Kurt.

Kurt nodded mutely, still too stunned to speak. He couldn't believe Blaine had returned to McKinley. More importantly he didn't understand why he would do that to himself. A few years ago he'd had a reason to stay, even if that reason had ended up making his life hell. Now he only had torment and Glee to stay for. There was no way Glee was worth that to Blaine, at least Kurt didn't think it was. Of course there was a lot he didn't know about Blaine anymore, but why he'd stepped back into this hell was something Kurt was going to have to find out.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt was practically skipping the next day at school. He'd successfully come out to his father the night before and to his surprise Burt had already suspected and been fine with it. Blaine had been right it seemed, and Kurt was very grateful for it. Now he had to find Blaine and tell him how well things had gone.<em>

_But Blaine wasn't at his locker trading out his books. He wasn't in the bathroom nearby or his homeroom waiting for class to start. Confused and slightly worried Kurt dropped his own bag at his seat next to Blaine's and went to scope out the halls. It was a Tuesday which meant Kurt's dad drove him in to school on his way to work while Blaine's mom dropped him off on her way to her book club. As he strolled around people moved aside, some even nodded or smiled at him. Last week the attention had unnerved him, but now he almost enjoyed it. People _liked_ him now, and if they liked him then he could make sure they liked Blaine as well. Things would be better then. Nobody would bother them ever again if he was in charge._

_When he didn't find Blaine anywhere in the building he took a look at the clock on the opposite wall. There was still fifteen minutes until the warning bell. With a quick look around to make sure there were no teachers, Kurt pulled out his cell phone and stepped over into the stairwell. He dialed Blaine's number and pressed the phone to his ear._

_Maybe Blaine was sick and staying home. He usually texted Kurt to let him know, though. It rang four times before Blaine answered._

_"Blaine, are you coming to school? Are you sick? Why didn't you text me?" Kurt rambled anxiously. He was about to continue with his questions when he heard Blaine hiccup and draw in a shaky breath._

_"I- I- I'm f- fine, Kurt," Blaine stammered. There was the unmistakable sound of Blaine wiping his nose on his jacket sleeve. "I'm out– outside the cafeteria doors."_

_"Don't move. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" Kurt ordered, pushing through the stairwell door and out into the student parking lot._

_As he raced around to the backside of the building where the cafeteria was he kept his phone to his ear, listening to the hiccups and sniffles as Blaine tried to regain his composure. He had no idea what was wrong, or if any of the jocks – or Santana – had cornered Blaine and hit him or threatened him. There was nothing else he could think of that would make Blaine cry or sound so distraught._

_When he turned the corner of the building he found Blaine sitting down against the bricks, tucked away in the corner between the stairs into the cafeteria and the wall. His legs were pulled up to his chest, his hair was an absolute mess and his glasses were gone. At first Kurt thought he _had_ been cornered and beaten up, but as he dropped down next to his best friend he didn't see any cuts or bruises, just puffy red eyes and tear stains._

_"Blaine, what... why are you crying?" Kurt whispered, reaching over and swiping away a stray tear. _

_"H- hi," Blaine hiccupped, trying and failing to force his lips into a smile. "It– don't worry about it. Let's just go to class."_

_"No, who– what– I'm hurt anyone who made you c– "_

_"I don't think that's a good idea," Blaine murmured, dragging his shirt sleeve along his nose once more. "My dad won't let you in the house anymore if you hit him."_

_"_What_?" Kurt gasped, trying to piece all of this together in his mind, but it didn't make sense._

_When they were younger Blaine, Cooper, and their father had gotten along great. Cooper had branched off and left, but things had mostly stayed the same between the older Anderson brother and their father. The relationship Blaine and James had had definitely gotten more difficult lately, but he liked to think they would work it out at some point. Then it hit him like a slushie in the face. Blaine's sexuality was the biggest obstacle between Blaine and his father right now, and the only thing Kurt could think of that would make it worse was– _

_"You came out to him," Kurt said hollowly._

_Even before Blaine started to nod Kurt knew it was true. After how he'd boosted about his own decision to come out to his father he knew Blaine had done the same. Whether or not it had been willingly or planned Kurt wasn't sure, but he knew Blaine. If he had done it and been so brave then Blaine would try to do the same. After all, Blaine was the one who always insisted on having courage and being brave._

_"I- I figured if you could, then I should, and– and– " Blaine's voice cracked and Kurt moved in quickly, wrapping his arms around Blaine as he dissolved into tears._

_"Hey, shhh, it'll... it'll be all right," Kurt murmured, cradling Blaine's head against his neck and petting his hair. _

_Blaine choked out a sob that made Kurt's heart shatter. "No, it– he couldn't even– he just asked _why_, Kurt. The way he _looked _at me... "_

_"Screw him," Kurt growled, clutching Blaine tighter against his chest as the warning bell rang inside the building. "I bet my dad will scoop you up and give you one of those big bear hugs you like when we tell him after school."_

_"Y- you think so?" Blaine asked, trying to dry his eyes on his snot covered sleeve._

_"Of course he will," Kurt assured him, helping Blaine to his feet. He pulled the taller boy in for a warm embrace. "He'll love you just the same, but he won't love you anymore than I do. I won't let him."_

_A soft laugh greeted his endearing words, and Blaine squirmed out of his arms and continued to wipe his eyes._

_"Come on, we're going to be late."_

_Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and tugged him back to the stairwell he'd exited earlier. For a split second he realized the hug and this hand holding was the most physical contact he'd had with Blaine on school grounds in almost a week, but just as quickly the thought slipped away. It was safer if he didn't hang all over Blaine, not only for Blaine but for himself._

* * *

><p>Everywhere Kurt turned people were whispering about Finn and "the gleek". All morning the student body discussed the interaction they had witnessed and it was driving Kurt crazy. He was trying not to think about it, because it only made his breathing sound funny and his fingers shake.<p>

Blaine had stayed. After everything Kurt had put him through, and all the torment he knew was waiting he'd come back to McKinley. For what, though? Kurt couldn't figure it out. There was no reason he could see for that decision; Blaine had never been a masochist as far as Kurt remembered. Dalton had been the perfect escape for him and–

Was that it then? Blaine was staying so he didn't look like a coward; he was staying because anything else meant running away. In all the years Kurt had known Blaine the boy had never run from anything. No matter how rude, vicious, or brutal the taunts had become Blaine never ran. It was why Kurt always knew he had hoped in vain for Blaine to turn and run when he approached with Santana, Quinn, and their slushies. But Blaine wouldn't – he never had.

The first chance Kurt had he zeroed in on his step-brother. The opportunity didn't present itself until his fifth block class, which the two shared together. History was one of the few subjects Kurt didn't pay attention in, especially now that the topic was U.S. History. After spending the first seven years of his education learning about his country's history Kurt figured he had a good enough grasp on it to not listen the majority of the time.

Finn seemed to agree with his attitude towards the class, because when Kurt arrived a few minutes before the bell his step-brother was already snoring loudly in the back row. Without preamble Kurt stalked over and dropped his books onto Finn's desk. They smacked down with a loud clap and Finn jerked awake, his knees hitting the underside of the desktop and causing it to flip over and send the books to the floor.

"Where's the thunder?" Finn said stupidly, looking around the room dazedly as Kurt dropped into the desk next to him. A second later Finn looked to where Kurt's books had fallen and how his desktop had flipped down and was swinging back and forth. He leaned over the railing and scooped up Kurt's book. "Oh, here."

Kurt took his textbook from Finn's hand and a curt nod. "So is there any particular reason you were hanging out with Blaine?" Kurt demanded, deciding to skip sneaky tactics and just dive straight in.

"Huh? Blaine's cool. Why shouldn't I hang out with him?" Finn asked in confused.

"Because your girlfriend will castrate you," Kurt told him icily. "The entire _school_ is talking about you two now."

Finn shrugged disinterestedly. "Yeah, so? He's my friend– well, tutor-friend, I guess. But he's a cool guy."

"I – I know that," Kurt grumbled in annoyance. He wasn't even sure if he was mad about any of this or maybe he was just angry with Blaine. By staying he was putting himself at risk and putting Kurt in a position he'd been in once and screwed up. Despite the fact that he still cared Kurt didn't know if he was strong enough to do what he knew was right. He wasn't strong like Blaine. Years of torment had made him cave in and shut everything about himself off. "Look, you _know_ how the kids here are. They'll make your life hell if you keep hanging out with– "

"Kurt, relax," Finn said. "I'm the _quarterback_; the _star_ quarterback. They can't do anyt– "

"They did to me, they can to you," Kurt snapped. "They aren't going to let this fly past them."

"Maybe they won't care," Finn said optimistically. "Once they see me with the Glee Club– "

"You– _what_?" Kurt squealed. The bell rang overhead as the other students settled in around him.

Finn lowered his voice and leaned over to Kurt. "I... I liked singing at Christmas. Blaine says it's fun. I talked to him a lot after he left – getting help for math mostly since I didn't think I'd have anyone once we got back to school. I trust him. If he says it's fun, then I believe him."

Kurt was silent for a moment. "It is fun," he agreed quietly. "Well, it _was_."

Finn shrugged and busied himself with flipping his desktop back over and resting his arms on it.

"I can't believe he came back here," Kurt said quietly. "Did... did he say why?"

"Why? Uh... " Finn paused, thinking hard. "I think he said he owed it to himself? Or something?"

There was a moment where Kurt almost asked if Blaine had mentioned him at all. If he'd just been strictly vague about why he had returned or if he'd actually talked in detail about it. Kurt didn't think Blaine would do that, and with Finn he could easily let it slip past, but Kurt thought there had to be more to Blaine's decision than that.

After all, the other boy hadn't fully made his decision the last time they'd seen each other. Had Kurt's brief moment of affection helped him choose? He was probably thinking way too much of himself as usual. It had probably just been Blaine's own stubbornness and unrelenting need to be strong and not run that had been the deciding factor. One way or another Kurt was going to find out. Next he would have to corner Blaine. The only problem was finding a secluded spot to do so.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Voila, here's the next one. Lots of Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. I've actually got a song idea for 15 that's... well, it's gonna be interesting trying to write. There's also going to be two Kurt POVs back to back because of it. Things will really be picking up with these next few, especially 15.

Depending on how my paper writing/class stuff goes the next update might be a week or more. My major projects are due soon, unfortunately, on top of the rest of the course load. Boo, summer classes. Fitting 16 week courses into 4 weeks is a terrible idea.

Anyway, enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 13

Blaine's first day back at McKinley had started very strangely. As much as he'd talked to Finn after he'd left the Hummels' house he hadn't really expected the other boy to approach him on school grounds. Especially not when everyone had been there to see the spectacle. In some ways it had done him some good, though. Everyone was so busy talking about the unexpected development that they hadn't bothered to shove him around, trip him, or slushy him.

So far, anyway.

Blaine knew that would change by the afternoon; tomorrow morning if he was lucky. Nobody would let this pass by for long. If Finn actually went to Glee Club in a few hours and officially joined, then things would definitely get worse. Blaine had a way out now at least. After thinking over his choices and everything he would be dropping at McKinley, Blaine had decided to stay, but he'd made a deal with his father that if things got worse or he changed his mind he could transfer to Dalton at any time.

That any time might be sooner than he'd thought it would be if Finn continued on his current course. At least then Glee would have someone to take Blaine's spot. Right now they had nobody who could tolerate dancing with Rachel, which was a large part of why he had stayed. There were a few other reasons – questions, really – that he had, but if the answers he found were his worst fears he'd be gone just as quickly.

During lunch Blaine went through the line quickly, then ducked out of the side door and tucked himself away in the little corner between the stairs and the building. This year none of his friends had the same lunch as he did on odd days. Usually he ducked out and ate in one of the bathrooms or the Glee room, but he really didn't feel like dodging a bunch of hall monitors today. Besides, all the staring and whispering was starting to unnerve him. He wasn't used to this kind of attention at McKinley. It made his skin crawl because he knew once the other kids had talked it out until there wasn't anything else to say, they'd start in on him. Heading outside in the middle of winter was the safest option. None of the jocks would ever think to look for him out there.

Blaine set his tray down on the ground, took his backpack off, and pulled on his gloves and hat. It was freezing outside, though not as cold as the week of Christmas had been. He settled down on the frozen concrete for a quiet lunch, but then the door he'd just exited creaked open.

Instantly on guard, Blaine stiffened and listened closely, thinking a teacher had caught sight of him on his way out. There was no reason for anyone who hadn't followed him to be outside right now. Snow covered the ground so gym classes were held inside, all of his friends had different lunch times, and the bleachers and places the rougher crowds frequented were on the opposite side of the building.

Carefully Blaine raised his head a few inches and peered over the edge of the concrete stairs. A bright red Cheerios uniform greeted him. In some ways it was the last thing he'd expected, but part of him was glad. Kurt had followed him – had searched Blaine out of his own freewill. Now he might get a few questions answered; he might even be heading home to start packing up his things if this went badly.

"I'm down here," Blaine offered, startling Kurt, who jumped and spun around.

Kurt's cheeks were already starting to turn blue and his arms were wrapped tightly around his torso to try to stop his shivering.

"H- hi," Kurt stammered, coming down the stairs and turning into Blaine's little spot. "Can... can we talk?"

Blaine shrugged and gestured to the empty space next to him. "Floor's yours." Kurt cast a quick look around. "There's nobody else out here," Blaine assured him, slightly annoyed.

With a nod Kurt dropped down onto the concrete next to him, shivering. Blaine pulled his tray closer to himself and started to eat, waiting for Kurt to speak. Even now he knew not to push Kurt into talking until he was ready. It was something he'd learned years ago the first time he'd asked Kurt where his mother was.

"I didn't expect to see you today," Kurt began quietly. "Or ever again, actually."

Blaine grunted around a mouthful of taco, but said nothing else. If he let Kurt talk, or at least let the silence work the other boy, then maybe, just maybe, his Kurt would make another appearance and prove him right. Maybe he'd know that he'd somehow made the right decision when he wasn't basing it solely on Glee Club. If Kurt could start being himself around Blaine then maybe he could get his old friend back and they could find a way to move past everything.

"I kind of hate you for coming back," Kurt said more loudly, scowling at his knees. "You– there's so much more and b- better for you at Dalton. But... I think I'm glad, too. Never seeing you again, it– it doesn't seem right."

Blaine nodded once more, shoving the rest of his taco into his mouth so he didn't have to talk. Kurt felt something, though. Something potent and difficult for him to understand. He was slowly reminding Blaine of the boy he'd known, even if it was only in little unexpected bursts.

Kurt clenched and unclenched his hands, finally looking up and over at Blaine. He was surprised at the agony on Kurt's face when their eyes meant, and he didn't fully understand it until Kurt continued to speak.

"Why would you do this to yourself? After everything that's happened to you here – after everything _I've_ put you through – I just... I don't get why you'd put yourself through any more of this," Kurt flustered, looking, to Blaine's bafflement, hurt.

"There's a lot of reasons I stayed," Blaine said evasively. "I have responsibilities to Glee, to Finn as his tutor, to my clubs– "

"So I had nothing t- to do with your decision?" Kurt asked, sounding terrified of the impending answer.

"Not everything is about you, Kurt," Blaine said sternly. Kurt swallowed hard and stared out towards the parking lot.

"I _know _ that," Kurt returned, clenching his jaw tightly. "Well, I'm... learning it. You're teaching me that. You've always taught me things, I just sucked at listening for a lot of it."

Blaine snorted. "Or you just chose not to abide by any of it." He sighed tiredly and pushed his tray away, deciding to narrow in on one of his most pressing questions. "Look, you _kissed_ me, Kurt– "

"On the _cheek_," Kurt said defensively.

"I want to know why. I want to know if the boy who let himself care about me is who you want to be or if you'd rather be the guy who's going to slushy me Friday morning," Blaine admitted. "I've always known that _my _Kurt, my best friend, was worth the effort, but you... I don't know what to think of you. You're him for split seconds and then the rest of the time... "

Inside the bell dismissing lunch rang. Blaine climbed to his feet, grabbing his bag and tray. He turned back and looked down at Kurt's stunned, conflicted face.

"I get how difficult all of this is for you. It's not easy for me, either. Sometimes I just want to smack you for all of this, but I know who you can be. I know I can forgive that boy if he really makes the effort."

Before Kurt could even stand up, Blaine headed back into the cafeteria to dump his tray. He took Kurt's silence and willingness to listen as a good sign. He just hoped some of what he'd said would really have an impact in some way. There was only so much more he could take before he called all of this quits.

* * *

><p><em>Just like Kurt had assured him Burt had pulled Blaine right into a big bear hug when they'd sat him down and told him that Blaine was gay. Blaine hadn't really been too worried about Burt's reaction considering he'd realized that Burt knew of his own crush on Kurt. The comfort was still nice, along with the invite to spend the night.<em>

_"Boys, pizza's here!" _

_Blaine perked up immediately, his stomach growling loudly as Kurt shut his history book. Burt hollered down to them again followed by the sound of the front door slamming closed._

_"Come on," Kurt encouraged. Blushing furiously as Kurt linked their hands together, Blaine allowed himself to be tugged along behind the other boy to the main level of the house. _

_They met Burt in the hall on the way to the kitchen. A tower of pizza boxes blocked most of Burt from their view and Blaine quickly took the top half as Kurt rolled his eyes and took a few himself._

_"Really, Dad? I'll barely eat three slices. We don't need eight pizzas," Kurt said, leading the way into the kitchen._

_Burt snorted and nudged Blaine to follow Kurt. "I seem to recall catching a certain Anderson sneaking into the kitchen a few nights ago for a second dinner," Burt countered._

_Embarrassed, Blaine dropped his stack onto the kitchen counter and sheepishly met Kurt's stern gaze. "I was _hungry_," he defended miserably._

_"Maybe you should have just bought him a cow," Kurt told his father. "I think it would have been cheaper."_

_"Oh, shut up," Blaine grumbled._

_Burt laughed as they continued to mock each other, tugging a few plates out of the nearest cabinet and handing one to each of them. They all loaded up their plates; Blaine ended up with an entire pizza box when Burt saw how much he was piling up. As they settled down at the table and started to eat talk quickly turned to school. This surprised Blaine since he'd figured Burt would ask more about his coming out, but he didn't pester him. It was one of the things he liked best about Kurt's father._

_Kurt, however– _

_"– and then Coach said I'm in the running for her top three choices for Squad captain next year!" Kurt exclaimed. "The rest of the girls are even starting to talk to me, and– "_

_"How's Glee Club going?" Burt cut in delicately, eyeing Blaine's sullen look. "You lot are getting ready for some sort of competition, right?"_

_Kurt rolled his eyes and pulled his napkin from his lap. "It's just so we can _qualifty_ to enter the competitions. Honestly, I think I might stop going. Rachel gets all of the solos and – "_

_"What?" Blaine gasped in disbelief. "But you love Glee. We have so much fun with it. The male soloist still needs to be picked– "_

_"Which will be you," Kurt said certainly. "You're the best guy in the group._

_"You don't know that," Blaine said, flushing with a mixture of happiness at Kurt's praise and horror at the turn of the conversation. "Mr. Schue hasn't even held the auditions yet. I don't think I'll try out because my voice is still changing and cracking."_

_"Well, he would never pick _me_," Kurt argued as Burt looked on in alarmed confusion. "He doesn't want a boy who can sing as high as his female lead."_

_Blaine's stomach dropped at Kurt's words. He knew Kurt was right, and as much as he reassured Kurt that his voice would drop and change before long he was really starting to believe it wouldn't. Even a year before his own had started changing his voice had cracked and squeaked at random, but not Kurt's. His voice was as steady and high as ever._

_With a quick, pleading look at Burt, Blaine tried another tactic._

_"But it's the only school activity we still do together," Blaine said miserably. "Even if we just get stuck in the background at least we get to hang out together."_

_"I– we still hang out all the time after school," Kurt winced at the look Blaine shot him and amended, "after practice. But Cheerios are guaranteed to go to Nationals this year. There's going to be so much work and tons of extra practices, and then games once the football season starts on Friday. Glee Club doesn't do _anything_– "_

_To Blaine's relief Burt finally figured out something to say. "Kurt, you signed up and auditioned for Glee and you'll stick with it, understand? You don't want to quit something after only a few weeks. Who knows, maybe if you audition you _will_ get that– that solo guy thing."_

_Kurt snorted in disbelief, and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Between Coach and Schuester that's never going to happen."_

_"Why would Coach Sylvester have anything to do with your Glee stuff?" Burt asked, but Blaine was already tuning out what he knew would be a quick, topic change from Kurt._

_There was no way Coach Sylvester would want one of her precious Cheerios, usually a potential captain, in Glee Club. Not only would it take time away from her training, but it would bring down the whole squads reputation. He briefly wondered if she'd already set Kurt down and made a few not so subtle hints to quick, but either way it was going to happen. Neither of them had factored Coach Sylvester into any of this, the other Cheerios, certainly. But not the Coach._

_They really hadn't thought this Cheerios thing through, and judging by the pissed off expression on Kurt's face as Burt lectured him about responsibilities to commitments, his best friend was getting in way deeper than Blaine had ever imagined._

* * *

><p>Blaine didn't see Kurt for the rest of the day. There were no taunting passes in the halls with Santana and Quinn, no surprise slushies, or shoulder checks into lockers. It felt almost eerie for Kurt, a top Cheerio, to disappear off the McKinley radar so easily. Even when Blaine met up with Finn after class to lead the other boy to his first Glee Club meeting there was no sign of Kurt or Quinn to put a stop to it.<p>

"So we're just singing that song you told me about, right?" Finn asked anxiously, looking around the vacant hall they had turned down. "I don't think I'll be much for dancing."

"Mr. Schue might show us a little choreography," Blaine answered, pushing the choir room door open. "It shouldn't be a lot, though."

The moment Blaine entered with Finn at his side the entire room fell silent. Tina and Mike looked surprised, but quickly helped Blaine usher their newest member into the room. Artie and Mercedes looked amazed and cautious, while Rachel –

"Blaine, _Blaine_," she hissed, tugging on his shirt sleeve so hard she threatened to tear it off. Blaine let her lead him away from Mike, Finn, and Tina to the far side of the room. "Blaine, do you _know_ who that is? Is this serious?"

"Yeah, I'm aware," Blaine sighed, pulling his sleeve free and frowning at how stretched it now was. "He wanted to join and he can sing."

Rachel was barely listening; she wasn't even looking at him. Blaine mentally groaned, taking in the eager light now in her eyes. Great, Rachel was smitten all ready.

"I want to sing with him," Rachel said suddenly. "Today. You don't mind sitting out a solo, right, Blaine?"

"Well, actually – "

Before Blaine could finish Rachel had dashed over to Tina, Mike, and Finn and forced her way into the small group. Finn looked slightly terrified as she focused completely on him, but Blaine only rolled his eyes and gave the panicked looking boy a thumbs up. At least he wouldn't have any problems with Rachel. She would have undoubtedly been the worst to handle.

By the time rehearsal ended two hours later, Mercedes was raging about being Beyoncé, Artie had a bloody nose from Rachel's too enthusiastic leap towards Finn's not waiting arms, Rachel was making even bigger heart eyes at Finn, and Mike and Tina were fused together at the mouth. Mr. Schuester seemed happy with their newest member despite some of the others' criticisms.

Tired, Blaine saved Finn from Rachel's overzealousness and they headed over to the Hummels' house for their tutoring session. Barely half an hour in they decided to call it quits and Blaine went home, surprised that Kurt hadn't shown up before he'd left, but slightly glad for the Cheerio's absence. He wanted Kurt to have time to think before they spoke again. He wanted to have his own time to think and decide what answers would be a good reason for him to stay and what wouldn't.

The smell of lasagna filled Blaine's nostrils when he finally entered his own house. He hadn't expected his mother to make anything for dinner tonight since his father was out of town until Sunday and she knew Blaine would be home late. She was just setting the dish on the cooling rack when Blaine stepped into the kitchen.

"You didn't have to make anything," Blaine said immediately.

She jumped slightly, clutching her chest as Blaine walked over to greet her.

"You have got to stop that," she scolded, accepting his hug. "You're going to give me heart attack sneaking up on me like that."

"Sorry," Blaine murmured, holding her tightly when she moved to step back. For right now he couldn't bear to pull himself away. It was so nice to feel welcomed and safe after his first day back at McKinley. As always she seemed to just understand what he needed, stroking his curls and kissing his forehead. For once he was glad she wasn't that much shorter than he was, and on days like this when she wore heels it made it that much simpler to sink into her arms – no slouching or ducking, just stepping right into her embrace.

"I love you with all my heart, you know that, Blaine?" she murmured, continuing to stroke his hair. "Your father won't tell me the specifics of what's going on with you and school, but whenever you're ready to tell me, I'm here, okay?"

Instead of speaking, Blaine nodded against her thick curls, breathing deeply as he finally pulled back. "I know. I just– I don't want to worry you. Cooper did that enough."

"Not knowing worries me just as much," she said simply, once more brushing his curls back before turning to the cabinet above the dishwasher and opening it.

For a few minutes Blaine just watched her work; pulling down two plates, digging utensils out of various drawers and pulling a large bowl of salad out of the refrigerator for them to split. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, or want her advice; he could actually really use it. But the thought of telling her just had bad things were – about how his best friend had become one of his worst tormentors – made his stomach clench up like it was trying to digest itself.

Her patience would only last so long, just like his resilience with the cruelty he faced at McKinley. Perhaps she'd be able to help him decide what to do once he got the answers he wanted from Kurt. Surely she'd dated before his father, even had her heart broken or had a best friend who dumped her. There was only so much Blaine was still comfortable talking about with his father, and the specifics of his heartache for another boy wasn't on that list yet.

Blaine accepted a plate piled high with lasagna and another with a heap of salad and set them on the table.

"You remember Kurt, right?"

"Of course," Lyra answered, grabbing her own plates and thanking Blaine as he pulled her chair out for her and then took his own seat. "It's been such a long time since you've had him around."

"Well, there's... there's a reason for that," Blaine admitted slowly, carefully mixing his salad up. At her concerned look Blaine sighed and started in on summarizing the past two years. He talked as he ate, barely noticing that his mother wasn't eating, but was instead looking horrified by everything he was telling her.

By the end of his tale she was wiping her eyes and looking very upset. "I can't believe he– oh, _Blaine_," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I always suspected you liked him, but... "

Lyra shook her head sadly and dabbed at her eyes again.

Blaine set his fork down on his empty plate and reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "It's okay. Well, it's not, but... it might be. I stayed with them over Christmas since Coop cancelled. He's... Kurt's still in there." Blushing slightly Blaine looked down at the table as he continued, "He kissed me on the cheek when he dropped me off. It's one of the reasons I didn't transfer to Dalton immediately. I know it's probably stupid after everything, but... if there's a chance that I can– can help him realize who he really is then I want to. He was my best friend, I... I loved him," Blaine acknowledged quietly. "I might hate who he's become half of the time, but I don't want to give up when I've seen the boy I once fell in love with."

His mother sighed and set her napkin on the table. "I always knew your selflessness would get you in trouble," she told him, smiling slightly. "But I _do_ understand. Your heart knows what it wants – wanted – and it's hard to ignore that, even when your head says to abandon it all. Kurt's... high school can change people, Blaine. I don't know how deep these changes are for Kurt, if they're only skin deep or just who he is now, but I do trust you to know him better than me."

"It _is_ him during those moments, I'm positive of it," Blaine said. "There's this look in his eyes... I can't explain it, but I know if I give up and run to Dalton I'll never forgive myself for it. Not until I have a few answers."

"To why he kissed you," Lyra deduced.

"On the _cheek,_" Blaine added, face burning, which made Lyra laugh and smile.

"I think the most important thing to have in those answers is honesty," Lyra decided. "Even if it's an uncertain answer, or not the one you're hoping for. If he's honest, then your own decision should be easier."

"Thanks, Mama."

"Of course, dear," his mother replied. "Any more boy problems you come to me, all right? I don't think your father's quite ready for that."

Blaine nodded in agreement. He didn't know what sort of answer Kurt would give him, or how many he would have to endure before he got an honest one, but he hoped he could survive McKinley long enough to hear it.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Earlier than planned, but here's 14!

Yeah, I've been avoiding writing this paper... for a week and a half now. Whoops. Next chapter is a big one, and the format is going to be... a little different if I can get it to work while writing. There'll still be past and present parts, they're just going to cross a lot more. We'll see how that goes _after_ I get the rough draft of this stupid paper written.

Sigh. So yeah, maybe next Sunday for an update, maybe earlier if I hash this paper out quickly and stop procrastinating.

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 14

On Friday Kurt faked sick and stayed home from school. Fortunately he'd only had to fool his father in the morning, and since Burt had already been late for work it hadn't been difficult to give a few weak, pained groans and curl into a ball on his bed. However, when Carole arrived home from her shift at the hospital a few hours later he'd been caught. He'd refused to tell her the specifics for why he'd faked sick, unconvincingly telling her he had a test he'd forgotten to study for, but she seemed to realize it was something very different even if she hadn't said anything.

There was no way he could bring himself to tell her that Fridays were the days he slushied Blaine before first block. If he admitted that she'd want to know why he thought such a thing was a good idea in the first place and then why he was so desperate to avoid it. He couldn't even explain his reasons for either of those to himself and sound convincing.

Blaine's words and questions on Thursday had struck him hard. Hearing the other boy refer to him as "my Kurt" had been particularly painful. He could have been that, had been in some ways, if he hadn't kept down the path his one bad decision had led him to. Even worse he couldn't adequately explain why he'd kissed Blaine a few weeks ago. It had been a rash, spur of the moment reaction he hadn't even thought about until it had been over. Blaine would never accept that answer, because it would only sound like Kurt was avoiding the truth.

Sometimes he felt like he was. Sometimes, for a few seconds or when he awoke from a nightmare about his own actions he wished he was still that boy. He wished he had Blaine by his side when he woke up and a best friend he could confide anything in without worry of being blackmailed at some point down the road.

Over the weekend he spent more and more time thinking about Blaine and how things might be right now if he'd made a different decision two years ago. He might have realized that Blaine had been in love with him, maybe he might have fallen himself. There was no way any of that could ever happen now, though. Even thinking about being in love with Blaine made his stomach somersault.

By the time Monday rolled around he didn't need to fake sick anymore. He felt sick enough from guilt and his own uncertainty about everything he was doing and was a part of in his life. Fortunately, Kurt was immediately dragged off by Quinn when he arrived. Without an explanation she led him to Coach Sylvester's office, and Kurt was momentarily filled with dread. He'd been found out. They somehow knew how conflicted he was about Blaine and his life as a bully and were going to blackmail him into continuing to be the terrible person he'd forced himself to be.

But as soon as Quinn shut the door all thoughts of Blaine were driven from Kurt's mind.

"I want to spy on Glee Club," Quinn said. "_Finn_ joined them because of that nerd. I want to know what they're up to."

Kurt remained silent, waiting for Coach Sylvester's response. She was leaning back in her chair, watching them thoughtfully.

"Have a seat, Q," she said evenly.

Quinn obeyed, looking furious at her boyfriend's actions. "Everyone thinks he's _gay_ now, Coach. I can't lose him. I'm the Head cheerleader, he's the star quarterback. I won't let those freaks take him away from me."

"Glee Club," Coach Sylvester commented, looking annoyed. "Will Schuester's failed attempt at making screaming and flapping around on stage something cool. Your boy toy won't stay with them long. Once the rest of his team of hooting roughhousing ogres get a hold of him he'll drop it."

"But I want to keep an _eye_ on him," Quinn insisted. "That little snot, Rachel Berry, was all over him in the hallway this morning and– "

"What exactly does this have to do with me?" Kurt cut in pointedly.

Quinn turned to him, looking determined. "You've got inside information from before you... got your head on straight" – Kurt snorted in his head at the phrasing – "If I'm going to spy on them and get Finn out of there, then I need to know what you do."

"If I agree to this," Coach Sylvester reminded her stiffly. "One of my head Cheerios joining such a pathetic group of slushy absorbing maggots... "

"I won't let him ruin my reputation by dumping me for _Glee_," Quinn declared angrily.

As Coach Sylvester and Quinn continued to debate over their course of action Kurt tuned out. If they agreed to go forward with this... maybe he could convince them to let him take Quinn's spot. After all he had no idea if Quinn could sing so she might be completely useless to the club. He, on the other hand, already knew he could, and joining Glee Club, even if it was only briefly, meant time with Blaine. If he could spent time with the other boy, without it looking terribly suspicious maybe he could sort all of this out in his head.

The very thought of seeing Blaine made Kurt's stomach fill, and he squirmed at the sensation. He still didn't understand why that kept happening, but at least the thought of Blaine wasn't making him sick with guilty for once. Maybe he could show Blaine that he was worth the effort.

"You'll join up and spy on him and see just what Schuester is up to," Coach Sylvester ordered. "If he's recruiting jocks it's only a matter of time before he comes for you ladies."

"I'll do it," Kurt offered. "It'll look less suspicious since I can sing and use my singing for a few of our competitions. I'll just say I'm using them to improve my voice so that we can win another National championship."

"Really? You'll do this for me?" Quinn asked in surprise.

"Finn _is_ my step-brother," Kurt reminded her. "Even I want to know why he's nosing diving into the nerd pit. Besides, I was part of the group once before, it'll be easier for me to keep everything straight."

"I want reports after every practice, Porcelain," Coach Sylvester told him. "Get Q her man back and destroy whatever new plan Schuester has."

Kurt nodded to show that he understood, but really he couldn't care less about either of their plans. He was one step closer to figuring out all of the confusing things he was feeling. Maybe he'd even be able to convince Blaine to go to Dalton where he'd be safe, because with two of McKinley's finest joining Glee Club, Blaine was about to unwittingly step into a warzone. And if Kurt's past mistakes were anything to go by, he'd probably fuck up and put himself first once again.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt was still angry with his father by the time he and Blaine left for school Wednesday morning. They'd ended up have a rather nasty argument over whether or not Kurt could quit Glee Club, and it had only ended when Blaine had miserably started to gather his things to leave. Even now Blaine looked dejected and out of place by his side as they headed across the parking lot to the brick building.<em>

_Several students waved and spoke to Kurt as they made their way up the steps, and he was quite happy about the change. No more dirty looks or shoulder checks, just a bunch of people wanting to be his friends and smile at him because of his new status. But as he entered through the doors, Blaine still trailing behind him, he was stopped by a group of Cheerios, all armed with slushies._

_Santana stepped forward from the other girls, looking fierce. "I seem to recall warning you about _that_," she spat, jerking her head in Blaine's direction. _

_Feeling defensive, Kurt stepped closer to Blaine's side, even as his friend shrunk back from the group. It dawned on Kurt then that he wasn't wearing his uniform today. Since their first game was Friday Coach Sylvester had sent all of their uniforms out for dry cleaning. None of them had them on, which meant he was a target for those slushies, too._

_"Leave him out of this," Kurt snapped through gritted teeth._

_"I will if you will," Santana said harshly. "You're only making things worse for yourself. _Ditch_ the loser or go back and join him."_

_She raised her cup, taking aim at Blaine, who half-heartedly started to raise his binder to block, but Kurt got there first. He didn't even think about it as he leapt over and blocked the frozen ice's path to Blaine's face. The rest of the girls followed Santana's lead, tossing their own drinks in his face as Blaine looked on in shock._

_"Spread cheers with us or fairy dust with hobbit," Santana said quietly to him as the other girls broke off from the group. "It's your choice. You can have this every day, or you can go back to enjoying being one of us. Make the right decision and make it fast. I'm not covering for you."_

_Mouth hanging open from the audacity of his teammates and Santana's words, Kurt silently let Blaine steer him to the nearest bathroom and clean him up. He didn't notice the gentle caresses and touches from Blaine as the other boy washed the frozen drink from his hair and neck. Nothing but fury and humiliation registered in his mind. How dare they do this to him. He was one of them now, wasn't he? One of the elite above the rest of the school._

_"I can't _believe_ them," he spat, suddenly slapping the towel Blaine had been using against the floor. A chunk of ice he'd missed suddenly slipped under the waistband of his pants. Ugh, I _hate_ this!" he bellowed. "I never, _ever_ want to deal with this again! I'm a Cheerio now, I shouldn't be slushied! I'm not some stupid nerd– "_

_"You don't have to deal with this," Blaine cut in softly. "You heard her. I know how much you hate this. Just– "_

_"What? Abandon you? I'm not going to– "_

_It dawned on his angry brain in that moment that he might be one step closer to leaving all of this behind, but Blaine certainly wasn't. His best friend had no way to escape this without Kurt's help, and that help wasn't something Kurt could even legitimately offer. How was he supposed to stop them from treating Blaine like shit if he couldn't even do that for himself? Was any of this ever going to work for them?_

_"You want to quit Glee, though," Blaine reminded him. "If you do that then what's stopping you and me from not being friends? Cheerios is all you talk about and all you want to do."_

_"I thought you _wanted_ me to stay on the team," Kurt said slowly, some of his angry returning. "If you don't then why did you say that you did?"_

_"I just... I want you to be _happy_," Blaine admitted. "Not getting slushied or tormented makes you so much happier. I– I don't want you to suffer because of _me_. I'm not worth that."_

_"Yes, you are," Kurt insisted. "I stayed on this team to protect you from this," he said, gesturing to his ruined shirt. "I'm going to make this work, I promise. I'll figure something out so that you're safe from their slushies."_

_Blaine's face didn't look any happier at his words, though. If anything he only looked more sullen, even guilty. _

_"What if you can't? Are you just going to keep trying forever?" Blaine wondered. "What if they want you to slushy me to prove you're really one of them? Then what? Maybe," Blaine paused, folding his arms over his chest and looking nervous, "maybe this was all just a bad idea."_

_"You know I would never do that," Kurt said, rolling his eyes at Blaine's ridiculous fears. "It's not a bad idea, we're just not doing this right. We've got to factor in Santana and Coach Sylvester somehow. I need them on my side. Then maybe I'll become Captain next year and– "_

_"And then what? Then maybe you can stop them from slushying me? What if we can't last that long?"_

_"We'll make it work– "_

_"I'm starting to doubt that," Blaine said honestly. "They're getting to you, even if you haven't noticed it. I've _never_ heard you yell at your dad like you did last night, Kurt. The Kurt I know doesn't act like that."_

_Suddenly angry at Blaine's words Kurt glared at his friend. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do. I like being a Cheerio. It's better than getting mocked and laughed at for that stupid Glee Club."_

_Blaine nodded slowly, shouldering his bag and heading towards the door. "Right, I forgot that you're above me and our friends now. My bad."_

_Before Kurt's guilt over his harsh words could fully sink in Blaine pushed the door open and disappeared. Angrily Kurt tugged his wet shirt off and flung it at the mirror in front of himself, blocking his dark expression. What did Blaine know? He wasn't a Cheerio. There was no Santana blackmailing him with his sexuality. No Coach Sylvester bearing down on him every evening at practice. He didn't know what kind of pressure Kurt was under by trying to get all of these girls on his side so that he could become Captain. He didn't know anything except his stupid Glee Club, Kurt thought savagely. And Glee Club meant nothing to this damn school. Why should it mean anything to him?_

* * *

><p>After Kurt and Quinn had left Coach Sylvester's office Kurt had gone to find Mr. Schuester to discuss him rejoining Glee Club. They'd decided to set down during lunch in Mr. Schuester's office to discuss the decision and to go over rehearsal schedules. The meeting had been difficult, much more so than Kurt had planned on it being. Mr. Schuester had asked him a lot of questions Kurt hadn't really been ready to answer, and the fact that he had, and seemed to almost be protecting <em>Blaine<em> from him, had surprised him. His old Glee teacher had never exactly been on top of things, but it had even been obvious to him how badly Kurt had screwed up and hurt Blaine, which only made Kurt feel worse.

But he deserved to feel this bad, to always hate himself when he thought about how stupid and cowardly he'd been. As Monday turned into a dreary, blustery Tuesday, Kurt started to get nervous. He hadn't faced any of the other Glee Clubbers since his freshman year. No doubt they'd have a lot to say to him this afternoon because of how he'd treated Blaine.

Quinn had filled Santana in on their plan at some point last night, mostly to keep her in line when the rest of the school found out, but she still seemed cautious as they sat down at lunch with Brittany.

"So are you going to be a brighter unicorn?" Brittany asked him as Santana eyed him carefully.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Brittany's interpretation of their scheme, and shook his head as Santana clicked her tongue loudly.

"You're doing this... for Quinn," Santana said slowly, her eyes fixed on his expression.

Kurt tried to keep his face calm as he met her gaze, but part of him didn't even want to lie. Sure, in the beginning Santana had done nothing but blackmail him into a corner that he'd never let himself escape, but things had changed between them. They shared secrets they couldn't trust anyone else with, and even if they might not entirely trust the other, they knew they were in the same boat.

"Yes, it'll be easier for me to join back up– "

"Really? Because I think joining a group that has a dozen good reasons to hate you, especially after how you ditched one of their main guys, makes it a lot more difficult," Santana cut in sharply. You're doing this for _him_. Don't even lie, Hummel."

Kurt glared at her, but realized there was no point in denying it. They knew each other too well.

"Fine, maybe I am," Kurt agreed. "And so what? Are you going to blackmail me some more so that I don't?"

Santana eyed him angrily before looking around the rest of the cafeteria. Her eyes paused on a spot in the line and Kurt looked over there, too. Blaine was grabbing his lunch, hunched over and skittish looking as he quickly paid and ducked out the side door.

"This school will tear you apart if you start this again," Santana said carefully. "Me and Britt are both Cheerios and we'd still get– listen. I get _it_. Being alone has to suck, and I don't know if you're trying to make amends or just trying to get some ass to give your hand a break, but this is _dangerous_. You start getting close to him again and – "

"Maybe I don't care anymore," Kurt decided shakily. "Maybe I'm sick of the McKinley herd dictating my entire life. Blaine was my _best_ friend, "he reminded her. "The best friend I've ever had. He put me first over and over again and I trampled him into the ground because I let _you_ get to me."

Kurt and Santana stared at each other across the table for a few moments. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do or how he was going to do it, but the closer he let himself get to Blaine the worse the rest of his life made him feel. To a certain point Santana understood him, and he didn't think she would push him into that position again. Not when he had plenty of dirt on her now.

"Are you going to be a real dolphin now?" Brittany asked suddenly, looking thrilled at the prospect.

Santana stared at him for a second longer, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, Britt," she said. "I think he is."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Kurt sighed. "I don't think I've ever been so confused, and I know you don't like Blaine– "

"I never said I didn't _like_ the guy," Santana cut in smoothly. "He's at the bottom of the pyramid, buried under it really. I can't look as though I like him, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't if things were different or I got to know him. But this is high school. I'm not supposed to even know his name because to me he's supposed to be scum." Santana shrugged. "I'm just playing the game to survive."

Kurt watched her go back to eating her dinky little lunch, and with Brittany's arm curled through his for appearances, Kurt got what she meant. He understood it so much better than he'd ever really wanted to.

His friends didn't meant Blaine or Glee Club for the rest of the day. By the time the final bell rang, though, it was impossible to forget where he was headed. The same room he'd run out of two years ago in tears and never returned to. At least until now.

Since his math class was right down the hall he was the first to arrive and kind of glad for it. He could get his bearings and let those last few memories in here crash over him before the verbal assault began. Not a lot had changed since his freshman year. The same empty trophy case, the same piano and drum kit. Even the plastic chairs facing the front hadn't looked like they'd been moved, except for the empty spot to what had always been Blaine's chair. That was where he'd sat. Now he'd have to pick a new spot, probably off to the side because none of them would want to sit beside him.

a shoe squeaked on the floor behind him and Kurt spun around, expecting Rachel Berry to start squawking angrily at him, or Mercedes to start waving her hands in his face and shouting, but to his relief it was Blaine. A tired, weary version of him, but the one person in this club – this school – that he thought he was capable of being himself with.

"K - Kurt?" Blaine stammered in surprise. "Are– are you lost?"

Kurt laughed softly at Blaine's question, and shook his head. "No, I um, I'm joining Glee Club."

He wasn't sure what sure of reaction he had expected at his pronouncement, but Blaine barely gave one at all. For what felt like several minutes Blaine only stared at him critically, looking surprised by the suddenly change and unnerved.

Before Blaine could ask him why, get defensive, or stop talking to him, Kurt spoke up.

"Quinn wanted to so she could keep an eye on Finn and figure out why he's joined," Kurt told him. "I figured it'd be a better idea if I volunteered to take her spot. She won't like seeing for herself that Finn joined just because he's having fun."

Blaine cleared his throat and nodded slightly, moving past Kurt and setting his bag down on one of the chairs. It was as far from his old spot as it was possible to be, and it pained Kurt to realize it. He'd ruined so much, cost Blaine so much heartache and pain he almost couldn't believe that he had the audacity to try to mend any of this.

"So you joined... because of Quinn," Blaine repeated, sounding like he didn't entirely belief Kurt's words.

"There's a lot of reasons I took her place," Kurt said softly, smiling slightly at the repetition of Blaine's vague response last week out the cafeteria.

Blaine, however, rolled his eyes at the similar. "Ha ha, you're so hilarious."

"At least you know I was listening," Kurt replied, taking a chair from a stack by the door and setting it down next to Blaine's. "I thought over what you said a lot."

"Is that way you didn't come to school on Friday?" Blaine asked him.

When Kurt didn't answer, Blaine tucked his bag under his chair and sat down. "Santana and Quinn still slushied me, if that's what you were avoiding."

"But I didn't," Kurt remarked, heart hammering as he turned and looked up at Blaine. "I can't– "

The click of high- heels announced the arrival of Rachel and Mercedes. Kurt and Blaine both spun around to see the two divas, looking shocked at who was in their choir room.

"Oh, hell _no_," Mercedes snapped, glaring furiously at Kurt. "Nuh uh, get out, Hummel. We're _not_ doing this again."

"You let _Finn_ join," Kurt argued, glaring right back as Rachel spun on her heel and marched from the room.

"Finn didn't break my boy's h– "

"Mercedes, stop!" Blaine demanded, standing up and blocking her path to Kurt. "Mr. Schue already let him join. There's nothing you can do– "

"Oh, we'll see about that," Mercedes growled, flinging her bag down so hard she knocked her chair over. "And don't you dare defend him, Blaine. After what he's done to you I'm not going to l– "

Just then Rachel came charging back into the room, yanking Mr. Schuester along by his shirt sleeve.

"There!" she screeched, pointing dramatically at Kurt. "An imposter! He's here to sabotage us! I demand his immediate removal at once."

Mr. Schuester sighed slowly as the rest of the club appeared, all catching sight of Kurt and joining in with their own complaints. Finn at least, eyed them all like they were lunatics and shuffled over to Kurt and Blaine.

"Wow, no wonder you quit," Finn commented. "These guys really hate you, Kurt."

Blaine groaned. "Finn, that's not– nevermind."

He sighed and sunk back down into his seat as Mr. Schuester tried to gain control over the rest of the club. Kurt sat down next to him, crossing his arms and hugging himself tightly as they continued to make low, angry remarks about him. He'd known it would happen; it had been inevitable if he was going to return to the club, but it still stung.

A tentative, warm hand suddenly squeezed his thigh. Even before he looked down he knew who the hand belonged to. A thrill shot through him from the contact, settling like a hard lump in his throat as he followed the thick line of Blaine's arm up to his face.

Blaine's eyes were subdued behind his glasses, but he gave Kurt a little half-smile that made Kurt's chest flood with warmth and reassurance.

Blaine would stick up for him, and the thought made the warmth in his chest turn to ice. Of all the things he'd learned from Blaine over the years, he really wished that had been the one that had stuck with him. Maybe then he wouldn't be sitting in a room with people he had once called friends, all glaring and sneering at just the sight of him. Maybe then Blaine's hand would be held tightly by his own instead of giving him a comfort he knew he didn't deserve.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Welp, here's the big one. The format is _slightly_ different; basically it's not cut into three sections like usual. There's still past and present, with their usual fonts (italics for past, standard for present), but there's also lyrics, which are in quotation marks, italics and separated from the main paragraphs by an extra space. Yup, there's a song to tie it all together and get the flow.

The song is a cover of "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Adele. Attach this: watch?v=Vfj-peP6a7o to the youtube url and boom!

So yeah, here we go! It's time to really start turning things around for these boys! I think I've tortured you long enough, yeah?

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 15

Kurt didn't manage to last for all of Glee Club on Tuesday. After the first hour he left, saying he had to head over to Cheerios practice, when really he spent a quarter of an hour in the boys' bathroom heaving up his lunch. The longer he sat in the presence of his old friends, and endured their anger and hatred while Blaine, of all people, tried to make him feel welcome made him violently sick. Even after he had emptied his stomach Kurt stayed in the bathroom, his stall door locked while he sat on the floor between the wall and the toilet, his knees clutched tightly to his chest in an attempt to lessen his trembling.

A month ago Kurt had thought he regretted his actions and the torment he'd forced upon Blaine, but now he knew he hadn't even been close to really feeling the full weight of his actions. Now he realized it was possible to hate himself even more than before, because he'd spent two years telling himself there was nothing to be done; he'd ruined everything and there had been no going back. But Blaine's willingness to let him in, to give him that second chance, showed him just how wrong he had been. The only reason he'd really buried himself into this life was to wallow in his own guilt and avoid what he'd thought would be Blaine's complete rejection of his regrets.

He couldn't do that anymore. Not when every glance made his heart leap and pound, and just knowing that Blaine, steady, solid, caring Blaine, was willing to show him how to forgive himself and rebuild what he should have cherish more than anything else. There was no way he could bring himself to destroy Blaine's heart again.

It was several hours before Kurt finally pulled himself together and left McKinley, driving the long way back to his house and then shutting himself in his room without any dinner. Burt had come down to check on him, certain that he was still sick with his fake aliment from Friday, but Kurt shrugged his concern off and assured him he was fine. His father didn't seem to believe him, but he left him alone, sending Carole down a few hours later to check on him as well. Kurt refused to explain anything to her either, but a quiet, "Blaine's involved?" and his answering silence had told her what she'd wanted to know.

Whether or not she relayed anything to Burt, Kurt didn't know, but he went to school Wednesday despite his father's worries that he was still sick. Kurt just wanted to get out of the house, and if the weather report from that morning was even remotely accurate his stint in school wouldn't be very long today. A huge snowstorm was moving in from the Great Lakes that was predicted to dump several feet or more.

Much to his surprise the storm held off until early afternoon. His school day progressed in its usual fashion, and Cheerios practice was still scheduled, even though Principal Figgins had informed them that it had to be done by three o'clock. Still the brief hour of exercising and learning a new routine had helped Kurt clear his head and relax. The shower afterwards had helped as well. Putting some distance between Blaine and himself had lessened the sharp, acidic taste of guilt in his mouth, but he knew he couldn't stay away from him forever. He didn't think he even wanted to stay away from him for a few days.

Still overwhelmed by the flurry of emotions and feelings whirling through him, Kurt gathered up his things from his gym locker and set off for the student parking lot. With any luck he'd still be able to drive the short distance home before things got too bad. He might even have a day off from school to try to sort through his feelings a little better.

But as he turned off the main hall and down the short side one that led out to the parking lot, the ringing sound of music stopped him. Kurt paused, turning towards the noise, to find himself next to the side door of the auditorium. The door was cracked open slightly, but the noises were crystal clear even at a distance. He knew this song, had watched Blaine audition with it in one of his last Glee Club meeting during their freshmen year. Years later he could still remember how thrilled Blaine had been to be asked to try out for the club's male lead. To Kurt there had been no other choice but Blaine, and maybe he should have remembered that for every other aspect of his life...

_"Hey, Blaine!" Mr. Schuester hollered after their retreating backs as the rest of the club was dismissed, heading to their various lockers for books and possessions before going home. "I wanted a word before you left."_

_Kurt caught the anxious look on Blaine's face at their teacher's words, but nudged Blaine with his elbow and followed him back towards Mr. Schuester's podium at the front. They'd made up from their fight a few days ago, but things weren't quite the same anymore and Kurt couldn't stand the change. He didn't know how to fix it either, but maybe if this was about the male lead then Blaine could have something bigger to focus on like Kurt did. Maybe the strain would disappear and things would go back to how they had been._

_Without a word Blaine stopped in front of the podium, looking anxious and uncertain. _

_"You've been doing really great in practice," Mr. Schuester remarked. He caught sight of Kurt standing off to the side. "Both of you have, actually."_

_"Really?" Blaine asked, sounding surprised. "Cause I was a little flat today again. Sorry, my voice is still dropping and cracking and– "_

_Mr. Schuester chuckled good-naturedly and patted Blaine on the shoulder. "Don't worry about that. It'll settle with time and practice, which you do more than enough off. I actually wanted to ask you to audition for the male lead."_

_"I– what, really?" Blaine gasped, looking astonished as he cast a nervous glance at Kurt, but Kurt just smiled at his best friend. Blaine deserved this chance, more than anyone he knew, and if there was a way for Blaine to be both the male and female lead he'd personally hold Rachel down and let Blaine take the spot from her._

_"Yeah, I'll give you... a week to get something together?" Mr. Schuester offered. "Nothing too crazy, just to show your range and ability. Perhaps something emotional that could be used at our Invitational next month. The judges are keen on that this year."_

_Blaine nodded enthusiastically, and Kurt smiled a little wider, knowing that Blaine would nail this performance, could probably pick one of the dozens of songs in his back log and blow the rest of them out of the water._

Kurt hadn't known then what song Blaine would pick, but once he'd heard it he'd never really been able to forget it. As he pushed the side door open, Kurt set his bag down on a empty chair by the door and made his way over to the edge of the stage by the curtains, mesmerized by the piano notes echoing around the vast, empty auditorium. He ducked around the curtains just enough to have a glimpse of the stage.

Blaine was seated behind the piano, eyes closed, head down and to the side enough for Kurt to see his profile. His fingers were moving expertly over the keys, and Kurt sighed softly. Here was where Blaine was most at home, perhaps the only place he was ever at home anymore. There was nowhere else Blaine would rather be, and Kurt loved to watch him like this. Calm and poised, sinking down into himself and then letting it all flow out through his fingers –

_"Turn down the lights_

_Turn down the bed_

_Turn down these voices inside my head"_

Kurt's chest contracted in a way that was both pleasant and strikingly painful. God, when had Blaine's voice matured to _that_? So much had changed since that audition; so much that he'd tried to stuff under a rug and ignore, but this... this incredible boy belting his heart out to a silent auditorium was still that Blaine he'd known. He was still the sweetest, greatest friend Kurt had ever had.

_"Lay down with me_

_and tell me no lies_

_Just hold me closely,_

_don't patronize._

_Don't patronize me."_

_The entire club had fallen silent around them, even Mr. Schuester looked stunned by the raw power and potential in Blaine's voice. Kurt had pestered Blaine all week about the song he was going to use, but to no avail, but now he knew, though he didn't understand the choice. The more he'd asked the more Blaine had shut him down until finally Blaine had said, "Just... listen to the lyrics, okay? I– I get that you don't– that I– just _listen_." _

_And Kurt was, but he didn't understand what he was supposed to draw from this. Besides, it was extremely difficult when Blaine was looking at him like that. With big, sad eyes that made Kurt think the world was probably ending around them right now, but he couldn't look away because of the pain he saw in Blaine's eyes._

_"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel_

_something that it won't"_

_There had to be something here he was missing, something important and all encompassing that he'd looked passed... but nothing struck him. Of course he loved Blaine. The other boy was his absolute best friend, so that wasn't it. But the nagging feeling just grew stronger as Blaine continued the chorus:_

_"And here in the dark_

_and in these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart_

_and I will feel the power_

_But you won't, no, you won't_

_Cause I can't make you love me when you don't."_

God, how had he not seen it? Felt the power and raw emotional in Blaine's words that day? Looking back now, it had been so obvious, so glaring obvious that it caught in his throat now and made it difficult to breath. All of the thrilling, terrifying and beautiful things Blaine had been feeling had completely slipped his notice. Then he'd squashed all of it, run it over with a stampede of Cheerios and then taken its remains and frozen them over with his slushy of choice.

If he had realized it back then, would it have made a difference? Would the pleasant bubbling in his stomach these days have made an earlier arrival?

_"I'll close my eyes_

_cause then I won't see_

_The love you don't feel_

_when you're holding me"_

Kurt had started to inch across the stage separating him from Blaine at the piano, but those lyrics, full of the most tangible pain yet, stung more than anything else. How many times had they cuddled up and held each other when the other was upset? For how long had Blaine been falling in love with him while that was still going on?

How had be managed to cause Blaine so much pain when they'd still been best friends? Was he just completely worthless and no good for Blaine entirely?

Still he continued across the stage, slowly and tentatively, but at a steady enough pace to finally stop a few feet behind Blaine. He had no idea what he was doing, or going to do when the music stopped. Maybe he'd just bolt from sheer panic so that his heart didn't burst in his chest. It felt like it was getting ready to pound its way straight through his stern and out of the building – or maybe into Blaine's arms and – _why _did he keep thinking things like that?

There was no reason Kurt would want that unless–

_"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel _

_something that it won't"_

Something in Blaine's voice was pulling him forward and Kurt found himself sliding onto the bench by Blaine's side as the other boy played through the final notes, his fingers stilling as Kurt breathed in deeply. Blaine's eyes flew open at the noise and he jumped, his hands slamming down on the piano and causing an angry series of noises to echo around them.

"Y- you– "Blaine stammered, eyes wide.

"Hi," Kurt breathed, his entire body tingling with their proximity.

Hazel eyes still huge, Blaine murmured, "Hi yourself."

His breathing was still heavy from singing, and his face was flushed, but he was the most breathtaking person Kurt had ever seen. And close, far too close. The bright green speckles and the golden flecks in his eyes were twinkling brightly in the stage lights.

And, fuck, Kurt was still just as blind, wasn't he?

Only it wasn't to Blaine's feelings anymore, but to his own.

It took Kurt a few seconds to realize that he'd leaned in and pressed his lips to Blaine's. His eyes flew open at the realization, only to find Blaine's eyes, now as round as the bottom of a coffee mug, staring straight back into his, seemingly frozen by Kurt's actions.

Just as quickly Kurt pulled back from fleeting, light kiss. But now he understood. Both why he'd been feeling so strange for the past few weeks and how Blaine had felt two years ago.

He was falling, somehow, miraculously, and a way he never could have predicted or planned. Only not it was too late. Just as Blaine couldn't make Kurt fall back then, Kurt couldn't do the same now. Maybe this was the way it was meant to be. Two hearts capable of giving the other everything, of beating as one, but never finding the right time, the right moment to do so together–

Kurt's vision was overcome by a handsome, slightly blurred face surrounded by messy dark curls, and then Blaine's lips were sealed against his own again, trembling slightly and tentative, but warm, dry and _real_. As Blaine pressured in a little harder, shifting himself closer on the bench, Kurt breathed in sharply through his nose, shaking from the cataclysmic reactions going off within him. He clutched onto the closest thing to himself, which happened to be Blaine's forearms.

As Blaine's lips moved carefully over his own, Kurt clutched Blaine tighter as the soaring in his stomach continued. His head was swimming, his lips barely moving against Blaine's as the overwhelming sensation coursing through him made the shell-like tomb he'd encased himself in begin to crack. But the freeing sensation stopped just as suddenly as Blaine's lips pulled back.

He suddenly felt terribly empty, as though all of his walls were trying to build themselves back up and stop this bombardment of emotions. Before Kurt could clear his head enough to decide if he wanted this to continue, Blaine dipped back in for another sweet, simple kiss. The second their lips met and their warm breath brushed over their cheeks, Kurt could feel the crumbling surrounding him once more. Blaine pressed in more firmly, losing some of his tentativeness as he parted his lips and gently sucked Kurt's lower lip into his mouth.

But Blaine pulled away once more, catching his breath and pressing his forehead to Kurt's before returning to Kurt's lips.

Kurt didn't know how long they sat there, moving in for a slow, lazy kiss and then breaking apart a few inches to breathe. He didn't know much of anything beyond memorizing the exact texture of Blaine's lips and the sharp way he inhaled while they kissed.

The one thing Kurt was certain of was that the longer their lips remained joined the freer he felt. The more the tomb holding him in caved and let Blaine fill him up with the sweetest sensations he'd ever felt. This was where he truly belonged, because trying to forget and never let his life come back to Blaine was the biggest mistake he could have ever made.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Trololol, took a while but here it is. The Olympics have been distracting me. So much so that I started an Olympic!Klaine fic. I'll probably be posting the beginnings of that up here at some point. The first three parts are up on my tumblr for anyone who's interested.

I'm going to try to get the next part of this out by... Tuesday if I'm lucky. I've got the next several outlined, and a few days off so hopefully I can get 17 out before the 6 days of work starts up. (Boo hiss!)

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 16

Blaine's head was buzzing the entire drive to the Hummels. It didn't help that he'd realized halfway there that Kurt was following behind him in his own car. He was almost tempted to call off his tutoring session with Finn, especially given the snow swirling around outside of his car, but he'd already promised the other boy he'd meet him at four o'clock after he'd had time to rehearsal his solo. Only now he half-wished he'd skipped out for once in his life. Then maybe his head wouldn't feel like an overstuffed teddy bear. Maybe the taste of Kurt's lips wouldn't still be lingering in his mouth.

What had just happened; really happened between them?

Kurt had _kissed him, _and just the realization made Blaine's body tingle with something unfamiliar, but exciting. It had been a real legitimate kiss and not some coy peck on the cheek. He'd given Blaine his first kiss, and part of Blaine hated how eager he was for more; how readily he'd leaned back in after the first shocking touch and then proceeded to learn the smooth texture of Kurt's lips against his own. But he'd enjoyed it; had felt like someone had set off an atomic bomb full of giddiness inside of his belly.

A bubbly thrill coursed through Blaine at the thought. So much so that he nearly drove right past the Hummels' house. He pulled over by the large oak tree lining the street, and watched Kurt pull into the driveway in his rearview mirror.

Whatever Kurt's intentions were he'd confused Blaine thoroughly. Just a simple kiss from Kurt had been something Blaine had longed for almost a year before their falling out. Even after that he'd never been able to stop his heart from loving Kurt and wanting him close to him once more. He shouldn't want that anymore, though, regardless of whether or not Kurt felt something now. Blaine couldn't allow him back in so easily. It would only lead to more heartache for himself.

There was a sharp rap of knuckles on his window.

"Hey, are you coming in or are you just going to sit out here and freeze to death?"

Blaine glanced up to find Kurt watching him through the window, his face red, either from the cold or from a blush. Which answer he preferred was even a mystery to Blaine. If Kurt was blushing then he was remembering the sweet little kisses they'd just shared, perhaps he too had a stomach somersaulting around inside of his torso because of it.

"Yeah," Blaine answered, pushing his door open, "just let me grab my bag."

Kurt's red face might be a mystery to Blaine, but his own wasn't. He was blushing worse than ever as he snatched up his bag and climbed out of his car. Even when he'd popped a boner at fourteen because of Kurt's presence he hadn't turned this red. Of course Kurt hadn't been aware of those. Their kissing however...

Blaine shook himself roughly as he followed Kurt through the thickening snow, up the drive and through the open garage. Once he was inside and had shaken the snow off of himself, Blaine realized he was alone. Kurt had disappeared to another part of the house, and Blaine's heart sank slightly at the thought.

Now Kurt was going to avoid him like the plague, either from embarrassment or regret over what they'd shared. It had been a mistake to kiss him back, hadn't it? It was far too soon for them to even attempt something beyond friendship, despite what Blaine's heart had desperately wanted for years. He'd let the thrill of being kissed for the first time by the boy he was in love with get ahead of his logic.

Blaine hung up his coat and pulled his boots off and left them by the garage door. He headed into the kitchen, his and Finn's usual study location. There was already a bowl of chips and drinks set up on the table, along with Finn's book, calculator, and notebook. Seeing no sign of Finn, Blaine set up his own notebook and calculator, shoveled a handful of chips into his mouth and then hesitated.

He could go see if Finn was downstairs in his room. There was no sound of the television echoing in from the living room, but if he went downstairs he might run into Kurt. Blaine also couldn't stand here forever and hope that Finn came upstairs early.

After snatching up another handful of chips, Blaine left the kitchen and headed downstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible on the rickety steps. It only took him a few seconds to realize there was no need for him to be so quiet.

Finn was standing in the first doorway on the right, the entrance to Kurt's room, and looking agitated.

"Kurt, come _on,_" Finn begged, shifting from one foot to the other. "I really need some advice, okay? You've been dating Brittany for two _years_ and– "

"Really, Finn?" Kurt's voice said in exasperation. "Are you _really_ that stupid or– "

As Blaine hit the bottom landing Finn caught sight of him, looking relieved. Finn yanked him over into the doorway, despite Blaine's protests and led him into Kurt's room. Hot all over, Blaine let Finn push him down into the desk chair as the larger boy shut the door.

"Thank god, maybe you'll have some good advice, Blaine," Finn said happily, dropping onto the end of Kurt's bed.

Looking annoyed, Kurt pulled his feet up and sat up from his reclining position, shut the book in his hands, and glared at his step-brother.

"Get out of my room, Finn," Kurt snapped, his eyes drifting over to Blaine for a second. Blaine fixed his gaze on the floor, and tried to ignore the way his face burned hotter as Kurt's cheeks turned pink. "I'm not giving you make out advice– "

"But that's not the problem!" Finn interjected. "The making out is totally great, and that's, well, um... sort of a problem?"

Kurt slapped his hand over his forehead as Blaine buried his own face into his hands.

"What?" Finn demanded, looking hurt. "I can't help it if it's so awesome that I'm getting... y'know, _hard._"

The last word was whispered, but it still had a tremendous effect on the other two boys. Kurt groaned and rolled right over, burying his face into his pillows and kicking a foot out in Finn's direction. Blaine, on the other hand, hopped to his feet and made for the door.

"I'm just gonna g– "

"No, wait, please!" Finn insisted, looking scandalized. "I didn't– I just– don't you guys ever have this problem? I'm not, like, abnormal or something, right?"

Reluctantly Blaine sat back down. Not that he would ever say it aloud, but he did feel bad for Finn and his uncertainty and worry. The first time he'd had that happen... well, he'd panicked more than a little bit. And he hadn't even been making out with anyone.

"Finn, I... I don't think I'm going to be much help here," Blaine admitted carefully, feeling embarrassed. "I don't exactly have a lot of... experience."

The way Kurt's head shot up at his admission made Blaine's heart pound harder and his stomach curled itself into a knot.

"But, you're, like, a cool guy. You should totally have girls all over you– "

"Finn," Blaine cut in exasperatedly, "I'm_ gay_. I like boys."

"Well, yeah," Finn said, rolling his eyes, "so is Kurt and he's dating– wait." Finn turned to Kurt, looking floored. "But– _why_ are you dating Brittany?"

Now Blaine rolled his eyes, and chanced a glance at Kurt, who looked quite amused.

"Oh, now he gets it," Blaine commented, earning a small laugh from Kurt, and an angry look from Finn.

"I can't believe– but– "Finn continued to stammer for several moments, finally standing up and opening the door. "I'm– whatever, dude."

"Right," Kurt agreed, shooing Finn with his hands. "You'll get no decent advice from either of us. Get lost."

Finn huffed loudly, stamped his foot, and said, "Fine, I'll just ask Puck. Come on, Blaine, I need help with this Pyramid Terror thing."

Blaine jumped to his feet. "Pythagorean Theorem?"

"That's what I said."

From behind him, Blaine heard Kurt grumble, "It definitely _isn't_" but Blaine didn't turn. Hanging back in Kurt's room would only be awkward, especially after the conversation Finn had just tried to have.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine didn't have a chance to speak to Kurt until after Glee Club was finished for the day. For the last hour of practice he'd avoided dancing near Kurt and had tried to look like he was focusing on learning new steps, but he wasn't. All he could think about was the song he'd just auditioned with and the resulting election of himself as the male lead. Rachel had been ecstatic as soon as he'd finished, babbling on about how talented and exceptional he was, but Blaine had barely heard her. He was much more interested in what Kurt would say, and if he'd understood the one thing Blaine had been trying to tell him.<em>

_"Blaine," Kurt called, jogging after him down the hallway._

_Blaine turned quickly, feeling horribly nervous about what might happen next._

_"Hey," Blaine replied, slightly breathless. "W- what did you think of my audition?"_

_Kurt smiled widely at him as they turned down a side hall and headed towards the exit. "You were _amazing_, Blaine. I don't think I've ever heard you singing so strong, and that one note on the chorus was insane!"_

_Blaine smiled shyly in return as they stepped out onto the side steps and hopped down them. He was flushed with pride, not only at Kurt's compliments but the success of his audition. There had been so many doubts he'd had about how well he would do, but now that it was over and he'd been picked he was thrilled. There was still the one thing he needed to address, and the fact that Kurt hadn't mentioned it first brought his happiness down a peg. Maybe Kurt didn't want to acknowledge what Blaine had been saying with his song. Maybe he only ever wanted to be friends and even the thought of anything more was revolting to him._

_"I um, about what I was supposed to understand d- during the song," Kurt began awkwardly, and Blaine's heart clenched at his words._

_This was it, the moment he was dreading. Kurt would tell him that Blaine's song had been right, that no matter what Kurt would never return his feelings and everything between them would be endlessly uncomfortable because Blaine's love was out in the open now._

_"Y- yeah?" Blaine urged after Kurt had fallen silent for several moments. _

_They paused at the street corner, waiting for the light to change so that they could cross. Blaine wasn't sure what to make of Kurt's silence. The other boy looked uncertain and nervous, but also thoughtful, like there was a puzzle he'd been given and he had no clue how to solve it. That could only mean one thing. Even before Kurt spoke up Blaine's heart sunk down into his toes._

_"W- what exactly were you trying to tell me?" Kurt asked guiltily. "I... I _really_ listened to the chorus like you said, but... I mean, "Kurt faltered and stared at him. "I _do_ love you. You're my best friend, how could I not? And that was the only thing I really got from it, but I didn't think it made any sense... "_

_"I– "Blaine faltered as all his excitement burst like a balloon. He'd thought Kurt would get what he was saying with his song, he really had. With how awkward he'd been over the past few months and the times before when Blaine had tried to tell Kurt how deep his feelings had become he'd honestly expected it to all click for Kurt. But it hadn't, and Blaine really couldn't bear the thought of forcing those words out of his mouth only to get rejected once more. "Don't worry about it," Blaine decided, hitching up his bag and a smile. "I changed my song at the last second, figured that one would go over better."_

_"Oh... "Kurt trailed off, looking unsure. "Are– really? Because you... the way you were looking at me just made me think you _were_ trying to tell me something."_

_Blaine bit his lip. "Needed a good anchor, that's all. Who better than you? Rachel might have thought she'd turned me straight if I'd looked at her like that."_

_Kurt smiled timidly in return. "Yeah, she's already enough of a pest." His smile faltered for a second. "You're sure that– "_

_"Forget about it," Blaine cut in, even as his chest ached at everything he was leaving unsaid. One day he'd find the strength to make Kurt understand what he'd been trying to say all along. He'd finally feel brave enough to tell Kurt that he was in love with him, and wanted more than just their fantastic friendship, but he couldn't bring himself to do it today. Not when his disappointment in Kurt's obliviousness had made everything raw and painful once more._

* * *

><p>It was only when Carole and Burt arrived at the house an hour later that Blaine realized just how bad the storm outside had gotten. The Hummels made it quite clear that until it let up he wasn't going anywhere. Even the thought of staying in the same house as Kurt made Blaine's insides lurch. He was so confused after all of this, so tangled within his own feelings and fears that he couldn't make sense of anything that was or could happen between them.<p>

Kurt, for his part, didn't seem too keen on having any sort of discussion with Blaine about it either. They avoided eye contact throughout dinner, and then hot chocolate by the fire in the living room while the storm continued to swirl angrily around the house. It was the first real blizzard of the season, and Blaine knew he didn't stand a chance of making it home safely tonight.

He let Carole call his parents to tell them where he was and that he'd be staying there tonight, then helped Finn and Burt set up the same cot he'd used before. Unfortunately Burt was once again adamant that he sleep in Kurt's room. Blaine had tried to protest and argue that he could stay with Finn, but one look into Finn's disastrous room made he give in.

After they fixed up his bed, grabbed him some pajamas and a spare toothbrush, they left him alone to change. Kurt was in the adjoining shower still, and Blaine was rather dreading his reaction to their sleeping arrangements. As much as Blaine had enjoyed their simple, sweet kisses he honestly didn't know how to proceed with Kurt anymore, and the idea of having that conversation when he had no idea what he wanted or what he should do terrified him.

What if _he_ screwed everything up this time? Maybe Kurt hadn't even enjoyed it like Blaine had. Perhaps he _did_ regret the whole thing and –

The bathroom door creaked open. Blaine gulped and slung his legs up onto his cot, trying to look relax and carefree instead of jittery and anxious.

A rush of steam followed Kurt out of the bathroom, wafting over to Blaine as Kurt slowly made his way into his room and towards his dresser. Out of the corner of his eye Blaine saw the other boy freeze at the sight of Blaine on the cot.

"H- hi," Kurt stammered in surprise, backing over to his dresser and grabbing several bottles of moisturizer. "I, um... "

"Storm's too bad for me to leave," Blaine explained. "Your dad was... intent on me staying in your room."

Kurt nodded slowly, his hand now groping blindly across his dresser for his hairbrush. "Oh, that's– I don't– um... "

"Finn's room was kind of a warzone," Blaine added awkwardly, sitting up a little and watching Kurt's face, from his red cheeks (definitely from the heat of the shower and _not_ a bashful blush) to his wide eyes. "Look, I can– I'll just move up to the living room if it's a problem. I mean, a- after earlier a- and everything."

"What?" Kurt squawked, face flushing darker. Blaine's heart leapt a little at the sight even as he told himself that it was _not_ a blush. There was no reason for Kurt to look so embarrassed and bashful if he regretted their kisses earlier. "No! I- I- I mean, you can stay. I– we should... talk."

Fear shot through Blaine at Kurt's words. He had no idea how to address what had happened, or how to decide what to do depending on Kurt's reaction. Even without weighing in Kurt's choices he couldn't figure out his own.

"Right," Blaine agreed as Kurt dropped down onto the corner of his bed closest to Blaine's. "You can go first if you want. I'm still... still really confused," Blaine admitted.

Kurt bit his lip and turned his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry," Kurt said meekly. "I... I don't really... I'm pretty confused myself, but... I wouldn't have– have kissed you if I didn't want to."

"No regrets?" Blaine asked, suddenly feeling lighter at Kurt's words.

The other boy nodded swiftly. "No regrets," Kurt echoed. "I– it was nice. I've never– not until– "

Kurt trailed off, looking horribly embarrassed, but Blaine knew exactly what he was trying to say and he understood it too.

"Me too," Blaine said. "I mean, Rachel kissed me once to prove some weird point she wanted to make, but today... yours was the first one that really counted."

Kurt bit his lip again even as the corners of his mouth curved upwards. "Yeah, Britt's never really counted for me, so... that leaves you."

Feeling a little giddy from Kurt's words and the fact that the other boy didn't regret that they'd kissed, Blaine said nothing. He tucked his feet under his legs and leaned back against the wall. If this was where their conversation ended for now then he would be okay with that. He'd have some time to think and figure himself out, because he'd been thrown through a huge loop by Kurt's kiss and then his own boldness in continuing with more.

"So, do... I'm not sure how we're moving on from here," Kurt admitted suddenly. "But I'd... I want to kiss you again."

Blaine was so amazed at Kurt's pronouncement that he only stared at the other boy. However, the part of himself that knew the pain he could easily be walking straight into again kicked in. This was too easy, too simple. He wasn't just going to fall into Kurt's arms and then let Kurt continue on with his fake life at school while hiding his relationship with Blaine.

But Blaine also wanted to feel Kurt's lips on his again. To taste the cherry of his lip gloss, and feel like he had a gallon of jumping beans hopping around in his stomach. He'd wanted this new level between himself and Kurt for so long before they'd fallen apart that he wasn't sure if it was that old ache making him want this chance, or if he actually did want to let Kurt in now.

"I... I don't think I can do that," Blaine said softly, and part of him flinched at the flash of rejection on Kurt's face. "I just... this is all so fast, Kurt. _Too _fast. I mean, you can't even say _hi_ to me at school and just– " Blaine frowned in frustration and climbed to his feet, pacing back and forth. "I _think_ I want to... to kiss you again, but... I'm scared," Blaine confessed. "After everything– after how much you hurt me before... how can I trust you now?"

"Blaine– " Kurt's hand reached out and latched onto Blaine's. When Blaine paused in his pacing to look up at Kurt his heart throbbed dully. Kurt looked just as upset by all of this as he was, maybe even more so. Even as much as Blaine wanted to be that vindictive person who took pleasure in the sight of Kurt getting a small dose of how he'd made Blaine feel he only felt worse. "Please, I just– I fucked up," Kurt stammered." I fucked up so bad, and I don't know how to fix any of this or make it better, and I just– I'm _trying_, but I don't know how anymore," Kurt whispered pleadingly. "And I was so damn _blind_ before not to see how much you liked me and I'm... I'm just so sorry for all of this. I want to make everything up to you, but I _can't_. Nothing can change w- what I did."

Kurt pulled his hand back and used the collar of his shirt to wipe his eyes. Blaine was frozen from Kurt's words. Parts of what Kurt said made sense to him because he'd thought them himself. He didn't know how to fix any of this either, but Kurt was sincere – was changing and uncovering the boy Blaine had once known. The same boy Blaine had never been able to turn his back on until Kurt had turned on him. Before Blaine realized what he was doing he'd stepped forward and pulled Kurt into his arms, hugging him tightly against his chest as Kurt's tears continued to fall.

In some ways Blaine hated how much he cared about Kurt after all of this time and all of the things that had gone wrong between them. Blaine just wanted his best friend back and every time he got a glimpse of him it only made his feelings and will to see this through stronger.

They ended up sitting on Kurt's bed, clutching each other tightly until Kurt's tears stopped. Blaine still didn't know what he was going to do or what was the best course of action to take, but right now none of that seemed to matter. That could wait until his head was cleared tomorrow or the next day. Right now he just wanted to be close to Kurt – to feel his warmth and steady breathing against his neck like he hadn't in years.

It was only a few seconds later when Kurt pulled his head back and wiped at his eyes, looking sheepish. "God, I– I'm sorry," Kurt apologized, though when he opened his eyes and realized how close they still were his voice caught and cracked.

And Blaine knew that he was. He only wished Kurt could see that in himself; that Kurt would allow the rest of the world could see the boy Kurt let Blaine see in these moments, because he was the one that was real. The one Blaine had kept alive in his heart for so long and had hoped would one day figure out that the best person he could ever be was himself.

"Shh," Blaine murmured, brushing a stray tear off of Kurt's cheek and looking into his eyes. "We're– "

Blaine stopped after that though. They were what exactly? Even he didn't know. The only thing he knew for certain was that right now – in this moment – he needed this closeness right now. So did Kurt.

Tentatively Blaine pressed their foreheads together, their eyes fixed on each other as he tilted his lips in and pressed them against Kurt's. He felt Kurt jump a little in surprise at the move, but then the other boy melted against him. Blaine had still had his arms around Kurt, but he tightened his hold now, not entirely sure where else to put his hands.

Like earlier in the afternoon their kisses were soft, sweet, and unsure. Blaine didn't know how long they stayed like that, sharing small kisses and breathing shallowly against each other's mouths. At some point they ended up lying down side by side, like that had so many times in their younger years, only with their lips tingling as they pressed more close-mouthed kisses against the others lips.

The small window over the bed rattled as the wind outside howled fiercely, but even then Blaine couldn't bring himself to pull away. For the first time in years he felt content and comforted with Kurt's arms snug around his chest and the other boy stroking his cheek softly. There was still the logical part of his brain that was whispering that this couldn't last; that in the morning he'd have to fight these urges until Kurt gave him a real reason to trust him enough for this.

But for right now he was safe and at home. For tonight this was enough.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Annnd here's 17. A little angstier than the past few, but we're moving along. 19 is going to be a big one once we get there, so excited for that.

Sadly, today's my last day off before 6 days of work, so creys for that. I'm going to _try_ to get 18 up Wednesday evening my time, but we'll see.

Another little note, I started an Olympic!Klaine fic on tumblr and posted the first bit of it on here the other day. Forgot to add an author's note on that since it was so late, but for any of you reading that one too, I'm posting parts on tumblr that are shorter than the chapters on here. Basically more, faster updates on tumblr since I combined parts 2-7 for Chapter 2 on here. It's up to 11 on tumblr, just head to my tumblr (url is on my author's page on here) and there's a masterpost list for the story in my sidebar!

Anyway, enjoy the update!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 17

A pleasant, familiar warmth was draped over Kurt's chest when he woke up the next morning. For a moment he just lay there, sunk down into his mattress with a thick, fuzzy blanket up to his chin and the soft, firm source of that warmth curled around his side. Then something flicked his nose again and he scrunched up his face and cracked his eyes open. His room was still relatively dark, and the light filtering in from outside was dull and weak.

A pair of fingers moved in front of his face again, and Kurt groaned in annoyance. "Get _lost_, Finn. 'm sleepin'."

"_Please_," a high, very female voice snapped. "My hands are too well manicured to be Hudson's."

Kurt's eyes, which had started to slip closed again, flew open. Santana was standing over his bed, a red beanie hat pulled down over her head and heavy winter gear covering her body. Her expression, however, looked rather pleased and sly. A sense of dread filling his stomach at the sight, Kurt made to sit up, but that heavy warmth he'd liked so much wouldn't let him. Even Santana took a step forward and held him in place.

"Aw, don't wake up the little dopey hobbit," she chided as Kurt's head jerked around to find that the warmth was, in fact, Blaine's body curled against his side. "Not that it matters, but you two are sickeningly adorable all humping up on each other."

"We did not– "Kurt started to argue, but his face was burning at the thought and her words just made him remember what they _had_ done.

"But you did something," Santana smirked. "It's about time you got _something_, I mean, do you really want to go off to college without any experience?"

Kurt glared furiously at her. "It's not like that," he insisted. "We're– I'm– "

But he didn't know how to finish that sentence. Kurt didn't know where they stood anymore or how anything between them was going to work. He glanced down once more as Blaine mumbled in his sleep and snuggled closer. He was so peaceful and content curled into his side. Calm and beautiful with his fingers twisted into Kurt's pajama top and a small smile on his lips.

Worry surged through him as Santana sat down lightly on the edge of the bed. Would Santana hold this over his head? He wouldn't put it past her to tell the entire school, or blackmail him with this kind of thing once more.

"What are you going to do?" Kurt demanded, shifting a little against Blaine and trying not to jostle him.

Santana actually looked confused by his words. "I think you mean what am I doing _here_ during a blizzard– "

"No, I mean," Kurt hissed, "what stupid reason are you going to hold this over my head for?" He gestured to himself and Blaine snuggled on the bed.

"I– I'm not," Santana answered, actually looking a little hurt at his accusation. "I _could_ if you really want me to– "

"No," Kurt said loudly. Blaine shifted and groaned weakly. "I– since when do you not– "

"Look, Hummel, I'm not fourteen anymore," Santana reminded him. "I'm still a bitch, but I... I get where you're coming from a lot better now, considering that I'm... yanno," she dropped her voice to a whisper, "a lesbian."

"Oh," Kurt said a little hollowly. Inside his mind was whirling. He hadn't expected that answer from Santana, regardless of how much closer they were two years later. Even now there were some things he didn't feel safe trusting her with, but if what she'd just said was true, then maybe he could. "I– "Kurt paused to clear his throat, but didn't continue.

Santana seemed to get what he meant, though. "Sure," she replied. "Finn's going to be upset when he wakes up."

The change of subject threw Kurt for a moment, but then what she'd just said caught up with him.

"What? Why?"

"Picked the wrong window; dug his out, now he's got a pile of snow on the foot of his bed," Santana shrugged carelessly as Kurt laughed. "He's going to wake up thinking he pissed himself."

Kurt grinned and laughed again, but instantly regretted it when Blaine shifted and grumbled against his side. Santana fell silent as well as Blaine turned his face towards the ceiling and slowly blinked his eyes open.

"Where 'm I?" Blaine grumbled sleepily.

"You're in my boy's bed getting your wank on," Santana answered before Kurt had even opened his mouth.

Blaine's entire body jerked away from Kurt's side as he sat up and whipped his head around to stare at Santana. Immediately coldness started to seep into Kurt's skin at the loss, but it was the look on Blaine's face that held his attention more than his own feelings.

"Santana," Kurt warned as the girl opened her mouth once more, but she didn't heed him.

"So did you two get up to anything good while you were cozied up down he– "

"Says the closeted bitch who makes her friend date her girl," Blaine snapped angrily. He turned his harsh gaze to Kurt, and Kurt gulped loudly, because it had been so long since Blaine had looked at anyone like that. It was incredibly rare for Blaine to get this furious so easily, but Kurt knew after what had happened during their freshmen year that Blaine would probably always hold a grudge against Santana. He honestly didn't blame him either. Sometimes Kurt still hated her for everything, but at the same time after he'd lost the one friend that had meant everything to him, Santana had been there for him in a lot of ways. She'd given him a small part of what he'd lost and been unable to let himself have back because he couldn't forgive himself.

Santana gave Blaine a dazzling, surprised smile. "Oh, a sassy gay," she commented. "Maybe we could turn him into someone dateable after all."

Eyes widening at the way Blaine's lips pealed back at her words, Kurt placed a gentle hand on his arm and glared at Santana, too. "_Stop_," he told her.

She rolled her eyes and hopped to her feet, collected her shovel, which Kurt had noticed, from the doorway and gave him a little wave. "I'll go help your dad dig out some before it starts up again. Supposed to be another foot or two before dusk."

As the door closed behind her, Blaine climbed to his feet, looking agitated.

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked quietly, dreading the answer.

"I– just– _god_, I don't know why you– and her– just– "Blaine's jaw worked furiously for several moments, his shoulders and back tense."She's never given me _any_ reason to like her, or even feel _sorry_ for her. I just... "

Blaine's shoulders dropped as he slumped back onto the bed once more. "She just gets to me like nobody else."

Kurt nodded silently, but said nothing. More and more he didn't seem to know what to say around Blaine. Even with all the trouble and pain that Santana had caused, she'd made up for it to Kurt in a lot of ways. But she'd also perpetuated a lot of that. At some point, a long way in the future, Kurt could see Blaine changing his mind about Santana, but for now...

For now he'd have to keep them separate until he figured out where all of this was going. He didn't want to lose either as a friend, but if it came down to having to choose once more, Kurt knew who he would pick. As he looked over at Blaine's face, he knew there was only one choice he could possibly make.

* * *

><p><em>Even a day after Blaine's success in Glee the other boy's smile was still infectious and huge. It made Kurt's heart feel lighter than it had in weeks to see Blaine so thrilled. With every day that passed the sight became increasingly rare, but now that Blaine had this Kurt hoped he'd get to see it every day.<em>

_He only had one class with Blaine that day, and ended up spending most of his time alone. The Cheerios were still leery of him because he was in Glee and friends with Blaine, and the Glee Club was also becoming increasing hesitant to be in his presence. _

_By the time the final bell rang and he headed to Cheerios practice Kurt was relieved. Three hours of dancing, flipping, and chanting and he'd be free of this place until tomorrow. Tomorrow would be unbearably long since it was a Friday and a game day, but then he had all weekend to spend with Blaine and his father._

_As predicted, practice was exhausting. Kurt's legs were wobbly when he finally reached the boys' locker room and dropped down onto the nearest bench to rest for a few minutes before taking a quick shower and heading home. By some miracle the football team wasn't there, but as he looked around at all of the sopping wet towels and socks littering the floor he realized they must have just left. For a moment he listened, just to make sure he truly was alone, and when the only thing he heard was the distant drip of a faucet he breathed a sigh of relief._

_At least until –_

_"Don't sound so happy," Santana's voice called from behind him. _

_Kurt turned to find her standing by the gymnasium side door that he'd entered through. He'd been so exhausted and focused on finding a place to sit down he hadn't even realized she'd followed him inside._

_"What do you want?" Kurt snapped, climbing to his feet uneasily and heading to his locker a few rows over._

_"Same thing as always," Santana retorted mildly with her usual predatory smile. "I'm done waiting for you to get over those losers and get your head straight." Her eyebrows rose pointedly at the last word, and Kurt stared hard at the bottle of moisturizer in his locker._

_"He's my _best friend_," Kurt exclaimed, trying not to sound hysterical. This constant blackmail was really starting to make him feel trapped and helpless. "I won't ditch him. He has been and will always be there for me. Something you obviously don't understand."_

_"Then you better make that twerpy Hobbit a jock really damn fast," Santana said unyieldingly. "Look, I don't make the social rules, Gay Face, but you can bet I'm going to follow them as long as they keep me on top. Get rid of him before I make you."_

_"You can't make me do anything," Kurt sneered, slamming his locker closed and getting right in her face. "I am _not_ turning away from Blaine."_

_But there was a look in Santana's eyes that made Kurt's stomach clench tightly. It was almost pitying underneath the contempt. "You've got until tomorrow," she warned him, and the fact that it wasn't a threatening warning confused him. "Queen Bee's done waiting around for you to make your move and slaughter him."_

_"Queen B– "Then it dawned on him. Santana was at the top certainly, but she wasn't the Head Cheerio, that was– "Quinn. She's been putting you up to this."_

_"More or less," Santana responded, crossing her arms. "She doesn't know the... full extent of your boy love, but she's not letting you hop back and forth across the lines anymore." It had been pity then, Kurt thought, as Santana took several steps away from him, looking uncharacteristically nervous. He had to give her credit; she played her part damn well. Why she had even told him what she just had was a mystery to him. "Make your choice before she makes it for you tomorrow."_

_And with those final words she was gone. The door to the hallway slammed closed a few seconds later, and Kurt settled back onto his bench, shivering and scared. Quinn might not know he was gay, but Santana did, and if it came down to it Kurt had no doubt she'd out him in whatever situation he was going to be in tomorrow. _

_Blaine's dad had already put his foot down on athletics for his younger son this semester, and there was no way Kurt was going to get him on a team that fast anyway. There was nothing else to do. He'd have to quit and face Quinn head on tomorrow in the hall and be outted for the whole school to hear. He'd be back at the miserable, harassed bottom and lose the sport he'd found he really enjoyed. Because no matter how much all of this meant to him, he wouldn't give up Blaine. His best friend was worth so much more than that._

* * *

><p>It took some convincing for Kurt to get Blaine to go upstairs. Fortunately Santana had been true to her word and was out front helping Burt shovel. Carole was in the kitchen, halfway through making breakfast, when they entered and grateful for the help they offered.<p>

Breakfast was a little tense once Burt and Santana returned from outside, where they reported there was about two and a half feet and more had just started falling. Santana ate quickly, said little, and then darted out of the house, heading for her own a street over. There was no sign of Finn throughout the meal, so Carole sent Kurt and Blaine down to wake him up once they were finished.

When they hit the bottom landing, however, and were met with a loud shout, Kurt realized there was no need to. The snow Santana had left seemed to have finally soaked his bed enough for him to notice. He grabbed Blaine by the arm and instead tugged them into his own room and shut the door.

"What was that about?" Blaine asked in concern. "He's not hurt, is he?"

"No," Kurt laughed. Then he hesitated because he didn't want Blaine to react badly to Santana's name. "Um, Santana came in through the wrong window and a pile of snow fell in onto his bed. Guess it's melted now and he's wet."

"Oh," Blaine said, and Kurt was happy to see he was trying to hide a small grin. "Glad it wasn't us." He glanced at the window over the head of Kurt's bed. "That wouldn't have been a fun way to wake up."

"You didn't really have a nice wake up anyway," Kurt said quietly, guiltily.

"Look, I... I overreacted earlier, okay?" Blaine replied slowly. "She just... "

"No, I get it," Kurt said, and then at Blaine's disbelieving look, "trust me. After what happened it took me a long time to really let her be a friend, but she... she's not as bad as she seems. Most of the time. She just puts up a really bitchy front."

"Sounds familiar," Blaine quipped, and he was starting to look nervous all of a sudden.

Kurt tensed at the edge in his voice and turned to Blaine, his heart plummeting.

"I... we need to talk," Blaine began awkwardly. "Like, really talk about... everything that's just happened between us."

Kurt dropped onto his bed, tight lipped and scared. He wasn't even sure why he was so terrified of what Blaine might say next. He hadn't done anything to screw up this time that he knew of– not yet at any rate.

"I... I'm just," Blaine stopped, looking flustered. "I told you last night how confused I am about all of this, and I just... I _do_ like kissing you. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself with all of this."

"We can take things slow," Kurt rushed to reassure him. "I mean, we've both never– it'd make sense if we did that– "

"Kurt, that's not... that's not what I mean," Blaine said hollowly, hugging himself tightly and sitting down on his cot. "I- I can't do this with you. Not right now. I– "

Kurt's chest went numb at Blaine's words, the exact words he'd been dreading. It had taken him so long to reach this point, where he realized how Blaine felt and actually felt that same love in return. He couldn't lose this chance, not again.

"What? _No,_ of course you– "

"You broke my heart," Blaine cut in, his voice cracking as he ducked his head and stared at the floor. "You didn't know it at the time, but you ripped it out, cracked it open like an egg, and let everything important – all the love that meant _everything_ to me – run out onto the floor so that you and Santana and Quinn could trample it. I can't risk that again if you don't give me a reason, too."

A flash of anger shot through Kurt at Blaine's final words, but it didn't even measure up to the swollen aching guilt in his chest. He was never going to be able to make up for what he'd done, was he? It was just going to haunt him for the rest of his life, never letting him be content of happy with anything.

"But I'm trying," Kurt insisted. "I _want_ to make this right, I want _us_ t- to make this work and– there's no way I would _ever_ do that to you again, Blaine. You've always meant so much to me– "

"But you still did it the first time," Blaine reminded him sadly. "And I'm not saying I don't want to keep being friends and getting up to the point where I can be intimate like this, but," Blaine paused and wiped a tear off his cheek, "you've given me so many reasons to hope, and a reason to feel all of those things again, but... you haven't given me a reason to trust you. Not with my heart like I once did."

A wave of misery crashed over Kurt, but at the same time he could see where Blaine was coming from. The boy he'd once given everything to and then dumped after a few terrible, heartbreaking minutes in McKinley's halls. Blaine was putting the brakes on this sudden romance and protecting himself in a way he never would have two years ago. Part of Kurt was proud of Blaine for the decision, but the rest of him just ached because of it.

"I don't even know how we'll get to that point," Blaine whispered. "I wish I could just give you a set of directions that will make all of this better, but I can't and sometimes... sometimes I don't even know if what you're making me feel is real or just something I wanted for so long back then that I can't help but want it now."

The words stung a little, but Kurt kept his mouth closed. He'd never been in that situation and he really didn't understand what Blaine meant, but he knew he couldn't push anything with the other boy either. If he ever wanted to earn Blaine's forgiveness he had to be patience.

"So we can still... be friends?" Kurt said, ending in a question. Were they even friends at this point? He didn't know. Everything was so muddled now because of those kisses.

"I hope so," Blaine said quickly, genuinely. "I'd love to have you as a friend again. Even if you can't say hi to me in the halls."

Kurt squirmed guiltily at Blaine's words, but nodded and agreed that for now, friends would be all they were. Maybe this was part of his punishment. Blaine had spent however many weeks or months pining after him and being disappointed and brushed aside, now it was his turn to be on the painful side of unrequited love. Especially if Blaine realized those feelings he was having weren't what they once were.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Here we go! One more until the "big one". Well, one of many. I'm planning on having it out... sometime Tuesday. Probably late since I'm in the middle of a work stretch. Four days down, two to go. Then a day off and another three days at work or something. Ugh. Ah, well.

So this chapter is... kind of a filler, and kind of not. It's bringing in an important person, and also bringing the idea of Dalton into a more solid position for whether or not Blaine will decide to transfer. Yup. Whether or not he will before all is said and done... well, you'll just have to wait and see!

Enjoy until 19!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 18

A dreadful uncertainty settled over Blaine after his conversation with Kurt. The storm cleared up late Saturday morning, and after helping Burt clear the front walk and then unbury Blaine's car, Blaine set out for his house. It was a perilous drive since the streets were still packed down with several inches of snow, but he'd driven in a lot worse. His mother was relieved to see him when he appeared in the living room, and immediately started shoving him full of French toast and bacon.

Blaine was distracted, though. Kurt kept jumping into his thoughts at random moments, and his own chest ached oddly whenever he thought about how he'd put the brakes on their blossoming romance. He didn't have any idea if he'd made the right decision or if Kurt would still be willing to accept it by Monday or even two weeks from now. There was so much uncertainty regarding Kurt, and Blaine was putting his faith in almost nothing but his own hopes, and that wasn't enough. Not when he was looking for Kurt to give him something in return, something substantial that he could trust and that would prove Kurt really did care.

Blaine locked himself up in his bedroom under the guise of doing his homework and studying for two major tests on Monday, but really he just lounged on his bed, mind whirling as he tried to think up any other possible solution that wouldn't make him as unsure as he was right now. Nothing came to him no matter how long or hard he thought. There were a few moments when he thought about asking his mother for advice, but the idea of telling her that Kurt had kissed him, that he'd had his very first kiss and then several more, was a little mortifying. His dad wasn't a viable option either as far as Blaine was concerned. James Anderson might have expressed his love and acceptance, but Blaine didn't think he was quite ready for his younger son to come calling for love advice, especially not in a situation that was so complicated.

Miserable and feeling slightly ill from what he'd done, Blaine turned down Tina and Mike's offer to go sledding in the park on Sunday, but was then surprised to find the pair knocking down his front door twenty minutes later. When they saw that Blaine was just moping and wallowing for reasons unknown to them, they insisted on at least having a snowball fight in his backyard.

For a few seconds Blaine half-heartedly tried to refuse, but in the end Mike forced his hat over his curls and Tina shoved him into his coat and gloves. They promptly had a furious snowball fight across the swimming pool in Blaine's backyard, and even though Blaine had protested in the beginning it really was exactly what he needed. Someone to have a good time with without any awkwardness or complicated moments. Just three friends having a lot of cold fun.

By the end of the fight, which Blaine and Mike hotly debated the winner of, Mike slung Tina over his shoulder, then scooped an unsuspecting Blaine up and half-dragged him into the laundry room of his house so that they could strip off their soaked clothes. A quick change and then Blaine's mother forced steaming mugs of hot chocolate into their cold hands and made them curl on the couches in the living room.

Overall, it was much better than Saturday had been for Blaine. No awkwardness when he woke up on his own cot instead of nestled against Kurt's side, no funny ache at the fact that he'd wished he was in Kurt's bed again. Just a good time with two of his friends... who happened to be dating and had managed to navigate the McKinley social hierarchy despite their different standings.

Feeling a little silly, Blaine cleared his throat from his spot on the big armchair. Tina and Mike, cuddled up together on the couch glanced over.

"What's up, dude?" Mike asked, one hand stroking through Tina's dark hair. A pang shot through Blaine at the sight. If only he could have that, something simple and comfortable, without all the pain and drama that was between himself and Kurt. It wasn't wrong to want something that simple for himself, was it?

"I um, I wanted a little... uh, advice from you guys," Blaine began hopefully.

"Sure," Tina murmured, blinking her dark eyes open and twisting against Mike's chest until she could look at him. Her expression was concerned immediately when she caught sight of him. "What's wrong?"

"It's not– there's nothing... " Blaine faltered, and bit his lip. "You know Kurt and I have been... talking a little bit again," he said uncomfortably, because he already knew Tina's stance on this. It was the same as Rachel's, Mercedes's, and Artie's. "Look, I know you don't like that we're trying to work all of this out, but– "

"Because we don't want to watch you get crushed again, Blaine," Tina cut in, looking heartbroken. "I don't want to see one of my best friends in tears for weeks on end. He was always... so important to you, Blaine, and he _broke your heart_. Please, _please_, don't let him do that to you again. He's not worth it."

"He is worth it," Blaine said quietly. Tina's mouth had formed a thin, hard line at his words. "Look, you all hate him, and that's fine, but I knew him better than anyone and I know who he _really_ is. That boy... he's still there, Tina. I just want him back."

Frustrated that this conversation hadn't even gotten to the questions he wanted advice on, and knowing that with Tina's anger towards Kurt that it wouldn't, Blaine shrugged roughly. "Forget it. I'll figure it out myself."

"Blaine– "

"No, just don't. All you're going to tell me is to stay away from him and that's not going to help this," Blaine told her.

"Or maybe it's just not the answer you want to hear," Tina argued, and Mike shushed her.

"So, shall we watch a movie?" Mike said into the awkward, angry silence. When neither of them answered he hopped up and headed to the television stand, popping open one of the little drawers and digging one out. "Rent sound good?"

Tina and Blaine both grumbled their agreement. As Mike put the movie in Tina disappeared to the bathroom.

"You think I'm crazy, too?" Blaine asked softly as Mike settled back onto the couch.

"No," Mike said immediately. "I didn't really know you that well back then, but... love's a crazy thing. I trust you to know him well enough to know what's real and what isn't. We all know how lonely you are without a boyfriend while the rest of us have someone. I can't blame you for at least trying to see if something comes from it."

Blaine nodded, but didn't ask anything else. He didn't talk throughout the movie, and when Tina and Mike left later that evening his goodbye to her was very stiff. What he really needed was someone with experience in love and complicated relationships, someone who was so honest with him that it was usually like a slap in the face.

His phone started ringing when he was halfway up the stairs to his room, and the familiar Duran Duran tune made his heart leap. Cooper. Who better to ask than the man with forty ex-girlfriends and counting.

"Squiiiirt," Cooper greeted, his voice a little static-y and muffled. "Guess who's commercial is going nationwide?"

Pushing open the door to his bedroom, Blaine smiled slightly at his brother's excitement and let the older man prattle on while he settled down on his bed.

"– then they're going to do a second one with the new jingle in a few months, and that's going to run local at first unless the other one really takes off, and I mean, it's my face and voice, why wouldn't it right?" Cooper boasted.

Blaine nodded to himself, then realized Cooper couldn't see him. "Sounds great. I'll get to see your face during commercial breaks."

"Yeah," Cooper agreed a little dreamily. Then he cleared his throat. "So what's distracting you? You're usually a little more convincing with your enthusiasm for my commercials."

"I– can I ask you something?" Blaine questioned nervously, shifting the phone against his ear and curling over onto his side. "Something big?"

There was a pause, and Blaine could easily picture Cooper's startling blue eyes glancing around wherever he was to make sure nobody was listening in. "Sure, Blaine. That's what _big_ brothers are for, yeah?"

Nodding along with his brother's words once more, Blaine finally asked the question that had been on his mind since Friday. "Is love worth it?"

Silence greeted his words. In the background on Cooper's end he heard several car horns blare. "You– _who_?" his brother demanded, sounding amazed. "I mean, there was– but that was– "

"It's... complicated," Blaine answered.

"It's Kurt," Cooper countered in disbelief. "Again. Or still, knowing you."

"Just hear me out," Blaine told him, "please? I need someone to talk to and there's nobody else... "

"Yeah," Cooper said solemnly. "Go for it, you know I'm here."

It took Blaine a quarter of an hour to go over everything that had been happening since before Christmas. How Kurt was slowly becoming the boy Blaine had been friends with, and then the sudden kiss that had sprung up out of nowhere from what Blaine could tell.

A low whistle greeted the end of Blaine's tale. "So was he good with those lips or– "

"_Cooper!_"

"Right, sorry, just curious. Of course if he was bad you wouldn't really know, would you? No experience and all– "

"Coop, be serious!"

"All right, all right," Cooper laughed. The little pause made Blaine sure his brother had finally put a sock in it and gotten serious once more. "I think you did the right thing, for now at least. I don't think I could bare having anymore tearful phone calls from you like that one... "

A shiver ran through Blaine at the memory. Everything about that day made his insides seize up.

"If he's really worth it, he'll wait for _you_ to let him in," Cooper decided. "After how much he hurt you... if he really cares now, he's prepared to wait for you to trust him."

The ache in Blaine's chest eased some at his brother's words, but he still didn't feel right. Now that he'd been that close to Kurt he wanted to stay that close every chance he got. The realization that he couldn't didn't seem to register with the rest of his body though.

"Tell you what. I finished filming earlier," Cooper informed him. "I've got some time off so I'm gonna come out and see you. Sound good?"

"Wh– no, you don't have to do that– "

"Sure, I do," Cooper said briskly. "You're my baby brother and you need me right now." Another pause, and Blaine closed his eyes for what he knew was coming next. "Besides, if you and Kurt do get busy I need to be there to walk in and ruin it."

Blaine groaned, and immediately regretted it when Cooper used the noise against him.

"Oh, come on now. You're supposed to sound like you're enjoying yourself, not like you're in pain. How are you ever going to convince an audience with that noise?"

* * *

><p><em>When Blaine met up with Kurt after his Cheerios practice, his friend was incredibly distance. Much more than he had been at any point since the beginning of September. It worried him a lot, because even if Kurt didn't talk about it, Blaine knew about the pressure the other Cheerios, especially Santana, were putting on him, not to mention the general pressure from Coach Sylvester and perfecting all of those routines.<em>

_They made the short trek to Kurt's house in silence, and then holed up in his room to do the homework for tomorrow. The entire time Kurt kept glancing over at him nervously, and it was starting to distract Blaine. Maybe it wasn't Cheerios related, maybe... Had Kurt finally understood what he'd said with that song? Were all of his efforts finally paying off?_

_"I don't want to go to school tomorrow," Kurt said in a rush, sounding slightly hysterical as he tossed his pen down and tugged his knees up to his chest._

_Surprised, Blaine said nothing for a moment. Not related to Blaine's feelings then. He sat up and scooted closer to Kurt. "Why not? W- what's going to happen?"_

_"I– they're trying to box me into staying a Cheerio," Kurt whispered._

_Blaine looped his arms around Kurt's shoulders and eased the other boy back into his embrace, clutching him tightly to his chest. "Shh, I thought you were quitting Glee, not Cheerios."_

_"I won't have a choice," Kurt mumbled. "Santana knows I- I'm g- gay, and if I don't ditch you by tomorrow or make you a jock or something then her and Quinn are going to out me and– "_

_Blaine's heart slammed to a halt in his chest. His limbs went numb as Kurt clutched his chest tighter and started to cry. How had they found out? Sure, Kurt's voice was a little high, and his gestures were... well, not as masculine as the other guys, but–_

_"You won't be alone," Blaine assured him softly. "Don't– you've got me. I'll come out, too, and if they still want to mess with us, then they'll have to mess with both of us."_

_"But I'm n- not– I don't think I'm ready," Kurt gasped, eyes still streaming as he pulled out of Blaine's arms a little._

_Blaine sat up some, too, and used his shirt sleeve to wipe Kurt's eyes. "I– you won't lose me. Your dad will kick them all in the face if they give you crap. So will Cooper. I wish I could give you more time, but we'll do this together, okay?"_

_Kurt hiccupped loudly, eyes red, as he gave Blaine a small, watery smile. "I'm so lucky I have you."_

_Blaine smiled shyly in return and ducked his head. "Maybe we'll be ready together since we're not ready on our own?" _

_Kurt dove back into his arms and hugged him tightly. There were no words as an answer, no nodding against his cheek or anything to indicate Kurt's agreement. But Blaine could feel it. In the warmth of Kurt's embrace, and the way the tremors coursing through the other boy's torso lessened as Blaine hugged him back. He wasn't ready for this, they both weren't, but they'd face it head on tomorrow, and everything would be all right. _

* * *

><p>It was Monday evening before Cooper arrived in Ohio. Blaine picked him up from the airport once school was out, and then they surprised his parents at home. It was nice to have his brother back, to have someone to horse around with, and talk to late at night when they were lounging on the couch with the television buzzing across the room. There was nobody quite like his older brother, nobody who knew he so well and completely.<p>

He updated Cooper on how Kurt had acted upon their return to school earlier that day. The other boy had kept his usual distance, but there had been a brief moment in the hallway, where Kurt's eyes had sought him out and the pale boy has graced him with a tentative smile. Santana had caught the look though, and Blaine had turned away when she'd started making sexual gestures at the pair of them.

On Tuesday Cooper wanted to take him out to lunch, so after fifth block Blaine headed to the main office and had Cooper check him out for the day. Cooper drove them out to Westerville for reasons Blaine didn't entirely understand until they pulled in to a tiny little restaurant Blaine had never heard of.

"Been craving this place for a good six months," Cooper said as they climbed out of the car and headed inside. "Best cheese fries I've ever had."

Blaine perked up at those words. "And you've never brought me here before because?"

Cooper shrugged and cuffed him on the head. "Didn't want to share my favorite secret. Grab a booth."

Blaine slide into a dark blue one by the pool table in the back corner, glancing around at all of the decorations and antiques on the walls. "Dad would _never_ set foot in this place."

"That's why me and my Dalton guys always came here," Cooper told him. "None of their parents would have either."

Blaine nodded, cast an eye over to the bar across the room and smiled slightly. "I like it. Better than the fancy suit and tie places Dad likes."

"Definitely," Cooper grinned as their waitress came over to take their drink orders.

It was refreshing to sit down with Cooper, talk, laugh, and eat their way through three plates of cheese fries, and several root beer floats. There was nobody else Blaine was this comfortable with, not since he'd lost Kurt. Maybe that was part of the reason he craved that relationship so much. It was familiar and to some degree felt safe.

"So I was thinking we could head over to Dalton, check out the soccer game?" Cooper asked, looking a little unsure for the first time since his arrival yesterday afternoon. "Need to check in on my legacy, see how the team's doing... "

"Sure," Blaine said a little cautiously.

He had the sudden feeling that Cooper had planned this out, but he didn't say anything. He couldn't really blame Cooper if he was trying to introduce him to Dalton and ease him into a possible transfer. Even now he was still debating with the idea of leaving McKinley, making the development of his friendship with Kurt easier because they weren't classmates. At the same time the idea of leaving felt like giving up and that thought always settled like an infection in the pit of Blaine's stomach. He'd once sworn to never turn away from Kurt or give up on him. He wasn't about to start now even if the other boy might deserve it.

The drive from the restaurant to Dalton was incredibly short, which made Cooper's earlier statement about coming here with the other Dalton boys more understandable. It was the cheapest and closest place nearby the huge grounds of Dalton Academy.

Immediately Blaine felt overwhelmed by the sight of the towering main hall at the front drive, but Cooper drove straight past it, slowing down some and pointing out various buildings and dorms, and even a few spots where he'd played soccer and football with the other boys on the weekends. They ended up at the back right corner of the campus, parking in a small lot next to a smaller, single story building. From the sounds of the whistles and announcer the game was almost over, but Cooper was thrilled to be there, and immediately lugged Blaine into the gymnasium and up the stands.

The last part of the game was a blur for Blaine, he barely understood anything that was going on, and was definitely more than a little distracted by all of the attractive guys both on the field and in the stands. If the game had been outside he might have been able to pass his blush off as his cheeks being numb with cold, but he couldn't inside the gym. Cooper kept nudging him and grinning slyly at every cut guy that passed by, and Blaine was horribly embarrassed by it all. He had absolutely zero experience with any sort of romantic interaction, except those few kisses with Kurt, and Cooper damn well knew it.

A crowd of boys in blazers spotted Cooper from across the stands as the final buzzer sounded.

"Cooper Anderson?" one of the boys shouted, waving his arm around over his head.

Cooper turned and beamed. "Blaine you're going to _love_ these guys!"

Blaine was half- lifted off his feet next second as Cooper approached the boys. There were a lot of hugs exchanged, and even more confusion for Blaine, but it was the bond they all seemed to share that really caught his interest. These boys were his age and had definitely not been freshmen when Cooper had still been at Dalton. How could they possibly know him so well? Blaine knew those first few years after high school Cooper had stayed in-state, but he hadn't expected him to know so many guys at Dalton.

"Guys, this is my brother, Blaine, possible transfer next year," Cooper added, sounding more than little hopeful. He nudged Blaine with his elbow and jerked his head towards the group of five guys. "These are some of the Warblers."

"It's nice to meet you," Blaine said politely, shaking the closest's hand.

"Do you sing, too?" one of them, a tall blonde, asked, looking curious.

"Uh, y- yeah," Blaine stammered, feeling even more surprised when all the boys murmured in excitement instead of sneering at his answer. "Male lead in my Glee club."

There was even more murmurs, and then one of the soccer guys joined the group, sweating but grinning broadly. He was one of the boys that had caught Blaine's interest from afar, and close up Blaine found himself just as red in the face. His stomach didn't squiggle like it did around Kurt, though. Nobody had ever managed to make that happen, but the taller boy was certainly handsome.

"Nice game, Sebastian," one of the Warblers complimented the new arrival.

The tall brunette nodded his thanks, and with a gulp Blaine realized the boy's eyes had paused on him. "New recruit? Always nice to see a handsome face join us."

"_Sebastian_," one of the Warblers warned. He was Asian, a little taller than Blaine, and looked more serious than the others. "He's not interested– "

"Oh, ho," Cooper chimed in with a huge grin. "Blaine's got a thing for hot guys, and he's _single_."

Blaine turned swiftly and glared at his brother, but he couldn't ignore the blush creeping up his neck and face. So this had been the purpose of their trek west for the evening. Cooper was trying to push Dalton on him, and part of Blaine already liked the atmosphere. If they'd had this conversation with a group of boys at McKinley... well, Blaine didn't want to think about how many bruises he'd have by now.

"Is that so?" Sebastian said slyly. "So when do you plan on gracing the Warblers with your beautiful presence?"

"I'm not– I haven't decided if I'm transferring or not," Blaine said firmly, giving Cooper an angry look. "I've got my own Glee Club to lead, and my boxing class at the gym– "

"We've got a boxing team you could join," Sebastian cut in. "The Warblers are still trying to find a decent male lead. We all have a go at it, but... we don't quite have the charm for it."

Had Sebastian just winked at him? Completely thrown by the gesture Blaine stared at the group, feeling both welcomed and a little unnerved by the flirting. None of them seemed the least bit concerned by a gay man flirting with another, though, and that immediately put Blaine at ease. He wouldn't have to worry about his sexuality if he was at Dalton. There might even be other gay boys besides Sebastian that would flirt with him. Maybe even one that gave him butterflies like Kurt...

"You want to go out to dinner with us?" Sebastian offered, eyes still fixed on Blaine. "Once a Warbler always a Warbler, right?" he added to Cooper.

Cooper declined the invitation, telling them that they had just eaten, but the look lingered in Blaine's mind for the entire drive home. It wasn't that he had been instantly attracted to Sebastian, but hadn't that been what he'd wanted the other day? Something simple and easy without all the drama that was tied to Kurt. Someone who would shower him with affection instead of ignoring him in the school hallways. Maybe it wouldn't be with Sebastian, but Dalton...

Dalton seemed to open a whole new world of possibilities for him.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Trololol, here's 19! The big one I've been talking about and waiting to write and post. It's the parallel of the past and present more than anything that makes me squee. So yeah, little angst, little heartbreak, yanno, the usual for me.

Shh, read and enjoy! Next update... I'll aim for Sunday.

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 19

The week following the blizzard was rough for Kurt. Every day he was distracted and unfocused by thoughts of Blaine. At night he kept dreaming about Blaine's lips against his own, and sometimes those sweet, soft lips even moved to other, more exhilarating places. Whenever that happened Kurt woke with a start, his pajama pants tight and his chest soaked with sweat. He didn't know what he was going to do anymore or how to prove to Blaine that he was trustworthy again. Considering how much faith Blaine had had in him right before Kurt had turned his back on him, he honestly didn't blame Blaine for pulling back. It was probably taking all of Blaine's kindness just to give him the second chance he had right now.

Santana had weaseled the majority of what had been going on out of him. While she warned him about the fallout that would happen at school, all of the drama and especially the potential problems that left Brittany and her with, she didn't push him to cut contact. Her new maturity surprised him, but a lot could change in two years – a lot already had.

Unfortunately Quinn also took notice of his uncharacteristic silence and introversion. All week she prattled on about how he was moping and how she blamed Glee Club for it, just like she blamed Finn's new awkwardness around her on glee. He had everything he could ever want according to her, so he ought to hold his head high and enjoy it like she and the other Cheerios did.

Only Kurt didn't have everything he wanted, and it had taken him way too long to figure that out.

Blaine had still been over on Tuesday and Thursday evenings to tutor Finn, an while he and Kurt didn't have much chance to speak, just seeing Blaine and be able to freely smile at him and say hello was thrilling. It also made him realize the only thing holding him back from doing the same at school was himself. He was second only to Quinn on the Cheerios, and the lead male of their group. He had power now, the same power he'd only dreamt about as a freshmen. There was no reason openly befriending Blaine would dump him to the bottom, yet he was still scared of the consequences.

Still, every day at school he hesitated to approach, only managing a few uncertain smiles from across a crowded cafeteria or from down the hall. Blaine didn't push him, had never been one to force him to do anything until he was ready, and Kurt was grateful, but he also felt foolish and eternal indebted to Blaine. Even if he managed to overcome his own fears how was he ever going to make any of this up to Blaine? Every day he just dug himself in even deeper, and he couldn't think of a way out.

By Friday Kurt was beyond moping. At breakfast he refused to eat and then when Burt told him he was going to be late, Kurt didn't move. He couldn't do this another day, not when he knew he was going to chicken out like he had every day this week. For a brief moment he'd spot Blaine, take half a step in his direction, and then panic would flood him and he ended up smiling weakly as Blaine caught his eye.

Burt, however, refused to let him stay home. He had no fever or cough, and wasn't sneezing. Besides, his father had caught on to the last time he'd played sick a few weeks ago and was leery of him claiming illness now. Just to make sure Kurt actually went to school, Burt drove him and Finn in and dropped them at the door.

"Chin up, bud," Burt called before Kurt closed his door. "Only a few more hours until the weekend!"

As Kurt watched Burt's truck disappear past a huge mound of snow at the edge of the lot his stomach twisted painful. He was hungry and miserable, too heartsick with shame to even think about trying to eat something right now. Not when he was moments away from disappointing himself all over again with a pathetic little half-smile.

Blaine should just give up on him already and transfer to Dalton. At least there he'd be safe and happy. He'd find someone who could openly cherish him the way he deserved.

"There you are!"

Kurt was tugged into a locker alcove as he turned the corner. Finn had already disappeared without him noticing, but his stepbrother was very distracted these days.

Quinn and Santana were standing in the alcove and with a heart stopping jolt Kurt caught sight of the slushies in Quinn's hands. He'd completely forgotten about their Friday ritual. It had been over a month since they'd cornered Blaine, and now...

"Thought this might cheer you up," Quinn offered, waving one cup of frozen blue ice in front of his eyes. "It's been way too long since you've slushied that nerd."

"I– "

From over Quinn's shoulder Santana gave him a pitying, uncomfortable look. She hadn't said anything to Quinn then, but she wasn't going to help him out of this either.

Dread filled Kurt as Quinn smiled hopefully at him, and shook the slushy in front of his face.

"Come _on_," she urged, "let's have some fun."

"I– isn't that kind of... lame?" Kurt tried to sound convincing. "It's getting _old_. We're already on top, what's the point of– "

"_Seriously_?" Quinn spat, suddenly looking furious. "What is with you two?" her eyes flickered over to Santana, who looked slightly guilty. "We're doing this. Same as we always do. I'm already losing _Finn_ to that pathetic Glee Club," she reminded Kurt angrily. "You're not cutting out on me, too."

A surge of guilt swept through Kurt at her words. He had plenty of information on Glee and why Finn was still hanging around, only he hadn't told her any of it. Telling Quinn that Finn had joined and then stayed because he _liked_ being in Glee would only end in disaster.

Quinn forced a cup into Santana's hands and stepped out into the hall before Kurt could stop her. With an awkward glance Santana followed after her, and Kurt, heart pounding in terror, hurried after them. He didn't know what he was going to do, but the last thing he wanted was for Blaine to get slushied because of him again.

* * *

><p><em>The next morning Blaine and Kurt walked to school together in tense silence. It was the first cold day of the season, and while Kurt never particularly enjoyed the harsh, frigid breeze he welcomed it today. It meant he could wear a coat and gloves and secretly hold Blaine's hand as they walked the three blocks to McKinley. With all the bulky clothing it was a lot easier to hide. <em>

_Blaine's fingers were laced through his in that precise way that made his chest feel funny. Their hands had always fit together so exactly, Blaine's fingers slotting perfectly between his own. The fit had always been a huge source of reassurance to Kurt, because Blaine was meant to be his best friend always since their hands fit together. They would always be linked together and close._

_As they caught sight of the school building Kurt paused, his steps faltering as Blaine's hands tightened momentarily on his._

_"It's going to be fine," Blaine warm voice reassured him._

_Kurt turned and let Blaine's calm smile wash over him, before nodding. He wished he could be that certain about the confrontation they were walking into._

_Hands still linked together they crossed the last street, headed across the parking lot, and up the steps into the main hall. People were already staring at them as they passed, and Kurt immediately knew there was already something big going on. Perhaps Quinn had already started some ridiculous rumor or spread the word on what she was planning, because the murmuring crowd followed them down the hall and towards the main staircase._

_Quinn and Santana were there waiting for them by Blaine's locker, slushies in hand and looking determined. Between their sides, Kurt felt Blaine's hand squeeze his once more before letting go. Without Blaine's steady grip his hands started to shake as he stepped forward while Blaine opened his locker._

_"Morning, girls," he greeted, trying not to sound terrified, but his voice shook like his hands and behind him Blaine was anxiously exchanging books._

_"It's time we got a few things straightened out," Quinn began, one hand on her hip while the other carried a bright red slushy._

_Nervously Kurt shifted until he was standing between Blaine and the girls, but both of them didn't seem to care._

_"You're a Cheerio now. Do you know what means?" Quinn demanded quietly._

_Around them the hall had fallen silent even though it was packed with students. There was no doubt in Kurt's mind now. They'd all definitely been warned in advance. Feeling queasy Kurt tried to offer an answer to Quinn's question as Blaine's locker closed softly behind him._

_"It means I– "_

_"It _means _you're above _him_ now," she snapped, glaring over Kurt's shoulder at Blaine. "You're either one of us or you're nothing. You ditch the nerd or give up that uniform. I'm done waiting for you to figure this out."_

_Santana shot Kurt a cruel little grin and nudged him over to stand between herself and Quinn. "Come on, Porcelain, you're so much better than him. Put him in his place and get this over with."_

_Kurt gaped at her. The crowd around them murmured in agreement. A few jocks pushed their way through, looking excited._

_Now that Kurt had been pulled over he had a clear view of Blaine, standing alone with his back straight and head held high. Kurt knew without a doubt that the other boy was as terrified as he was, but he didn't show it. Just like he hadn't when they were ten and Kurt was being bullied on the playground._

_"Just leave him out of this," Kurt insisted through gritted teeth. "Who I'm friends with shouldn't matter. It's not going to take away my talent– "_

_"You're not bringing down our rep," Quinn cut in fiercely. "Cheerios don't mess with scum like him."_

_Blaine's strong gaze faltered some at her words. Kurt yanked his arms free from their grasp and straightened his coat as Santana added slyly, "Besides you don't want him rubbing off of you... "_

_"What are you talking about?" Kurt snapped, stepping away from her, but Quinn's hand caught his forearm and held him in place. Her grip was surprisingly strong, and with the advantage of her height, Kurt couldn't pull away without causing a huge commotion._

_"Just look at him," one of the jocks called out as thought it was obvious. "He's a little freak!"_

_Blaine shifted under all the scrutiny but Kurt held firm in his resolve. They weren't going to make fun of his friend like this._

_"Leave him alone," Kurt snapped._

_"Oh, have you got a thing for him, too, Hummel?" Santana teased. "Are you going to start giving McHobbit big, dopey heart eyes, too?"_

_"Look, just because he's gay that doesn't– "_

_Kurt snapped his mouth shut as soon as he realized what he'd said, but it was too late. A sickening horror sunk into the pit of his stomach as the gathered students started whispering and a few jocks started calling out gay slurs._

_Blaine cowered slightly at all of the attention, and Kurt tried desperately to step over to him or meet his gaze. But Blaine's eyes were fixed firmly on the floor._

_"I– I didn't mean– I just meant– "_

_"No, it's true," Blaine's voice interrupted softly, his head turning up and his eyes bright. "I am gay. I'm not ashamed to admit it either."_

_Blaine's chin was trembling as he stood his ground despite the disgusted whispers and the banana peel that flew through the crowd and hit him in the face._

_"Jack off in that since no guy is going to want you in his ass!" One of the jocks in the crowd hollered, and a roar of laughter greeted the boy's words._

_But Blaine's eyes were locked on Kurt's, terrified by determined, silently waiting for Kurt to say the same words he just had. It was plea Kurt had never wanted to face, not when there were tears in Blaine's eyes and a crowd around them already shunning Blaine for admitting to who he was._

_Kurt opened his mouth, but no words came out. Terror had seized his insides and taken control of his throat. He couldn't do it. He wasn't ready, especially not in this hallway full of his judgmental classmates. _

_Santana's arm curled through his, one hand playfully tugging on a strand of his hair as Quinn forced a slushy into his hand._

_If he admitted to anything or chose Blaine then everyone would guess the truth. He pleaded with his eyes for Blaine to run or to do _something_, but Blaine stayed where he was. And Kurt knew the reason why. He was Blaine's best friend. The one person in the world that would never turn his back on him or treat him the way everyone else did._

_"Throw it," Santana ordered, her voice only a whisper in his ear, but Blaine's entire body was shaking now, and tears were starting to cloud Kurt's vision._

_Up and down the hall a chant had started up, ringing deafeningly in his ears as a tear leaked out of Blaine's eyes and he folded his arms over his chest, still desperately waiting for Kurt to defend him, to step back over and take his hand in the reassuring way they always had._

_"Slushy! Slushy!" _

_Kurt's hand shook as Santana leaned back in and reminded him of what exactly was waiting for him if he refused right now. "Slip now and its gone. You'll be the gay trash of McKinley and get trampled on for the rest of your life."_

_Quinn's hand was on his elbow in the next moment, and with the crowd roaring around him, Kurt was barely conscious of what he was doing. His mind was screaming so many conflicting things at him that he wasn't even aware of his decision until the chant stopped and a loud, pained gasp filled the silence._

_Blaine's face was covered in red, melting ice, his expression shocked as it dripped down onto the floor and puddled around his feet._

_But it was the heartbreak in Blaine's tear-filled eyes that sliced right through Kurt's chest as Quinn eased his slushy-wielding arm back to his side. He'd done that, and even a split second later Kurt knew he'd never forgive himself for it._

* * *

><p>Kurt raced down the halls towards Blaine's locker. He was more than familiar with the route Quinn, Santana and himself normally took and he was determined to go around and cut them off. He skidded around the far side of the hall, attracting a lot more attention than he wanted to. Even Blaine looked up in alarm as Kurt darted past him, pushing other students out of the way so that he could head Quinn and Santana off at the top of the hall.<p>

"Kurt, what– "

But Kurt didn't stay close enough to Blaine to hear the rest of his sentence. He registered that Tina and Mercedes were with him today, but after that his sole focus was on the two cheerleaders parting the crowd as they headed towards him.

"Quinn, we _really_ don't need to do this anymore," Kurt insisted, knowing he sounded frantic but not caring at this point. He couldn't do this to Blaine again. He couldn't prove the other boy right for not trusting him. Kurt wasn't going to break Blaine's heart all over again.

"Yes, actually, I think we do," Quinn said snidely. She eyed him suspiciously. "What? Has that _Glee Club_ made you soft now?"

"Actually I think some of its members have made him rather hard," Santana commented softly from her side.

"_What_?" Quinn snapped, looking furious and confused. She glared at Santana, clearly waiting for her to elaborate.

"Look, Kurt's got a point," Santana said bluntly. "This slushy stuff is getting old. We aren't freshmen trying to make our mark anymore– "

"We've still got our positions as the head Cheerios to uphold, and letting these _losers_– "

"Letting them what?" Kurt spat, fury starting to pound through him. "Letting them get on with their lives when they aren't bothering us? He's done nothing _wrong– "_

"Since when do you defend him anymore?" Quinn demanded.

The crowd around them had fallen silent. It was eerie to Kurt, and a stark reminder of a Friday morning when he'd been in the exact same spot, standing between Quinn and Blaine. Right now he didn't care about being heard, or ruining some pointless reputation. He cared about keeping Blaine safe and not letting him down for once in his life.

"Since– he– _this isn't right_," Kurt flustered, stamping his foot in annoyance. He still couldn't bring himself to admit to anything out loud, but that didn't mean it was going to stop him from putting an end to this.

"Neither is having to share a school with a bunch of scum," Quinn said haughtily. She shoved past Kurt with her shoulder, pausing to call back to him. "Keep this up and it'll be you getting slushied next week."

Santana gave him a sympathetic look but followed Quinn past him and down the hall towards Blaine's locker.

Kurt's heart was hammering a dent into his chest. Fear like he hadn't experienced in two years was running wild through his veins and he couldn't think. There was only one dominating instinct coursing through him and that was to get to Blaine first.

His feet carried him swiftly back down the hall, past the crowd of expectant students waiting for the usual Friday morning slushy. Even as the crowd parted for him he didn't think he'd make it. Quinn and Santana were already closing in, and Blaine, looking stunned by the argument he'd just witnessed, was standing still, his eyes fixed on Kurt rushing towards them.

What happened next was so quick nobody in the hallway seemed to register it. Quinn raised her arm to throw and Kurt, still several feet away flung himself forward, his sneakers sliding across the floor and carrying him the rest of the distance to Blaine.

There was a loud gasp so similar to the one from two years ago, only this time it wasn't because Blaine's face has been slapped with a cup of frozen ice. Kurt was staggering between Blaine and Quinn, his face going numb as slushy dribbled down his neatly pressed uniform and onto the floor.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: A few hours later than I'd planned, but it's still Sunday somewhere! And as this story goes, one time goes one direction and the other does the opposite. I suppose the angst is a little easier to deal with when its in their past, though, because then there's still the rest of the present to bring it back together. Also, I haven't even read through this or edited, shh! Just wanted to get it out as promised since I know you guys are eager to see how things go, so yeah. Probably more typos than usual.

I'll be focusing on OAFIYA for a few days after this, but I'll try to get the next update up by Saturday. No promises, of course, but I'll do my best.

Enjoy!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 20

Blaine's jaw was still on the floor when the bell rang a minute later. He couldn't believe what had just happened. It didn't seem possible that Kurt had just jumped in front of him and taken the slushy meant for him.

But he had, and all the proof was seeping into Kurt's uniform and dripping onto the floor.

"What the hell is your problem, Hummel? I thought we were friends!" Quinn hissed as the whispering crowd around them slowly began to dissipate.

She took another step forward, looking ready to smack Kurt across the face, but Blaine stepped it and caught the hand.

"Leave him alone," Blaine snarled, shoving her hand away from them as Kurt remained motionless behind him. "If you were any sort of real friend you would have listened to him just now."

Santana shifted in the corner of Blaine's eyes and he snapped his gaze over to her. There was still a slushy in her hand, though she looked just as amazed but everything that was transpiring as he was. Blaine didn't care right now though. She could throw that slushy in Quinn's face and it wouldn't make a difference to him at the moment. All that matter was Kurt and getting him somewhere safe and away from all of these eyes still peaking around doors.

"Go ahead," Blaine spat, glaring at Santana. "Might as well dump that one of me and having a matching set."

"I– "

"No? Fine, whatever," Blaine continued before she could stammer out anything else.

It was surprisingly strange for Santana to be speechless, but as Blaine hooked his arm through one of Kurt's and pulled him away from the scene she didn't say anything. All she did was watch them disappear while Quinn stamped her foot.

"You better get your head out of your ass," she hollered after them. "I'm not covering up for you on this, Hummel!"

Kurt's face was still frozen is shock when Blaine spared him a glance. It was streaked with the remains of the slushy's red dye, and no doubt ice cold to the touch. Blaine quickly steered Kurt into the boys' bathroom as the late bell rang.

"You– I can't believe– " Blaine began, fumbling over his words as he stopped them next to the sinks and stared over at Kurt.

Being addressed seemed to finally break Kurt from his shock. He hissed in pain, his arms relaxing from their tense position.

"I– my eyes– " Kurt groaned, reaching up and digging the heels of his hands into them. "F- forgot to close them– "

Tears started streaming down Kurt's cheeks as he rubbed furiously to get the dye out. Blaine tossed his bag under the nearest sink and turned it on, guiding Kurt over to it and starting to flush out his eyes. As Kurt washed the irritating dye from his eyes, Blaine ran his fingers through Kurt's soft hair, pulling chunks of ice free and dropping them into the sink.

"Y- you really shouldn't have," Blaine mumbled awkwardly as Kurt dunked his entire head under the stream of water.

There was no response to his words, but since Kurt's ears were full of thundering water he doubted he'd been heard. Instead he pulled his bag out from under the sink and unzipped one of the side pockets. He unfolded the towel he kept tucked inside and kicked his bag back under the sink.

"Here," he said, brushing Kurt's ear with his fingers. "You can use this to dry your hair."

Startled at the contact Kurt jumped, spluttering as he swallowed a mouthful of water.

"Wh- what?" he asked, using the back of his hand wipe the water from his eyes.

"Here," Blaine repeated, pressing the towel against Kurt's cheek and rubbing it dry. "Let me help," he decided as Kurt stood up and turned towards him.

Blaine shut the faucet off, and gently patted down Kurt's face before rubbing the towel through his hair softly.

"Y- you– thank you," Blaine murmured sincerely as Kurt's eyes drifted shut from the tenderness of Blaine's motions.

"I should have done it a long time ago," Kurt replied quietly, his expression shifting quickly from peaceful to one full of regret.

It was in that moment, with Kurt standing before him, sopping wet, lashes damp as they fanned across his cheek that Blaine realized how easy it was for himself to forgive Kurt for everything. Even if the past would always be there to remind them of that one slip up that had led to countless more, Kurt was trying to fix them, to mend what he'd ripped from Blaine's heart, and Blaine knew he'd absolutely forgiven Kurt for that fateful Friday morning in October. His own forgiveness, while important in the long run, wasn't what Kurt truly needed to really free himself from this life he'd fortressed himself into. He needed his own forgiveness more than anything else, and so Blaine kept his realization to himself.

"Don't... let's just skip out so you can go home and change?" Blaine offered, bending to pick his bag up.

"I um, m- my dad's home and he'll be mad if I– even after– " Kurt gestured at his clothes helplessly, but Blaine nodded and did something he hadn't done in a long time.

He eased Kurt into his arms and squeezed him tightly, breathing in the familiar, unchanged scent of vanilla and jasmine. A hint of tart cherry lingered about Kurt from the slushy, but Blaine only smiled at the addition. It was a stark reminder of what had just happened, and while Blaine didn't like that Kurt had been slushied, he was incredibly grateful for what it had shown him.

"We'll go to my house," Blaine decided as he pulled back and brushed several damp strands of brown hair back off of Kurt's forehead. "My parents aren't home until late on Fridays."

Kurt nodded slowly, looking uncertain but Blaine's arms still resting around his waist. But Blaine just smiled shyly and stepped back, slipping his hand into Kurt's and leading him back out into the empty hallway.

The only way for Kurt to start to forgive himself would be if Blaine let the other boy into his heart once again. After what he'd just witnessed Blaine didn't doubt how safe his trust was with Kurt. Not anymore.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine ran. He shouldered his way through the crowd that had gathered, barely aware of where he was going or who was shoving him as he tried to make his way to somewhere empty, somewhere safe. Tears clouded his vision, both from the slushy dye in his eyes and the overwhelming pain and sorrow collapsing inside of his chest.<em>

_This had to be a nightmare, some wild, insane figment of his imagination. He had to still be asleep in Kurt's room, scrawled out of Kurt's bed with the other boy's warmth soaking into his skin._

_"Watch it, fag!"_

_A shoulder checked Blaine hard as he stumbled along, then a pair of hands pressed into his shoulder blades and shoved him. Blaine hit the locker bay as the bell rang, his glasses snapped and then slid off his face. He followed their descent to the ground, hearing another crunch as the blurry outline of the jocks who had shoved him high- fived and walked away laughing._

_As the hall cleared out Blaine fumbled for his glasses, his hand finally landing on them, but as he raised them to his face he realized the plastic lens had been cracked and the bridge had snapped. Tears still streaming down his cheeks he groped around for the other half, picked it up and then folded both pieces up and stuffed them into his cold, wet pocket._

_For a few minutes he rubbed furiously at his eyes, and then climbed to his feet. Blaine might be upset, but he knew well enough not to linger in the halls or too long. A teacher or hall monitor would be along soon and want to know why he was there, covered in slushy with broken glasses and tears on his cheeks._

_There was a brief second where Blaine debated ducking into the closest boys' bathroom, but he nixed the idea immediately. The dye would be out of his eyes soon enough from his crying, and his clothes didn't matter at all right now._

_Kurt had turned on him. In front of everyone he'd shied after from both himself and Blaine._

_It was a few seconds before Blaine realized he was standing on the steps outside of the cafeteria, the fierce October wind blowing his soaked clothes against his skin and making him shiver. He ducked around the corner and slid down beside the railing, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face against his thighs._

_Blaine cried for a long time then, great heaving sob clawing their way out of his chest. Inside first block changed to second, and he could hear the other students thundering through the halls, laughing and talking and enjoying their Friday. But they felt years away to Blaine. What they had right now wouldn't be something Blaine experienced until he'd left this town and hatred behind. Only it wouldn't be with Kurt now. He'd be on his own, would have to hope he survived the next four years to make it that far._

_The muffle sound of Duran Duran's Rio reached his ears from his pocket. He wiped his eyes furiously for several seconds, trying to control his breathing as he tugged his phone out. Normally he wouldn't answer during school hours, wouldn't even had the ringer on, but in all their nervousness before school this morning he'd forgotten._

_"H- h- hello?" Blaine choked out, hiccupping loudly at the end._

_"Squirt, you're never gonna guess wh– Blaine?" Cooper's voice went from ecstatic to worried immediately as Blaine tried in vain to stifle the sob that had made its way out of his mouth. "What's wrong, B? Did– is Mama and Dad, okay? What's going on– "_

_"N- no, they're f- fine," Blaine stammered, sniffling and trying his best to stop his tears, but he couldn't._

_They kept falling, and Kurt's face keep popping into his head. Not the one he'd just seen in the hallway, but the anger he'd seen not too long ago when Kurt had been slushied. The fury and the new arrogance that being a Cheerio had given him. Where had his best friend gone? Why did his ribs feel like they were caving in on his heart and crushing it?_

_"B, please, y- you're scaring me, Squirt," Cooper said, sounding a little frantic._

_"I- I- It's– Kurt he– they wanted him t- to slushy m- me and he d- did," Blaine choked out, his sobs growing louder as he forced the words out. They tasted bitter and false in his mouth, but the image of Kurt's hand retracting as the slushy dribbled down Blaine's face flashed through his mind. His chest burned at the memory, like bile was rising up his throat._

_"What?" Cooper said in disbelief. "He– but– Blaine– "_

_A hoarse, heart wrenching sob echoed around Blaine. "I don't wanna feel anymore," Blaine said in a strangled voice. "It hurts, Coop, m- make it stop."_

_"Hey, shh, buddy," Cooper tried to soothe, but Blaine could hear the fear and disbelief still lingering in his voice. "Did you call Mama to come get you?"_

_"No," Blaine murmured, taking a deep breath and trying to control himself some. "I'm already g- going to be in trouble because some guys shoved me into t- the l- lockers and s- stomped on my g- glasses."_

_"J- just go home, bud, okay?" Cooper insisted gently. "I'll do you want me to call Mama for you? I'll tell her not to ask a lot fo questions or anything... "_

_"I–" Blaine's words were cut off by a hiccup, but he gave a shaky nod, and continued, "O- okay. D- don't hang up, Coop, please."_

_"I– "Cooper immediately realized the conflict with Blaine's request, and after a second Blaine did too, but he didn't retract his words. The thought of Cooper hanging up, of his older brother cutting him off for even a second made the pain radiating through him stab sharply. "Just hold on– Mark! Lemme use your phone– "_

_Blaine heard the sound of another man's voice, muffled and confused as Cooper's end of the line blared with static for a moment._

_"No– my brother– just two second, okay? I've gotta call my mom for him– because he's in bad shape right now. Just let me use– "_

_Blaine hugged himself tighter, and pressed his face against his thighs, listening to Cooper's half of the conversation with their mother as his breathing slowly returned to normal. A few tears still leaked out of his eyes, but his head felt swollen and his face was numb._

_"You still there, B?" Cooper's voice asked, louder now. "Mama's on her way over, okay? Where are you? Can you make it to the office?"_

_"I- I'm outside t- the cafeteria," Blaine hiccupped, wiping his nose. "N- never made it to c- class."_

_"All right, just keep an eye out for her," Cooper told him._

_"D- don't hang up, o- okay?" Blaine whispered brokenly. "I c- can't– please– "_

_"Shh, I'm not going anywhere. It's going to be fine," Cooper assured him._

_But it wasn't, and Blaine already knew that because he'd adamantly told Kurt the exact same thing only a few hours ago. Nothing was going to be all right because his best friend, the boy he'd been madly in love with for months, had done what they'd sworn to never do to each other. His heart was shattering like glass in his chest, cutting into every crevasse of himself until only a swollen numbness was left._

* * *

><p>Blaine scrubbed relentlessly at the red stain on Kurt's Cheerios top. He'd been at it for almost twenty minutes while Kurt showered in Blaine's bathroom to get the dye off his skin. They'd been lucky sneaking out of school and then finding that Cooper was still asleep in his old room.<p>

He huffed in annoyance at the persistence of the stain and stray the stain remover on it a few more times, gave it another rough scrubs, and then draped it back over his desk chair. Once Kurt was out of the bathroom he'd rinse it out and then hang it in their to dry, but he seriously doubted that the stain would disappear even if he washed it. He'd had more than enough experience with slushy stains to know a hopeless one.

The shower suddenly turned off in the bathroom, and Blaine's stomach jolted. He scrambled to his feet, not entirely sure why he was so nervous all of a sudden. Kurt had seen his room countless times before, and he'd been the one to invite Kurt over just now, but there was something so... different about this moment.

Shuffling sounds echoed out from the bathroom and Blaine tugged at his sweater, trying not to imagine the state of undress Kurt was currently sporting. That was only a bad idea, and definitely not appropriate given the conversation he wanted to have with Kurt once he was back in Blaine's room.

After five minutes the door creaked open slowly and Kurt's damp head of hiar poked out.

"Um, d- do you want me to just hang the towel in here?" Kurt asked uncertainly.

"Oh! Yeah, just there's a second hook on the back of the door," Blaine told him quickly, hopping up and hurrying over. He took the damp towel from Kurt's hands and stepped into the steamy bathroom to hang it up. "I tried to scrub the stain out of your uniform, but... "

Blaine gestured helplessly towards where he'd left it and Kurt frowned at the sight.

"Coach Sylvester is going to murder me," he grumbled, moving past Blaine and holding it up. "It's completely ruined."

His words barely penetrated Blaine's mind. With a gulp Blaine tried to take his gaze away from Kurt's body, now clad in Blaine's pajama pants and an old, ratty shirt that had once been Cooper's. Face hot at the sight of Kurt in his clothing, Blaine shuffled quickly into his room as Kurt set the uniform top back down and twisted his hands nervously.

"Um, thanks for... yanno, helping me out," Kurt muttered.

"Why'd you do it?" Blaine asked softly, neither acknowledging Kurt's gratitude or brushing it off. "Not that I'm not glad for it, but why now?"

"I... I don't know," Kurt said honestly, his arms hugging himself tightly. "She came up to me and said she was going back into the routine and I just... I couldn't bear the thought of it. Not after how much trust you've put in me, not when... when you mean so much to me now. I- I couldn't let you down like that again, Blaine."

"You didn't," Blaine assured him, staring down at his knees for a few moments. "If anything you made me realize giving you another chance was one of the bet decisions I've ever made."

"R- really?" Kurt whispered, eyes wide with surprise as Blaine looked back up at him. He gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed next to Blaine. "So we're still friends?"

"Yeah," Blaine laughed, the sound light and carefree. "We're definitely friends."

Without thinking he reached over and brushed a damp strand of hair out of Kurt's eyes. It was a surprising moment when their eyes met. No uncertainty or fear, just contentment and a comfort Blaine had felt in a long time.

"I've missed you," he murmured, scooting closer. "Sometimes I forget how much... "

A single tear trickled down Kurt's cheek at his words, but he brushed it away with a small smile. "I just want us to get back what we had. I just want to make you smile and laugh and feel safe like you used to."

Blaine moved in for a hug, not gripping or clinging, but relaxed and soothing. They ended up laying back on the bed after several minutes, holding each other close and murmuring too each other. It wasn't even words or comforting phrases they said, just small sounds full of warmth and a familiar Blaine couldn't name. Kurt's chin was tucked over his shoulder as they lay there, tangled together on their sides.

"You always give the best hugs," Kurt said suddenly, his voice a little watery as Blaine's chest rumbled with a soft laugh.

"And it's weird how you smell like me right now," Blaine replied lightly, but he beamed at Kurt's soft words and pulled back a little until he could stare into Kurt's eyes.

His hand stroked over Kurt's neck and then his cheek, his thumb gently tracing over Kurt's eyebrow, just touching. Needing to feel all of Kurt that he could until he wasn't allowed to anymore.

"I don't mind," Kurt breathed, tilting his head into Blaine's touch. "It's rather nice."

"Everything about you is nice," Blaine remarked, his and coming to rest on Kurt's jaw. His heart was thumping in his chest as Kurt's eyes focused on him. There was something wonderful in those eyes, something that made his toes curl and a wave of pleasant warmth rush through him. He was safe here. Safe and more at ease than he'd ever thought was possible.

Kurt shifted in a little closer, a light of wonder in his eyes as his arm settled around Blaine's waist. "You're making it really hard not to kiss you right now," he murmured, his hot breath brushing over Blaine's cheeks and making his face tingle pleasantly.

"You probably should then," Blaine breathed, nudging his head forehead until the tips of their noses brushed. "I kind of really want you, too."

Kurt's mouth tilted in towards his, capturing his lips in a soft, dry kiss. A thrill ran through Blaine at the touch, his toes curling in his socks as he pressed in closer, eager to keep Kurt's mouth connected to his. To breath in the scent that was uniquely Kurt mingled with the hovering smell of himself.

As Blaine pressed in, carefully easing one hand under Kurt's side and against his back, Kurt kissed him harder, warm air soaking into Blaine's cheek as Kurt exhaled through his nose. Kurt seemed a little least certain about his own hand placement, but at the moment Blaine didn't mind. If this was going where he thought it was, then there'd be plenty of afternoons and weekends spent like this, tangled together and exploring how to please each other.

He pulled back for a second to breathe in deeply, his chest heaving a little at the lack of oxygen. Kurt's mouth sought his out quickly, though, clamping over it, lips together and firm. After several more minutes, Blaine opened his mouth slightly for the first time, tentatively brushing the tip of his tongue over Kurt's lower lip.

A soft moan greeted him, Kurt's lips parting slightly as Blaine pressed in excited his stomach swooping at the sound–

"Skipping out on school are we, Squi– "

Cooper's voice trailed away as they broke apart sharply. Blaine twisted his torso around and glared over at Cooper, who was sporting a devilish grin and only in a crooked pair of boxers.

"At least there's just cause for skipping," Cooper said suddenly, still grinning at them as Kurt buried his face into the pillows in embarrassment. "Th– "

"Cooper, get out!" Blaine snapped, face burning as he adjusted the hem of his sweater.

"Oh, touchy, touchy," Cooper tisked, waving his finger at them teasingly. "You ought to be a bit nicer so I don't tell Mam– "

"Cooper!" Blaine growled, grabbing the football on his night- stand and throwing it at his brother's head. "Get lost!"

Cooper ducked and the football ricocheted off the door behind him and knocked into the dresser.

"Boys, is everything all right up there? Did you find out why Blaine stayed home?" their mother's voice called from downstairs.

Blaine groaned in disbelief as Cooper's grin widen. "Blaine's got a boy in his room!" he hollered back. "And he's wearing Blaine's clothes!"

"COOPER!"

Before Blaine could find anything else to throw at him Cooper dashed out of the room, his thundering footfalls disappearing downstairs.

Blaine collapsed back onto the bed next to Kurt, hot with embarrassment and annoyance. A gentle pair of arms tangled through his left and snuggled closer, and then Kurt was kissing him softly on the cheek. The gesture made Blaine's stomach flop around again, and an enormous, goofy grin spread across his face as his heart all but skipped in his chest.

"I guess we've got some explaining to do," Kurt remarked, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder and tracing little patterns over Blaine's chest with his finger.

"Yeah," Blaine sighed, his eyes drifting shut as Kurt hummed softly against his neck. "I guess we do."

There was still a lot for them to talk over and figure out before school on Monday, but right now Blaine was content. The warmth of Kurt's body was surrounding him and the only thing he really cared to figure out right now was the best revenge for Cooper barging in. Tomorrow they'd really talk about what they were defining themselves as and how to proceed at school, but Blaine already knew his heart was in this, had always been linked to Kurt's really, and while that had once been a huge problem for him he didn't think it was going to be anymore. Kurt's heart was wide open and joining with his own and nothing anyone at McKinley did could change that now.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Sorry for the delay! Back to school time is upon me unfortunately, so things are a little hectic until I get used to fitting classes into my work schedule etc.

So a few things to mention before getting into the update. First, since things are hectic between sorting work and classes I'm not sure when/how updates will be working from this point on. They'll be fairly infrequent, I imagine, but I'll try my best to get them out as quickly as possible. Which brings me to my next point of order. As it stands right now I have six chapters to go beyond this one, so there really aren't a lot of updates left! I might do a little epilogue, but I haven't decided yet. So six or seven updates after this, the last chapter is already mapped out pretty well in my head since the last past scene has been set for quite a while.

Third and final point, I know I said earlier on that I was sure if the rating would be upped or not, but I spent some time mapping out this last section, and come up with an answer. It's staying as R- rated, or whatever that equates to on here (T, I think?). I could probably even bump it down to PG-13, really. So yeah, no smut for this one. Sebastian and the Warblers will be back, though. :D Trololol.

I've already got a plan for the next story I'll be starting. It's been floating around in my head for a while now, so once this one is done and OAFIYA is farther along I'll start posting that one. Yup.

I'll attempt to have 22 up by... the 9th? Going to depend on what my work schedule looks like for next week and my class loads.

Enjoy the update!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 21

The rest of the evening at Blaine's was slightly uncomfortable for Kurt. Blaine's mother was pleasant enough to him, and seemed quite thrilled at their tentative romance. Blaine's father seemed to be avoiding the topic of his son and Kurt's relationship, though as far as Kurt knew he wasn't even aware of what had happened yet. He'd just gotten home when they'd all sat down for dinner and was exhausted from his work day.

Cooper, however, was obviously suspicious and extremely protective of Blaine now that he'd had his fun tattling on them. At lunch he'd insisted on shoving himself between them at the table, and then followed them back up to Blaine's room, even joining them on the bed at one point and Kurt completely understood it for a variety of reasons.

Even without the history between himself and Blaine, Cooper would have been over-protective of his baby brother. Once Kurt added in the way he'd broken Blaine's heart two years ago, Cooper's overbearing presence was expected, but that didn't mean Kurt liked it. It made him feel, if possible, guiltier than he still did about how he'd acted. And when Cooper cornered him during their break between movies, Kurt wrung his hands nervously and stared down at the lounge clothes Blaine had let him borrow.

"You broke his heart last time," Cooper accused as soon as Blaine's footsteps disappeared down the stairs. "You better not do it again."

"I don't want to," Kurt babbled instantly. "I _can't_ do that to him again," he added honestly. "Not now that I've realized that he was– that he is– "

"Exactly," Cooper cut in sharply, not at all his usual playful, chipper self. "Now you _know_ how much more you can hurt him, and just knowing you could hurt him as a friend didn't stop you last time– "

"It wasn't like that," Kurt argued, a plea worming its way into his voice. "I– it was an acci– I panicked and then everyone was chanting and Quinn's hand was on my arm and– "

"Don't hurt him," Cooper said harshly, jabbing Kurt in the chest with his finger. "He can't go through that again, and I certainly couldn't bare anymore hysterical phone calls that rip my heart in two."

"I won't let it happen," Kurt promised quietly, his eyes meeting Cooper's startling blue ones. "I already screwed this up once, and he deserves so much more than that – than me. I'm sick of hiding all of this, and pretending like I'm not who I am."

"Good," Cooper remarked evenly, and he settled back down onto the bed beside Kurt just as Blaine returned with a big bowl of pretzels and a beautiful grin that made Kurt's heart turn to mush.

The excited little kiss Blaine gave him on the cheek sealed his own decisions about what would happen at school on Monday. There was only one place he belonged, and even though he'd abandoned it once, he promised himself now that he'd never do it again.

After dinner Kurt left and returned to his house. Burt and Carole didn't seem to know anything about his school day, though Finn kept shooting him concerned looks around his mountain of mashed potatoes and peas. Kurt turned the volume off on his phone, ignored the dozen text message alerts on his screen, and turned in early that night.

He might have made the decision to face reality at McKinley on Monday, but it was still Friday. There was no need to throw himself into that pit just yet, and if those text messages were from Santana, Quinn, and a handful of other Cheerios like he suspected then he didn't want to read them. They'd only be full of ridicule, harsh words, and slurs, trying to force him back into the pristine little uniform he'd been using as a shield.

But Kurt didn't want that shield anymore. He'd found something more worthwhile and incredible that he hoped could never be taken away from him: Blaine. Nothing else really seemed important when he compared it to the place Blaine was filling in his life. There was encourage, acceptance, and love there that he'd almost forgotten existed since they'd fallen out.

When Kurt woke up on Saturday morning it was to Finn's gigantic face hovering over him, and a bright screen of light.

"Dude," Finn called, poking Kurt in the eye again. "Dude, wake up, your phone's lighting it."

To prove his point, Finn waved the bright screen in front of Kurt's face once more. Wincing Kurt shoved Finn's face and the phone away and groaned in dismay as his retinas stung.

"Why are you even in my room?" Kurt demanded hoarsely, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes to get rid of the spots he was seeing.

"Mom and Burt are getting ready to leave, and I've got... uh, football stuff," Finn reminded him.

Expect for the last part Kurt believed him. The football season had ended before winter break, but Kurt didn't feel like calling Finn out on whatever nonsense he was getting up to. Honestly, he probably didn't want to know what the lie was about.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Kurt grumbled, flopping back down onto his pillows. "Lemme sleep."

"Sure, but your phone– "

A bright flash of light swept over Kurt's eyes once more and he growled in annoyance as he was blinded again.

"Give me that and get _out_," he ordered, knocking the phone out of Finn's hand. It dropped down onto Kurt's chest as Finn stomped back over to the door.

"See you tonight!"

Kurt groaned and rolled over, face down into his pillows. His phone slid off his chest and onto the mattress. From the sliver of space between his body and the mattress his phone lit up again. Grumbling mutinously at the world's insistence that he stay awake, Kurt tugged his phone free and squinted at the screen.

As he read the name a genuine smile spread across his face despite the sleep still crusting up the corners of his eyes.

"Hi Blaine," he greeted as he received the call and tucked the phone between his pillows and ear.

"Hey," Blaine replied, sounding a little breathless.

There was a long silence after that, and despite the warmth spreading through Kurt at the fact that Blaine had taken the time to call him, he was curious as to the purpose.

"Soo... is there a reason you're calling me at" – Kurt shifted to glance at his alarm clock– "eight in the morning on a Saturday?"

"Oh! Um, well, I... well, I thought we might– or we could do that– or um..." Blaine trailed off nervously, and even through the phone Kurt could imagine the way Blaine's teeth were piercing his lower lip in uncertainty.

"Are you trying to ask me out?" Kurt murmured.

Blaine cleared his throat roughly. "Uh, kind of. Maybe not, like, out _out_ since I don't think you want to run into Quinn or whoever, but... I thought we could spend the day together... maybe."

A slow smile spread over Kurt's face at the way Blaine continued to ramble on. God, he was adorable and perfect and way more than Kurt ever deserved.

"You should come over here," Kurt offered. "Dad and Carole won't be back until this afternoon, and Finn's doing... something suspicious," he decided.

"O- okay," Blaine agreed. "I'll um, be over in an hour?"

"Sounds good," Kurt replied softly. A sudden impulse surged through him, but he held it down even if the words were on the tip of his tongue. It was far too early to tell Blaine that he loved him, if he even did in _that_ way. What he was feeling for Blaine was incredibly powerful, but to call it love already seemed... presumptuous.

So what if he felt like he was soaring every time Blaine smiled at him or whenever the other boy simply said his name? Falling in love didn't mean fireworks in his chest or the overwhelming feeling that he could be anyone or anything as long as he could purely be himself when he was with Blaine. At least he didn't think it did, but he'd never been in love before, had he? Maybe he was falling and the thought didn't terrified him in the slightest because this was Blaine. Kurt trusted Blaine with anything, even after all that had happened, even when he'd been slushying Blaine and making his existence a nightmare he'd still trusted Blaine; to not out him, to always be at the end of that hallway every Friday morning.

If Kurt was falling in love it wouldn't change a lot to him. In a lot of ways he felt like he'd left his heart with Blaine in their freshmen year, and only now was he discovering everything it was full of.

* * *

><p><em>Numbness had seeped into Kurt's body at the sight of Blaine running away in tears. They'd been hard to see when the other boy's face was stained red, but Kurt was certain they were there. How could they not be after the damage Kurt had just done?<em>

_Somehow, most likely with the guidance of Santana or Quinn, Kurt found himself in his first block class._

_What had he just done? How could he do such a selfish, cruel thing to Blaine?_

_Sweet, selfless Blaine, who only wanted the best for Kurt, and he'd frozen. His fear of coming out had seized his insides and made him motionless. He'd panicked and frozen when Blaine needed him the most._

_Kurt had half a mind to walk out of class, find Blaine, then comfort and console him and beg for forgiveness. But he couldn't seem to get his legs to work, and even if he had he didn't think he'd make it past the pencil sharpener. _

_He didn't deserve to make Blaine happy anymore. Not if he was going to crush Blaine whenever his own nerve failed him. That wasn't what friends did to each other. They lifted each other up, and made them brave when they couldn't do so on their own. He'd done none of that just now._

_In a horrified trance, Kurt lost track of time. He had no idea what happened in his first class. A firm arm led him along to his next class, and Kurt let it happen, just as he'd let everything else happen today. Whoever it was dropped him off and disappeared without a word, leaving Kurt to sink into his desk. A fierce, burning wave of self-loathing crept over Kurt as he looked at the desk on his right. Blaine's desk, cold and empty. At least now he'd see how Blaine was. Maybe he _could_ still make this better..._

_But the bell rang and Blaine didn't show up. The first half an hour of class went by before worry started to choke Kurt._

_Had a jock grabbed Blaine when he'd run off? Was Blaine even in the building anymore?_

_Glancing at Mrs. Wallace, who was in the middle of a dull lecture, Kurt slid his phone out of his pocket. It was only when he'd finished typing out the text message that Kurt hesitated. His thumb hovered over the send button for a long moment, his eyes scanning his own scared, sincere words._

[ 9:06 A.M.] Blaine, are you okay? Please answer, I know I screwed up and you're mad, but I need to know you're safe.

_Another minute passed as Kurt stared at the phone in his lap. He couldn't do it, couldn't upset Blaine more no matter how desperately he wanted an answer. He had no right to text Blaine and ask how he was after _that_. He didn't deserve the warm relief a reply would bring, regardless of whether it was upset or angry. _

_Kurt shifted his gaze towards the window, a tsunami of misery slamming into his chest. There was nothing he could ever do to make this up to Blaine. No amount of time, assurance, or effort would erase the disaster this morning had brought._

_Tears filled his eyes as he stared out into the parking lot. He'd screwed up everything and now the best friendship he'd ever had was destroyed._

_A head of dark curls passed under the window suddenly. Kurt's heart jolted at the sight, because there was only one person those could belong to. Without thinking Kurt stood up and pressed his face against the window just in time to see Blaine dart over to a car that was pulling up. His mother's car, which meant that while Blaine was devastated he was also safe._

_"Mr. Hummel is there a reason you need to stare at the faculty parking lot?"_

_Jumping slightly, Kurt spun around to find Mrs. Wallace approaching. With a last glance at Blaine's mother's car pulling away from the school, Kurt quickly turned away. He didn't want Blaine to get in trouble because of him. Not after everything else he'd done this morning._

_"Just... admiring the er– clouds," Kurt invented wildly._

_Mrs. Wallace stopped between him and the window. She gazed suspiciously out of the latter for a few seconds, and Kurt cringed. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Still looking suspicious, Mrs. Wallace turned back to him. _

_"I assume these clouds you're referencing are also the ones your head is in?" she said pointedly. "Focus, Mr. Hummel. No more daydreaming or it'll be detention. She glanced at his desk. "And I'll be talking this" – she snatched his phone up, the text message to Blaine still unsent and on screen– "until the end of class. Understood?"_

_Kurt nodded stiffly as he settled back down into his seat. It was better that he hadn't sent it, wasn't it? There was no amount of text messages that could make this right again. Nothing he did would ever make up for this, so there was no point in trying. Blaine was better off without Kurt around. He wouldn't he hurt anymore._

* * *

><p>Kurt couldn't recall the last time he'd had such a pleasant morning and early afternoon. Blaine arrived earlier than he'd said, most likely out of nerves and excitement, but Kurt had gotten dressed in record time for once and already been waiting.<p>

They ended up deciding to have a movie marathon in the living room, and in a lot of ways Kurt was starkly reminded of their old friendship. It had always been their thing to curl up on the couch and watch a dozen movies at least one day on the weekend, but now there was one difference that Kurt was entirely too aware of.

At first they'd done what they always had before, sat next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, but it hadn't stayed that way. Tentative glances and smiles had been exchanged and before Kurt had realized it Blaine was pressing him down into the cushions, more confident and sure than ever before. Kurt welcomed the weight of Blaine's body over his, the assurance it brought that, no matter what, Blaine was still there, warm, safe, and kissing him.

Unlike the other times they'd kissed things didn't say chaste and careful. There was nobody around to walk in and taunt or stop them, nothing entirely strange to them about the way their mouths meshed together now. The sounds of Rent prattled vaguely along in the background as Blaine pulled back, a flush high on his cheeks and his curls standing on edge from where Kurt's fist had been tangled into them for the past fifteen minutes.

"W- we uh," Blaine rasped, eyes dark and big. "A- are you o- okay with this?"

Kurt nodded, his chest rising and falling rapidly as Blaine shifted above him. He'd never imagined how much better kissing would be once they'd opened their mouths, but...

"Yeah. Are y- you?"

Blaine nodded eagerly and carefully laid himself back down over Kurt's body, making sure to keep his elbows pressed into the cushions to hold himself up a few inches. "It's really nice," he sighed, lips dipping down for a slow, open-mouthed kiss. "Everything about this and you is nice."

"Mmm," Kurt agreed, tangling his fingers back into Blaine's curls and tugging him down until their mouths met.

The tip of Blaine's tongue quickly teased his own lips apart and brushed over them before rubbing slowly against his own tongue. As Blaine's chest settled against his, Kurt could feel the pleased hummed that rumbled through Blaine's torso as they continued to kiss. There was no aggression or desperation to their movements, only a excited desire to memorize the other; to learn how their mouths worked together and find how best to please each other.

As they lay there Kurt took one hand out of Blaine's curls, trying to consciously decide where to place it next. He'd been careful not to go below Blaine's chest until now because he wasn't sure what was appropriate at this stage. He wasn't even sure he was daring enough to attempt anything else, but Blaine's hands didn't seem to share his fears. They'd been _everywhere_ in the last half an hour; in Kurt's hair, on his cheeks and neck, holding Blaine up, and one had even been bold enough to rub over the skin of Kurt's hip where his shirt had bunched up.

That touch more than anything had sent a spark of something molten hot through Kurt's stomach. He'd wanted more, but now Blaine's hands were back to his face, cupping his cheeks and gently tilting his head this way and that as they figured everything out.

Part of Kurt was surprised by how fast their relationship was progressing when it came to physical intimacy, but he knew he himself at least had been craving something like this for well over a year. It was difficult to watch all of his classmates discover something so instinctive and exciting while he'd had to hide himself. He imagined it had been quite similar for Blaine.

Just as Kurt finally decided to settle his hands on Blaine's hips, and maybe, just _maybe_, swipe his thumbs under Blaine's sweater against his soft, warm skin the front door's knob jingled and then the door creaked open.

"Kurt? You still home, bud? We're back and we brought you some of that fancy chicken stuff you like from Breadsticks!"

At the sound of his father's voice Blaine yelped and leapt up, tumbling off the couch and striking his knee on the coffee table. Kurt had gasped in surprise as well, but the sound had been nothing compared to the racket Blaine had just made.

Carole came bustling in, looking alarmed until she caught sight of them. Kurt, propped up on his elbows, face flushed, lips kiss-swollen as he breathed deeply, and Blaine, wincing as he hobbled to his feet, his face and hair in a disastrous state.

Before she could say a word, Burt came into the room, halfway out of his jacket and looking concerned. Then he looked the pair of them over and for a moment Kurt swore he started to smile, but then his features became quite stern.

"Boys," he greeted, voice a little rough as he looked them over. "Didn't think I'd see you here, Blaine."

Blaine dropped onto the couch, and Kurt wanted to smack him as he grabbed the decorative pillow and placed it over his lap. If he was trying to be inconspicuous it wasn't working, though Kurt felt he'd probably benefit from doing the same at the moment. He quickly jerked his right leg up to hid the slight bulge pressing against his zipper as Blaine turned big, fearful eyes onto Burt.

"O- oh, I– well," Blaine's voice squeaked and then cracked loudly as he fumbled over his words. "W- we d-decided to have one of our o- old movie marathons," Blaine stammered, face flushing darker as he stared fixed at Burt's shins. "Figured it would... be a good way to uh, become f- friends again."

"Looks like you two have a bit more than friendship on your minds," Burt accused, crossing his arms. He jerked his head towards the archway into the kitchen. "Time we had a talk by the looks of it, wouldn't you say?"

"No," Kurt squawked, embarrassed and suddenly full of dread. The last thing he wanted to do was have the sex talk with his father, Blaine, _and_ Carole. "We really don't need to– "

"Kitchen, Kurt. _Now_," Burt ordered, grabbing his son by the upper arm and yanking him to his feet.

Blaine hobbled miserably after them, Carole right behind. The short glance Kurt got of her expression told him that she was quite amused by all of this. He didn't think it was very funny, though, especially not if this conversation was about to go the direction he thought it was.

"Sit," Burt ordered.

Kurt, straight-backed and completely opposed to this, dropped slowly into the chair next to Blaine, who was staring fixedly at the floor, face still bright red. It wouldn't have surprised Kurt if the skin on Blaine's face was hotter than the inside of his mouth had just been. A little zap of pleasure tingled through him at the thought and he blushed as Burt and Carole sat down across from them.

"So you two are... back on good terms then," Burt acknowledged carefully, chancing a glance at Carole, who covered his hand with hers. "When did this happen?"

"Like, officially?" Kurt asked, trying to avoid giving any real answers for as long as possible.

"A- are we... official?" Blaine said in surprise, looking up and giving Kurt a questioning look. "I mean, I- I know on Friday you... but, I figured at school we'd still be... you'd still ignore me."

The words, even without an accusatory tone, made Kurt's chest ache. He quickly latched onto Blaine's hand and held it between his own, bringing it to his lips and gently kissing Blaine's knuckles. "I absolutely want to be your boyfriend. I mean, if _you_ want to be mine?"

"I... I'd love that," Blaine whispered, eyes bright, biting his lip to contain his smile. He started to lean into towards Kurt, but two throat cleared themselves very pointedly and they moved apart, taking in the older couple across the table.

"Seems we've missed out on a lot in the past few days," Carole decided, grinning at the sight of Kurt and Blaine's hands clasped on the table across from her and Burt's hands. "You should probably explain it all before your dad has a stroke, though."

"I'm not going to– they weren't even _friends_ and– "

"Shh," Carole chided, pecking him on the cheek as she rubbed his arm soothingly. "Go on," she nodded to Kurt, who gulped nervously.

With Blaine's help they explained the basics of what had happened between them in the last week, ending with the slushy incident the previous morning. Burt and Carole looked shocked by everything, but seemed quite happy about their budding romance.

"Just no... funny business, okay?" Burt said awkwardly. "There's talks me and Kurt still need to have about all of... _that_."

"Dad!" Kurt gasped in dismay. "You don't– I know how– we aren't even close to th– oh, my _god_."

Blaine folded his arms over his chest and kicked his bare feet against the table leg as Carole laughed and stood up. She left to go put their shopping purchases away, but Burt kept them at the table for a little while longer.

"So what's going to happen at school on Monday?" he asked them, sounding worried. "I can come in and talk to Figgins if– "

"No," Kurt insisted in a rush. "This is just something I've got to face, I think. Should have faced it a long time ago."

"You won't be alone," Blaine assured him, pushing his chair over and sliding his arms around Kurt's upper body. "That's a promise that still stands. It doesn't have to be all at once if you're not ready for that."

"It does," Kurt decided, a knot of dread twisting in his gut. "I'm sick of hiding myself and not knowing who I really am because I'm too busy hiding from myself. I just... I don't know what's going to happen, but this" – he gave their linked hands a firm squeeze as he met Blaine's eyes– "isn't going to change. I'll be by your side Monday and they can all say whatever the hell they want, but I'm not turning my back on you again, Blaine. I... I lo– care for you too much to make that mistake again."

"You won't," Blaine said with so much certain Kurt couldn't help but believe him.

Blaine's lips brushed over his in the next moment, even though Burt was still sitting there waiting him, but Kurt found that he didn't mind. He had Blaine on his side again, by his side with their hands intertwined and that would be enough to get him through Monday and whatever lay beyond that.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Yeeaaah, this one took forever, didn't it? I've got two to three papers due a week at the moment, several hundred pages of reading a night, and work pretty much everyday I don't have class, so finding time to write anything fun is really difficult at the moment.

Updates are stilling going to be off-the-wall and pretty unpredictable. It's a pain too not have the time for what I really want to do, but that's life, I guess. I'll try to update as frequently as possible, but I'm not going to even attempt a date estimate because I know it won't hold. I'm half-tempted to put my other WIP on hiatus for a bit, so I can finish this one up. Only 6 left after this and an epilogue that's probably going to be short and sweet.

Welp, enjoy the update and apologies for the delay, and the delay that'll probably happen between this and 23.

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 22

On Monday morning Blaine made his usual solitary trek to school. He hadn't spoken to any of his classmates except Finn and Kurt since Friday afternoon and he was dreading both the Glee Club's reaction to Kurt and how the Cheerios and jocks would treat them now.

He parked quickly and hurried inside of the building. It was still fairly early, so a lot of students were just pulling up, yawning and moving slowly. As he swept into the main hall Mike appeared, patting him on the shoulder as he fell into step beside him.

"Gonna be a rough day," Mike greeted. "History test first thing, and then... whatever happens with Kurt."

Blaine nodded in dread as they turned the corner towards his locker. He didn't ask how Mike had found out about what had happened. By second block on Friday the entire school had probably known, maybe even before that. He'd been trying to forget about all the possible reactions he could walk into this morning since he'd left Kurt's on Saturday. For most of Sunday he'd tried to completely remove Kurt from his mind just so he could focus on his school work. But the other boy was permanently lodged in there, and all of the things _Kurt_ might do this morning scared Blaine just as much.

Tina and Mercedes were at their lockers next to Blaine's when he and Mike stopped. Mike leaned down and kissed Tina on the cheek, but she barely noticed it. Mercedes closed her locker, and then leaned back against it, eyeing Blaine.

"So I know there better be a damn good reason you ignored all my texts," she said sassily, poking Blaine in the shoulder as he tugged his locker open.

"I was uh, busy," Blaine decided. "Got three tests today."

"Uh huh, sure," Mercedes said, clearly not believing anything he'd just said. "You also disappeared right after Kurt took that slushy for you."

"Just– please,_ please_, don't push this right now," Blaine requested weakly. "It's all so complicated and I don't know how anything is going to work out... "

"I still can't believe he did that," Tina said after a few minutes. Mike hugged her from behind as Mercedes nodded in agreement.

Blaine made no further comments and instead busied himself digging through his locker for various notebooks and binders. His friends continued to chat next to him and Blaine tuned it out. Larger groups of students started passing by and as Blaine closed his locker with a soft click he realized that the thunderous murmur of voices up and down the hall had dropped to a buzzing whisper.

"Blaine... "

At Mike's hesitant voice Blaine turned and found the hall parted in a very similar fashion to when he was about to be slushied. He tensed on reflex, but then he caught sight of Kurt and Finn at the other end of the hall. They were standing there, looking over the staring crowd and muttering to each other. After a few more words Finn shrugged and moved forward, heading straight over to Blaine and his friends. Kurt hung back, though, eyeing everyone is obvious terror at what they might do to him if he dared to move forward, too.

Blaine had to fight down the impulse to walk over to him and help urge him forward, but he knew he couldn't. Kurt had to do this on his own when he was ready. He'd already made that mistake once before Kurt was ready. Blaine wasn't about to let it happen again.

"Hey, guys," Finn greeted, slapping hands with Mike and offering the girls a bright smile. "Did anyone have any good ideas for that Sectionals song Mr. Schue wanted us to think about?"

Nobody was listening to Finn, though. Tina, Mike, Mercedes, and Blaine were looking over at Kurt, smoothing out his uniform top and taking a deep steadying breath before he traced Finn's footsteps down the hall and stopped between his step-brother and Blaine.

"H- hi," Kurt said, his voice high and breathy as the whispers around their group turned into an angry buzz like a swarm of bees.

Blaine smiled slowly as Kurt pressed closer to him, shoulders brushing as the other boy's bright eyes darted back and forth along the hall. He knew how much courage and strength it had taken for Kurt to make the ten foot journey over here to get that one simple word out, but as he tangled his fingers into Kurt's he saw him visibly relax. Nobody was throwing things in their faces or shouting slurs. Not yet at any rate.

Kurt squeezed his hand tightly, a tentative smile spreading over his face.

"Hey yourself," Blaine murmured. "I didn't think you'd... maybe tomorrow, but not today... "

"I had to come over and say good morning to my boyfriend, didn't I?" Kurt reminded him, cheeks turning pink. He bit his lip for a moment and then ducked in and pecked Blaine on the cheek. "Good morning, boyfriend."

A giddy rush surged through Blaine, starting from where Kurt's lips brushed his cheek and shooting out through his limbs. The feeling settled pleasant and warm in his chest, then down to the hand clasped by Kurt's. This was more than he'd ever hoped to find in high school, especially after the disaster of his freshmen year. He'd never expected to have anything with Kurt after that, but here they were, slightly uncertain and nervous, but together in a crowded hallway of McKinley with a handful of friends around them.

"It definitely is now that you're over here," Blaine agreed brightly.

When he turned back to the rest of their group he was greeted with mixed reactions. Mike and Finn were grinning broadly, but Tina looked unsure and Mercedes was downright hostile.

"Oh, no, I don't– "

Blaine cut her off quickly with a pointed look at the eagerly listening crowd. "_Please_, not here, Mercedes. For me?"

"I– fine, but don't think that– " Mercedes bit her lip, gave Kurt a fierce look and then huffed in annoyance. "I've got to get to class. We'll talk at lunch, boy."

She hugged Tina, Mike, then Blaine, and gave the Hudson- Hummel brothers a untrusting look before she left. Blaine watched her go as the warning bell rang overhead. The crowd around them started to shuffle off in disappointment, as Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand a little tighter and Tina slid in on his other side with Mike.

"It's a good thing Mr. Jenkins is blind as a bat," Tina told him, "because you and I are going to be passing a _lot_ of notes until you've explained this."

Blaine expected to feel slightly annoyed at her words, but he wasn't. He was simply glad she wasn't shouting, arguing, or making this transition even worse than it was going to be. There was no way this would simply be allowed as the day progressed, but he had some hope. His friends were there, and Kurt's hand was soft and reassuring as it hugged his own. Somehow they'd make it through this day, no matter what it brought.

* * *

><p><em>Blaine was relatively surprised when his mother didn't ask questions. She picked him up without a word, ushered him up to his bathroom in his numb, silent state, and drew a hot bath. When Blaine remained immobile and shivering at her side after she shut the faucet off, Lyra sighed sadly and started to unbutton Blaine's damp shirt. It was that touch that nudged Blaine back to the present.<em>

_He pulled away slightly, sniffling. "I've got it," he mumbled weakly, starting to remove his stained shirt. _

_"D- do you need anything, sweetheart?" his mother asked gently. "Soup? Ice cream and a movie marathon perhaps?"_

_"No, I– maybe some soup," Blaine relented, sliding his shirt off his shoulders and biting his lip so he didn't wince. His right shoulder was already sore and stiff from hitting the lockers an hour ago. In the morning he wouldn't be surprised if he found a dark bruise stretched over the area._

_"Okay," she agreed. "I'll put some on for you."_

_But she remained where she was, watching him with a pained expression. Blaine tried to ignore it as he kicked his shoes off and sat down on the toilet to remove his socks. He didn't want to explain any of this, or even to remember it. Even though Blaine knew his mother wanted to help and make sure he was fine he also knew there was no real way he could convince her of that. Not right now in the state he was in. What did she think had happened? Would she go into school with him on Monday and demand to speak with Figgins about her concerns?_

_"Blaine, I– Cooper _begged_ me not to, but," his mother's voice faltered, a sharp edge of agony ringing in her last words. Her knees appeared in front of him. She bent down then, stroked his cheek gently, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "I... I won't force you to tell me until you're ready, but you're my little boy and you've been hurt. I don't know by who or how and what was done, but I'm here and I love you, sweetheart. Just d- don't forget that, okay? We're all here for you. Me, your father, Cooper, Kurt– "_

_At the sound of the other boy's name a stiff coldness spread through Blaine's chest, freezing his lungs mid-breath. He managed a strangled noise of agony before he was swept into his mother's arms, off the toilet and down into her lap where she cradled him against her tightly._

_"S- something happened with Kurt, baby?" she asked, sounding heartbroken._

_Blaine nodded against her neck. She wrapped him up in her arms more tightly and murmured soothingly to him. Despite the raw ache pulsing in his chest Blaine's eyes remained dry._

_"It hurts, Mama," he murmured, burying his face into her long, thick curls._

_"Oh, sweetheart, I know, I know," she soothed, rocking him slowly. "First loves are always the one's that hurt the most."_

_They stayed there on the bathroom floor for a long time, until the tub water was cold and Blaine's shirt was dry. When they finally pulled apart Blaine found that his mother was crying. If this had been an hour or two ago he might have been, too, but he'd left all of his tears back at McKinley. There weren't any more left in him right now._

_"I'll go make your soup, set out your pajamas, and grab a few movies," his mother decided, helping him to his feet. _

_Blaine nodded, closed the door behind her, and stripped off his remaining clothes. He turned back to the tub and pulled the drain. As he sat on the side, tugged the faucet on and watched some of the cold water drain while warmer water filled it's place he tried to imagine the same thing happening inside of him. But even once he'd finished changing the water out and sunk into it he didn't feel any warmer. Not on the inside at least. He felt desolate and cold, but there was also a little spark of something else he'd never really directed at Kurt before. _

_Anger was slowly seeping into him now that his head was clearing a little. How dare Kurt do this to him. After all he'd done for his best friend, and this was the thanks he got for trying to make Santana's blackmail easier to bare. But part of him still couldn't be angry at Kurt, because Blaine knew how difficult it was to admit to the truth right there in front of everyone. It had been worse for him with his father, but wit that large crowd looming around, closing in until it was almost suffocating..._

_He shivered and hugged his knees to his chest. Kurt would call him or text. Some type of apology or explanation for his stupidity and cruelty. Maybe it had been Quinn's hand that had forced his arm forward... maybe Kurt had been so shocked by that that he'd been unable to think, let alone move. It would take a lot of time for Blaine to forgive him, regardless of what had happened, but Blaine knew he could if Kurt was truly sorry and still on his side. _

_The Kurt he knew would want forgiveness, because his Kurt valued their friendship and trust more than anything else. By the end of the night Kurt would search him out, through a phone call or a visit. Blaine was certain of it. He had to be. There was very little else he could count on now, and if he lost Kurt to all of this he'd have nothing._

* * *

><p>There was a surprising lack of hostility from their classmates as Monday progressed. It unnerved Blaine, because at every corner he was expecting a slushy to the face or a shove into a wall or locker. Everyone was giving him and Kurt a wide berth though, and he knew it would only be a matter of time before the assaults truly began. The jocks and Cheerios, who were all ignoring Kurt, were probably regrouping to form an attack plan for the rest of the week. The boys might get a free day to adjust themselves a little, but after this they'd most likely never get a break again.<p>

Even though Kurt's friends weren't talking to him he didn't seem too upset. After several dozen note exchanges with Tina in first block she was now being tentatively friendly and Mercedes merely grumbled under her breath when Kurt joined them in second block and then at their lunch table. The afternoon was filled with several exams for Blaine and then after the final announcements he rushed to Glee, where he met Kurt.

A few heated kisses were exchanged before the next person, Rachel, arrived, and she looked amazed and slightly miffed.

"Really, Blaine? I have two gay dads and I'm the _last_ to know?" she complained immediately. "Did you practice for our duet or can I give your part to Finn?"

"Can I give your part to Kurt?" Blaine retorted as Kurt settled down in his seat.

"Absolutely not!"

"There's your answer then," Blaine said simply.

Rachel huffed and began running through her vocal warm-ups as Blaine dropped down into his seat. The rest of the group steadily arrived until only Mr. Schuester was absent. When their teacher did appear he looked quite pleased with himself.

"New assignment, guys!" he hollered over their conversations, clapping his hands and grabbing a marker from the whiteboard up front. Blaine watched him scribble a short word out onto the board and then spin to address them once more. "Duets! Every competition we have a duet– "

"Between me and our best male singer," Rachel added pointedly, batting her eyes at Finn, who looked a little scared of her.

"Not this time," Mr. Schuester said, and Rachel's face fell in absolute horror. "We're going to have a little competition of our own, and our winning pair will perform their duet at Regionals."

"But– "

"You have an equal chance just as the rest of the group," Mr. Schuester cut in. Rachel glared at him and pouted, looking very upset by all of this. "This assignment is going to spam several weeks, so make sure you practice a lot if you really want that spot. Oh, and the winners will receive– " Mr. Schuester dug something out of his back pocket and held it up "Dinner for two at Breadstix!"

The group murmured excitedly as Mr. Schuester instructed them to pick a singing partner by Thursday's club meeting. Rachel immediately dived at Finn while Mercedes looked between Artie and Tina, who was already pestering Mike. She seemed to realize getting Tina away from Mike would be next to impossible and left Blaine's side to team up with Artie. Blaine clasped Kurt's hand as the other pairs broke off and started to discuss their possible song choices.

"So... will you sing with me?" Blaine asked nervously, despite being certain of the answer. It was still a little strange to have such a constant, positive response from Kurt.

Kurt nodded and kissed him on the cheek. "You're the only one I want to sing with," he admitted. "Finn's the only other one who would and well... I'd hate to fight Rachel for my step-brother."

Grinning a little, Blaine glanced over to where Rachel was prattling on enthusiastically about some Broadway show, while Finn tried to discretely slide his chair as far away as possible. He honestly couldn't blame the jock. After knowing the other girl since middle school, and being fully aware of what _Wicked_ was, Blaine was still rather frightened of her zealous passion.

"Dunno, I think he'd be quite glad to be away from her," Blaine mentioned teasingly. "Then you and her could sing Broadway and me and Finn would try some powerhouse 1980s rock."

"Nuh uh, no," Kurt chided as Rachel's voice began to echo around the choir room. "Stick to Katy Perry and P!nk. You've got to leave Finn with at least one genre."

"What about Destiny's Child?" Blaine asked as he turned away from Finn's startled expression and smiled at Kurt. "I've been thinking of turning Bills, Bills, Bills into an a cappella number. That's the Warblers' fault."

"The who?"

"Oh, the Warblers. They're the Glee Club at Dalton," Blaine said quietly, in case Rachel miraculously heard him over the sound of her own voice. "Cooper took me up there to check it out last week."

Kurt's face was a mixture of surprise, happiness, and dismay. For a second Blaine didn't understand why, but it registered not long after. Kurt was scared of losing him to Dalton. After all Blaine had left the option of transferring open at any point in time, and if he did so now... Kurt would be out and alone, left to deal with whatever horror McKinley could create for him.

"I'm not transferring," Blaine rushed to reassure him, and Kurt relaxed a little. "Cooper just wanted me to see the place, make a few friends. I've been texting a few of them, and they're really nice. And get this, Kurt, _none_ of them cared that I was gay. It didn't even surprise them or anything. It was just... really nice to be there. To feel like the world saw me as normal for a change."

"You really should have gone there all along," Kurt said regretfully. "Maybe none of this would have– "

"Shh," Blaine murmured, cutting him off with a quick kiss. "Yeah, all of this has sucked, but... maybe it's better that it _did_ happen. Back in ninth grade I... I _idolized_ you so much. You were _everything_ and I pretty much had love blinders on when it came to you, Kurt. Now I don't and we can _both_ see each other for who we really are. It might have hurt a lot to get here, but it's worth it, I think."

"You'll always be worth it," Kurt assured him, dropping his head onto Blaine's shoulder and snuggling closer as Mr. Schuester finally stepped in between Finn and Rachel. She had stopped singing and started yelling at him for not knowing what _Wicked _was.

"Any ideas for our duet, then?" Blaine asked.

"Not really. We could go to your house after school and listen to some?" Kurt offered.

A little warm bubble expanded in Blaine's stomach, because somehow he didn't think they'd be listening all that much to the music. They'd be curled up on his bed, pressed close and exploring each other even more than before. He blushed slightly at the thought, but agreed quickly. He loved spending his afternoons with Kurt, and they ought to end this last day of peace well. No doubt tomorrow would be the worst kind of hell.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Update, update, update! -rounds around screaming- Yup, finally had a day where I didn't work and am caught up enough on schoolwork to get some writing time in. Good thing, too, my brain's getting out of hand with all the pent up creativity. Been dreaming up Harry Potter AUs and some old guy painting a realistic collection of fake eyeballs. Overall, weird dreams for Zane.

So the POVs for this are a little different than the other chapters have been. Blaine, Kurt, then Blaine, even though last chapter was all Blaine. Just made a little more sense given the past scene for this. Next one should be all Kurt, and it's going to have a song for the middle portion. 25 will have the Duets competition and song for them. Yup. Then there's prom stuff and the epilogue and its done.

Mhmm, so enjoy! Hopefully I'll be able to update soon!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 23

Blaine had been right to think Monday was just a short reprieve for Kurt and himself. The rest of the week got progressively worse for themselves and the Glee Club members. Every day they were drenched in slushies and Blaine and Kurt were shoved into lockers. He kept expecting Kurt to ditch him and slink back into the ranks of the Cheerios, but he remained firmly by Blaine's side. Part of him hadn't really expected it, because he knew how much courage it had taken for Kurt to simply greet him at the beginning of the week. Some of Kurt's strength, the one Blaine had always admired, seemed to be surfacing again and while the rest of the school hated it, Blaine's friends were now all on board with them as a couple.

The daily harassment still took its toll on them. It was a struggle just to roll out of bed each morning, and he knew from the numerous phone calls they exchanged in the mornings that if they hadn't had each other as support they probably wouldn't go. Just seeing Kurt at school made his day brighter, though, and while he had to endure classes and hours without the other boy, he finally had his best friend back and at his side. That alone made all the insults much more bearable.

Weeks passed, the harassment never stopping, but thankfully not growing worse for them. Blaine knew Finn was having a rough time between Quinn and his teammates, while the others we sinking back into the background again. Coach Sylvester hadn't seemed too surprised to realize Kurt was gay, and while she'd been in no way happy with his choice of boyfriend, according to Kurt, she hadn't told him to find someone else or run back into a closet. Her only words had been to practice some bizarrely long Madonna medley for Nationals and to not ruin anymore uniforms. The rest of the squad had been called out by Coach Sylvester, and they didn't slushy Kurt anymore, but they ignored him completely now, even during practice.

By the second week of February Blaine was exhausted with it all. His time at McKinley had certainly never been easy, but it'd never been this difficult either. Both Cheerios and jocks had been threatened by Coach Sylvester not to slushy anyone in her uniforms which unfortunately meant they focused on him instead. Kurt was furious with all of them, and spent several afternoons a week, washing the dye from Blaine's hair and then hugging him tightly and apologizing through his tears. Blaine didn't know what to do about it anymore.

The Tuesday before Valentine's Day was one of those afternoons. They'd just been leaving Glee Club, where they'd spent the better part of two hours working on a dance routine for their group number at Regionals. The Duets competition was set to start in a few weeks, and the solo number had yet to be decided, but Blaine would bet every bow tie he owned that it was handed to Rachel.

As Kurt shuffled Blaine into the bathroom he shared with Finn, Blaine shrugged another ruined shirt off and let Kurt lead him towards the sink. They couldn't keep doing this, day after day, week after week. When was enough going to be too much for them to handle?

Blaine let Kurt dunk his head under the faucet, jumping a little because the water was still warming up.

"Sorry," Kurt murmured, sounding tearful. Blaine couldn't hear anything else he might have said because Kurt's hands pressed his head under the water and started to wash the slushy out.

All of this was so unfair, but at least Kurt hadn't turned away from him once more. When he finally popped back up and accepted the towel from Kurt, Blaine had tears in his own eyes. He just wanted everything to be better and safe for them. Kurt stepped in close and looped the towel over Blaine's shoulders, running it up his face and neck and into his hair gently.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. This shouldn't keep happening and it does because of _me_– "

"Shh," Blaine soothed. "It's not your fault. The world's just so fucked up... "

As Kurt continued to dry him, Blaine felt his phone buzz against his thigh. He tugged it out, dropped his chin onto Kurt's right shoulder and saw that he had a text message from Nick, one of the Warblers he'd become friends with.

Nick [5:26 P.M.]: Warbler meeting tomorrow! Thad's got a girl he wants to serenade at the mall for Valentine's Day. Wanna join?

Instead of responding immediately, Blaine shoved his phone back into his pocket as Kurt finished towel drying his curls. Of course he wanted to go. Whenever he hung out with the guys from Dalton, whether in a Warblers atmosphere or something more casual, he had a blast. He spent more and more time with them, or texting the guys he really got along with, and if it wasn't for Kurt he'd have transferred and been done with McKinley.

They returned to Kurt's room and Blaine was handed an old shirt with Hummel Tires and Lube printed in fading letters across the front. He tugged it on as Kurt wiped at his eyes and apologized once more.

"Kurt, stop, it's not– "

"I know, but I still feel horrible, okay?" Kurt told him sadly. "I feel so helpless."

"C'mere," Blaine mumbled, settling down against the pillows and motioning Kurt into his arms.

Kurt was quick to accept the invitation, and sunk down against Blaine's chest, clutching him desperately. Sometimes it surprised Blaine how much of his Kurt had survived two years as a Cheerio, but every day the torment brought them closer, bonded them tighter, and brought forth another little part of that Kurt he remembered. There were still pieces of the Cheerio that resonated in Kurt, but that aloof coldness and the cruelly had all but ebbed away in the past few weeks.

Between their bodies Blaine felt his phone buzz once more, and Kurt jumped slightly in surprise, rolling back some and digging Blaine's phone out of his pocket. Before Kurt had even dragged his finger over the screen to open it, Blaine knew it was from another Warbler. It wouldn't have surprised him if the group was sitting down to dinner and taking turns texting him until they had an answer.

"From Sebastian," Kurt read out. "Warblers public serenade on Valentine's Day. Sadly it isn't from me to you, but come help us out."

A flush appeared on Blaine's face at the implications of Sebastian's words, and while the other boy had been fairly tame with his advances since they'd met it made Blaine feel horribly guilty. Kurt frowned as he sat up and looked at Blaine.

"I thought the Warblers were all straight," he said carefully.

"The rest of them are," Blaine assured him. "Sebastian's just... he's a flirty kind of guy. _You _are _my_ guy, okay? He's _just_ a friend."

"He's flirting with you," Kurt accused, pouting slightly as Blaine tugged him back down.

Before Kurt could further his argument against the Warbler Blaine kissed him swiftly, long and slowly.

"Forget him, Kurt," Blaine murmured. "You should come with me this week," he added hopefully. "I'm sure you can skip _one_ Cheerios practice."

"Can't," Kurt argued, sounding regretful. "Coach will skin me alive if I'm not there to run through our Nationals routine. I can cut out after that. My singing isn't the issue with that performance, it's the girls being too busy glaring at me to _dance_."

Blaine snorted and tangled his fingers into Kurt's hair, stroking his scalp softly. "They don't meet until half past three. Can you make it by four?"

Kurt nodded against Blaine's chest, his own fingers tracing the letters on Blaine's shirt. "You really like it there," he commented quietly.

"Yeah," Blaine agreed. "It's great there. I don't have to deal with all of this." He yanked on one of his damp curls and sighed. "If it wasn't for you... I'd have transferred in January. I still want to most of the time."

"Then do it," Kurt encouraged, even though his voice broke and he sounded upset at the thought. "You deserve so much better than McKinley."

"So do you," Blaine countered firmly. "I... I've been doing a little research and had them help me. They have a gymnastics team, and scholarships for that and lower incomes... "

Kurt shifted against Blaine's chest, but said nothing.

"We could both go there next year, and get away from all of this," Blaine persisted. "Sure, we'd miss a few people, but it's not that far, and we'll be _safe_ there, Kurt. Can you even imagine what that'll feel like?"

"No," Kurt admitted softly. "Though maybe it feels like this does," he said thoughtfully, squeezing Blaine. "I always feel safe and sure when we're cuddled up like this. You've always been that rock for me."

"So you'll come meet them?" Blaine asked again, trying not to sound too hopeful. "I know you'll love it there, Kurt. We can hold hands and kiss and not get slushied every other class. Then we can head off to New York or California for college and really be free."

Kurt nodded against his chest. "Okay," he said. "I'll get there as soon as I can after practice."

* * *

><p><em>By Monday Kurt felt like his insides had been scooped out and tossed into a dumpster. He hadn't explained anything to his father despite all of the worry it cause Burt. Kurt couldn't bring himself to admit to how badly he'd screwed up, especially not to his father. His father's opinion meant everything to him, and if he told him how badly he'd screwed up he'd lose his respect. <em>

_When he arrived at school Quinn and Santana were waiting for him and they grouped around him immediately. He let it happen, knowing there was nothing else to it. Nothing could forgive what he'd done to Blaine, and now he would have to live with that. It was easier to fall into the persona and cruelty the two girls were insisting he adopt than it was to fight it or admit his own faults._

_He was a monster now, after all. He ought to act like one, and who better to learn it from than Quinn and Santana?_

_The rest of the student body seemed alarmed but the abrupt change he'd undergone. He was cold and aloof in their eyes, though to Kurt that was simply his own distractedness. Even now he was still lost within his own thoughts, and trying desperately to figure a way out of this or to change what had happened. Nothing struck him as a possibility, however, and by the time lunch arrived he was so caught up in his own thoughts he didn't realize where he'd sat down until Blaine's voice interrupted his thoughts._

_"Come to throw another slushy in my face, have you?" Blaine's voice was cold and angrier than Kurt could ever remember it being._

_He startled a bit as he realized he'd let his feet lead him straight to his usual table with Blaine. The other boy was glaring at him across the table, looking furious and scared. Kurt hated that look. It only reminded him of his own screw ups and faults even more. He'd made Blaine feel this way, and nothing could take that back. He wasn't worth any amount of forgiveness._

_"No," Kurt whispered, his voice cracking and strained sounding. "I– "_

_"You never called," Blaine said simply, looking hurt as some of his angry melted away. "I... we can still fix this. I thought we could, if you wanted to, but – "_

_"I can't," Kurt found himself saying despite the little voice inside of him bellowing that he most definitely could. He didn't deserve Blaine's forgiveness or friendship after Friday. He hadn't even been able to contact the other boy because of his own guilt. The only thing left to do was squash that voice down and allow himself to continue on his chosen path._

_"Kurt, please, don't– look, I'm furious with you, but you're my _best friend_," Blaine pleaded. "Don't let us get lost because of this."_

_"I– "_

_"Hummel, what are you doing with _him_?" Quinn snapped from behind him._

_Two trays clattered down on either side of Kurt and he pushed the voice begging for Blaine's forgiveness down further. He was in their clutches now, there was nothing else to do about it._

_"I... I thought we could use a new table," Kurt said hollowly as Blaine's eyes dropped to his half-eaten food. "Those football guys are needlessly crude."_

_"Hmm," Quinn nodded, and then flashed Blaine a snotty little smile. "Get lost, queer."_

_Santana shoved Blaine's tray into his chest and it clattered to the floor, leaving mashed potatoes and ketchup on his shirt. Blaine's favorite shirt, Kurt thought miserably. He told that voice to shut up, too._

_"Kurt, please, just talk to me– "_

_"Leave me alone," Kurt told him, his voice monotone and lifeless as Quinn nodded approvingly at his side. Hurt and fury flashed across Blaine's face as he stood up and knocked Kurt and Quinn's trays to the floor._

_"_Fine_," he snapped before rushing out the side door._

_Everything felt hollow and frozen as Quinn and Santana laughed and mocked Blaine's abrupt departure. The little voice in his head had one final plead before Kurt stomped it into submission. It didn't matter though. Blaine couldn't save him from this now. He couldn't even save himself._

* * *

><p>Blaine loved going to Dalton. He doubted he'd still feel the same if he transferred there and had classes to attend in the fancy halls, but he still loved the atmosphere. All of the guys there treated him with respect, and the Warblers were quickly become some of his closest friends. That was one of the most difficult parts of being at McKinley for him. He had very few guy friends, and while he loved Mercedes and Tina to death, it wasn't quite the same. He didn't relate to them as well, and when he would rather being boxing or watching football they wanted to do was paint their nails. Blaine usually joined in on their little parties, but it was tiresome for him after a while.<p>

At Dalton, however, he was surrounded by guys of all kinds. A lot of the Warblers followed college football, and he ended up having a lot to talk about. Blaine hoped Kurt would feel just as at home at he did here, but he was nervous about the outcome. He wanted this to work and fit for both of them so much, and if it didn't there was no way he could transfer on his own and leave Kurt in that hell.

When he arrived all of the guys were excited for the performance planning. It was apparently their first public performance in a number of decades, and they wanted to be perfect.

"Hey, slugger," Sebastian greeted, sneaking up behind him, and getting more than too close.

Blaine stepped back, and tried to smile politely. It wasn't that he didn't like the guy after all. He just didn't like him in that way. He had Kurt, and Kurt was everything to him.

"Hey, I don't think I've ever seen everyone so excited," Blaine commented as Thad and Nick burst into the practice hall already bellowing "Uptown Girl".

"Ha, yeah, they get really into serenades apparently," Sebastian shrugged easily and continued to smile sweetly at him. "I'll have to plan one of my own soon."

"Uhh, right," Blaine said, turning away and watching the other boys assemble.

As the Warblers all took their seats and started to discuss the layout of the place and how they were going to proceed, Blaine felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he had a text message from Kurt.

_[3:37 P.M.] Going to be late. Coach Sylvester wouldn't let me go until we did four run-throughs and there's some kind of accident on the highway. Haven't moved in almost ten minutes._

Blaine felt Sebastian trying to read the message over his shoulder, and quickly sent a sad face back in response. The Warblers Council called them all to order then and he quickly stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

The rest of the meeting was spent working out a dance routine and creating acapella parts for the song they'd chosen. Blaine was thrilled to be involved in the process, and even more excited when they let him take the lead on arrangements. According to Wes and David he had a fantastic ear for it, and they were more than willing to let him direct that portion of their practice.

Their practice ended at shortly after five and Kurt still hadn't arrived. Blaine was disappointed that his boyfriend had missed all the excited and having a chance to really get to know the group, but a quick call told him Kurt was nearly there, and the Warblers were happy to have both of them come to dinner at the dining hall.

After telling Blaine where it was and leaving Sebastian with him as a guide just in case, the rest of the group set out, talking and laughing, while Blaine and Sebastian waited in the visitor's parking lot for Kurt to appear.

"So this guy gets bullied for being gay, too?"Sebastian asked him curiously.

"Yeah, we both have ever since fifth grade," Blaine informed him. "Well, it was more for being weird back then, but freshmen year I came out to the whole school and... it's kind of been a disaster ever since."

Sebastian nodded slowly, actually looking sorry about their circumstances. Or Blaine's, most likely. He hadn't met Kurt yet, and Blaine hadn't mentioned that they were dating. It was still all so new to him, and he really didn't want to jinx it.

"That sucks," Sebastian remarked, casting his eyes around the parking lot and trying to subtlety shift closer to Blaine.

A little unnerved, but too friendly to tell him to not, Blaine took a step away and hoped he'd get the hint.

"The three of us should hit up _Scandals_ sometime," Sebastian offered. "Have you been there?"

"T- that's the gay bar, right?" Blaine asked uncertainly.

Sebastian nodded, his eyes fixed on Blaine. "It's a great dance spot."

The sound of a car door slamming behind him made Blaine turn around, hoping to see Kurt's big, black Navigator pulled up into one of the vacant spots. But it was just a little blue car across the lot, now with an older man and woman, probably someone's parents, in the front seats.

"Damn, I was hoping that was– "

As he spun back around he was cut off by Sebastian's lips. His mind didn't even think about enjoying it or wondering if he liked it. He was so surprised, so shocked by the other boy's audacity that he froze momentarily and then shoved him away.

"What the hell are you doing?" He wiped his mouth on his sleeve quickly and took several steps back, glaring over at the taller boy. "I have a boyfriend."

"You– so? Come on, I thought you liked me, too, Blaine," Sebastian wheedled, looking affronted at being pushed away.

"Not like that," Blaine snapped in annoyance. "We're friends, that's it. I love Kurt, all right?"

"But– "

"No, just– I'm going to wait inside," he decided, shoving past the other boy and heading into the main building.

Relief flooded through him at once when he spotted Kurt ahead of him, walking fast and towards the opposite doors. There was a bouquet of roses in his hand, and with a jolt Blaine realized that they were most likely for him. An early Valentine's Day present. He'd already gotten Kurt something, made it really, but he hoped it was good enough.

"Kurt! You finally made it!" Blaine hollered after his retreating back, but when his boyfriend turned around Blaine stopped chasing after him, looking alarmed.

Kurt was in tears, his face red and scrunched up.

"Kurt, what's– "

"Don't pretend at me, Blaine Anderson," Kurt snapped, shaking slightly in anger. "You damn well know what I just saw and– "

"_What_?"

And then it dawned on Blaine. Sebastian had just kissed him, had caught him completely off-guard and landed one on him right as he'd turned around.

"Kurt, that wasn't anything. He– I love _you_," Blaine rushed to reassure him. "He tried it, and I– didn't you see me shove him away? He doesn't mean anything to me."

"Then why did you let him kiss you?" Kurt argued back. A watery sob escaped his mouth and he shoved the bouquet of roses into Blaine's chest. Blaine barely caught them before Kurt let go. "Here, I bought these for you. I wanted to make our first Valentine's Day as boyfriends special, but I guess we _aren't_ boyfriends, are we? Not if you go around kissing people– "

"He kissed me!" Blaine argued back furiously. "I was turning around and he just plopped his mouth down on mine and– "

"I should have seen this coming," Kurt whispered weakly, hugging his arms around his chest. "I never deserved you, and this is my punishment for being so cruel and breaking your heart, isn't it? Now you get to break mine and we get to call it even."

"Kurt, _no_, it wasn't what you think– "

But Kurt shook his head, looking furious with himself despite his tears. "I was stupid to think this would ever work, that you could ever forgive me for what I did– "

"But I did, Kurt. I still _do_ forgive you for that. It's yourself you need to forgive, don't you see that?" Blaine insisted desperately. Something inside of his chest splintered as Kurt continued to shake his head and started to walk away.

"I was stupid for letting myself fall in love with you," Kurt mumbled. "I'm always so _stupid_. First I was too late and now I'm not good enough. I'm not what you want anymore."

"Kurt– _Kurt!_"

The other boy had turned around and walked out, though, and the splintering in Blaine's chest cracked and shattered more. This wasn't how today was supposed to go, this wasn't how _they_ were supposed to go. Not after all this time and difficulty, when they'd finally figured it all out and let themselves love each other.

Blaine crumbled to the ground in the middle of the empty hall, the bouquet of beautiful roses still in his grip. Why couldn't they ever be happy completely?


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Whoops, I should be reading for classes and writing for classes, but I wrote this instead. It's pretty short, even by this story's standards. 2.6k or so, but eh. An update's an update, yeah?

And as I said in the last one of these, there's a song in this. The song that started the whole idea, really. I imagine a number of you guys are familiar with "Apologize" by OneRepublic, I think that's spelt right... well, this is a more hard rock version of that by Silverstein. Add this to the youtube url: /watch?v=-AaMPjhtz8w&feature=player_embedded

Just ignore the bit of screamoness towards the end... it's eh. Song doesn't even make it to that part in the scene, and I'm mostly using this version for the anger and roughness. So yeah.

Have the update, take it! Enjoy! No idea when the next will be!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 24

Nearly a month passed without them speaking to each other. Kurt started to avoid anything and everything that reminded him of Blaine. At first he'd still tried to go to Glee Club, but he'd begun to skip that as well. Blaine was there, and kept trying to talk to him and explain everything and Kurt couldn't deal with it. He couldn't handle any explanation without his heart shriveling up even more. It was entirely his fault, too. He'd let himself open up to this, and now he knew how Blaine had felt two years ago. This must be fate's idea of karma or something, finally letting him see and feel what Blaine did, only to throw it back up in his face a few weeks afterwards.

Blaine still tried to speak to him, to sit with him at lunch and just be near him in general, but Kurt avoided him to the best of his abilities. He threw himself into perfecting his Cheerios routines and his schoolwork. The Glee Club had been the only group talking to him before this, and now he had nobody. The Cheerios and jocks only sneered at him and whispered slurs and threats they couldn't make good on as long as he had the uniform on. Santana and Brittany surprised him quite a bit, and still kept up their friendship with him, but it was guarded and more formal. They didn't seem to garner any ridicule for it, but overall it didn't do much for Kurt except give him somebody to sit with at lunch.

His father and Carole, with the aid of Finn's blurting, had found out about their break-up. Kurt wasn't even sure they _were_ broken up, but considering how much he stayed away from Blaine he figured they were. Even though he thought it was best, it still hurt, and the fact that he'd probably broken Blaine's heart _again_ kept nagging him.

One part of what Blaine had said before Kurt had stormed away still lingered in Kurt's thoughts, though, and no matter what he couldn't seem to shake it.

_"But I did, Kurt. I still do forgive you for that. It's yourself you need to forgive, don't you see that?"_

Had Blaine really forgiven him? He couldn't imagine that Blaine would lie to him about something so important and serious, but the idea that his biggest problem was that he couldn't forgive himself for his own actions back then made him uneasy because the more he thought on it, the more he realized it was true.

Kurt had pushed himself away from Blaine in their freshmen year for that reason. Wasn't that the same reason he'd continued to slushy him and force himself to lock down in that cold, desolate Cheerios fortress he'd taken refuge in?

The very thought made him miserable, because after this latest screw-up, and moment of jumping to conclusions he'd done it all over again. Maybe there wasn't meant to be an end to his strings of mistakes. Perhaps they were all hints that he should forget about Blaine and what he felt. But every day when he spotted Blaine in the halls, or caught himself staring across a classroom at the other boy he knew he never could.

February passed roughly into March, bringing another bout of snowstorms and then morphing almost instantly into blustery, bone-chilling rain. By the middle of the month Kurt didn't think he would ever be properly dry again, and while Principal Figgins had forced them to begin practicing in the gym after half the squad ended up sick, the three hours after school were getting increasingly more painful for the group.

After one particularly nasty practice in the middle of March, where Kurt had ended up with a bloody nose from Quinn's kick getting too close to his face, he was exhausted and annoyed. Why did it have to matter so much that he was gay? What was it to anyone else? All of the people who had claimed to be his friends for the past two years pretended he didn't exist, or, in Quinn's case, kicked him in the face to make sure he knew how much she loathed him now. The Glee Club, having found out about his fight with Blaine, had given up on him once more, and were just as rude to him as Quinn.

Still furiously wiping his nose with a wad of tissue as he hoisted his bag over his shoulder, Kurt left the locker room without showering or changing and headed out into the damp parking lot. But when he looked up to find his Navigator he came to a holt. A tall boy was leaning against the driver side door of his car. Kurt had never seen a Dalton uniform up close, but a brief flash from _that_ evening went off in his mind and he instantly knew that this was the same guy, the one who he'd caught kissing Blaine as he'd hurried through that main hall to the backside where Blaine said he was waiting. He'd accidentally parked on the opposite side and realized it too late, only to spy this guy locking lips with his boyfriend.

"About time you got out of there," the boy called as Kurt approached quickly. "I've been waiting out here for almost an h– "

Kurt's fist connected with the taller boy's mouth, his bag sliding down his shoulder to dangle from his elbow.

* * *

><p><em>Kurt had never been more ashamed of himself than he was after lunch that day. He still went about rest of his day in the same fashion, but inside he felt like something was breaking and snapping away from him. Santana and Quinn only encouraged his behavior, and despite how wrong it felt he didn't see any other choice.<em>

_He'd chosen this direction and he was stuck. There was nothing that could take back what he'd done, and nothing would ever make him be able to forgive himself for his transgressions. All the parts of himself that he'd always been proud of, and stood up for were sinking, as though Quinn and Santana were two iron anchors attached to the real Kurt and slowly dragging him under until there was nothing else for him to do what take the callousness and cruelty he now knew he was capable of and make that the Kurt Hummel that roamed the halls of McKinley._

_So lost in his thoughts and letting his feet guide him through his usual Tuesday routine Kurt found himself in Glee Club after the final bell. The rest of the group arrived together and they all glared at him, but Mr. Schuester entered a moment later with Blaine and they had no chance to call him out for what he'd been doing to Blaine._

_"Hey, guys! You're newly elected male lead has a song he'd like to try out to start us off!" Mr. Schuester announced, and Kurt's heart fluttered in panic._

_It was directed at him. He was sure of it. Blaine's words would probably be begging him to talk to him and to give their friendship another chance, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to do that now. As much as he cared for Blaine he couldn't let Blaine be hurt by him again. Blaine was better off without him to turn his back every other day. Real friends didn't do that to each other, and Kurt wanted more than anything for Blaine to realize he wasn't worth the forgiveness Blaine thought he could offer._

_As Mr. Schuester took a seat amongst them, and Blaine stopped front and center Kurt felt sweat start to break out across his face and neck. There was no way he could ever refuse Blaine with a sincere song, and for the first time he was going to have to. It was the best thing for the other boy, to be without him and his cruelty._

_But then Blaine's head tilted up and he caught sight of the fury burning strong in Blaine's usually warm eyes. One of the band members carried the microphone stand up to Blaine, whispered something in his ear, cast a pitying look at Kurt and then took his place once more._

_Was he wrong? H- had he finally pushed Blaine away effectively?_

_That voice was back, louder than ever, and Kurt made a motion to rise, but the first notes began and he found himself unable to move any further. It was familiar, different than what his memory was thinking of but familiar enough for him to realize he knew it from somewhere. Blaine's gaze had dropped back to the ground, his hands resting heavily on the microphone in its stand, propping him up more so than holding the microphone in place._

_"I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground... "_

_Kurt's stomach knotted up as the first words washed over him. He did know this song, and, god, how he wished he didn't. He done it then, Blaine was furious with him, might even hate him, and that's what he deserved. He didn't deserve to have a friend as good and kind as Blaine and now he didn't. Now there was just a hurt, angry, beautiful boy standing in front of him, his voice raw and rough as it echoed around the little room._

_"You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down, but wait,"_

_Blaine's eyes met his for the first time since he'd began and Kurt felt like he was choking, though on what he didn't know. Guilt, air, self-loathing, maybe a clumpy, rotten mixture of all three, but the fierce fire in Blaine's eyes wasn't going away. It grew steadily stronger as Kurt looked back and felt Blaine's palpable pain close around him._

_"It's too late to apologize_

_It's too late"_

_Kurt squirmed in his chair, folding in on himself at the harsh look on Blaine's face, the glares of his club mates, and the dumbfounded expression on Mr. Schuester's. He deserved, he kept reminding himself. Absolutely, completely deserved this, but that didn't stop it was ripping a hole into is chest and filling it with arsenic._

_Kurt's ears felt clogged as Blaine continued into the next verse, his heart was pounding a dull, painful rhythm against his ribs, and a moment late Blaine's voice slashed through him, forcing him to look up and meet that horrid gaze one more time._

_"I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue, and you say,_

_'Hey, sorry' like the angel heaven let me think was you– "_

_That was the last of the song Kurt heard. He bolted out of his chair, tears in his eyes, his chest cracked open and as raw and pained as Blaine's voice. Across the room and through the door, he didn't look back or hear the music inside the room stop, but it did. His heart wasn't the only one breaking._

* * *

><p>Even milliseconds later, Kurt knew it had been a stupid move. He might be flexible and good at high-kicks, but he was no boxer. He didn't know a damn thing about throwing punches, especially if the sudden throbbing in his knuckles was anything to go by, and this guy could probably knock him off his feet in a second. But he didn't care. This boy had kissed Blaine, had put his lips where Kurt loved to have his own lips, and he was fuming at the very thought. How dare this guy come here to... what? Taunt him? Lord that kiss over Kurt's head? Maybe even... had Blaine moved on and found something better in this boy's arms?<p>

Sebastian, Kurt was pretty sure that was his name at least, stumbled back and hit the wing mirror, looking shocked at Kurt's bold move.

"Here to serenade me about your triumphs on breaking us up?" Kurt snarled, raising his fist again. "Get the hell off my car and go back to your little canary school!"

"W- Warblers," Sebastian corrected, wincing slightly as he rubbed his jaw and lips. "We're Warblers."

"Whatever," Kurt snapped, trying to take a defensive stance incase Sebastian attempted to hit him back. The other boy didn't seem at all interested, though, and that surprised Kurt. It might have just been a ruse to make him let his guard down, but Sebastian didn't look furious. If anything he looked resigned and awkward.

"I'm not here to fight with you," Sebastian added after several silent moments. "I... I'm here to apologize."

"_What?_" Kurt demanded in amazement, letting his bag finally slide off his arm and onto the concrete by his feet. He grimaced and massaged the knuckles of his right hand, glancing down to see if they were bruising or swelling.

"Look, I– I can be a really dick, all right? Most of the time I just treat everything like it's some stupid joke, but... I didn't know you're Blaine's boyfriend," Sebastian admitted. "He didn't really say he had one, at least not to me. I thought he was hot, so I went for it, and... "

"And what?" Kurt snapped angrily, scooping up his bag and unlocking his Navigator. He tossed his bag into the backseat and slammed the door closed in time to hear Sebastian's next words.

"Look, I'm sorry, all right? It was _my_ fault. I kissed him. He didn't even have a chance to stop me. I don't think he even realized it was happening until after I was kissing him, and– "Sebastian broke off with a frustrated noise. "Just, please, talk to him. I'm sick of him ignoring me and the rest of Warblers not talking to me because of this. It was a mistake, and it won't happen again. Just get your boy back so I can have my friends back."

Kurt was silence after his little speech, staring hard into the backseat of his Navigator and thinking over Sebastian's words. He'd wanted more than anything to believe that Blaine wouldn't go around kissing another boy when they were boyfriends, but he'd had a difficult time thinking otherwise after what he'd seen.

"They're not talking to you because of Blaine?" Kurt asked after a moment.

"They love Blaine to death, and he won't even come to dinner with us because of what I did," Sebastian grumbled. "None of them want anything to do with me anymore."

Kurt contemplated Sebastian's words for several minutes, feeling nervous and yet hopeful. "I know how that is," Kurt told him. "Keeps happening to me over and over."

Sebastian cleared his throat and took a few steps away from Kurt's Navigator. "Just talk to him, or let _him_ talk to you. All the guys miss him, and... and I bet you do, too."

Surprised by his words Kurt stared at Sebastian and was so amazed he'd let Sebastian grab his hand and stuff a crumbled bit of paper into it before he stepped away. "Text me when you two figure this out. We can all hit up _Scandals_ or something."

Kurt watched taller boy disappear across the lot and climb into a bright blue Camaro. He wasn't the least surprised by the car the other boy drove, but the fact that he'd come all the way over here to acknowledge his own screw-ups and speak to Kurt said a lot. It was more than Kurt had been able to do after he'd hurt Blaine two years ago, and part of him admired Sebastian for being courageous enough to take the chance.

He'd find some way to talk to Blaine, even if it was only to confirm that they were really done with each other once and for all. If this was the last time he would have to ask Blaine for forgiveness because of his own stupidity he was going to at least make it count.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Update, update, update! Hopefully it'll help a little with last night's angst. I'e already written things about that and posted on tumblr, but Klaine ouchies all about the place. Yup.

Anyway, I changed my mind on whether or not I was doing a Duets type song. It was the original plan, but when I really hashed it out it didn't work with the scenes i had in mind. It'll be glossed over in the beginning of the next, but the song I picked for the end of this works much better than the idea for that scene would have. It's called The Promise. The original was by When In Rome, but this is a softer, acoustic cover by Jason Liebman and featuring Matt Kanelos. Song's found here: /watch?v=6RJOFoAx-X0 So yeah. Klaine feels everywhere in this month of October, but as for canon, I've got my own theories and such, but they'll be all right.

Enjoy the update and don't cry too much over last night's episode!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 25

It took Kurt another week to figure out how to approach Blaine after his talk with Sebastian. Even then he couldn't find the guts to actually do so. Something seemed to have switched on inside of Blaine since Sebastian had driven down from Dalton. Kurt briefly wondered if the Warbler had something to do with it, but with the numbers of texts he received daily from Sebastian demanding an update on Kurt's relationship with Blaine, he doubted it. Blaine was finally angry with him again, only this time it was the last thing Kurt wanted.

Everyday leading up to Spring Break Kurt tried to find a moment where he could be alone with Blaine. His old friend, and possibly ex-boyfriend, was constantly surrounded by other members of the Glee Club. Even Rachel, who was usually too caught up in herself, had joined the little honor guard that went everywhere with Blaine. Kurt didn't know how to get him alone for a few minutes, and he couldn't bring himself to go over to his house and face Blaine's mother's disappointed face when she opened the door. He had no idea if Blaine had told her, but Kurt couldn't bear the thought of disappointing anyone else.

The Friday before Spring Break officially began Kurt had resolved to ask for a minute alone with Blaine when we passed by the other boy's locker after the final bell if another opportunity didn't present itself before then. By fifth block Kurt had began mentally rehearsing what he wanted to say. He only hoped Blaine would give him a few uninterrupted moments to say his piece. Half way through class he went the bathroom, too distracted with his own thoughts to keep up with the lesson and bookwork he was supposed to be focusing on.

As he slunk down the hall, Kurt wondered how much trouble he'd get in if he just burst into Blaine's classroom and started apologizing until he was dragged out. Maybe that was the only solution for him now, a completely insane, over the top gravelling apolo–

Kurt froze in the bathroom doorway, his eyes catching sight of the room's only occupant. Blaine was across the room, planted in front of the urinals, and the very thought of what part of himself Blaine was touching made Kurt blush as he let the door ease closed behind him.

Blaine shifted his footing a little, but didn't look around. Kurt hadn't expected him to – eye contact was very rarely made in the men's room, and the only chatter was of a young boy speaking to his father or brother. Kurt headed over to the sink, trying to force his eyes away from Blaine and to keep his heart rate from escalating exponentially.

This was his chance. The one he'd waited for all week. Hopefully Blaine wouldn't dart out as soon as he saw Kurt, maybe it would be best to corner him at the urinal so he couldn't escape before Kurt could say the things he wanted–

"Are you doing to use that sink or should I just shove you aside?"

Kurt jerked his gaze over to his right, finding Blaine standing a few feet away, looking stoic and not at all the cheerful, bright boy Kurt knew. Blaine tilted his head towards the other sink, and Kurt looked, too, even as Blaine spoke.

"This one's broken," Blaine added pointedly as Kurt read over the taped on notice.

"S- sure," Kurt stammered, back pedaling out of Blaine's way. The fact that the first thing they were talking about since they'd fought was a broken sink felt weird to Kurt. But at least they were speaking... sort of.

For a few moments he simply watched Blaine, turning on the tap, and lathering up his hands. He'd been stupid to think Blaine would cheat on him, had been out of his mind to ever doubt anything Blaine said or wanted of him. Blaine had only ever had his best interests at heart, after all, and maybe that was half the problem all along. Each of them were so focused on the other and how they were feeling or adjusting that they hadn't stopped to think about themselves.

"I don't need a babysitter while I'm washing my hands, you know," Blaine quipped roughly, glancing up in the mirror at Kurt's reflection behind him.

"I– c- can we talk?" Kurt asked hesitantly, watching Blaine rinse his hands. "Please?"

"Why?" Blaine grumbled. "Here to accuse me of something else? Maybe toss up another slushie that'll end with us not talking for another two years?"

"Blaine, please, I'm sorry. I was stupid and just give me another chance t– "

"To what?" Blaine snapped, finally whirling around, hands still wet, water splashing over Kurt's uniform. "This _was_ your second chance, Kurt, and right now you're blowing it."

"Blaine– " Kurt reached out and tried to take hold of Blaine's hand. If he could just touch him, feel his grip and warmth, then he'd calm down and listen. Then they'd talk and be all right, maybe even better than that for the first time in years.

"No, I can't keep doing this," Blaine argued, side stepping Kurt and wiping his hands on his jeans. "I deserve better than this, and I deserve better than you. It's high time I thought about myself for once with all of this."

Blaine stalked towards the door as Kurt stumbled back and leaned against the sink. His words hurt more than anything else could have. More than seeing Blaine in that unexpected lip-lock and more than realizing how utterly wrong he'd been once Sebastian had confessed to him, even worse than the moment he'd first slushied Blaine. It was as if all of his worse, unspoken fears had finally been acknowledged as real, that the hill of his own self-loathing he could never climb to the top of was finally concrete and impossible to mount.

"No, you know what? That's not true."

Kurt's head jerked around to fixate on Blaine in the doorway, looking as broken as Kurt felt. For a split second he foolishly hoped that Blaine would take back his painful words, but the truth was still lingering there between them, and Kurt didn't even attempt to bat it away. Part of him knew he needed to hear this, especially if he ever wanted to get past this.

There was a fierceness in Blaine's gaze Kurt hadn't seen since they were little kids. It reminded Kurt of that day they'd first met on the playground, when Blaine had stepped in to help him, despite not knowing him.

"I _know_ who you can be. I still remember that sweet, kind, beautiful boy that I would have promised my very existence to. I deserve more – better – than t- this hollowness you've been trying to replace him with. We _both_ deserve better than that," Blaine said vehemently, dragging his sweater's sleeve over his eyes as Kurt shivered and clutched himself tighter. "I want to hate you so badly sometimes, because the Kurt I know has such a huge heart, and the strongest spirit and love I've ever encountered, and you think it's something to hide and be ashamed of, and I just– I _can't_ keep waiting for you to understand that. Wishing that you'll realize how much I want to have that boy to love again isn't going to make you want it. I just- I can't handle feeling all of this all over again and not knowing that it's worth it – that my heart isn't going to shatter in my chest and fill me up with shards."

Kurt was left there in the bathroom, the door slapping closed as Blaine walked out. He was in there for a long time, thinking and trying to process it all once the pain ebbed a little. He knew Blaine was right in a lot of respects, and knew before he could really know his own heart of Blaine's that he'd have to forgive himself. He'd reached the hill now, the only decision left was if he could make the climb.

* * *

><p><em>When Kurt rounded the first corner his should knocked into someone and sent him stumbling into a wall of lockers.<em>

_"Watch it, Twinkle Toes," Santana snide voice remarked from beside him. "You're only allowed so may missteps in one day."_

_"L- leave me alone," Kurt choked out, but Santana's hands caught hold of his arm and steered him along the empty halls as he hiccupped, eyes streaming._

_"Not going to happen," Santana said, pushing open the door of the girls' bathroom and guiding Kurt in._

_He only realized where they were when Santana handed him a wad of paper towels to dry his cheeks and eyes. After several moments of trying and failing to stop his tears he leaned back against the wall and let the tears fall. Santana was watching him, perched on the sink with her legs crossed and swinging out towards him._

_"I was hoping you wouldn't be stupid enough to go in there today," she remarked casually. "Guess you're still fishing around for your brain after Friday."_

_"Shut up," Kurt snapped, sniffing loudly. "Just leave me alone. It's not like you care– "_

_"I do, actually," Santana admitted quietly. "Maybe not in the way you want or the way Heart Eyes did, but I do. I didn't out you to Quinn, did I?"_

_Kurt remained still and quiet, trying to get his tears and the image of Blaine's face from his mind. It wasn't working in the least, though._

_"You should have listened," Santana said sadly, "and made the drop on your own terms. Even told him, and kept things secret. That's how we– "_

_She broke off suddenly and tugged more paper towels free from the dispenser and shoved them at Kurt. He had no idea what she'd meant by that, but there was obviously something she was hiding the same way he was. _

_"Strop trying to buddy up with me after you blackmailed me," Kurt told her. "I want my best friend back, not y– "_

_"You're not getting him back, Kurt," Santana said softly, and there was actual pain and regret in her voice for the first time in Kurt's memory. "This is high school. There's no changing back on what happened, and really? You think he'll take you back after what he was just singing?"_

_Kurt had realized she was outside the door, had heard everything Blaine had sung, but the last fragment of him that hoped for some type of reconciliation withered away with her words. Blaine shouldn't take him back and forgive him. Kurt couldn't even forgive himself for what he'd done, and now he had to live with that guilty and the misery of knowing he'd ruined the best friendship of his life. He was the villain in his own story now, and there was no legitimate way to undo what he'd done. At least nothing he could think up would ever make him worth Blaine's time._

_"For better or worse you're a Cheerio now," Santana informed him, hopping off the sink and looping her arm through his. "A real Cheerio. You might as well have a few good years before the world beats you down for wanting cock, right?"_

_"Oh, my god," Kurt whispered, eyes still filled with tears, but his hiccup was broken up by a laugh. _

_He was guided over to the sink and Santana started to help him rinse his face._

_"I know I'm not him, or even a friend you want, but I'm a friend you need right now, I think," She decided. "Even Snix agrees."_

_"Snix?"_

_"I'll let Britt tell you about her," Santana said with a devilish little smile. "My girl knows me best."_

_Kurt didn't comment on her word choice, or the slight shyness that leaked into her smile at the term of endearment. It had never fully crossed his mind that Santana might be– that her and Brittany where... but in some bizarre way it sunk into his brain and made sense._

_He might have to be his own villain now, but that didn't mean he had to be theirs. After all, Santana hadn't outted him, why should he do that to her?_

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't attempt to draw Blaine away from his friends after that. He spent the rest of the afternoon thinking and over-thinking Blaine's words. Until the final bell he still believed there was nothing he could do to change anything or to get himself up and over his own problems. But by the time he arrived back at his house, avoided his father and Carole, who were in the kitchen, and had locked himself in his room, he knew that was wrong.<p>

Was his constant focus on his own self-loathing and guilt the reason for its persistence? What if he just took that leap, just let himself fall away from everything he felt surrounding that and moved on?

There was no doubt in his mind he'd made a horrible mistake two years ago. Every ounce of his heart regretted his own actions and wanted to cast off the fear he'd let drive him down into someone he'd never thought he'd be. For years he'd been able to acknowledge all of that, but had never let himself learn to move past it, not the way Blaine hoped he would.

But if he wanted this back, wanted to really know himself again and be able to open himself up to all of this he had to.

As he mulled everything over, Kurt left his radio on, curled up on his bed for hours as he tried to really let himself back in. Blaine was worth the risk of everything he still had to loose, and he'd been fine accepting that, but now... now he had to accept that he was worth the same risk, that he deserved the same chances and love that Blaine held, waiting, for him.

Then one song that was playing hit hard, and Kurt knew what he had to do. Beyond having to make this right and having to apologize to Blaine again, he had to do this for himself, in a way he never had before.

A few hours later he left the house with his radio, telling his father and Carole that he was going to the Lima Bean to meet a friend for coffee. The other two didn't seem to think much of it, and in fact looked relieved that he was going out for a bit of fun. Kurt didn't think fun was going to be any part of what he was about to do, but he could feel how right the decision was as he drove over to Blaine's house.

When he got there the house was dark, the long driveway empty except for Blaine's little sedan. His parents must be out of town again, or at some late night gala. Kurt glanced at his watch, parked his car behind Blaine's and clambered out onto the cobblestone driveway.

He must be out of his mind to do this. It was freezing and windy, snow crunching under his boots as he circled around to the back of the house until he could see Blaine's window. It was dim, not as dark as the rest of the house, but a lump climbed up Kurt's throat and he couldn't swallow it back down. Feet away and miles apart in his heart.

Kurt set his little radio down on the tree roots of the big oak outside of Blaine's window, taking a little ball of snow and smashing it together between his hands. He stood back up, took aim and the snowball splattered against the siding by Blaine's window, sending a little explosion of powder into the wind.

The main light in Blaine's room flickered on, and Kurt took a deep breath before he turned on the CD he'd made. As the song began, the acoustic guitar and piano blending together at Kurt's feet he watched Blaine's silouette appear against the bright light in his room.

Blaine looked stunned, and slightly scared, and Kurt realized he'd no doubt startled him terribly. Just another mishap on his part. He'd make up for it. For the rest of his life he'd take Blaine into his arms and his heart, and they'd make each other happy together.

_"If you need a friend_

_Don't look to a stranger_

_You know in the end_

_I'll always be there."_

It was so much deeper than Kurt was used to singing, and he knew he'd end up climbing back up to his comfortable register, but Blaine had flung his window open as was staring down at him in wonder.

_"I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say_

_I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be_

_But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,_

_I promise, I promise you I will."_

As the chorus fell from his lips Kurt grasped the lowest tree branch and hoisted himself up while the music took over before the second verse. He'd probably miss the first half as he climbed, but he needed to be closer to Blaine. To reach out and touch him, to see the expression on his face as Kurt opened himself up completely to everything they were.

Kurt made it up to the branch hanging right out of Blaine's window, sliding none too gracefully across it on his butt, as Blaine pressed his shoulder against the edge of the window frame and hugged himself. From the light behind Blaine Kurt could see the tears glistening in Blaine's eyes, the rawness and hope.

_"Sometimes if I shout,_

_it's not what's intended._

_These words just come out_

_with no grip to bear."_

Kurt finally stopped in front of Blaine, resting his boots on the window ledge and steadying himself with his hand on the house's siding.

_"I'm sorry but I'm just– "_

"I love you," Blaine broke in, reaching out and clutching Kurt's hand where it was resting against the house. "I'm sorry I let him kiss me and– "

The music still played on down below them, but Blaine was tugging Kurt in through the window and into his arms.

"I'm sorry," Blaine murmured tearfully, burying his nose against Kurt's neck.

"I'm sorry, too," Kurt replied softly, stroking his hand through Blaine's loose curls and holding him tight. "I'm sorry for everything, but I'm done letting it get in between us. This is what I want. _You _are who I want, and I'm not going to let one mistake make me miss out on this anymore."

"I love you so much," Blaine breathed against Kurt's neck. He pulled back and sniffed loudly, tears on his eye lashes as he smiled.

"You've had me falling in love with you for years now, I think," Kurt admitted, taking Blaine's face in his hands and resting their foreheads together. "It just took me forever to figure it out."

Blaine hiccupped loudly and they both laughed through their tears.

"Y- yeah, it did," Blaine agreed, his arms sliding down to Kurt's hips as he nuzzle his nose against Kurt's cheek. "Do... do you want to stay the night?"

Kurt sucked in a harsh breath at the suggestion, but when Blaine quickly plowed on and added that he didn't mean that as sex or anything more than they'd done before, Kurt relaxed. He knew he was in love, had admitted it to Blaine just now, but physical intimacy like that... he didn't think he was ready for that yet.

"I'll stay," Kurt decided, cutting through Blaine's babbling.

Blushing they both snuggled down onto the bed, tangled together carefully, not kissing, but holding on to each other tightly.

"You forgot you radio outside," Blaine murmured minutes later.

They were both quiet for a moment, and the sound of Lady Gaga echoed up from the base of the tree. Blaine snorted, and Kurt couldn't help but start giggling himself. Who cared what the rest of the school thought or did to him? He was in love for the first time in his life, and he had the best friend he'd ever known back. They could never take that away from him, no matter what else they did.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Another update! How's everyone dealing with the Break Up? Still crying? Maybe? Ah, well. We'll see how it ends before ya know it. Hopefully well for Klaine, thought I think it will considering their storyline to this point.

Anyway, just a little snapshot of lyrics in this one, nothing too important to the other story or plot. Song is "Don't Stop". That sang it for thier Fleetwood Mac tribute at the end of season two, so if you really want you can listen to it, but its really not necessary to the other scene. Just the first few lines of the song for context and such.

Annnd we're winding down now, aren't we? Two more chapters after this, and an epilogue, though I'm debating its necessity right now. Chapter 28 is either ending with a past memory, or going with the standard setup I've got and then an epilogue. Not sure which it'll be yet, cause both ideas have potential to work well and adding the epilogue might be... overreaching, I guess is the right word for it.

Right, we'll see where that ends up soon! Enjoy the update!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 26

In the morning Blaine woke up to the sound of a camera's shutter going off.

"Wass goin' on?" he grumbled sleepily, wincing as he cracked his eyes open and saw Kurt pointing his phone down at where Blaine was nestled against his chest.

"Sebastian wanted picture proof," Kurt murmured, kissing his temple as he brought his phone back down to his chest and started typing something out.

"S'bastian?" Blaine asked in confusion, burying his face into Kurt's shirt and listing to the click of Kurt's fingers on the buttons next to his ear.

Kurt hummed and finished typing. Blaine heard the phone drop gently onto his bedside table and then Kurt's arms slide back around him. As they did Blaine realized it had been their absence and the lack of their warmth that had woken him up. His entire being gave in to Kurt's touches and body heat, to the feeling of his boyfriend's warmth seeping into his skin and the reassuring and steady thump of Kurt's heart against Blaine's cheek.

"Why's Sebastian want a picture of us cuddled up?" Blaine yawned, brow furrowing in confusion at the equation Kurt had just placed in his head. That made absolutely no sense to him.

"He, uh, came to McKinley a while ago and apologized to me for kissing you," Kurt admitted. "He said he pretty much flung his mouth on yours without warning."

"That's one way to describe it," Blaine murmured. "I prefer the term 'icky'".

Kurt giggled loudly as his phone buzzed on the bedside table. A few seconds later Kurt read out to him, "Fucking finally. So when ca we have a guy's night out at _Scandals_?" Kurt made a noise of confusion and said, "What's _Scandals_? That sounds like a drug bust waiting to go down."

"I think it's the gay bar in West Lima," Blaine supplied, snuggling down deeper into Kurt's embrace and letting his eyes drift shut again. "Can we sleep all day?"

"Makes up for all the sleep I've been losing recently," Kurt agreed. "Just let me text him b– "

Instead of the sound of Kurt's fingers flying over the keyboard, his ringtone went off, echoing around the bedroom.

"Oh, my god, it's my Dad," Kurt breathed in horror. "I– last night I said I was going to get coffee with a friend a- and I never called him and– "

"Try to distract him with good news?" Blaine offered.

He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Kurt's scared face, before finally taking the still ringing phone from Kurt's fist and accepting the call.

"Kurt, where the hell are y– "

"Hi, Mr. Hummel," Blaine greeted cheerfully, and Burt's words came to a halt.

"Blaine– what– why do you have Kurt's phone?" Burt demanded, sounding confused and worried.

"He stayed the night here last night," Blaine answered, winking at Kurt, who still looked terrified of his father's rage. "You son has a boyfriend again, in case you're wondering."

"He– you two– that's great, but you might end up single anyway after I _murder_ him for not calling me last night and letting me know," Burt replied, somewhere between happy and angry. "Put him on the phone."

"All right," Blaine agreed, holding the phone out to Kurt. "It's your dad."

"I damn well know who it is, Blaine Xavier," Kurt snapped, but Blaine laughed and pressed the phone to Kurt's ear.

"H- hi, Dad," Kurt greeted, voice strained and nervous.

Blaine slid out of his bed as Burt's loud, angry voice answered Kurt's words. Even an angry Burt Hummel couldn't bring him down right now. He and Kurt had worked it out, and to him that meant everything. The only thing Blaine hoped was that Kurt had finally managed to acknowledge the biggest problem between. It wasn't Blaine's forgiven he was waiting on, it was his own.

After a quick bathroom break, and a longer than usual tooth brushing routine Blaine returned to find Kurt sitting up against the headboard and hugging one of his pillows against his chest, pouting.

"You got me grounded," Kurt complained as Blaine hopped onto the bed and crawled towards Kurt on his knees.

"Oh, shh," Blaine told him, mocking the other boy's pouting face. "Does that mean you have to go home now?"

"No, he said I could stay until two," Kurt told him, still pouting up at him.

For a split second Blaine debated whether or not to follow the instinct he'd just been flooded with. A moment later he inched forward, unhooked Kurt's arms from around the pillow and set it aside.

"Am I allowed to see you at all over Spring Break then?" Blaine murmured, leaning in and kissing his boyfriend lightly.

"H- he didn't say," Kurt whispered, eyes bright and surprised as Blaine slid forward and settled down in his lap, knees pressing into the mattress on either side of Kurt's hips.

"You make me feel the most incredible things," Blaine murmured, cupping Kurt's face between his hands and tilting the other boy's head up easily for a second, lingering kiss. "That's why I love you, Kurt. When you're here with me, or walking down the hall holding my hand, I know I'm already a better person than I was on my own. It's not because you won't hurt me or I won't hurt you, it's because I know this is right."

"We only get hurt my each other because we care so much," Kurt sighed, still mesmerized by Blaine straddling his hips. "But I'm not going to let that stop me from loving you."

"Good," Blaine said, circling his arms around Kurt's neck and kissing his a third time. They'd never been this physically close. If Blaine had wanted to he could have wrapped his legs around Kurt's waist and really settled down in his boyfriend's lap, but the idea made his stomach leap uncomfortably. Maybe in a few weeks, once they've dared to actually run their hands un each other's shirts.

"Kiss me," Kurt requested quietly, nudging Blaine's cheek with his nose until Blaine turned his head to capture his lips again.

It felt different than the other times when they'd kissed, or even gone so far as to make out. Less fiddling around and uncertainty, more comfortable and real somehow. Blaine sighed happily as Kurt's lips moved from his own to his cheek, jaw, and down his throat.

Something between them had shifted with the reconciliation of their fall out, not just physically but emotional. Blaine could feel it in Kurt's kisses and the way Kurt gently, surely rubbed his hands up Blaine's sides.

This was his Kurt, wasn't it? The boy he'd waited so long to find again, had fought to bring out for years, was in his arms, loving him and making Blaine feel cared for in an intimate way he'd never imagined possible.

"I'm in love with you," Kurt murmured, his lips tracking up Blaine's neck to his ear. "Forever and always, you won't lose me again, Blaine. I promise."

* * *

><p><em>Blaine didn't go to school on Wednesday. The band had cut off in the middle of the number when Kurt had run out and Blaine had broken down completely.<em>

_The other members of their group had tried to comfort him, but it hadn't worked. Only a few minutes after Kurt had torn out of the room, Blaine followed, rushing out of the building and running the four blocks home. He didn't leave his room that night, or the next morning when his mother tried to rouse him for school. Luckily she hadn't pushed it when she'd peeked in, exasperated at his silence, and seen him so desolate and exhausted. He might have been in his bed all evening and night, but he hadn't slept at all._

_Was this what heartbreak really felt like? How could anything ever be worth this pain?_

_On Thursday, Blaine reluctantly returned to school. He had a test in his third block class that he couldn't afford to miss, and Rachel had been blowing up his phone all day Wednesday, singing him songs he imagined were meant to make him feel better, but they'd only ended with him in tears. Singing songs about heartbreak and lost love might have been meant well on her part, but to Blaine it just made him feel sick to his stomach._

_All day he avoided everyone he knew, ate his lunch in the little alcove outside by the cafeteria stairs, and talked to nobody. He should have taken his father's offer for Dalton last spring. Then this never would have happened to him – to them. He'd still have his best friend and no bullies or tormenting to run from._

_By the time he arrived in Glee Club it was after two thirty when the meeting was supposed to start, but he was surprised by the group arranged at the front, apparently waiting for him to start. Immediately they began singing to him, Rachel on the lead as usual, but it wasn't one of her sappy songs that put him in tears, it was a song they'd never even sung before._

_"If you wake up and don't want to smile,_

_If it takes just a little while,_

_Open your eyes and look at the day,_

_You'll see things in a different way."_

_On and on they went, dragging him into their midst and circling around him. Even though it hadn't been one of Rachel's sappy songs, Blaine ended up crying anyway. He might have lost Kurt, maybe for good, but he still had this. There was still Rachel and Tina. Mercedes to coordinate outfits with, and Artie to talk football and video games with. _

_"Thanks, guys," Blaine muttered, wiping his eyes as Rachel hugged him tightly._

_"We wanted to make you realize how much we like you," Artie told him, as the others nodded. "Even without Kurt, you're still our guy. It's his loss."_

_"I'm still gonna punch him next time I see him," Mercedes added angrily. _

_"Mercedes," Tina scolded._

_"What? He deserves it."_

_Blaine hiccupped over a few laughs and let Rachel lead him over to the chair beside her. Nobody usually sat here. They all avoided sitting beside her, or had other people they'd rather sit with, but he could use a good friend right now. Even if it meant getting dragged into who knows what by Rachel Berry._

_"You should come over to my house after Glee," Rachel decided. "My dads can tell you about all the cute boys they liked before they fell in love with each other. I bet they'd love to help plan a birthday party for you! It's in a few weeks, isn't it?"_

_"The fifteenth," Blaine supplied as Rachel kept rambling on about what they could do at his party, which was apparently going to be karaoke themed._

_"Tonight we should plan everything out and– "_

_"Isn't it Back To School Night?" Blaine asked, hoping he was right and might actually escape from this particular scheme. Maybe he should look to another Glee Club member for friendship._

_"Oh, right, I forgot," Rachel said sadly. Then she brightened and exclaimed, "Tomorrow night then! We can have a sleepover with all of u– "_

_"Count me out," Artie cut in, looking grossed out. "I'd rather play _Halo_."_

_The others laughed as Mr. Schuester arrived and called for their attention. Blaine let his mind wonder as he began to address their latest assignment. He might have little things in common with all of these people, but it was nothing compared to how he and Kurt had connected. Losing the best friend he'd ever had hurt in more ways than one. So many pieces of his life felt empty now without Kurt's presence._

* * *

><p>Burt let Blaine come over during Kurt's Spring Break grounding. They spent the entire week cuddled up on the couch or down in Kurt's room (with the door open, as Burt liked to remind them every ten minutes when he barged in for no apparent reason). Even when they were on their own they never went very far with their physical relationship, for now they were giddy with the excitement of being together and in love openly. There was nothing wrong with being fine and comfortable with the level their physical relationship was at in comparison, though Burt seemed to think they were going to lose control and rush into something on his watch.<p>

When school started back up after Easter everyone was shocked to see Blaine and Kurt arrive Monday morning, hand in hand and in their own clothing. It had been a week long decision on Kurt's part not to wear his uniform. Blaine had been quite proud that Kurt had come up with the idea, and then gone through with it. Finally Kurt was getting comfortable with himself again. He didn't back down from the looks or the stares, but pulled Blaine's side closer to his own and continued down the hall towards Blaine's first class.

The next few weeks brought back the student body's refusal to let them be fine and happy together, though. Kurt got it even worse than Blaine except for on game days when he had to wear his uniform. More than one of Kurt's crafted outfits had been ruined, but he remained strong. Stronger even than the boy Blaine had once had to say goodbye to in the same halls.

The worst thing that came from it all was the Cheerios reactions. Quinn was furious, and took to taunting Kurt constantly. She'd also gone to Coach Sylvester and reported him for not wearing his uniform every day, only to be made a fool of when Kurt had pulled out the Cheerios handbook they all had to read and shown her the exact page where it said they were only mandated to wear the uniform on game days. Enraged further, Quinn had now employed the jocks help in her manhunt to get back at them for ruining her squad's status.

Kurt started skipping practices after that, despite the threats of him being kicked off the squad for it. On one such afternoon, they went back to Blaine's house and instead of lingering inside lounged out on the big hammock in the backyard, swinging slowly and cuddled up together under the warm April sun.

"I still can't believe Finn and Rachel won that stupid duets competition," Kurt remarked, angrily. Yesterday, after they'd sung their own song together (Blaine's own personal arrangement of Teenage Dream) Mr. Schuester had made the decision much to the club's annoyance.

"Mercedes and Artie should have won," Blaine murmured as a warm breeze fluttered through the hammock's netting and brushed his skin. "Who knew it was possible to mash-up Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston?"

Kurt snorted in dismissal. "_Please,_ anyone can do that. We should get to sing together at Regionals."

Blaine hummed in agreement, but didn't say what both he and Kurt knew. Mr. Schuester didn't want to off put the judges by having two _boys_ sing a duet together. Especially not when it was conveying anything more than platonic friendship.

"There's always next year," Blaine offered, trying to cheer him up. "With another year of practice I bet we cruise through to Nationals."

" We still might make it this year," Kurt insisted, though he didn't sound very convinced to Blaine.

"Not without another handful of decent singers and dancers," Blaine grumbled. "You've seen the way those band guys move. Not that I don't like them or anything, but they're not what we need on stage for competitions."

"True," Kurt agreed, snuggling in closer as Blaine scooped up the Vogue magazine they'd been reading together and opened it to the page he'd dog-eared.

They'd been halfway through an article when Blaine had set it aside to stretch, but now Kurt didn't seem interested in it at all.

"So, um, prom's coming up," Kurt mentioned, sounding unconcerned.

Blaine yawned and continued to read, dropping his cheek onto Kurt's forehead and murmuring, "Yeah, I guess."

He tilted the magazine to let the sunlight catch one of the pictures better as Kurt fidgeted at his side. The hammock rocked roughly at the movement.

"Careful," Blaine told him, "you'll tip us over and I know you don't want dirt all over those white jeans."

"No, sorry, but– Blaine," Kurt said persistently in a very serious voice. "Prom's coming up soon. Like, in two weeks. Prom. Dancing. A party. For students to go dance at with their boyfriends."

"Or girlfriends," Blaine added. "I don't think Finn wants a boyfriend."

Kurt huffed in exasperation as Blaine raised his magazine to hide his smile. He knew what Kurt was trying to ask him, or trying to get Blaine to ask him, but Blaine wouldn't. Not without a lot of teasing first, and besides, he had been imagining having the boy of his dreams ask him instead of it being the other way around.

"Blaine, put down the magazine," Kurt snapped, sounding put-out and annoyed.

"But I'm reading– "

Kurt yanked it from his grasp and tossed it onto the grass, shifting his body until it was on top of Blaine's. The hammock swayed precariously at the movement, but Blaine was effectively pinned down.

"I– give me your hand," Kurt requested quietly, kissing him sweetly as the hammock's rocking slowed down.

"Oh, my hand?" Blaine said, faking confusion. "Why would you need my hand– _Kurt Hummel_," he added in a shocked, scolding voice, "are you presuming that I'm going to jack you off in my backyard? What if the neighbors saw– "

"_Oh, my god, Blaine!_ I just wanted to ask you to prom!" Kurt cried in outrage, his temper finally getting the better of him as Blaine's chest burst, and he started to laugh loud and long, until tears were in his eyes and Kurt was looking even more embarrassed and upset. "Fine, _fine_. Just _laugh_ at me– it's not _funny, _Blaine!"

A hard fist knocked Blaine in the chest, and he tugged Kurt's head down to his, pressing his lips to Kurt's, slow and warm, until Kurt's body relaxed and melted down against his.

"That wasn't exactly the prom proposal I was imagining," Blaine decided, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "I kind of wanted a bouquet of red and yellow roses and– "

"Oh, shut up," Kurt snapped, though the anger had receded from his voice. "Please, go to Junior prom with me?"

"There's nobody else I'd ever think to go with," Blaine told him, voice soft and content.

Kurt squealed a little at his agreement, and the hammock swayed once more. But it didn't flip them over and knock them from its comfort. Nothing was going to unseat how far they'd come, nor how much they meant to each other.

"So, I was thinking we'd both wear pink boutonnieres... "


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Updates all around! The end is nigh! Yup.

All right, so, still haven't decided how this last bit is going, not storyline wise, but how to cut it, which part is ending it, past or present line, etc. So yeah. Epilogue is most likely happening, just to tie the Dalton stuff in fully. Mhmm. Make of that what you will.

Oh, and there's... a little smut in this part. Nothing like in my other fics, but still its smutty. Not full penetrative sex, though. They're no where near ready for that, but as this all draws to a close their relationship is starting to move in that direction. The majority of that movement is outside of the realm of this story, but they're progressing towards that, so I figured it was a good inclusion towards the end to show that. So yeah, if you aren't comfortable reading smut, just skip the third part of this chapter, except for the first 200 words or so. So, yeah.

Not much left after this. Prom in the present time, a past memory with Blaine that loops him back into the very first chapter in a sense, and then an epilogue. And you already know what happens at Prom for the most part since I've kept the basic points of it true to canon.

Enjoy! 28 won't be long off!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 27

The weeks leading up to prom were hectic for Kurt. Blaine had picked out his own suit in a matter of minutes, but Kurt hadn't been able to find anything he really liked or wanted to wear. Now that he was delving back into his old fashions, and starting to look into new outfits and ideas for what he wear, he couldn't just wear a suit like all the rest. That was too simple, not bold enough for his new found confidence in his clothing choices.

He had Regionals to distract him the week before prom, but the group didn't seem very into the competition. Rachel and Finn were fighting apparently because Finn was running for Prom court with Quinn, who was still being terrible to all of them. The band guys that helped them at practices were set to take the stage with them, and despite his assures to the others that they'd be all right, Kurt didn't believe it. There was no way they'd manage a win with only eight actual Glee members, and Mike didn't even sing. He had a dance number with Brittany, but otherwise they were screwed.

Instead of thinking about the end of their competition season, or the fact that Coach Sylvester was still threatening to kick him out if he didn't show up to practice more, Kurt turned his focus to prom and his outfit. She couldn't get rid of him this late in the season, not when their entire performance depended on his vocals for their French medley. So at the very least his Cheerio status was safe until after Nationals in May.

"What about this one?" Kurt asked Blaine, holding up the quick sketch of a suit jacket he was thinking of piecing together.

Blaine hummed softly as he leaned across the couch to take a look. "Love the bow tie. Do you have any studs like that to add?"

"No, but I'm sure I can find some at the craft store or somewhere," Kurt brushed off. "So, you think it'll be fashionable? Not that the jocks or anyone will know it, but– "

"It's perfect," Blaine reassured him, pecking him on the cheek as Burt cleared his throat loudly from his chair a few feet away. "Are you going to put studs on the pants, too?"

"Uh, no," Kurt bit his lip for a moment, anxious at what he'd wanted to do with the rest of his design. He knew it was a risky choice, especially given the school environment they were in, but... "I was going to wear a kilt, actually. Darker plaid. Probably blue and green if I can find it, because then it mixes our eye colors and– "

"A kilt?" Burt echoed in alarm, whipping his head around from the football game he and Blaine had been enjoying and looking suddenly nervous. "Kurt, I don't know– "

"Dad, I– I know I might get some looks, and some words I've hear a hundred times in the past month, but– "

"It's not the looks that he's worried about," Blaine cut in, nervously. "Kurt, I mean, _I _think you'll look amazing, but... if they see you wearing what they think is a _skirt_... what if they try to hit you or– or– "

"Finn will be there, and you and Mike and Mr. Schuester," Kurt supplied, trying to sound surer than he actually was. "We won't leave the gym without one of them with us and when we leave we'll make sure Finn goes home with us."

"Kurt," Burt said sadly, "I just... I don't want you to get hurt if you can avoid it, buddy."

"So I have to stop being who I am again just because the rest of the world thinks who I am isn't right?" Kurt snapped forcefully. "I am _done_ hiding and pretending, Dad. I'm flamboyant and gay and I don't care who knows anymore."

Burt sighed heavily, and sunk back into his chair, looking both proud and anxious at Kurt's decision. Blaine's hand slipped into Kurt's and yanked him back down onto the couch. Kurt hadn't even realized he gotten to his feet, but the force of his convictions seemed to have taken over briefly. Nuzzling in close Blaine hugged him warmly and kissed his cheek.

"Okay," he agreed. "A kilt it is, and you're going to look gorgeous. My beautiful boyfriend, escorting me to our first prom for everyone to see."

Kurt blushed at Blaine's words, a wide smile lighting up his face. Blaine grinned at him, too, and brushed his nose back and forth over Kurt's cheek. It was a sweet gesture Blaine had adopted recently, especially when they wished be intimate in a less private setting. It made Kurt's heart leap and his toes curl in his socks whenever Blaine pressed close and gentle like this. In some ways it made him feel more loved and adored than any kiss or hug ever had.

"You two are too sweet," Carole gushed from the entry way.

Kurt hadn't even heard her come in from work, but she beamed at them as she shuffled over to Burt for a quick kiss.

"Aren't they adorable?" she asked him. Burt grunted in agreement, but his eyes still lingered on the pair of them.

He was worried, beyond worried, Kurt imagined. They'd be okay, though. It was prom after all, and with Blaine, Finn, and a few others with them nobody would be able to touch them. As long as Blaine's arms were around him on the dance floor and they spent the evening happy and with each other and their friends everything would be fine.

* * *

><p><em>The last thing Kurt wanted to do was join his father at Back To School Night. But Burt always insisted on Kurt going with him, both to direct him around the halls so he didn't miss any class meetings and to point him towards the food tables at the little reception afterwards.<em>

_Tonight especially, Kurt didn't want anything to do with it. He and Blaine usually hung out together while Burt and Blaine's mother talked and journeyed around to their shared classes together, but he and Blaine weren't friends anymore, were they? They were nothing but a painful memory now._

_When Kurt led his father into his second block class, Mrs. Anderson was already sitting and waiting for the bell to ring to signal the start of the teacher's introduction to Freshmen English. She was alone by the looks of it, and Kurt was privately relieved after what had happened in Glee Club on Tuesday. Blaine hated him, and had every right to. There was nothing to be done about it but be that person Blaine hated. He was a bully now, a tormentor of his peers, along with Santana and Quinn. It was best to just accept it and let it happen._

_As Kurt sat in his desk beside his father, Blaine's mother caught his eye, and offered him a small, sad smile. His lips quirked a little in return but he couldn't smile truly at her. Not after what he'd done to her son almost a week ago. How much did she know? Did she hate him the same way that Blaine did now?_

_The bell rang and Mrs. Adams came in from the hall with a few other parents and began introducing herself and the course. Kurt turned away from Blaine's mother swiftly and tried to pretend like he didn't exist. Perhaps it would be better in general if he didn't anymore._

_But as he glanced over at his father to distract himself he found Burt entranced, not by his teacher, but by one of the other parents. Kurt had never seen such a dumbstruck look on Burt's face before and as he followed his father's gaze his eyes came to rest on a woman Burt's age, who was decked out in more stone-washed jean clothing than Kurt had ever wanted to own in his entire life._

_As they filed out into the hall for Kurt's next class Burt leaned down. "That er, woman, " he muttered, gesturing to the lady in the jean jacket. "She l- looks familiar. Do you know– "_

_Kurt gave him a look that said quite plainly that he wasn't buying his father's attempt to be subtle._

_"I– fine,"Burt grumbled. "Do you know her?"_

_"I think that's Finn's mom, Carole," Kurt offered, glancing towards the woman they were currently following at a distance. After another few classes he'd have a better idea of who's mother she might be._

_"Carole? Carole's a nice name," Burt breathed, standing back up straight as they followed her into Kurt's third block class._

_Kurt's eyebrows rose higher and higher as they ran through his schedule of classes. By seventh block he was almost positive that it was Finn Hudson's mother, because nobody else shared all of those classes with him. At his side, Burt was mesmerized by the sight of her, and for the first time since Kurt was eight it struck him that his father had never tried to date anyone since his mother's death. He hadn't even gone out with his friends the majority of the time in favor of taking care of Kurt._

_His father, if the look he was shooting Carole intermittently was any indication, was feeling a lot more than Kurt had realized he was capable of. It had been rather naive not to acknowledge that his father could date and fall in love with a woman, but Burt had never seemed interested. At least not until now._

_"Come on," Kurt decided as the parents all grouped together in the cafeteria for refreshments and conversation with various faculty._

_"What?" Burt stammer in surprise, as Kurt practically dragged his father over to were Carole was filling her cup with punch. "But K– "_

_"Excuse me," Kurt interjected, tapping Carole on the shoulder. "You're Finn's mom, right?"_

_"Oh, hello!" Carole greeted as she spun around. As soon as her eyes met Burt's her mouth fell open slightly and her cheeks turned pink. _

_"Dad, Carole Hudson," Kurt supplied as they stared at each other, somewhere between blushing high schoolers and amazed adults. "Carole this is my dad, Burt Hummel. you both have dead spouses, you should talk."_

_Kurt quickly removed himself to the desert table as the two adults shook hands, smiling hopefully and looking bashful. His stomach flipped a little as he watched them interact, and suddenly he missed Blaine more than anything. Blaine would have enjoyed this moment, watching Kurt potentially match up his father with a woman. At least one of the Hummel men might be happy after all of this, because Kurt knew his father deserved a chance at it, and love, more than anyone else in the world even if he didn't._

* * *

><p>They lost at Regionals.<p>

Kurt wasn't entirely surprised despite how great they actually did compared to their practices. The Cheerios won their own Regionals a few days later, but it didn't really make Kurt feel all that great, not in the way it had last year. He still loved the sport, and getting to perform, but the lack of connection with the rest of the squad was really making it lose its appeal.

Kurt re-focused on his prom outfit for the remain of the week, giddy and nervous about the impending prom. On Friday night he would be attending his first dance, and he would have his boyfriend at his side. Carole and Burt were already getting excited and planning out dinner before hand and time for photos before they left.

By Thursday Kurt's outfit was finished, and that evening after Glee he tried it on for Blaine for the first time.

"Kurt, do you really want to wear something that's going to take you half an hour just to put on– _oh_," Blaine ended, startled as Kurt stepped out and twirled for him.

"What do you think?" Kurt asked, letting his kilt flare up around his hips as he spun once more.

"I– its– your _legs_," Blaine settled on, lips parted and eyes dark. He stood up from where he'd been relaxing on Kurt's bed and circled Kurt, who felt a blush rising to his cheeks.

"They're– I've got stockings on in case its cold, and my legs are so pale and– "

"You're gorgeous," Blaine breathed, and suddenly he was twice as close has he had been.

Kurt found himself being backed up towards the door to his bedroom, Blaine's mouth seeking out his own.

"God, y- you're so hot," Blaine rasped, and Kurt's stomach pulsed hotly at his boyfriend's words.

He'd never seen Blaine like this before, and some new sensation, not comfort nor excitement, started run through him as Blaine's body pressed him firmly against the door. They'd kissed, made out until they were breathless, but right now... Right now Blaine's breathing was harsh and irregular and Kurt loved it.

His boyfriend's lips opened against his, soft and needy as Blaine's hands carefully ran down to his thighs, over the soft, dark stockings and then sliding up under the kilt and resting on his hips. Kurt gasped at the warmth of Blaine's fingers digging into his hipbones through the thin fabric as Blaine's body settled between Kurt's thighs. They'd never done this before, but Kurt had been wanting to progress a little farther for quite some time now.

"Oh!" Kurt gasped in surprised, not scared but rather pleased once he realized what it was he was feeling against his hip.

"S- sorry," Blaine stammered, out of breath and pulling away instantly at Kurt's surprise.

"No, no," Kurt told him breathlessly, clasping Blaine's hand and holding him close again. A pleasant shiver ran through him as he felt _Blaine_ through the other boy's jeans.

"T- this is okay, right?" Blaine stuttered uncertainly as Kurt kissed the curve of his jaw. Blaine purred in the back of his throat at the kiss on that sensitive spot, and his hips bucked slightly. "K- Kurt, s- sorry. I– we've been making out so much lately, a- and my mind's been wandering to _us_ a lot and– "

"Your hand isn't quite enough, is that what you're telling me?" Kurt murmured, moving his lips back to Blaine's and sucking gently on Blaine's bottom lip. Blaine's hips rocked again and Kurt drew in a shaky breath at the feeling, his tights starting to strain. "I want more with you. Not _everything_, not yet, but... I need more, too."

Blaine's eyes were a little dazed as he pulled back and stared up at Kurt, looking relieved that Kurt was on the same level as him. And it was true. Since Spring Break they'd made out a lot, more than Kurt thought was possible, and the more they did so, the more they learned about the other, the more familiar they were with each other's likes and dislikes. But that had been a month ago, and every time one of them got too worked up they always stopped, but Kurt was tired of stopping, he was ready to move forward in some capacity, even if they still kept their pants on. Or a kilt in his present case.

"Let's lie down," Kurt decided, pushing off from the door and leading Blaine over to his bed.

There was still a few hours before anyone else would be home. More than enough time him and Blaine to share something new with each other.

"I– okay," Blaine agreed, his voice breathy and nervous. He settled down on the bed as Kurt yanked his boots, suit jacket, vest, and bow tie off. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin any of them a few days before prom. Since he had no idea just how far this was going to carry them right now, it was best to take them off.

As Kurt laid down next to Blaine, the other boy quickly rolled on top of him, a position Kurt was becoming increasingly familiar with on the couch upstairs. But on his bed... this was different. Exciting, new. A little thrill shivered down Kurt's spine as Blaine's elbows bracketed his chest and then his boyfriend's mouth was covering his, sweet and slow.

Kurt's hands slid down to Blaine's waist, looping around him and drawing him down until the weight of Blaine's body was pressing him into the mattress. A surprised noise puffed out of Blaine's mouth and brushed over Kurt's lips. Yeah, Kurt thought, as they both shifted their hips slightly and gasped, this was definitely new.

"W- wow," Blaine breathed, dropping his forehead against Kurt's and letting his eyes drift shut as Kurt parted his thighs and let Blaine settled down between them. "I– you're... _yanno_, too."

Kurt laughed at Blaine's description, which made Blaine laugh, too. Shy and timid, Blaine looked down at Kurt with his bashful, dopey smile, not sure how to proceed and where exactly they were headed with this.

"Kiss me," Kurt murmured, tilting his hips up a little to test the friction.

A sharp gasp escaped Blaine as Kurt's foot hooked around one of his thighs and held him down so that they were pressed together. Kurt pulled him back down to his lips and tangled his arms around Blaine's torso. It seemed instinctual when they both began to rock their hips a few moments later, experimentally at first but when a rush of heat ran through them both their movements became much more sure.

Kurt felt dizzy from it as Blaine's mouth moved down to his neck, sucking wetly and hungrily as their hips jerked against each other. There was really no rhythm they were following, but the newness of the experience, the feeling of finally touching in this way still made his head spin.

"Blaine," Kurt rasped, and Blaine whined against Kurt's cheek in response. "H- hold my hips?" It was a nervous question, and part of Kurt felt silly for asking it, but he wanted Blaine's hands, warm and firm, holding him, maybe even circling around to his–

A low moan echoed around the room as the thought tangled itself together with Blaine's hands settling on Kurt's hips, hiking up the kilt's waistband. Kurt could feel the soft fabric slipping up his waist, making his dress shirt bunch up, but he found it very hard to think properly after that. Blaine's palms were rubbing his hips, encouraging them to rock with the motion of Blaine's.

Kurt's mouth surged up to meet Blaine's, sloppy and off-center, but Blaine was just as eager, his chest heaving and his breaths harsh and stuttering.

"K- Kurt, w- we," Blaine stammered, panting against Kurt's lips, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. "I– I'm g- g- gonna– i- if we d- don't stop– "

"W- want you to," Kurt told him, tangling a fist into Blaine's curls, his fingers flexing their grip as Blaine's open mouth dropped to Kurt's neck and a loud groan vibrated across Kurt's skin. He shivered, his hips rocketing up at the noise he'd just made his boyfriend make, and Blaine's slammed down hard in response.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_, _Kurt,_" Blaine whined, his hot gasping breaths soaking into Kurt's flushed neck.

Blaine jerked against him for a few moments, his legs kicking out as he moaned long and low against Kurt's neck. A molten heat started pooling and twisting in Kurt's belly, tighter and tighter as Blaine's hips stuttered to a halt. It took him a moment to realize that Blaine had stopped because he'd just come.

Face hot and flushed, Kurt turned his face to the side and nudged Blaine's cheek with his nose.

"Not to be a bother or anything since you just ruined your pants, but I'd kind of like to ruin my own, too," Kurt murmured offhandedly. "There _were_ two pairs of tights in that package after all. I'd hate to never wear the other."

Blaine groaned deeply against his neck, and propped himself up of wobbly arms. "S- sorry, I– "

"Shh," Kurt muttered, pecking Blaine on the lips. "We'll work on stamina another time, but– " He rolled his hips up pointedly and whimpered faintly. "Please."

"O- okay," Blaine stammered, some of the haziness that was clouding his eyes clearing. "Is it all right if I r- rub you with my hand? I'm kinda sensitive a- after... "

Kurt hummed and yanked Blaine's mouth back down to his, kissing his roughly and arching his hips up, seeking friction. A few seconds later Blaine's palm pressed against the bulge in his tights and Kurt ripped his mouth away from Blaine's and whined loudly.

"Feels good," Kurt sighed, rolling his hips up against Blaine's open palm as Blaine tentatively started to caress the bulge in his tights. The heat that had settled in his stomach started to bubble again, twisting and coiling quickly as Blaine's mouth attached itself to his neck.

"B- Blaine," Kurt groaned, his words punctuated by high, breathy gasp. "Oh, _oh,_ Blaine!"

His stomach contracted tightly as Blaine's mouth moved back up to his own, but Blaine's eyes were opened, locked onto his own as he kissed him gently this time. The sight of Blaine watching him, waiting to see the bliss take over his features, was too much. The coiling warmth snapped, snaking out through his limbs and making his hips jerk as he came, too.

"Wow," Blaine mumbled a few minutes later, when they were collapsed together on the bed, to exhausted and amazed by what they'd just experienced to move.

"Mm, 'm sle'pa," Kurt grumbled, his eyes drifting shut with the relaxation coursing through him and the sure, warm weight of Blaine draped over him.

"We get to do that again, right?"

"Course," Kurt murmured, feeling Blaine's lips brush his cheek as he started to drift off.

Their lives really were coming together now, shifting slowly in a newer, better world between themselves, even if McKinley tried to destroy it.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: 28, 28, 28! The end is heeeeeeeeeere! Well, there's an epilogue, but its super short at the moment, like 600 words, so.. yeah. I'll probably read over that one again and see if there's anything to add, buuut this is the end. We've reached prom, and the past is coming full circle to the Blaine from chapter one. Yup. Oh, and the prom plot is obviously from canon, so duh.

Anyway, enjoy! Epilogue will be up either later tonight or tomorrow sometime!

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 28

Friday afternoon arrived faster than Blaine had anticipated. Kurt was bouncing at his side the entire day at school, and by noon Carole and his mother came to pick them up to get ready for the evening. His mother gushed and cooed at him the entire time he was getting dressed, putting in the contacts he never used, and styling his hair up off of his forehead. He hoped he looked presentable, but he didn't trust his mother to be completely honest or unbiased with him on the topic. She told him he was handsome even when he'd just rolled out of bed.

At six o'clock she drove him over to Kurt's house. They were all set to have dinner together before Mike and Tina picked them up so that they could all go together. Dinner was loud and boisterous and Blaine spent most of his time staring at Kurt, and with the encouragement of Kurt's hand letting his own hand slide up Kurt's kilt to rub his thigh. He blushed every time he looked at Kurt in it, and while the adults all though it was adorable, Blaine knew otherwise. Flashes of Wednesday afternoon kept running through his mind when he glanced at it, or when Kurt moved quickly and it flared up around his hips.

Throat bobbing at the thought, Blaine shoved his hands into his pockets to poof out the front of his pants as Burt, Carole, and his mother lined them up for pre-Prom pictures.

"You're so dashing in that suit," Kurt whispered as his hand settled on Blaine's waist and he smiled for their parents.

"You'd stop thinking that if you knew why I have to keep my hands in my pockets right now," Blaine murmured back through his teeth. "That _kilt– _"

"Blaine, could you put your arm around Kurt?" Carole asked kindly, changing the angle of her camera.

Kurt grinned over at him. "Yeah, Blaine, put your arms around me."

Blushing furiously, Blaine hesitated, catching the stern look on Burt's face and then shifting his position so that he was hugging Kurt from an angle, not quite behind him but not on his side either. He dropped his chin onto Kurt's shoulder and turned and kissed his cheek. The two women sighed happily at the sight, and Kurt blushed now, turning to meet Blaine's eyes.

"I see your _point_," he remarked softly, but Blaine didn't care now. He leaned in and kissed Kurt gently and the cameras flashed even faster.

"Okay, okay, stop before you blind them," Burt cut in, eyeing Kurt and Blaine.

Blaine gulped at the look, because he knew Burt liked him, and was happy that they were together, but he probably wasn't ready for them to start becoming more intimate just yet. Kurt cleared his throat, but kept himself in front of Blaine as Carole hugged him, and Burt cuffed him on the shoulder. Blaine's mother pecked him on the cheek and teased one of his curls loose.

"Have fun tonight, okay, boys?" she urged them, suddenly looking nervous.

"We'll be fine, Mamma, "Blaine assured her. "Don't worry."

Even though his words sounded confident, Blaine felt anything but. Mike and Tina arrived a few minutes later, and Blaine and Kurt left with them, hoping into Mike's car for the short drive over to McKinley.

As soon as they got out of the car the looks started, and Blaine held Kurt close in case anyone tried to get in their faces. Kurt, for his part, pretended not to notice any of it, held his head high and Blaine close, as they headed into the gymnasium.

The rest of the Glee Club had already taken over their own little corner near the punch table. But before they reached them a little group of jocks shoved their way between them and Mike and Tina.

"The hell are you wearing, Hummel?" Azimio demanded, glaring down at them.

Blaine's hand tightened on Kurt's hip and he took a reflexive step back at the three hulking figures bearing down on them.

"Looks like he's pretending to be a girl, so they can pass as normal," Karofsky added, taking a fake jump towards them that was meant to intimidate them.

Kurt flinched by Blaine's side, but Mike moved around and over to them.

"Guys, leave them alone," Mike ordered, resting his hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"Why? Do you like having this little fairy parading around in _that_?"

Before any of them could answer a snide, bitchy voice cut through the group. "All right, I am about to go _all_ Lima Heights on you three. Don't you even dare try to ruin this prom with your penis envy problems."

"_What_– "

"Trust me," Santana continued, her tone slightly sarcastic and very annoyed. "I've seen what Hummel's working with, and really, I can't blame you for wanting one of your own, but getting up in his face, isn't going to make yours grow any bigger. Get lost."

"We don't– "

"_Get lost_," Santana said coldly, "or I will take the razor blades out of my hair and slice you."

Looking furious at the petite Hispanic girl, the three glanced over at the approaching Glee Club group and sulked off.

Blaine was amazed that Santana, of all people, had just helped him and Kurt. He also remembered Kurt saying she put up a bitchy front a lot of the time, but when it came down to it, Kurt had grown to like her, befriend her, even trust her, and maybe, just maybe Blaine could see part of the reason why now.

"Thank you," he said sincerely as Brittany appeared and stopped next to Santana.

"It's always more fun to do it together," Santana returned, and the tiny, very brief smile she graced him with spoke volumes to Blaine. Yes, there was a lot more to Santana than he'd thought, and he'd thought quite a bit considering he'd figured out she was a lesbian.

"Hi, Unicorn," Brittany greeted, pecking Kurt on the cheek and then glancing at Blaine with her big blue eyes. "This is your new puppy?"

"I– Britt, this is my _boyfriend_," Kurt supplied, hugging Blaine to his side.

"Oh, he's got cute puppy eyes," Brittany remarked. "Do you want to dance?" she asked Blaine.

Surprised, but rather flattered, Blaine agreed, and left only once he's promised Kurt the first slow dance of the night. The other pairs separated out onto the dance floor, and Blaine was privately glad that Santana was accompanying Kurt. Nobody would dare to mock him with her around. Sometimes he wished he had that sort of attitude and strength. Then he'd be enough to keep the bullies away from Kurt.

"When are you going to grow into a big dog?" Brittany wondered aloud, as they danced to the techno song blaring over the speakers.

"I– Britt, I think I'm done growing," Blaine told her, feeling almost like he was disappointing her with the answer. She seemed so innocent with her questions in some ways, but there was also something in her eyes that made Blaine think there was more than just a bizarre little view of the world in there.

"Oh, so are you a cocker spaniel? They have curls like you," Brittany continued, looking very interested.

Santana and Kurt danced up to them at that moment and Santana quipped, "You bet he is. Blaine's definitely a _cocker_."

"Oh my– we're switching partners now," Kurt demanded, sliding in between Brittany and Blaine as the song ended.

A slower song took its place, and Kurt looped his arms around Blaine's shoulders and held him close. It was the first time Blaine had ever slow danced with a boy, and even though it was Kurt he suddenly found himself jittery and nervous.

"This is nice," Kurt murmured, dropping his head onto Blaine's shoulder as they swayed between the other Glee Club couples.

Blaine hummed in agreement, resting his cheek on Kurt's forehead and smiling slightly as he took in the perimeter of friends guarding them. He hated that they had to, but it was incredible to see how much they cared about them. Kurt's lips brushed his neck as they continued to sway slowly, drifting back and forth as the song came to an end.

The rest of the evening went well for them. They danced with their friends and with each other, and while a lot of the other students glared at them during their intimate moments, nobody said anything. Blaine was starting to think nothing else would come from it, that they'd managed to survive their first prom together despite the odds, but then Principal Figgins stepped up onto the stage to announce the Prom King and Queen.

Immediately Blaine felt tense, and he was sure why that was until he realized a lot of people kept shifting their gazes towards them, specifically Kurt, smirking and looked pleased with themselves. It didn't make any sense to Blaine when he thought about it. What did the voting have to do with Kurt that nothing else had so far tonight?

"This year's Prom King is David Karofsky!"

But as he watched Karofsky roar his way to the front, hooting and cheering with the crowd a pit of dread opened up in Blaine's stomach. But that would mean– they _wouldn't_–

"This year's Prom Queen is... "Principal Figgins paused as he stared down at the name on the slip of paper, the smile dropping from his face as he looked back up at the crowd. "Kurt Hummel."

Against Blaine's side Kurt tensed, his eyes widening is disbelieve, and Blaine didn't know what to do. He could physically put himself between Kurt and the bullies, so could their friends, but something like this... he couldn't protect Kurt from that. For a dreadful moment the idea that Kurt might sink back in on himself because of this crossed his mind. They might lose each other after all, but then tears began to sparkle in Kurt's eyes as the rest of the students gave them contemptuous looks, and Blaine forgot the possible ends to this.

Kurt turned and ran, faster than he ever had in his life, and Blaine took off after his a second later, shoving through the crowd in pursuit of Kurt's sobs. They'd never be safe here, and Blaine hated that.

* * *

><p><em>By Friday morning Blaine was exhausted. His legs were shaky as he walked to school, and despite having eaten a big breakfast at his mother's insistence he felt like he hadn't touched food in days. The whole week had been one disaster after another for him, and even the hope Glee Club had given him the day before didn't seem like much of anything now.<em>

_One week ago actually Kurt had slushied him in front of most of the student body. He'd lost his best friend and had no reasonable way of getting him back. Maybe he was completely foolish for wanting Kurt back in his left, but his heart hadn't changed its mind, even with all of the heartache._

_He still loved Kurt, the Kurt he'd had and cherished, not the one that paraded down the hallways with the Cheerios squad now._

_At his locker he greeted Tina, who hugged him consolingly and kissed his cheek._

_"How are you?" she asked._

_"It hurts a little less today," Blaine replied, a bittersweet smile gracing his lips. And it did. He was still angry, but it wasn't overpowering anymore. It had exhausted him to its extent for now, and he was left craved out and cracked open._

_Tina nodded sympathetically as Blaine started to grab his books for his first few classes. They chatted for a few minutes and then Tina left to go to her own first class at the opposite end of the building._

_As he finished grabbing his last notebook and fitting it into his bag, Blaine sighed heavily and closed his locker gently. It hurt just standing here, just being in this building. There were so many memories of the two of them, just in this one spot. Laughing, talking, smiling shyly at each other those first few weeks of September. It had been little more than a month since but somehow it was as if years had passed. Some moments Blaine felt like he'd been teleported back to fifth grade, and the next he was here in the present, hollow chest aching._

_From the other end of the hall a hush fell, and it caught Blaine's attention. He glanced over and saw the crowd parted and Quinn, Santana, and Kurt at the top of the hall, heading in his direction. When he saw the slushies in their hands and the way Quinn's gaze was locked directly on him, he almost panicked. for a brief moment he almost ducked out of the hall and ran, but something hard and stern settled in his spine._

_No, he wasn't going to turn away from this. If this was the path Kurt had settled on then he was going to make sure Kurt had to face it. He wasn't backing out to make this easier for Kurt. If this was Kurt's Friday morning ritual for him now then he would face it with his head held high._

_Blaine snapped his bag shut and met Kurt's eyes for the first time since Tuesday afternoon. They were the same familiar gray-blue that marked a poignant sadness that Blaine related to Kurt's thought of his mother. His Kurt was still in there, waiting for him and scared of the consequences of who he was in a world less forgiving. _

_And Blaine was going to make that Kurt remember the truth every week if that's what it took to bring him back. He would stare him down and meet his eyes every single time. _

_Blaine Anderson wasn't a coward. He would see this through in the hopes that, someday, the sweet boy he loved would come back to him for good._

* * *

><p>"Kurt, stop! Please!"<p>

Blaine followed him through the halls, past couples attached at the lips and little groups of tearful girls, who had been dumped or turned down. Finally when Kurt reached an empty hallway he stopped, legs shaking, his hand covering his mouth as he cried. Blaine caught him just as he started to crumble down to the floor, sinking with his boyfriend in his arms.

"Shh, i- it's all right," Blaine tried to sooth, but he knew it was anything but. How could they do that to Kurt? How could anyone be so cruel over a kilt? He knew it wasn't that simple, though, even if the other students' minds were.

"N- no, it's not," Kurt choked out, drawing his knees up to his chest and twisting out of Blaine's arms. "Y- you were right. I s- shouldn't have w- worn it, we shouldn't even have c- come h- here."

Blaine leaned back against the lockers and let Kurt have some space. He needed it right now, which made Blaine's heart a little lighter. If Kurt had been completely torn apart by this he'd being sobbing and curled up in his lap, not swiping at his eyes, looking a mix of heartbroken and angry. This was his Kurt, still strong and true, and now unafraid of what they were facing.

"I- I'm just a j- joke to them now," Kurt said fiercely, "and a- all because I'm being myself."

Blaine pulled a packet of tissues out of his pocket, opened it , and offer them to Kurt. Gratefully, Kurt yanked one free and wiped his eyes and cheeks.

"What do you want to do?" Blaine asked softly after a few moments.

Kurt gulped and rubbed his eyes with the tissue again. "I... I don't know," he confessed quietly. "Part of me wants to run and never look back, but... that's not who I am anymore. I don't want to be him anymore."

"Running wasn't what made you that way," Blaine said solemnly. "Sometimes running is the only option, and if... if that's what you choose right now, we can just walk out of here, hand in hand."

"But sometimes it's not," Kurt argued slowly. "You never ran from me. no matter how many times I slushied you on Fridays. You always stayed."

"Because I knew there was something _worth_ waiting for."

Kurt dropped his head onto Blaine's shoulder and wiped his nose a finally time. Fingers curling into the thick hair on the back of Kurt's head, Blaine massaged the other boy's scalp gently and let him come to his own decision.

After several minutes Kurt sighed heavily and squeezed Blaine's knee.

"McKinley isn't worth it," he decided quietly. "But we are. I won't let them take us down like this. I... I'm going back in and accepting to prove to them once and for that they can't touch us, Blaine. They can't take away what we share and even if it's the last thing I do at this school I'm doing to make sure they realize it."

Stomach tight, Blaine nodded as pride rushed through him. The choice scared him, but he knew Kurt had to do this, not only for them, but for himself more than anything. Kurt had come so far since December, and now was his time to show himself that.

Blaine took up, dusted his pants off, and offered his hand to Kurt to hoist him up. Kurt's hand slipped into his and they headed back towards the gym, Blaine pecking him on the cheek once and then turning off towards another door as Kurt entered back by the stage.

By the time he had gotten through the murmuring crowd to Santana, Mike, and Tina Kurt was stepping up onto the stage. A hush fell over the room as Mike whispered, "Is he okay, dude?"

Blaine shrugged. He was somewhere in between, far from perfect to the rest, but beyond it to Blaine. The crowd looked shocked as Kurt accepted his crown, said something snarky that made Principal Figgins start to smile and applaud, and then he moved towards the floor for the traditional King and Queen dance.

Karofsky hesitated for a moment, looking horrified by who he was expected to dance with, and then darted off into the crowd. Blaine had forgotten about this in light of what had just happened, could see the fear and rejection in Kurt's eyes as he twirled around to take in the silent, judging crowd around him. His heart sunk at the fear there, but he wasn't going to leave Kurt just standing there. They were past that now. That was for freshmen year, in a crowded, hostile hallway.

He stepped through the crowd and towards Kurt, smiled hesitantly and gave a silly little bow so that he could kiss Kurt's hand. "I believe I promised you a second dance earlier."

"Yes," Kurt agreed breathlessly. "You definitely did."

Kurt's eyes were bright with relief as they held each other close, swaying and twirling around the open floor. Eventually the Glee Club couples began to join them and then the rest, but Blaine could still feel how taut Kurt's body was against him. There was only so much they could handle before this place became too much.

"We can leave after this," Blaine told him softly. "We don't have to stay where we aren't wanted."

Kurt hiccupped and pressed his face into Blaine's neck. "I think I'll take you up on the Dalton idea right about now."

Blaine nodded slightly, eyes trained on all the people who kept looking their way. "Yeah, I think that's probably for the best."

Kurt nuzzled into his neck as the song came to a close, and Blaine held him tight and purposefully while the others began to crowd off for a more upbeat dance.

They'd be safe at Dalton. Safe and able to be together without taunts or ridicule at a place where each of them and their love could flourish and grow stronger.


	29. Epilogue

A/N: Short and sweet really. It's been fun, never thought this story would end up so long or have no many people interested. For those reading Only a Fortnight in Your Arms (OAFIYA), I'll be starting that back up... within the next week days probably. Got three papers to work on for classes, but hopefully they aren't too bad. Hopefully. I've got a few other little things to write for something else, but that's not getting posted on here or anything, but it's more than overdue so... yup.

Thanks for reading and sticking around between the crazy long updates! Enjoy the last little bit!

Bittersweet Memories

Epilogue

Kurt smiled nervously as he pulled his Navigator into one of Dalton's commuter parking spaces. It was the first day of his Senior year at a new school with a bunch of boys he hardly knew, but he was more excited than he could ever remember being about the Tuesday after Labor Day. For the first time there were no expectations of him slushying anyone, or that he should let those around him bully him. He could just be Kurt around these other blazered boys.

Beside him Blaine straightened his red and blue striped tie and adjusted his blazer. His boyfriend had even gone so far as to style his hair neatly, parting in on the side and using mousse to tame some of the unruliness. His contacts were in, too, something Kurt had encouraged Blaine to do a lot over the summer. It wasn't that they'd irritated Blaine's eyes, he just hated putting them in early in the morning. However, after losing several pairs in one of their beds, breaking one of those because it had been crushed under them as they rolled around, and jabbing Kurt in the eye with the corner of his frames during a particularly heavy make out session Blaine had finally given the contacts a chance.

Kurt, and his left eye, couldn't be happier about it, even though he still loved to take Blaine's contacts out in the evenings and slide his glasses back onto his face. Blaine was adorable with them on, in a way he wasn't without them. Right now, at Kurt's side, was a very handsome, neatly put together young man. His cheeks had thinned out some since April, but he seemed calmer, more sure of himself. At least until now. Right now he was Kurt's Blaine, much like the fourteen year old he'd started high school with.

"I– this looks good, right?" Blaine asked, biting his lower lip. "I still wish they had bow ties– "

He was cut off by Kurt leaning across the gear shift and planting a firm, deep kiss on him.

"You look fantastic," Kurt murmured pulling away slightly and placing a feather light kiss under Blaine's left eye. "Better than fantastic really. I can't wait until I get you alone later... "

Blaine blushed darkly at his words and smiled. Their relationship had made a lot of progress over the summer, a lot of progress that Kurt was quite happy about despite the long sex talk that Burt had thrown his way. The phrase "You matter" had been haunting Kurt all summer because of it.

"You look amazing yourself," Blaine complimented sweetly, relaxing thanks to Kurt's praise.

"Thanks."

They turned to stare out of the windshield, at the crowd of boys in blazers and ties just like theirs, shouting and joking and filing off to the buildings where they had their first classes of the day. Everyone was smiling and laughing, nobody was being shoved around or tossed in dumpsters. There wasn't even a dumpster in sight that Kurt could see.

"Are you ready for this?" Blaine asked him, his hand closing over Kurt's and squeezing. Blaine's palm was sweaty against the back of Kurt's hand, but his grip was sure. This was right for them. They both knew it, but it was still a scary step. Even scarier than their plan to move to New York City for college the following year.

But Kurt had changed a lot since the last time they'd started a new school together. This time he was sure of himself, sure that he'd grown to both accept and understand who he was. No odd, power hungry high schoolers were going to lure him in or lord anything over his head again. He doubted such a thing even existed at a place like Dalton. Everyone was on equal footing here. There was no reason to be scared of what these boys thought of him.

"Yeah," Kurt nodded and unlocked his door. "This is going to be the best year of our lives."

"So far," Blaine corrected as he opened his own door, one leg swinging out. He smiled across the car at Kurt. "Someday our life is going to be even more amazing than this."

Kurt grinned back, and hopped out, circling around the front to meet Blaine. They linked hands immediately, arms swaying between their bodies as they headed up towards the first building.

A few voices called their names loudly, and Kurt saw Sebastian, Nick, and a handful of other Warblers waving at them. They raised their joined hands in reply.

"I should go so I'm not late," Blaine told him, nodding his head towards the far side of campus. Blaine's first class was the highest level of Calculus Dalton offered, something Kurt had no interest in taking. The Math building was unfortunately a ten minute walk from where they had to park.

"Okay," Kurt agreed, suddenly feeling nervous. "I'll see you in English?"

"And then lunch," Blaine added, leaning up and pecking him on the lips.

They both paused as they pulled away and for the first time ever nobody in the crowd around them shoved them or sneered at them.

"You'll be fine," Blaine murmured, pressing a kiss under Kurt's earlobe. Across the courtyard the Warblers catcalled loudly at them. They both blushed and averted their eyes from each other.

"I can't wait to kiss you hello at lunch," Blaine told him slyly, eyes bright and pleased.

"And then for the rest of the day," Kurt finished happily. "Then maybe a little more than kissing once we're home..."

"Mhmm," Blaine murmured, smiling as he looped his arms around Kurt's neck and kissed him hard, knowing that here at Dalton it was safe to do so without consequence. "We've got Boxing and Gymnastics after school, unfortunately, so after that... or maybe in the locker room after the others have left?"

"Oh, I like that idea," Kurt giggled, looking excited. "It's a date."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Blaine told him, stepping out of his arms and beginning to walk backwards in the direction of his first class. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Kurt replied earnestly as Blaine smiled widely, turned and disappeared into the crowd.

Kurt would be all right on his own. He wasn't scared anymore.


End file.
